(A pub. A grumpy old local sits alone by the bar. Jim Reeves' "He'll Have to Go" is heard in the background. An athletic Frenchman enters.)
Greengrass: Alright, O? The usual?
Offside: Please.
Greengrass: Pint of Guinness, pint of Murphy's Ingrid! (To Offside)
Everything OK?
Offside: Yeah. How was your weekend?
Greengrass: Fair to middling. Left town to avoid having to go to the pub and watch England. Had a barbecue, but our neighbour kept nipping off to check the latest non-score on his telly. The only sport apart from that was with Mrs. G.: trying to look busy while actually doing nothing. You know - squinting at the house, taking measurements, noting things down, muttering. And you?
Offside: Much the same. Slept in so I wouldn't have to watch the France game. I hear it wasn't pretty. Otherwise, a spot of blogging while pretending to be working on that translation with the really tight deadline. It's easy enough, I just have to be quick with the Alt-Tab keys if Mrs Offside watches over my shoulder.
(Ingrid sets two pints of the black stuff in front of them. Offside inspects his. There is a little shamrock drawn in the creamy white head.)
Offside: Thanks, Ingrid. Very thoughtful of you.
(Offside turns around and rolls his eyes at Greengrass, as if to say "that's a bit tacky, though".)
Offside: Cheers (They take a sip, Offside looks towards the door) Are we expecting anyone?
Stumble It!
256 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 201 – 256 of 256pipita: is this becoming an Oxford-festschrift? I worked at OUP for too many years to remember every soul who passed by, and I ran St Paul's and JT music for a while. Our paths may well have crossed, I lived in East Oxford when you were in Oxford. I left in 94 to go and work in London.
Pass that bottle Offside - I'm getting dangerously close to sinking into old memories!
Marcela - and others - don't tell the boss but I haven't lived in Cambridge for five years. One of those GU blog anomilies I was happy to keep up to preserve my anonymity.
I live in sunny Kingston (although am planning to move more central), and work in Canary Warf.
I would watch it in Hammersmith as is more traditional, but one of my friends is having a birthday in Putney and I am combining the two.
There is even a pub that way inclined with a beach volley ball court in the beer garden. Very Dangerous.
hey may be I'll go to Oxford too if that gets me a
free drink.
Pipita, I knew about you in Oxford,Ingrid told me
guitou: the way to get a free drink is to come and do the distilleries up here in sunny Speyside. If you're not driving, you can be over the limit by about 2 pm doing the tours and Glenfiddich - my favourite distillery - will always give you a little bottle of 12 year old malt to take away if you refuse the free dram on site!
Offside - more champagne please!
Can I take this opportunity to state categorically that I have never been anywhere near Oxford (or Cambridge).
So any rumours you might have heard are totally unfounded.
Offside: glad to hear it. That means the turtle I inadvertantly squashed on the Iffley Road had nothing to do with you. What a relief.
Whose got the papers tonight?
Mimi
Yeah, Im sure. Thimk it was 88-89 I lived in Jericho and was in and out of the Phoenix and Peppers to eat those burghers in flames...
Guiyou
Must have been under the effects of the pakalolo when I started going down memory lane with Ingrid. Thought she would be more discreet however. Hope I didnt say anything indecent.......
la sorbonne?
mimi. Glenfiddish 12 years old ? I would probably get arrested. Please finish your drink, I'll take you home one more drink and you'll be burning your candle at both ends.
La Sorbonne? non non non, trois fois non. I do have a cousin who teaches Latin there (she's the black sheep of the family) but no Sorbonne for me. Université de Nice. Sunnier, sunnier, and sunnier. And, well, slightly less demanding...
pipita: Peppers burgers!! Oh so cruel of you to mention. I used to cycle all the way from East Oxford late at night just to get one of those garlic laden bits of food. Ah, the taste buds - Offside, more garlic on the haggis please!
i meant
offside, la sorbonne?
do any of you remember when we were older than now and went to that little pub in the thingy and we were all in and out at the same time and none of us knew which the other was (or rather some of us didn't know what the others look like) and it was snowing although it was also spring, in 2009?
Pipita, I have too much respect for the ladies in the room and I am not drunk enough to tell you all the stories about you I heard from Ingrid.
Let me pour me another drink, because If I wait for Offside I'll be dry like his algerian sahara desert.
Marcelle, tu nous la sort bonne hey..hey..hey...
marcela: have you just encapsulated all our lives in that little paragraph? It's true but more than a tad cruel. cos right now, I'm older than I should be, but enjoying life more than I've ever done before, and the outlook is good, the weather has been sunny and hot, and the summer that's on it's way is going to be one of the best of my life. I've spent the winter trying to be Happy When it Rains, but right now I'll settle for I Can See Clearly Now.
Sorry, get you, what can I guitou?
You'll have to be patient, as I'm busy dealing with mimi's champagne cravings and marcela's investigation of my academic credentials. They're not exactly easy to please, these lady bloggers but we wouldn't want them any other way.
offside: as long as you're looking after us, than that'll do me for now. I have patience you know, but for fuck's sake, get that drink poured.
Cheers
Innkeeper!!
Wine for my men, we ride at dawn!!
... er , ok then, a large Remy Martin ... silver plate.
hannibal: how very good to see you here. Are you looking to lay wastes to the lowlands, highlands, or even the creepy London plains?
What would you like on the juke box? At the moment we have Echo and the Bunnymen, but can be easily changed.
well hello there...
funny mimi should have echo and the bla bla... i'm listening to As Is on a loop. I'm just back to 'manyana people'...
manyana peple make the silence sing
mimi
nah ... just escaping the gastapo on elephantback ... is elephantback a real word? ... well, horseback is a word so I don't see why not.
Good evening to one and all. I don't mind whats on the jukey, I've done my DJing for this evening, and very nice it was too.
I found a Spanish commentator who seems to do singing and songwriting improvs on the hoof ... imagine if this were John Motson ... this is surreal ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFbHvBGdoiU
HB: elephantback must be a real word cos Scotland won the World Championship in Elephantback Polo - which I think I've mentioned before when Scotland has been barracked for winning nothing!
Is Offside still serving - alcohol or are we on lattes only now tonight?
(offside looks up from the travel magazine he was absent-mindedly leafing through)
Oh, hello Hannibal. Why don't you help yourself, Ingrid is still off with a... a... medical discomfort.
Hey, I've just found out what "mimi" means for the Australian dreamtime aborigines... That might be of interest to your Aussie cricket chums, mimi.
Hannibal , you are welcome as you are, even in your pajama ready for the coktail of your choice?
LOL.
hb - that commentary is Argentinian. no doubt about it. pipita probably knows who it is.
very funny.
mine's black no sugar, mimi, if you get any joy with the coffee.
Hannibal
That bloke is argentine!!!!!!Bambino Pons to be more precise...He commentates premier league with former newcastle utd Bassedas. Has a song for every player...Silver plate??Sure you didnt mean Riner plate??Ha,ha,ha
Guitou
Ohhhhhh la la. What has Ingrid confided to you about moi person
offside: I think you'd better explain for all of us, otherwise Marcela and I and a few others might leave in an Oxford-type of huff. You can't just make a remark like that and not tell ....
what did i tell ya...
Blast Marcelita!!!Beat me to it...RIVER PLATE off course
i meant about pipita knowing the commentator.
oxford huff? no, no.
mimi, you have a namesake featuring in Duncan's rather nice article, just up on PC's monday page.
check it out.
el bambino pons...
from the bizarre to the surreal.
Hilarious commentary, HB, but did I just see Gallas score with his cojones, sorry huevos, I mean swingers?
Marcela: I'm lost - where do I have to go look on monday? Who is Duncan - apart from Duncan the postie?
Dont you remember him Marce??? By the way, anyone receive email from Miro yesterday???
-to all people in the taproom, listen,just drink exactly as much as you want, you just beat the world record -shorter artice (22 words-233 comments)-
I raise My Mojito to that.
mimi, go to PseudsCorner's homepage. broaden your horizons. get out of this dark dingy thread. we've been here for days. there's a world out there where it's monday 2nd april (les malouines sont francaise!) and the first post on PC's homepage is by Duncan23. terrific.
gitou: I didn't realise we were going for a new world record. So we've just got one, eh? Where's Offside with the champagne then? He's not still off somewhere fiddling with turtles is he?
But Marcela: it's nought to do with me! Good piece I agree but a random Mimi does not a Mimi make! I was scarcely a twinkle in my mum's eye. And I don't need to be exhorted to get out more - when the sun shines, I spend most of my non-work time at the beach or harbour. I came here for the sea, and that's where I'm mostly found, good or bad weather, it's where you get solace. If it's wild, then that's an emotional experience. If it's a calm day and you just sit on the rocks looking at gentle waves and dolphins, then that brings a different kind of inner peace.
I see...
sorry, mimi. i didn't mean to pass judgement on your actual life. i meant out of one thread and into another...
if you were very teeny in 1970, you might be well younger than some of the present company (!)
i'm going to sleep.
good night all.
it's been real.
Marcela: sleep well, and bizzarely, it is real!
What? You're all leaving?
I'm sorry but I could hear Mrs Offside and little Offspring splashing about in the pool, so I just had to step outside and join them for a while.
Who's staying for coffee and a slice of Mrs Offside's banana cake?
Hello everyone,
I've been a busy HB lately
That freestyling comentator is perfect pub football, enhancing the experience of spending 90 minutes half drunk and half board staring at a screen with your mouth half open.
Great stuff, Im all for more of that. My favourite ode to Peter Crouch was the last one, the jump up Bad Manners pub ska kinda ting.
good night mimi, thanks for the cake offside , very tempting, hasta luego.
guitou: hasta la vista. tambien mon brave. I also must retire with the sounds of Ocean Rain in my ears.
See you back here soon, I hope.
Bugger, another lonely stretch ahead at the Blog & Hedgehog...
Anyone fancy a game of pool? :o)
Marcela is right about Duncan's piece it's fuckin' cool.. I said so twice ... it was that good.
For a time a few fellow tune spinner used to meet up after what ever gigs we were all doing around town at half two in the morning, get zonked out of our head and play 'cosmic pool' to wind down.
snooker?
By the way, a tsunami has just washed over the Solomon Islands following an 8.1 underwater earthquake. So if you don't hear from me after this, please know that it's been a pleasure.
offside???
We're allright.
I always knew I'd drown in single malt eventually, not in water...
The flying painapos might get you before the single malt.
gg
!
?
Ingrid!
INGRID!
(mutters) No bugger 'ere - ah'll 'elp
mesel, then.
(stares at door) Now where's yon bloody vicar?
Bejaysus - I leave you alone for five minutes, and here you are talking to yourself with your head under the guiness tap.
pah
Mimi,
are you blogging on your lap top, sitting on the rocks looking at gentle waves ?or "sitting on the dock of the bay watching the tide rolling..." a la otis redding?
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