Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Swing when you're winning

On a night when football fans across the land are divided on key questions of whether a fan attacking Lampard is good or bad for the game, Pseuds' Corner takes a step into the murky water of fan violence and asks the questions on everyone's minds.

Firstly, why are English fans so incapable of hitting such an obvious target?

Head shot, body shot?

Which of Frank's chins was he aiming for?

Is this the first time Lampard has ducked a rather than take the hit when offered the chance?

Was the fan unsettled by the fact Frank is clearly not fat, and decided that rather than be forced to come up with new insults would fatten him up with a nice knuckle sandwich?

Could this incident ruin the UK's hard-won reputation for having the most violent fans in the world?

Will opposition fans now chant "one punch, and you f****d it up" at Spurs?

Why are Premiership clubs so far behind the rest of Europe and South America when it comes to technique of fan intimidation?

Did the fan simply confuse "small" and "far away", before discovering that Drogba is clearly not "small" and neither are his boots?

Is it ironic that the fan appears to deflect his shot off Lampard before connecting with a member of Chelsea's staff?

More questions to follow...

71 comments:

Zeph said...

hehehe

especially the 'small' and 'far away' bit...

bluedaddy said...

Is it just me who had the brief but fulfilling fantasy that in the middle of the All Pile On was the MOTD panel (minus Sparky of course - no one in their right mind would do anything more confrontational with MH than to offer to carry his luggage), and those busy piling on were me and other long suffering viewers?

Ebren said...

Could have killed the commentators.

Motty and his Neanderthal "I don't like TV evidence". Yes, it would mean more decisions would be got right - but maybe not Every Single decision so what’s the point.

The utter conviction that the first half was rubbish because there was no "action".

More goals and shots do not make a better game. There was an intriguing tactical battle playing out, with two very adept passing teams cutting and thrusting, and Chelsea edging it after an initial wobble.

The idea that Lennon and Berb were having "quiet games" - with the utter lack of realisation that this was because Chelsea were cutting off supply and space. The commentators/pundits seemed to think it was Lennon's fault.

I'm cutting this rant off now.

50KaWeekSub said...

I liked the GU headline, "The FA wants Spurs to explain why one of their fans attempted to punch Frank Lampard last night."

I thought it was a rhetorical question.

Margin said...

I... was there!
I... was there!
I... was there when Lampard ducked!
I was there when Lampard ducked!

(sorry if the tune isn't clear)

ps - one of the fans was a chelsea fan - who was he planning to hit?

Ebren said...

Margin - makes a good point.

Who was the Chelsea fan trying to hit?

We can rule out Jol - one assumes you need Weger's myopia to be that suicidal.
There would be little point hitting a Spurs player (I think most of them had already left the pitch and they're pretty handy at beating themselves up)
The fan attacking Lampard? I think we can rule this out as he was being beaten up by then, then had a steward cover his mouth to prevent him.????

So I can only assume the Chelsea fan was trying hit Lampard.

It's the only logical solution.

pipita said...

Just seen the incident on youtube. Cameraman leaves a lot to be desired, why was he filming JM's routine salutations to the Chelsea fans instead of catching the lampard scene earlier??? I was also pretty astonished by the sight of that steward attempting to cover the spurs fans mouth, must be a very sensitive bloke

andrewm said...

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/50036

Tenuous link, but what the hell.

I'm sure we've all felt like clocking some of the GU boys over the past few months.

PS. I do NOT condone that. I can only imagine what it's like getting hate mail and death threats.

fred said...

I didn't see the barney, but I wouldn't mind watching it on you-tube, perhaps with Ian Dury providing a sound-track.
This seems to represent a throwback to Footy-As-We-Knew-And-Loved-It - before Johnny Haynes (great player that he was) wrecked the finances of the clubs and the hooligans abused the intimacy.
Once upon a time, fans and players could get really cosy. At Oldham Rugby League club (off-topic - wrong sport?) I was once clouted by a chunk of Welsh granite named Don Vines. He had formerly been a favourite at Watersheddings, and now returned for the first time with Wakefield Trinity.
In those days, there was no players' tunnel at the ground: the crowd parted, like biblical waters, and the players filed through, catching a good earful from the fans.
It is said that someone kicked Vines, and he turned and clouted the biggest, daftest-looking Oldham-bescarved person around: Greengrass minor.
Those were the days!

Greengrass

Ebren said...

GG - have you been hit by all the Rugby league greats?

Link to the "fight" in the original post.

But more here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AafP6H-Uasc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_55Q-9h11lA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJHN2sLfnDM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtxXNuGltsI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYXu__8DVCg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0cHXHWf0qEQ

mimi said...

I've heard that the ruckus was all Chelsea's fault. They had provoked the Spurs fans to violence by winning the match.
Ah, that explains everything!
Bluedaddy, not for the first time, I misread your comment and had MOD for MOTD. My mind boggled at the thought of Des Browne fighting off a rabid Spurs fan.

bluedaddy said...

Ebren. Your initial comments re the game and the commentators could have been my own.

I found the first half riveting. Terry was back and the Chelsea defence clicked again, bar the odd slip. Mikel was unbelievably mature in the middle. SWP had his best game for Chelsea, in attack and defence. The 3-3 game was exciting, but a complete mess. This was much more satisfying as a contest of teams with controlled methods playing to their manager's instructions.

The fact that Chelsea broke through after Jol had tweaked Spurs says everything about Chelsea you need to know.

bluedaddy said...

But what do we get on GU? Effing Wenger and England!

andrewm said...

BD, the Arsenal blogs are fast becoming the new Liverpool blogs aren't they? It's depressing.

Margin said...

mimi

lampard did bait the spurs fans - but that doesn't warrant running on the pitch and punching him.

Margin said...

maybe the second fan, though not a spurs fan, was not a chelsea fan either.

Perhaps it was an england fan trying to take out our biggest liability before the next qualifiers.

Ebren said...

He mistook a shirtless Lampard for Rombinson?

Quite possible.

Margin said...

yeah yeah - Like Robinson wasn't our man of the match against Croatia. what was it? six brilliant saves over 90 minutes?

Ebren said...

Yes, best player

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zi8nzTjJXOI&mode=related&search=

rustybin said...

just wanted to say that you guys should leave off the GU guys a little, they are just doing their jobs...they are the people who brought you all together back in the day, it was inevitable that the quality would go down a bit, and i'm thrilled this site here has been set up. but dont give up on GU either..i'm sure they are thinkin of how to undumb up the blogs from now on....saludos.x

rustybin said...

plus the podcast for me is fun, they get it wrong alot,ie. carragher left back -
plus i have say i cant stand mcarra but the rest of them i like. anyway, here's hoping the quality picks up and hannibal is reinstated...
ps. i am equally in love with marcela as all you guys seem to be!! :-)

rustybin said...

marcela, have you had any bother at GU towers as you are frequently contributing to this site? i can't believe that the Editors look down on this page... i'm sure they are thrilled this spin-off has been created.....??

Ebren said...

Couldn't agree more rusty.

And we should get back to the funny.

I expected better.

Offside - put that turtle back and find your blackberry.

What?

Not again...

rustybin said...

you can see hear and see the chelsea fans reaction to lamps being attacked...sort of a he's behind you scream just before the fan got to him...i'm guessing this is why the chelsea fan to run on....to protect their chubby hero...this chelsea side is made of some strong stuff...they don't play great but they get it done.. (i'm a liverpool fan, and i still think we will beat them in champs league semis)

rustybin said...

i'm a little but nervous about joining this site, with all the anti-GU stuff added to the high quality of the articles, like you guys are part of some elitist club that only those with poetic prose can join...anyway i will try to keep up with your level guys...
x

Margin said...

Don't worry Dustybin - this place has been dumbed down too since I joined. ;)

Actually its no accident that Ebren put a link to the GU on the main page - He really still likes GU and is quite proud that this site simply continues in its traditions.

rustybin said...

Gotta love the fact that Jamie Redknapp gets into the ears of millions of homes around the country!!! luckily i am not one of them!

bluedaddy said...

"i still think we will beat them in champs league semis"

Rustybin. I hope you are familiar with the term 'hubris'. Whilst I would enjoy another crack at you lot in the CL, I would always couch the possibility of it happening in lots of caveats, so as not to jinx it.

As regards GU, we tend to forgive them most sins, and aware we are not all free from sin ourselves (especially Greengrass - he's going straight to hell), but GU have attacked one of the founder members of the infamous clique and so we react as one organism, as a clique must.

PS. Only joking ;0)

mimi said...

margin: my comment about Chelsea provoking the fans was meant to be ironically amusing. Of course I don't tolerate acts of violence on any sports ground (except in the officially regulated world of rugby union! - joke!)
Rusty: I don't think anyone here is up for having a go at the GU types. There have just been some strange bannings that have had us all a bit stumped as to why.
Personally I love 'em all (well almost) and agree that without what they've done none of us would be here having fun at Pseuds.

rustybin said...

i hadnt looked at many comments on here until now, and the first two blogs i saw involved alot of GU bashing. so thats why i asked, was worried you guys were getting a little worked up..glad to hear love is still in the air.
"hubris" thankyou bluedaddy for teaching me a new word, bring on them semis, only hoping we dont chimp it up against PSV like we did against Benfica, although i'm guessing won't play fowler in eindhoven this time.

bluedaddy said...

Rustybin
(are you related to Dustybin from 321?),

some of your fellow red Pseuds (see, you're in the gang already!) were displeased to get PSV, fearing a repeat of the Benfica experience, and would rather have drawn a more obviously testing opponent, especially one that would come at Liverpool rather than wait for them like PSV.

When, like Chelsea, you have spent zillions on a team to win the Champions League, it is quite hard to claim underdog status, unless against Man U, as they are the biggest club in the world they tell us. But not for long. Mwah ha ha ha ha ha ha! (Rubs hands, smoke billows, raven settles on BD's shoulder)

greengrass said...

Ebren -
I don't think that most lovers of Rugby League would see Don Vines as one of the game's "Greats". If they did, he would be the only one who ever clouted me.

Rustybin -
I believe in freedom of speech; that is why I cricise the GU twits.

Greengrass

hannibalbrooks said...

I liked this, especially the Father Ted 'Small' - 'far away' joke. Good work and very impressive that there's a blog up here about it before anything on GU.

Thanks to bluedaddy and blueinbetis for picking up the baton for me on the Football Weekly thread.

Solidarity brothers and sisters.

HBx

rustybin said...

i'm not related to dusty but i can do the countdown 3,2,1 with my fingers.
i'm off to run around a little.
x

bluedaddy said...

Interesting post from Sean Ingle in reply to BiB's point on the Football Weekly blog:

BlueinBetis - The issue you mention has only recently been brought to my attention (I've done zero moderating over the last week or so). I'm currently in discussions with our blogs editor, and can't really comment any more until I know more. Apologies for being so cryptic.

The 'issue' referred to is HB's continued ban in whatever 'guise' he presents himself. Curiouser etc

hannibalbrooks said...

BD

Very curious ;o)

Thanks again mate and to blueinbetis too

again... lets see what happens.

mimi said...

bluedaddy: are you inferring that you are one of Seani's new moderators? I think we should be told!

bluedaddy said...

Busted!

mimi said...

I'm not that au fait with the "beat combos" of today's popular youth, but surely you have to be a teenager to be Busted!

MotM said...

Love the small - far away gag which should be used whenever possible. I find Frank reminds me a bit of Father Dougal, although not as much as that Leicester winger who went to Celtic (Steve something).

The Spurs fan is an obvious imbecile - once on the pitch with violent intent, you'd be a fool not to go for Jose surely?

BlueinBetis said...

Small/far away,

still chuckling.

No problems HB, I think BD should be thanking me for disclaiming him as my father as well. They might think I'm that raven..... clicks fingers, farts, puff of smoke. parp!

mimi said...

blueinbetis: ravens are serious stuff you know to the English. Desert the Tower, fall of the monarchy etc. If you're in control of the big black birds, then you have an extraordinary position of power!

TahitiTurtle said...

Ebren,

leave Offside alone, I happen to like the way he strokes my shell, it's very relaxing.

tahititurtle said...

And typing with flippers is bloody difficult. That's six hours of my life I'll never get back.

Ebren said...

Tahiti Turtle - if you had bathed in that green radioactive ooze like we told you to then you would be able to type fine, fight crime, and hang out in the sewer.

But would you listen to us? No.

On your own half-shell be it.

Margin said...

45 comments? people obviously get really excited about the prospect of lamping england players...

Mimi

sorry - crossed wires there - I meant my response as a mere confirmation of the reports that Lampard "baited" spurs fans (the reason some fools say it was his fault or that he deserved it).

I just felt I had to stress again that while I can confirm that he did gesture at them (us in my case) that doesn't mean I think it's OK to hit him.

After all - If england fans can restrain themselves when he repeatedly baits them with 90 minutes of woeful inadequacy for the Three Lions - surely one Spurs fan has no excuse.

chelseaexile said...

margin, like the words but the tune needs a sort out...

reemgear said...

Funny, loved it.

What is it with Spurs fans this season? They refer to Man United as "scum" on the forums, even though we've never had much of a problem with them in the past.

I didn't see the Chelsea game, but from the reports I've read they won fair and square...

As for 'hard fans'; I'm not having it. The chances are that a professional athelete will beat up a drunk IT professional 9 times out of 10. They would both end up on the floor and the fitter man would come out on top.

Cantona went into the crowd at an away match - now that's hard!

BlueinBetis said...

Reemgear,
Crystal Palace does not count as "away"

reemgear said...

Well, I suppose I'll just have to defer, not knowing which particular criteria you've employed.

Still, I'm pretty sure it wasn't a home game....

Let's say we're both right, and somebody else is quite wrong.

Sorted.

BlueinBetis said...

Fine. I blame the Belgians. Swines

BlueinBetis said...

Before I get accused of anti-Belgianism I have one thing to say in my defence.
Brussels' sprouts.

Margin said...

chelseaexile

I don't know what you mean - but I'll take that as a glowing compliment.

thanks.

Albert 1er said...

Vive les Belges!

reemgear said...

Belgium?
For every Jaques Brel there's a Plastic Bertrand.

And I don't like sprouts.

offside said...

But for every Jean-Claude Van Damme there is an Adolf Sax, so once again, vive les belges!

bluedaddy said...

And if it was Les Belges that put moules et frites together, then I too wish them Vive!

mimi said...

And in everyone's list of 10 famous Belgians you'll find Magritte and Herge (Tintin).

olivier said...

Belgian beer anyone? Mine's a Chimay. But do try Duval, Busch, Kriek, Orval, Grimbergen, St Bernardus, Triple moine, blanches, blondes, brunes...

Dog, there's so many of them! All good. Vive les Belges!!!

bluedaddy said...

Yeah, but apart from the great beer, food, musical instrument inventions, art, brussel sprouts (great with nutmeg and creme fraiche) and the Muscles from Brussels, what have the Belgians etc?

mimi said...

Bluedaddy: I give you Belgian Cyclists! Eddie Merckx and Tom Boonen just for starters - I could get really boring!
And of course the great classic races that get the Pro-Tour underway each season.

offside said...

What about the legendary Belgian sense of humour? You need it when you're geographically sandwiched between the French and the Germans...

bluedaddy said...

A woman gets onto a bus with her baby.

The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

BlueinBetis said...

okay, okay,

apart from,

beer, tintin, more (nice) beer, international cyclists, even more (nicer) beer, internationally famous detectives, lager, immature cabbages with yoghurt (which sounds a bit Indian..), more lager, mussels and chips (not sure but I'll agree cos it sounds good to me), more (nice) lager. And beer.Which is nice.

I say again, in my defence: Brussels' sprouts, on their own, boiled nasty ones, like at Christmas, when they're not quite soggy, but have been cooked for a good hour and half. So that when you try to chew them, they just disintegrate, into "flavour".

It's entirely possible that this is an example of the sense of humour that Offside talks of. I would not like to say. Being geographically wedged between the French and the Germans, maybe you would resort to genetically modifying vegetables, and selling them to the British along with cooking instructions "boil for at least ninety minutes"...

Actually, no the Belgians are all right...

Are you sure Van Damme is Belgian. Sounds a bit Dutch to me.

Who started this Belgian Bash/appreciation society anyway...tsk.

offside said...

Don't forget the original Red Devils: Jean-Marie Pfaff, Eric Gerets, Enzo Scifo, etc...

BlueinBetis said...

Pfaff looks like the noise of a fart, in a comic when there is a punch they write "POW"; well if saw "Pfaff" I'd think [aaah he's farted].

And Scifo in Italian means dirty, like when someone sees a man eating food from a bin, then that man is 'scifo'; I think.

Offside, your turtle is Belgian, isn't it? That's the only explanation for your encyclopedic knowledge. You have inside information...

reemgear said...

Bluedaddy, that joke was great. I haven't heard a decent one in many a year.
Got any more?

Hats off to Belgium; it's the bloody French who have turned me against them. No more!

mimi said...

Offside's information may have been muttered into his shell-like.

offside said...

I can assure you that my turtle is tahitian. It's my mussel who's Belgian.

What? They make great pets.

mimi said...

I once knew someone who had a limpet for a pet. Sad, strange, but true.

Ebren said...

I had a bet woodlouse. But only because my sister had a pet worm called peter.

Tweet it, digg it