Super-bumper double NFL - the Velvet Bear

Sorry NFL fans - Ebren here - due to my rubbishness as an editor [please don't tell my real employers] you have a super, bumper double roundup to enjoy. See, it's a good thing really.

Thanksgiving games, just a week after the turkeys were pardoned
There are three traditional elements to Thanksgiving. The turkey dinner, the Macy's Day Parade in New York, and a football match involving the Detroit Lions. Yep, for 68 years the good people of the United States have scoffed down their Thanksgiving feast whilst watching a team which not only hasn't won anything since 1957, but has actually only won one playoff game since the Superbowl began 42 years ago - in 1991.

Judging from Thursday's game, that isn't going to change very quickly. The Lions were woeful against the Packers. If Green Bay hadn't gone to sleep in the final quarter and allowed them back into the game, they'd have been thrashed. As it was, a 37-26 loss flattered them beyond belief.

In the second Thanksgiving match, the Cowboys destroyed the Jets 34-3 without ever playing anything like their best. In fact, by the third quarter both teams seemed to have their eyes on the turkey and the only big surprise was that they had only scored three touchdowns, one of those from an interception and none of them by Terrell Owens. That situation was rectified mid-way through the fourth quarter, but in truth the game was so one-sided, it was hardly worthy of the occasion. The Jets were utterly clueless on offense, giving Kellen Clemons no protection, but no-one to pass to.

The game had been billed as a match up between the Jones brothers - Thomas, running back for the Jets, and Julius, who fills the same role for the Cowboys. Thomas left the Bears in a huff at the end of last season and must now be regretting that decision, much in the same way that anyone would if they had an 11 week hangover. Julius didn't have a great day - no-one did - but he didn't have to be great to outshine his brother.

In the final match, the Colts got back to winning ways with a 31-13 win over the Falcons. Atlanta actually ended the first quarter 10-0 up, before the Colts got into their stride, winning the second 21-3 and then shutting the Falcons out for the second half. There were signs that they are returning to the form which made them champions last year.

More after Sunday's games, including a preview of the big Packers v Cowboys game next Thursday.

The next installment: before you can even draw breath or make a cup if tea - take that BBC3
It is less than a month since we went through all of the hype around the Patriots-Colts game and this week we’re getting even more, this time over Thursday’s matchup between the Packers and the Cowboys.

Whilst a game between two sides with 10-1 records doesn’t quite have the cachet of two unbeaten teams slugging it out, there is an obvious parallel with the earlier game in that these are two teams who are clearly going to be in the playoffs, but who cannot meet in the Superbowl as they play in the same conference, the NFC. Most people - myself included - do see it as a preview of the NFC championship game on 20 January 2008.

Quite what we can learn from this game is hard to fathom. Both sides have very good records despite being very limited on offense. The Cowboys’ threat comes exclusively from the almost twin-like telepathy between young quarterback Tony Romo and the fastest ego on legs, veteran receiver Terrell Owens. The Packers don’t even have that. The only reason they are an attacking threat is the class and guile of Brett Favre, and the fact that he is experienced enough to find a way out of most situations they find themselves in. Interestingly, though, if a defense puts either of these two under pressure, they both use the same get-out move, throwing a short pass to a tight end.

Knowing all of this, it is arguable that the success of these two teams has come more on the back of the inadequacies of their opponents, rather than because either is spectacularly good. It is worth noting that both sides lost their one game to the Patriots and that neither has played the Colts. For all of the hype, this has the makings of an average game between two slightly better than average sides. I’ll take the Cowboys to just shade it.

Meanwhile:

A thriller at Soldier Field as Chicago come from behind to beat the Broncos 37-34. Rex Grossman led them to two touchdowns in the final five minutes of normal time and Robbie Gould then kicked the winning field goal in overtime. In truth, it was a game dominated by ineptitude. The first 10 of the Broncos’ points came from Chicago mistakes, whilst two penalty calls cost the Bears a touchdown and an interception of their own. Then Denver repaid the compliment by doing the one thing everyone else has been bright enough not to do this season and kicked a punt straight down the throat of Devin Hester, which he promptly and predictably ran back for a 75 yard touchdown. Then, just for good measure, they did it again later in the game and handed Hester an 88 yard return.

The Patriots kept their unbeaten record, but were taken right to the wire by the Eagles, eventually winning 31-28 - only the second time they have scored less than 34 points in a match this season.

Eli Manning came good again, throwing four interceptions as the Giants lost 41-17 to the Vikings. Three of those interceptions were run back for touchdowns, giving the scoreline a somewhat distorted look. Oh, and Peyton was watching from the stands, too.

Just when you thought the Rams were turning their season around, they spectacularly blew it against the Seahawks. From 19 -7 up at half time, they conceded 17 unanswered points in the second half. As the game clock ticked away, they camped on the Seattle one yard line, only for quarterback Gus Frerotte to drop the ball.

The Bengals finally woke up to the fact that they were confusing the hell out of everyone watching them and thrashed the Titans 35-6, including three touchdowns for Chad Johnson

The Browns continued their surprise run to the playoffs with a 27-17 win over the Texans. Two more touchdowns for Derek Anderson took him to 22 for the season and he only needs one more to make him their most successful quarterback in thirty years.

The Bills, Panthers and Redskins were all even worse than usual and deservedly lost, but the 49ers at last managed a win, beating the Cardinals in overtime despite being second best all game. Of their three wins this year, two of them have been against Arizona.

The Dolphins lost to the last kick of the game again. What was remarkable was that, at the time, the match was tied at 0-0. Atrocious conditions meant that the pitch was barely playable and both they and the Steelers struggled horribly in the conditions. Even worse for the Dolphins was that they lost Ricky Williams for the rest of the season with an injury.

Finally, very sad news from Washington. The Redskins’ safety (think ‘centre back’) Sean Taylor has died after being shot by a burglar on Sunday night. He’s the second NFL player to die in a shooting this year.

Keeping a stiff upper lip - premcorrespondent

Over the decades of England has developed a great reputation on the world stage.

Never let it be said that we will compete in a tournament we consider unworthy of our great talents (recent Olympics, pre-in-50 World Cups, post 1970 World Cups, finals of major tournaments).

Never let it be said that we are not generous in giving stepping out of the spotlight to letter smaller teams shine (America 1950, Austria 1979, Wales 1980, Australia 2003)

But perhaps the greatest tradition in all England is our history of Great Goalkeepers - from Fatty Foulkes to Rotund Robbo.

And this weekend the skills of the English glovesman were once again on display.

Paul Robinson and Robert Green - England's numbers three and four (of five or six depending on whether Ben Foster and Chris Kirkland are fit) faced off in a London derby.

Both performed exquisitely, with a string of saves (one from a penalty - and we all know how accomplished English strikers are at taking those). But both were let down by Jonny Foreigners in their defence to concede. Nevertheless it is fair to say both men made their point, and earned one each for their teams.

It was therefore left to English numbers one and two to outdo them.

Duly David James calmly added to his record tally of clean sheets as Portsmouth won comfortably 2-0 against Birmingham, while the current wearer of the iconic England No 1 shirt Scott Carson let nothing past him as his Aston Villa side beat Middlesbrough (with their inferior Australian keeper) 3-0 away.

Another clean sheet went to Carl Cuddich at Chelsea - a keeper vastly improved since he qualified to play for England (although he remains behind Foster in the standings) - his heroic performance saw the blues record a good 2-0 win, despite some temperamental foreigner in his side being sent off.

Over in Manchester, Bolton managed to overcome their lack of a bulldog between the posts with some traditional English tackling against the clever continentals at Manchester United. With Yeoman Kevin Davis showing that flouncing Frenchy Patrice Evra what it means to play the game like a man. Evra was luck to stay on after petulantly kicking out at the stout-hearted Englishman - but his effete foreign kick missed like a cannon aimed at the Victory. Bolton duly won 1-0.

Our inferior Celtic cousins saw the error of their ways as well at Goodison Park. Lazy, stupid Oirishman Roy Keane (probably drunk on Guinness) lacked the wherewithal to defeat Everton captain Phil Neville's stout English hearts - with the blues pulverising Sunderland (which is suspiciously close to the Scottish border) 7-1. Goalkeeper Craig Gordon was busy looking for coins that had been dropped near the goal area for four of the goals and was enjoying a dram of whisky for the other three.

Down in London Celtic the complexions of Welshman Mark Hughes and the Northern (the good bit) Irish Laurie Sanchez showed their tactical naivety - both managers letting their side let two goals in, and failing to win. But things are harder in the Premier League than managing a bunch of second division "international" players. However, they are allowed to pick from the flower of English youth now, and duly both Warnock and Murphy scored for their side before having their good work undone by unreliable allies.

England's Sven Goran Eriksson showed the lack of judgement that saw him hounded from Every Single Manager's Dream Job by keeping English keeper Joe Hart on the bench. His side therefore let a goal in. Fortunately greasy and cowardly Italian Steve Coppello had picked an American to keep goal, and despite being allowed to use his hands (much like in the colonial's own version of the beautiful game) he let two balls into the "endzone". Sven's England connections assuring another domestic triumph.

Decorated Englishman Steven Gerrard scored the first, then set up colleagues for two more - displaying our Great National Qualities of modesty and fair-mindedness - as another Hapless Irish Keeper was beaten three times and Liverpool defeated (suspiciously close to the Scottish border) Newcastle 3-0 to round off truly another spiffing week for the Nation that gave birth to the beautiful game.

See you all at 2008, where our superiority will once again be demonstrated to massed ranks of awed spectators as we defend our crown as greatest footballing nation on earth.

What?

Oh.

NFL Week 11 - the Velvet Bear

The USA celebrates Thanksgiving this week. On Thursday, the entire nation will take the day off to thank their own personal god for making them American. More quietly, the rest of the world will be thanking him for NOT making them American. What this does mean, though, is that there will be three NFL games played that day, rather than on Sunday. Which in turn means that you get a double dose of me this week.

Traditionally, Thanksgiving week is the week that the NFL turns serious, as teams start either looking towards the playoffs, or begin rebuilding for next season.

The playoffs are, broadly speaking, similar to those which determine promotion at the end of the football season here. The first objective of any team at the start of the season is to make the playoffs, which are in effect a knockout competition which ends with the Superbowl.

Being American, the NFL does make things a little complicated. In case you hadn't sussed it already, there are 32 teams in the NFL. These are split into two Conferences, the National Football Conference and the American Football Conference. Each Conference is then divided into four divisions, split geographically into north, south, east and west. To make the playoffs, a team has to either win their division, or be one of the best two other teams in the Conference. This means it is actually possible for one division to provide three of the six teams each Conference sends into the playoffs.

The reason why Thanksgiving week is important is that it is the twelfth week of the season. All teams have now had a week when they didn't play, so have played 10 games. With 16 games a season, it seems that the eleventh game is significant in telling who will and will not make the playoffs. On average, a side needs 9 wins to get there, so this week particularly marks the time when teams begin to give up and look at some of the fringe players. Oakland, for example, are clearly not expecting to get a win from their visit to the Chiefs this weekend. A defeat will leave them 2-9 and, although teams have reached the playoffs with a 7-9 record, they still have to play the Packers and the Colts, which means that 5-11 is probably the best they can aim for. With this in mind, they have already said that rookie quarterback JaMarcus Russell, the number one pick in this season's draft, will start for the first time in their twelfth game.

Statistically speaking, no team has yet reached the playoffs. It doesn't take a genius to work out that the unbeaten Patriots will be there, though. So will the Packers and the Cowboys, who are both 9-1. The reigning Superbowl champions, the Colts, spluttered back from two straight losses to beat the Chiefs on Sunday and are now 8-2 and should make it, too. After that, it is anyone's guess. The NFC looks particularly wide open, whilst in the AFC West no team has won more than 5 games anyway.

In fact, it is easier to say who won't be going to the playoffs. The Raiders have obviously given up. The 49ers are, frankly, rubbish and lost to the only team in their division, the St Louis Rams, on Sunday. All three sides are 2-8. Joining them in an underemployed new year will be the Falcons and, surprisingly, the Bengals, both of whom are 3-7. The Falcons' troubles we all know about, but the Bengals have one of the best quarterbacks around in Carson Palmer and two of the best receivers around in Chad Johnson and TJ Houshmanzadeh, yet have struggled in every game.

Also not going to the playoffs will be the New York Jets. They are also 2-8 and yet, despite being poor all season, are not bottom of their division, because that contains the Dolphins, who are still winless after somehow blowing a 7-0 lead to lose 7-17 to the Eagles at the weekend.

Theoretically, it is possible for any of the teams with just four wins – Ravens, Chiefs, Bears, Vikings, Panthers and Saints – to get through, but it would be a travesty if they did, as none of these sides is any good.

You might ask, incidentally, what the incentive is to keep playing your strongest side if you make the playoffs so early in the season. The answer is that the two teams with the best records in each Conference get a bye into the second week of the playoffs. The next two teams get to play at home against the 5th and 6th best teams. And the 5th and 6th places are usually up for grabs right up until the last week of the season. Exciting, eh?

This week's news:
- The Patriots score on each of their first seven possessions as they thrash the Bills 56-0. The eighth touchdown comes from an interception and Tom Brady and Randy Moss don't even play the last 11 minutes of the match.

- Tony Romo of the Cowboys throws four touchdowns to Terrell Owens as the Cowboys beat the Redskins 28-23.

- A Mike Nugent field goal in overtime gives the Jets a rare win as they beat the in-form Steelers 19-16.

- It's the battle of the zimmer frames in Wisconsin, as Brett Favre's Packers beat Vinny Testaverde's Panthers 31-17. Testaverde doesn't last the game and the Panthers use three different quarterbacks during it.

- Adam Viniateri atones for last week's miss by kicking the winning field goal with just four seconds left, as the Colts fumble and blunder their way past the Chiefs 13-10.

- An Adrian Peterson-less Vikings beat the Raiders 29-22, thanks in no small part to Chester Taylor, who stands in for Peterson and runs in three touchdowns.

- The Lions lost their unbeaten home record and somehow failed to beat the Giants, despite having two chances to win the game in the last two minutes. On both occasions Jeff Kitna threw an interception instead of a game-winning pass to Shaun McDonald. And for those of you who think that American footballers are soft, the Giants' Mathias Kiwanuka broke his leg on the second play of the game and still walked off the field.

- Absolute chaos at the end of the game in Baltimore. The Ravens thought they had stolen the match when the Browns' Phil Dawson hit the posts with a 51 yard field goal attempt from the last kick of the game. They were walking off the pitch when the referee overruled the call and said that the ball had hit the stanchion at the back of the posts, therefore the kick was good – television replays confirmed this. The players came back out again, the match went into overtime and Dawson kicked another goal to give the Browns a 33-30 win.

- Michael Vick finally went to jail this week, turning himself in three weeks early. Guess he couldn't find anyone to share Thanksgiving with. Possibly joining him will be Cato June of the Buccaneers, who was caught drink driving this week.

- Also this week, a horse collar cost Adrian Wilson of the Cardinals $10,000 – a 'horse collar' being the name for a tackle around the neck of a player.

- Finally, some nice news, seeing as it is Thanksgiving. Kevin Everett came out of medical rehab this week. He is still in a wheelchair, but slowly building up strength and still hopes to walk again.

Joy and despair are closer than you think - Byebyebadman

I imagine few people in England would remember the midfielder Ryszard Tarasiewicz. He played most of his career with Slasc Wroclaw in his native Poland before leaving a nation finding its way back to democracy in 1989 and playing out his career in Switzerland and France. He is the joint twenty-fourth most capped player in Polish history, with one solitary World Cup appearance for his depleted national team in Mexico in 1986, where Poland were hammered four-nil by the Brazil of Socrates, Junior and Careca.

And yet rather than be a mere footnote in international football history the name Tarasiewicz could have haunted English football as much as Maradona, Van Basten, Ronaldinho or his fellow countryman Jan Tomaszewski. In Katowice in October 1989, as England and Poland entered the dying seconds of a tense and goalless final World Cup qualifier, Tarasiewicz struck a shot at goal from thirty yards out that had a flailing Peter Shilton utterly beaten. The ball swung in the air, thumped the England crossbar and bounced down and back into play for defenders to scramble it clear. Seconds later the final whistle sounded and England had qualified for the World Cup.

Had the ball gone in then Poland would have taken England’s place at Italia 90, a tournament in which England’s dramatic run to the brink of the Final is credited as being at least partly responsible for the great changes in English football and its subsequent boom in popularity. How different might English football have been? And all for the sake of an inch, a couple of centimetres. As Juan Sasturain remarked when describing the same fractions that denied Rob Rensenbrink and the Dutch the World Cup against Argentina in 1978: “The distance between heaven and hell.”

England will shortly play Croatia in the final qualifier for next year's European Championships, and it does amuse me that large sections of England’s support are perplexed as to why we are in a position where we require a win or a draw to advance to the Finals. We are England I’m afraid, and this is what we do. Only once in my lifetime have England ever qualified for a tournament without requiring a result in the final game, and all too often it has been in jeopardy in the final seconds. Christian Vieri missed a free header in injury time that put England through to the 1998 World Cup, and famously a very late David Beckham free-kick saved England against Greece to qualify for the World Cup in Japan and South Korea. At least on those occasions existed the safety net of the play-offs, but no such get-out clause is in place to save England on Wednesday if they lose and Russia, as expected, beat Andorra. Croatia of course have nothing really to play for - but then neither did Greece.

So don’t be surprised if England enter injury time against Croatia with everything - qualification, McClaren’s job, several England careers, the FA’s finances - still in the balance. And should a Croatian let fly in the manner of Ryszard Tarasiewicz and hit the frame of our goal time will stand still as we wait to see where the ball will land, and joy and despair, two emotions that power football, will never have been in closer proximity.

NFL week 10 - the Velvet Bear

One of the biggest problems writing about the NFL this week is the fact that there has been so little to write about. Seriously. In fact, I was almost reduced to reporting that the Patriots were unbeaten again this week - but only because they had a bye and so weren’t playing.

I could report that the Dolphins lost again, blowing a 10-2 lead to lose at home to the Bills. Bills kicker Rian Lindell kicked the winning field goal with 46 seconds remaining to give Buffalo victory. It’s getting to be desperate in Miami and their latest solution will be to give rookie quarterback John Beck a starting role against the Eagles this weekend. It is a big ask for the second round draft pick against an Eagles side who put 20 fourth quarter points on the board to beat the Redskins at the weekend and who are starting to show true signs of running into some form. The Dolphins still believe they can turn a 0-9 start into a moderately successful 7-9 season, but you’d be a fool to bet on it.

One bright spot for Miami is the return from suspension of Ricky Williams. The running back, the NFL’s top rusher in 2002, was suspended for 18 months after he failed four - yes, four - drug tests. Whether he can revitalise such a poor team after so long out is debatable, but any news is good news so far as this team is concerned.

The Dolphins are now the only side in the NFL without a win, after the St Louis Rams beat the New Orleans Saints 37-29. Key to the Rams win was the return of star running back Steven Jackson, who has been missing for most of the season with a back injury. He ran in one touchdown and threw for another as the Rams finally got their season started.

Perhaps the most interesting news of the week was the edict from the NFL that match officials should eject players from the game for so-called ‘helmet to helmet’ hits - i.e. where a player deliberately goes for another player’s head with his head. Ejection is equivalent to a sending off in football or rugby, except that the side who has a player ejected gets to replace him (the same happens in basketball). The sanction is very rarely used in the NFL, it happens about once a season, but as we have seen this year the league is getting tough on on-field discretions (heck, this week was so dull, no-one even got fined for that) and it will be interesting to see how often, if at all, this sanction is used.

In the rest of the news this week:

- A very rough week for the Vikings. They suffered their first shutout in about 15 seasons as Green Bay beat them 34-0. Along the way they lost Adrian Peterson with a knee injury that will keep him out for at least one game and picked up some seriously bad publicity for docking the salary of receiver Troy Williamson when he went to his grandmother’s funeral - a decision they later had to reverse.

- Also shut out were the 49ers, handing an easy 24-0 win to the Seahawks in Monday night’s game. The loss has cost quarterback Alex Smith his job, with veteran Trent Dilfer taking over for this weekend.

- The Manning boys also had a bad week. Peyton threw an unprecedented six interceptions as the Colts lost 21-23 to the Chargers, Colts kicker Adam Viniateri missing a field goal with the last kick of the game which would’ve won it. Eli was simply dreadful for the Giants against the Cowboys, even allowing himself to be sacked by the returning Tank Johnson as Dallas won 31-20, courtesy of two more touchdowns from Terrell Owens. Interestingly, that game was run by only 6 officials after the 7th pulled a hamstring early in the game - you have enough players to put three entirely different sides on the pitch but no-one thinks to bring a spare official.

- Those who were paying attention last week will recall that I mentioned that the Panthers had no fit and match-ready quarterbacks. Vinny Testaverde gamely limped through their home game against the Falcons, which no 44 year old should have to do. There was a time when he could probably have beaten this year’s Falcons on one leg and he almost did it now, Alge Crumpler’s touchdown with twenty seconds left giving Atlanta a 20-13 win.

- Shock of the week came at the Raiders, where Rex Grossman - yes, him - came off the bench to replace the injured Brian Griese and threw the winning touchdown to give the Bears a much-needed victory by 17-6. He’ll keep his place on Sunday, too.

- A big day for Big Ben as Mr Roethlisberger had his best game of the season, throwing two touchdowns, running one in for himself from 30 yards and picking up the NFL Player of the Week award for only the second time in his career. Victory over the Browns came at a cost for the Steelers, though, as safety Ryan Clark was so badly injured he had to have his spleen removed. For the Browns, Derek Anderson became their first quarterback for 20 years to throw 20 touchdowns in a season, but it wasn’t enough to stop them losing 31-28

- On the disciplinary front, Pacman Jones has had a plea bargain accepted by a judge, so won’t stand trial over the lap dance club incident. In a novel move - at least for a footballer - Fred Weary of the Houston Texans is actually suing the police, after they shot him with a Taser gun. All of which means that both are likely to escape any or any further sanction from the league.

St Pancras, French footballers' terminus – by Marcel des Maures et des Aurores

To celebrate the grand opening of the new Paris Nord-St Pancras train line, French TV channel Canal + launched, during my recent visit to Paris, a "Semaine Anglaise": London on a plate for a week. From the breakfast show to the late night news, most of the channel's programs, including special guests and features, dealt with England. It started brightly, with "Allons donc à London" in which Antoine de Caunes, the trendy frenchy vamped down as Pete Doherty, delights in finding lunatics and eccentrics such as that militant who camps out in front of the Parliament to voice his opposition to British involvement in Iraq. Londres wouldn't be London without music, and Sir Paul Mc Cartney's concert at the Olympia (last October) will be broadcast on Friday at 10.30 pm.

"Canal + is Rich", undoubtedly so. Through TV rights, the channel provides around 50% of French football clubs' income, transfers excluded. In other words, gates receipts only make up a measly 15% of that income. Like Canal +, that set its clocks on London time, French football would do well to take a few leaves out of the Premier League's accounting books and also try to understand how its own national team's success brought about its national league's demise.

By regularly losing its star players, the French Ligue 1 has lost its attractiveness. So called "big games" between Lyon, Marseille, or Paris SG (the last OL-OM being the exception that proves the rule) don't have the intensity of the Italian derbys, of the Real-Barca classico, or of the duels at the top of the English League. Neither Sky Sports nor the Italian Rai broadcast any of the Ligue 1 matches. Meanwhile Arsenal-Manchester United got a billion people glued to their TV sets, eager to watch Rooney, C.Ronaldo, Giggs, Gallas and Fabregas slug it out. The programme notes read like credits for a movie in which the players have taken on the actors' role in people's hearts.

The mystical dimension of Italian football was highlighted by Dino Bazzatti after the Superga disaster. In 1949, the novelist declared that the crash of a plane loaded with famous writers would not have moved his compatriots quite so deeply. Obviously, the dangers of such an excess of enthusiasm are clear, as recent events in Italy have confirmed. However, in contrast with latin excesses, British moderation has proved that the fortunes of an endangered championship could be turned around. After doing a meticulous cleaning job to improve safety in their stadia, the English invested close to 1.5 billion Euros (if it wasn't for the fact that they insist on calling them Pounds) to turn their sporting arenas into profit centers where fans splash their cash.

Conversely, the French missed out on the unique opportunity presented by World Cup 98 to renovate their infrastructure sufficiently. Today, le Stade de France is the only stadium deemed fit to host a Champions' League final. In order to compete with great European sporting nations, it is absolutely essential for France to modernise its football venues. Nearly all stadia in the country belong to local authorities, which hinders their development. It would be necessary to combine public financing with brand sponsorship deals like Arsenal's Emirates Stadium, but some are still reluctant. "I can't imagine Sochaux's Stade Bonal being called Stade "Mobil". For his part in the résistance, Auguste Bonal was executed by a firing squad shortly before the end of the war. I will not sell my soul," declared the Chairman of Sochaux Football Club.

Certainly, Lyon is the exception. But in the long run, if Jean-Michel Aulas, their president and Ligue 1's main agent provocateur, keeps on selling his best players, he runs the risk of seeing his team play in a bigger stadium, but to a smaller crowd. The players' exodus and the talent drain must be checked if not stopped entirely. In the last two years, Lyon lost Essien, Diarra, Malouda, and Abidal; Marseille lost Drogba and Ribery, amongst others. The total amount of last summer's transfer fees approaches the 200 million Euro mark. Now the clubs are wondering how long they will be able to hold on to Benzema, Ben Arfa or Nasri, what with Real Madrid, Barça and Inter Milan already waving their chequebooks. A league can only be popular if the people who actually go to the games can watch their internationals wearing the local colours.

The French league can make up lost ground by multiplying growth leverages and, like the Premier League did, by acknowledging simple economic truths and reducing charges in order to offer players more attractive salaries.

It would be naïve to deny that economics dictate the rules of professional sports. Norman Mailer wrote of his passion for "ransacking innocence", to make the point that naïveté no longer has a place in the modern world of television and high-capital media. Having built its reputation on cinema and football, Canal + had a great opportunity to use its "English Week" to boost motivation for a transformation that the channel would be first to benefit from: a special show analysing the achievements and success of the "Barclays League", for example. If France fails to learn from the English, the Eurostar will transport ever increasing loads of young French players towards their final destination: St Pancras, in the very heart of London.

Let me paint you a picture - premcorrespondent

Sorry for the slow reporting - I felt that I couldn't truly tell the tale of the weekend's action without placing it in the full context of tonight's Johnstone's Paint Trophy results.

And truly this added colour and has been worth waiting for.

White-washing seems all the rage, not only were Yeovil beaten 1-0 by Swansea, but West Ham rinsed Derby 5-0. Derby have been taken to the cleaners so often this season it's hard to work out what colour their strip was originally - but it's faded to white now.

Eight of the Premier League's sides took up the Daz Challenge - all keeping spotlessly clean sheets. West Ham, Liverpool, Bolton, Boro, Man U, Pompey, City, and Spurs all made sure their bed linen was in a fit state to receive a special friend.

Bolton and Middlesbrough both seemed too intent on impressing the ladies with their domesticity to actually bother with scoring in the first place. And unless you have some potency up front and the wherewithal to use it, all the bleached bedclothes in the world will get you about as far as an agoraphobic tortoise in a pool of treacle.

The second double-oh of the weekend was one where the only licence to thrill belonged to young City keeper Joe Hart. An impressive display from the England under-21 stopper meant Harry Redknapp's language turned as blue as his player's kits as Pompey were held to a draw on the south coast.

Juande Ramos' time in charge of Spurs has seen the Lillywhites record three clean sheets in his four matches, which is verging on obsessive-compulsive. This weekend saw the North Londoners continue in their quest to throw off their reputation as the league's worst dog-walkers as they resolutely held on to their lead against Wigan to climb out of the top flight's bottom reaches.

The reds halves of Manchester and Liverpool were the remaining domestic goddesses, both winning 2-0 at home to Blackburn and Fulham respectively.

Liverpool's and Fulham's neighbours locked horns at Stamford Bridge - but neither could protect their unblemished bed-wear or score more than once in 90 minutes. Everton and Chelsea's Uefa Cup decider ended 1-1. How things have changed at Stamford Bridge since Jose left - now there was a man who knew his grooming, just 61 conceded in his three full seasons in charge finishing each year with the best defence.

Arsenal strolled past Reading with a 3-1 win, seeing them finish the weekend's fixtures at the top of the pile and responsible for the most dirty laundry - they have scored in every league game this season.

In the North-East and the Midlands local rivals renewed their acquaintances after a trial separation enforced by relegation. Sunderland drew 1-1 with Newcastle, while Birmingham lost 2-1 at home to Aston Villa. These games were ruined by one hack's inability to think of fresh paint analogies mangle more bedlinen metaphors.

We Will remember them - Ebren

On the 25th of March 1918, just months from the end of World War One, a professional footballer was shot in the second assault on the Somme. His fellow soldiers risked death to get to him, his body was never found.

The story is far from unique, but the solider was. His name was Walter Tull.

Tull had it harder than most, an orphan from the age of nine, his stepmother could not manage all six of her husband's children. Walter and his older brother Edward were sent to an orphanage in Bethnal Green, London.

The Methodist teachings of the orphanage were strict, disciplined and arguably stood Walter in good stead for his later life in football and the army.

He started playing football early and soon excelled. Spotted playing for the orphanage team he was invited to join amateur site Clapton in 1908. He helped them win the FA Amateur Cup, the London Senior Cup and the London County Amateur Cup.

He was signed for Spurs in 1909, he toured Argentina and Uruguay with the team as an amateur, signing professional forms on his return to England.

But despite all the early promise, rave reviews against Manchester United and a goal against Bradford, seven games into his first season he was dropped. There was a problem - Walter Tull was black.

Playing at Bristol City he was racially abused with "language lower than Billingsgate [a notoriously coarse London fish market]" by "hooligans" in the crowd - the actions of fans and the press reports describing them eerily reminiscent of what was to follow on terraces across the land over 50 years later.

Tull was sold to Northampton Town and excelled, playing more than 100 games, scoring four goals in one match (he wasn't a striker) and looking set to sign for Rangers in 1914. Then the war came.

He signed up to fight for the British army as a volunteer immediately, effectively ending his football career (although he did make a guest appearance for Fulham in 1915).

Tull was the second professional black footballer in England and the first outfield player, goalscorer and to play in the top flight.

What he did in uniform was more impressive.

Quickly promoted to sergeant Tull survived the Somme in 1916, but was struck down by fever in December 1916. After recovery he did not return to the trenches immediately, instead he went to officer training school in Gailes, Scotland.

Walter Tull became the first ever black British army officer and the first man of colour to lead white troops in battle, at a time when it was illegal for him to take on either role.

He was mentioned in despatches for coolness under fire and recommended for the Military Cross after bringing his men back unharmed from a sortie.

An orphan whose grandfather was a slave and father was a joiner had broken down barriers to become a professional footballer and an officer. On his death, his commanding officer breached protocol one last time, writing this while informing his family of his death: "He was popular throughout the battalion. He was brave and conscientious. The battalion and company had lost a faithful officer, and personally I have lost a friend." British army officers didn't do emotion back then.

But after his death he was forgotten by the nation.

It was not until the mid-1990s that Walter's story re-emerged, when Phil Vasili saw his name mentioned in passing while researching a book on Britain's earliest black footballers in 1992. He published an article on Tull in 1996 that was read by Trevor McDonald. The newsreader gave a radio talk based on this research - one heard by Northampton Town fan Sean O'Donovan.

O'Donovan started campaigning, and soon everyone from Spurs (who dropped him) to Bristol City (whose fans abused him) were honouring Tull's role in the early days of the game.

Today, almost 90 years after his death, visitors to Northampton Town's Sixfields Stadium can see an odd memorial - one in a mosaic of black, white, and grey stone.

It reads: "Through his actions, WDJ Tull ridiculed the barriers of ignorance that tried to deny people of colour equality with their contemporaries.

"His life stands testament to a determination to confront those people and those obstacles that sought to diminish him and the world in which he lived.

"It reveals a man, though rendered breathless in his prime, whose strong heart still beats loudly."

NFL week 9 – the Velvet Bear

I don't really want to write about the Indianapolis v New England game, but it is hard not to lead on the most hyped game in NFL history. For the first time, two teams who had gone unbeaten for the first eight weeks of the season met and the US media simply couldn't get enough of it. In fact, so overblown was the hype surrounding the game that even football analysts were saying by Sunday morning that they just wanted the game over and done with.

This, you will appreciate, is saying something.

In the end the game was something of a letdown. There had been much talk of a game where over 95 points were scored, largely based upon the potency of the Colts' offense and the fact that the Patriots hadn't scored fewer than 34 points in any game this season. Inevitably, though, the game failed to live up to expectations. Both sides were far too familiar with one another and the Colts proved that, even with a defense missing two first choice players, they could handle the Pats' much vaunted attack. Indeed, score of the day came from Colts running back Joseph Addai, who ran through the entire Pats defense for a 60 yard score – helped by an attempted tackle by Patriots' linebacker Rodney Harrison which missed Addai but took out three teammates.

Ultimately, the Pats ran out 24-20 victors, with Tom Brady keeping up his streak of throwing for three touchdowns in every game this season. Fittingly, the winning touchdown was scored by Wes Welker, the Patriots' undersized wide receiver who is already a strong contender for player of the season, despite the large number of better known players on his team.

Far more exciting was the game over in Minnesota, where the Vikings entertained the Chargers. Everything pointed to this being a thoroughly awful game – a team that can't pass (San Diego) against one who can't defend the pass. What it did have, though, was the first match up between the NFL's finest running back, LaDanian Tomlinson, and its fastest rising star – the Vikings' rookie RB Adrian Peterson. Tomlinson, playing for a side which, on paper, is vastly superior, was widely expected to win this contest. Instead, Peterson wiped the floor with him, running in three touchdowns on his way to a league record 296 yards of rushing.

LT had the consolation of going over for the game's opening score, his 107th career touchdown, taking him to 4th on the all-time NFL list. Victory to the Vikings by 35-17 also featured a concussion for Tavaris Jackson after he unwisely attempted to steal a first down and collected both of Shawn Merriman's knees to the back of his head instead, a touchdown for the NFL's youngest receiver, Sidney Rice, thrown by 3rd choice Vikes QB Brooks Bollinger, and Antonio Cromartie setting a record which can never be beaten with the longest touchdown run in NFL history, running in a missed field goal from the back of his own endzone – 109 yards in total and you can't run for more without going out of bounds.

Elsewhere in the NFL

- The Lions destroy the Broncos 44-7 and in doing so almost end Jay Cutler's season, as the Denver QB suffers a badly bruised leg in a tackle;

- Another setback for Cincinnati as they lose yet again, going down 33-21 to Buffalo and have star wide receiver Chad Johnson taken off with a neck injury which could rule him out of next weekend's matches;

- A fourth straight win for a resurgent New Orleans as the Saints beat the Jaguars 41-24;

- Life for the Carolina Panthers keeps on getting worse. First, Vinny Testaverde injures a foot and they are forced to bring back David Carr, then Carr ends up with concussion after being sacked 7 times by the Titans, of all people;

- I'm getting slightly bored of writing about Brett Favre records. After this weekend's win over the Kansas City Chiefs he has now beaten every other side in the NFL at least once during his career. Only Messrs Brady and Manning have managed to do that;

- The Chiefs also lost their star running back Larry Johnson with an ankle injury which threatens to put an end to his season;

- Kicker Sean Suisham's career to date has been distinguished by him appearing to be the only kicker in either league who was actually afraid to kick the ball. Hopefully, a 46 yard field goal in overtime to bring the Redskins a much-needed victory over the Jets, coupled with four other goals in ordinary time, will help cure him;

- 'Pacman' Jones and his lawyers have met with NFL Headmaster Roger Goodall with a view to getting his suspension reduced. Frankly, this is optimism at its highest. Jones is still being investigated by police after a nightclub bouncer was shot by one of his entourage back in February – although that has led to one of the year's funniest lawsuits, with the bouncer suing the NFL for allowing Jones to be paid so much that he could afford to visit a strip club!

- With a nice symmetry, the Bengals' wide receiver Chris Henry is allowed to return from suspension in the same week that the league's other Chris Henry, the Titans' player of that ilk, gets a four game ban for failing a drugs test;

- Also visiting the Headmaster this week were the Jaguars' Marcus Stroud, who got a four match ban for the same reasons, plus LaRon Landry of the Redskins and LaJuan Ramsey of Philadelphia, who both were fined for unnecessary roughness during this weekend's matches;

- And waiting anxiously outside the study door, exercise books discreetly placed down their shorts, are Jaguars pair Justin Durrant and Richard Collier, who both managed to get arrested over the weekend;

- Tank Johnson's ban is also over and he'll be a Cowboy this weekend;
Finally, such is the interest in the Patriots' unbeaten run, the NFL has now moved all of their remaining matches to Sunday evening prime time, presumably so that they can ensure Tom Brady is well rested after a heavy night impregnating models.

Sporting perfection - Bluedaddy

I cannot consider myself a rugby fan. I played just once at school, and my fading memory won’t permit me to recall what age. All I can vividly remember of that ‘lesson’ was a more experienced and muscular boy employing what I later came to know is called a hand-off, to repel my dismal attempt at a tackle.


It was cold, I touched the ball not once, and I have never really properly engaged with the sport ever since, as either player or spectator. For some reason that causes me regret.


It shouldn’t really matter. There are plenty of other sports to get excited about, and several that I have played to greatly differing standards.


At school I loved badminton, with its thrilling speed and its delicious balance between powerful smash and deft drop shot. Table tennis was great too: a game that seemed to reward practice quite unlike any other, and drew me in to its metronomic rhythms and its trademark pops and squeaks. Plus I could play at home on our pull-out dining table.


Cricket was always more fun on the driveway down the side of our house than in the park. My brother and I could cut, pull and drive to our hearts’ content knowing that the slowly disintegrating fence, garage door and garden wall across the road were tireless fielders. Only our justifiably angry neighbours Mrs and Mrs M could halt our endless test matches, as we perfected the Derek Underwood splay-footed delivery or Alan Knott’s tics, stretches and sweeps.


And of course football was my daily bread.


But today a thread on GU reminded me of why I regret neglecting rugby. I revisited one of the greatest sporting moments in my lifetime, up there with Maradona’s second goal vs England in 86, the Headingley test in 81, Coe vs Ovett in and around 1980, and Ali vs Foreman in 74.


From the almost miraculous pick-up and mesmeric side-stepping of Phil Bennett, to the Dawes dummy, the determination of Tom David’s last gasp slingshot allied to Quinnell’s uncanny catch and release, and finally Gareth’s Edwards’ express train denying a last desperate All Black attempt to tackle, topped off with a magnificent dive into the corner.


Perfection


It never fails to bring a lump to my throat, and often, like this morning, a tear to my eye. I don’t know if the fact that the Barbarians are a composite team rather than a national side makes a difference to the intense humanity of the moment. Clearly nostalgia for the carefree innocence of my childhood also burnishes the memory. But whatever it is I can never tire of watching it.


Maybe that is the problem; rugby could never be that good again.

Old Age Pensioner left breathless by exotic Babes - premcorrespondent

The current incarnation of the Arsenal are picking up notices reminiscent of those handed out to Matt Busby's youthful charges some 50 years ago. With Wenger as Philosopher King and Cesc as a 21st century Duncan Edwards, those plaudits are not too fanciful. Of course, Busby's Babes weren't to see out their destiny, cut down at Munich. When the 50 year anniversary rolls round in February, look out for one of your correspondent's favourite football clips. At an Old Trafford re-opened less than eleven years earlier after wartime bombing, representatives of the German medical staff who treated the victims of the crash are introduced to the crowd. They walk around the perimeter to tumultuous applause from the terraces as they sheepishly wave, palpably overcome with the reception. And there's a lump in my throat just writing that.

So it was High Noon at Highbury (well 12.45pm at the Emirates, but that sounds like an appointment with a powerpoint presentation) for this week's Match of the Millenium as the Wenger Babes faced up to the Old Age Pensioner's XI. After a dull first period, the game came to life with Little Cesc's clever equaliser just after half-time. Quite how the Boy-King was left alone on the penalty spot to pass the ball into the net is anyone's guess. Sir Alex stopped swearing at the officials long enough to introduce ace-card Louis Saha, who soon played in Evra to give Ronaldo an open goal for 1-2 and that looked like the match, with just some bullying for the officials from Sir Alex (preparing the ground for the return match you see) to occupy us. But up popped Willam Gallas' silly haircut for a smart finish (and a smarter call from the linesman) and it's 2-2, honours even and off to a whinging press conference for the managers and the pub for the fans. The quietly impressive Avram Grant's Chelsea, 0-2 winners over a eerily passive Wigan, proved to be the beneficiaries, along with the inevitable one billion viewers who saw a fine game in the end. (Are they the same one billion viewers who tune into Miss World and the Opening Ceremony of the Olympics?) Such passivity at the JJB cost Chris Hutchings his job - nobody was surprised; everyone was sympathetic.

The Toon Army had barely sat down at St James' before they were up again and storming out as Portsmouth took advantage of defending that would have shamed a Beach Football team to take a 0-3 lead in the first 11 minutes. It ended 1-4 with Big Sam looking as out of place in the North-East as Happy 'Arry looks suited to the South-West. With Jose Mourinho still not employed, Rafa Benitez picked a bad week to shuffle his pack (though forced by injuries) and serve up a monochrome performance, as Liverpool racked up a fifth draw in their last seven league games. With Rafa's team treading water in seventh, would it be wrong to claim that Liverpool's entire season could finish with a midweek draw against Besiktas? Even if a win is secured, Liverpool appear too reliant on the goals of Torres to mount a challenge for the PL or CL.

Elsewhere in the Premier League, there were some fine goals and empty seats. Tottenham welcomed Juande Ramos by typically conceding a lead to draw with Middlesborough - Dimitar Berbatov, left out of the starting XI, was unavailable for comment, but might be available for Liverpool. Injury-hit Fulham picked up a much needed win over Reading at the Cottage, where Mark Clattenburg showed no feel for the game at all in sending off an 18 year-old debutant for a marginal second yellow in the last play of the match - I hope Clattenburg enjoyed that frisson of power. It was Villa's turn to beat Derby, which they did by a predictable 2-0, but Everton left it late to run out 3-1 winners over Birmingham City, the last goal coming from James Vaughan on his return from injury - mark that name.

Sunday's game saw West Ham live up to the stereotype by conceding a late equaliser to a desperate Anelkaless Bolton - who might just have the dog in them to fight their way safety. Sunderland's manager has the dog in him, but does his team? After their 1-0 reverse at Eastlands, they hover above the trapdoor with the fatal "points fewer than games" ratio and overly dependent on Kenwynne Jones for goals. Manchester City, incredibly, are third just two points off the lead - Sven knows his football, as well as his babes.

Why Chelsea and Liverpool are what’s wrong with Football, and other rants - Kokomo

No, it’s not what you think.

Last Saturday, Chelsea and Liverpool were drawn together in the quarter finals of the Carling Cup. These two teams are undoubtedly two of the best in Europe over recent years, having won, or been runner’s up in the four major competitions 11 out of 24 possible occasions in the last three years (and it would have been more if one of them hadn’t knocked the other out of a competition at semi final stage three times in that period). Both are within a handful of points of the top this time round too, having only lost two games between them. Yet, I defy anyone (myself included) to have reacted with anything more positive than a mildly disinterested groan when that draw was made.

Why? It is true that they have played each other many, many times of late, but we have had two ridiculously tense European semi finals, a high quality FA cup semi final, and a five goal thriller in the final of the Carling Cup. Make no mistake, when these two meet in a knockout game; it is high drama, high quality, or both.

Familiarity has clearly bred contempt; let’s also make no mistake, there have been some pretty turgid league and group stage encounters in that time.

However, surely we should all be a little less jaded? But then, have two teams ever been as criticised while being so successful?

Let’s look at Liverpool first. They haven’t won the league since before Theo Walcott first spat out his dummy, and were truly terrible in the latter years of Houllier’s reign. For the last three years they have been managed by a Spaniard who has delivered a lot of success to the club, added at least five top class players to the first team, and developed another into one of the top defenders in Europe. He had to sell his best forward, but there has clearly been a massive improvement in the squad. He has won two major trophies, in very entertaining fashion it has to be said, and been to two other major finals. He also delivered the best league points performance at the club since 1988, and finished third twice in a row, which is better than an any time since 1990.

He must be universally loved by his own fans, and respected by opposition then? You would think so, but instead we have the likes of ‘Big Sam’ Allardyce telling us that, if he hadn’t won a load of trophies he would be in trouble now (sometimes the mind really does boggle). There are many accusations consistently levelled at Benitez, by his own fans, opposition fans, the media, ex-players, the chuckle brothers at match of the day, and probably the Lord God himself. These tend to be one or more of the following; he rotates too much; he doesn’t understand our league; he has wasted loads of money on expensive Spaniards; he has had hundreds of millions to spend and should have done better; zonal marking is crap; he misuses his captain; he doesn’t know his best team; his team plays ugly football. All of these are easily refuted (and don’t worry, I won’t do it here) with cold hard fact, except for the last one, which is subjective, and we will come to later. It is also an undeniable fact though, that he has not won the league yet with Liverpool (is there anyone, by the way, who expected that Liverpool, in the state they were in, would win the league in his first three seasons?). And until this fact is reversed, it seems that he is always on trial, and fair game for any criticism you care to take from the top of your head.

Chelsea meanwhile, have had unprecedented success in three years under Mourinho, including two titles, an FA Cup, two Carling Cups, and two European Cup semi-finals. They also scored more goals, and garnered more points than any team has ever done before in the modern era. But that was apparently not enough entertainment for his paymasters.

There are many theories as to the motives of Roman Abramovich in buying Chelsea, but for me he seeks two things through this venture; glory and to be loved. And don’t try to tell me that he is a football purist. No football purist would force players on a coach. Mourinho wasn’t sacked because his boss wanted more pretty triangles, he was sacked because the media and public didn’t love Chelsea. And the media and the public doesn’t love Chelsea because they decided that the team was not entertaining (only true in the sense that they won most games comfortably and with little tension).

And the media and the public did that, because the media and the public are idiots quite frankly.
The modern, instant access age has some plus points. It has made Gary Naylor a minor celebrity among left wing cricket lovers for one thing, but it also allows journalists to tell as that Liverpool are ‘pathetic’ because they are not attacking much when one nil up against the league leaders. It allows knee jerk opinion pieces that tell us that Chelsea are more entertaining when they thrashed Man City than they were when they thrashed lots of other teams because Mourinho isn’t in charge anymore. Ultimately, it has taken what little objective, considered analysis there was in the game, and replaced it with ill-considered, dumbed down groupthink.

And everyone reacts in kind. When a team is not playing perfectly, there are in crisis. Manager’s are castigated and mocked when they make big game winning substitutions. Chairman, who have never been the most savvy football men, react to external pressure to create internal pressure. Players are told that they are unsettled, and it unsettles them.

And where has all this got us? This process, which I personally trace back to Andy Gray’s white pen, via Townsend’s tactics truck, has given us inpatient players, inpatient agents, inpatient fans, inpatient managers and inpatient clubs. Which means that only four clubs can win the league (and most likely the cups too) for the foreseeable future. The Martin Jols of this world are sacked for not taking a desperately poor Tottenham team from the bottom three to the top three in three seasons, but who would have?

I am all for the knee jerk "why did he shoot there the inbred ****" terrace moans, but I am not all for booing your team off when they are only drawing at half time away to a team that have previously won their past seven games.

And finally, when did teams only become truly champions when they not only won games, but also had to win them with a bit of fancy footwork? In fact, in many quarters a bit of fancy footwork is better than actually winning games, because apparently we are more entertained by a nutmeg than we are by a net rippling. I blame Pepsi challenge keepie-uppie culture for this one. If all the people who prefer to see fancy skills but little tension want to fuck off and watch Basketball slam dunk competitions, then I think the rest of us who prefer a bit of tension and pressure would be most grateful.

Again, I am not against skilful players. I can enjoy a Peter Crouch step over just as much as the next middle class fan, but I would prefer my team to win before it starts thinking about the purity of the beautiful game, as dictated by the Guardian/Pele/some Spanish big cheese/Alan Green/internet chat rooms frequented by hardcore ‘EPL’ (arrgghhhh) fans from the US, India, Africa and China etc.

I am determined to end on a positive note. On Sunday I watched the last half hour of Roma’s game at Empoli. A thrilling match ended 2-2 with a last minute equaliser from the home side. Now that was a football match. Neither team was particularly expensively put together, but the skill level was high, very fast paced (I think the difference between Italian fast paced and English fast paced is that English teams generate pace by kicking the ball hard, while Italians generate pace by running quickly with it), and both teams committed, and hardly even moaning at the ref (yes, even those dirty Italians). The fans were waving flags that didn’t have to be installed under the seats, and the chairman nearly had a fist fight. At last, here was an advert for football, not the overwrought battle of machismo at the Emirates (THE EMIRATES!!! Some things really make me want to scream, and naming your stadium after a Saudi Arabian airline is one of them).

Yes, football has a future, and it is in Empoli. Or something.

NFL Week 8 - with extra Wembley - The Velvet Bear

This week, it was all about Wembley - the players, the lights, the rain, the records, the mud, the cheerleaders, the mud, the spectacle, the rain, the 26 foot tall Jason Taylor, the mud, the 1972 Dolphins, the cheerleaders, the mud and the rain.

The game itself wasn’t much to watch. The weather saw to that. Torrential rain from just before kick off until just after full time made passing the ball a lottery, whilst the saturated Wembley turf, clearly unsuited to having real men play on it, cut up badly enough to make running difficult, too. Even so, the Giants were so dominant and the Dolphins so badly hampered by injuries that the 13-10 scoreline came nowhere close to reflecting the Giants’ dominance.

The game was worth attending for a number of reasons, though - the least of them being the historic nature of the occasion. First of all, after four years Eli Manning did something Peyton would never do - he ran more than 10 yards for a touchdown. Then there was the surprise emergence of a new star in the making, Fins running back Jesse Chatman replacing the injured Reggie Jones and being arguably the game’s MVP.

In all, though, it wasn’t a good day for the big name players. Jason Taylor was kept in check by the strong Giants’ offensive line. Eli, that run apart, only completed 8 of 22 passes. Plaxico Burress lived up to his ‘Plaxiglass’ nickname by going to pieces when put under pressure, whilst Jeremy Shockey was well marshalled by the Fins defence. Chatman apart, the Fins had nothing on offense, largely due to QB Cleo Lemon having a nightmare day which saw him fumble one snap and comically throw the ball backwards on another play.

The strangest thing about the whole day was that the Dolphins chose to spend most of the breaks in play promoting the fact that it is 35 years since they were the only team to go through a season unbeaten; they seem intent on honouring that achievement by going 0-16 this year.

Will there be another Wembley game next year? It is hard to tell. There are going to be 2 games outside North America next year. Buffalo have already said that they want to play one game a season in Canada, which may or may not count as one of these. Frankfurt will be claiming it is their turn after losing out to Wembley in the competiton to stage this game and there are other markets in the Far East and South America that the NFL is keen to tap. A crowd in excess of 81,000 and a fairly favourable time difference will count in London’s favour. The state of the pitch, the ignoramus who kept playing music over the top of the referee’s announcements and the fact that, despite all that money, the roof still flaming well leaks, will be votes against.

Oh, and the cheerleaders were very nice. Except the one stood in front of me, who was so skinny that you could see the bottom of her rib cage sticking out, making it seem like she had four breasts. Even in America, that’s wrong.

And in other news

Did you know it was the Superbowl this weekend? The Patriots and the Colts are in the same conference, so can never meet in the season’s most hyped and least entertaining game, but as the only two unbeaten sides in the NFL this Sunday’s match is surely a prequel for a championship decider in January. The Pats will be out to avenge last year’s defeat in that match and with both sides coming into the game off the back of crushing victories - the Colts ran riot in Charlotte to beat the Panthers 31-7, the Pats thumped the Redskins 52-7 - Sunday evening should be even better than last Sunday was;

The Rams season just keeps getting worse. Not only did they hand the Browns their first away win (27-20), but star running back Steven Jackson returned from a groin strain, only to leave the game with a back injury before halftime;

The Steelers beat the Bengals 24-13, the seventh straight time they have won in Cincinnati;

It was the battle of the back-ups in Giant’s Stadium. The Jets dropped regular starting QB Chad Pennington in favour of Kellen Clements, whilst former Bills starter JP Losman regained his place when rookie Trent Edwards went down with a wrist injury in the third quarter. Even a 13-3 win won’t have appeased Bills owner Ralph Wilson Jr if the rumours that Edwards was only playing to save him paying Losman a bonus based on playing time are correct;

Big away wins for two form teams, as the Steelers win in Houston and the Lions in Chicago;

The Falcons’ DeAngelo Hall proves that some people never learn from their mistakes. The man who currently appears in a Reebok ad boasting that he knew he would become a professional sportsman when he got his SATs scores (i.e. he’s a bit thick) was fined $100,000 back in September with half of it suspended. Now, a second outburst, this time against the team’s owners and coaching staff for releasing a player, has cost him the suspended $50,000;

Old Man Favre is at it again, this time throwing an 82 yard touchdown pass in overtime to see the Packers to a 19-13 win in Houston;

Finally, sad news that the NFL’s most inappropriately named player is out for the season. 6’3”, 330lb (that’s almost 24 stones) Rams player Ritchie Incognito injured his right knee and won’t play again until 2008.

Daniel Levy Rules! - PremCorrespondent

Sorry for the late round up this week. I attended a long planned party to report on Daniel Levy’s steady guidance of good ship Tottenham on Sunday night, and no one else turned up. Still, waste not want not. I tucked into the free beer and sausage rolls and woke up in an alley this morning.

Spurs of course lost under Clive Allen’s temporary charge, with new man Ramos copying much of the Premier league and looking down on his side from above. Meanwhile Blackburn Samba’d away from White Hart Lane with a 2-1 win and a renewed confidence that Mark Hughes would stick around until Alex Fergusson collapses on the Old Trafford touchline.

Not that Sir Alex’s heart faces much stress right now. A number of injuries may have caused concern for lesser teams early in the campaign, but the Red Devils were their normal raging storm of attacking power against sorry Boro as they won 4-1 and must now feel confident of winning yet another Premiership pot this season.

Less a raging storm and more a refreshing breeze of attacking football, Arsenal’s young side saw a near record breaking run of wins come to an end against Liverpool. Missed chances at both ends during Gerrard’s 400th appearance for the Reds should have seen a 1-1 draw finish 3-3. But both teams would have been pleased to walk away with their unbeaten league records in tact.

Among the other title hopefuls, Manchester City took an unexpected drubbing at the hands of lowly Chelsea. OK, that’s an exaggeration of both clubs’ positions. But it was fun to type.

Anyway, apparently Chelsea under Avram Grant are set to be as predictably successful as his £300million first team was under the Special one. Their 6-0 victory raised again the concern that Sven has no plan B to instigate when defending a 0-0 draw and hoping to snatch a goal or set piece on the break falls short.

Everton risk being labelled boring after their 2-0 win against Derby. Not because the game was dreary or because goals from Arteta and Yakubu were not somewhat impressive. And not because of Everton’s negative tactics. But if you don’t score four goals against County when will you score four?

Daniel de Ridder lightened up the match between soon to be bought Birmingham City and soon to be relegated Wigan Athletic. The 3-2 win ended City’s run of defeats and was largely thanks to their Dutchman. But nothing on show shook the belief that ChampCorrespondent will be reporting on the same fixture next season.

In other games of little interest, Rob Green saved a late penalty to keep Pompey v West Ham 0-0 till the final whistle, and Sunderland’s Kenwyne Jones’ fear of Roy Keane inspired another late recovery to draw 1-1 with Fulham.

Newcastle showed just how bad Martin Jol’s Spurs side were in defeat at St James’ Park last week when even a lucky equaliser couldn’t prevent eventual defeat to Reading.

And finally Bolton were mugged, stabbed, and beaten senseless by referee Martin Atkinson in Megson’s first game in charge. Atkinson created much of the game’s excitement at the Reebok by refusing the home side their stronger than normal penalty appeals and by helping Aston Villa equalise by confusing everyone and his linesman when he gave Bolton’s throw to the away side.

Predicting predictions - Kokomo

During the heady days of the summer, when England were rubbish at Rugby, we didn’t bother with one day internationals too much, but could murder the shallow one-day obsessed sub-continentals at proper Test Match Creeket, I spent an idle minute writing my predictions for the season.

As pre-season predictions are a bit passé, I kept it to myself, but when dusting my shelves this week I was alarmed to see that I have been near 100% right in my predictions so far, so thought it was only fair that I should share with the rest of you what is going to happen for the rest of the season.

August
In the BBC Studio, a joke is made about Alan Hansen’s assertion that you don’t win anything with kids. He was famously proved wrong as Schmeichal, Bruce, Pallister, Irwin, Keane and Cantona lead United to the title.

The major news of the month is that Carlos Tevez making his Manchester United debut, scoring in a routine 2-0 home win over Reading. An article in the Guardian claims that this is the best team that has ever been assembled.

Arsenal beat Man City at home, with Da Silva scoring a header. Their fans tell themselves that they wouldn’t have won this match with the overrated Henry last season.

In Liverpool, Rafa Benitez makes a substitution. He is widely criticised for his mindless tinkering.

September
Arsenal score a goal after 87 passes, and are duly declared the guardians of all that is beautiful and true about the world. Tackles on Arsenal players are subsequently banned from all football matches for the rest of the season.

Sunderland fans are stranded at Shannon airport as Air Lingus pulls its route to Heathrow. Niall Quinn walks over the Irish Sea and carries them on his shoulders over to Old Trafford, where they sea Roy Keane make Ole Gunnar Solskaer cry in the dugout, before Nani and Anderson give United a comfortable victory. Ferguson is lauded as a genius in the transfer market for yet again spotting talented youngsters that nobody has heard of.

England play. Everyone goes on holiday.

October
Billy Davies becomes the first managerial casualty of the season. Everyone briefly remembers that Derby are in the premier league. Neil Warnock is appointed manager. He says the West Ham game will be just like any other for him.

Sven Goran-Eriksson attempts to play down Thaksin Shinawatra’s human rights abuses: "weeell, I don’t think it was so bad. This is football, and he did let those boys become girls. Eeeehh, I really couldn’t tell until you got really close."

Steve Bruce goes on holiday to China. He is not seen for the rest of the season.

November
Big money looks well spent for West Ham, Man City, Spurs and Sunderland, as they occupy the coveted top four spots in the table, closely followed by Man Utd and Liverpool. UEFA announce that, in the interests of the football community and UEFA brand, they are considering awarding the Champions League spots to the teams finishing in 5th, 6th, 7th and 9th in England. Bolton, sandwiching Chelsea and Arsenal in 8th place, don’t know which way to look. Little Sam is struggling to cope, and spends the entire trip to Krakow for a UEFA cup game in the overhead baggage lockers.

December
Reading are brought by an Afghan Warlord, who made his fortune in growing and exporting opium. The FA announces that he passed their fit and proper chairman test.

Order is restored in the premiership, as Manchester United, Chelsea, Liverpool and Arsenal are tied at the top of the table. UEFA denies that it ever seriously considered awarding champions league spots to anyone but the top four. Communications manager Christophe Gaillard said: "It is not true. Our only problem is Liverpool. We hate them." The Guardian concurs.

Everton manager David Moyes has his ring stolen in a trip to West Ham, where the sequel to Green Street is being filmed.

Chelsea win the African Nations Cup, but are falling behind in the premiership by New Year. Jose Mourinho asks how he was supposed to foresee this happening.

January
In Spain, table toppers Real Madrid lose their unbeaten record, but remain 5 points clear. Bernt Schuster is sacked.

In their winter break tour of Scotland Milan play Dundee United. Cally explodes.

David Moyes has to buy a new pair of shoes, and is photographed taking regular trips to a beauty parlour in Liverpool. A journalist searches through the bins in Merseyside and finds discarded wax strips filled with ginger foot hair.

In the January transfer window, Fulham are the major movers, signing Neil Lennon, Iain Dowie, Gerry Hamilton and Callum Best. The biggest signing though, is Thierry Henry sulking back to Arsenal, for a seemingly bargain basement £20, though he is paid a reported £500k a week. He surprisingly makes his first outing for the youth team, causing Canadian Arsenal fan, Johnny come-Arseneknows to marvel at Wenger’s ability to pick up unknown gems for a pittance.

Arsenal fans and GU journalists are united in their belief that Henry is exactly what young Arsenal stars Jens Lehmann, Toure, Gilberto, Gallas and Rosicky need to lead them and inspire the team.

Rafa Benitez signs a Spanish full-back for £2m. No-one notices.

February
The title race is hotting up, and the big four remain locked together, having only dropped points against each other.

At the other end of the table, Neil Warnock is sacked, a decision explained by the Derby board as being because, ‘well, he’s just a bit of an embarrassment really.’ Nigel Clough takes over.

Everton, Newcastle, Tottenham, Blackburn, Aston Villa, Man City, Sunderland and Reading are all tied in what must be an exciting race for the UEFA cup spots. However, sky plus viewing figures are down to single figures for games not involving the big four, and FA chief executive Brian Barwick tells the press that he is considering calling it off due to lack of public interest, as they are all so much of a muchness.

David Moyes describes little Timmy Cahill as being his most precious player. Everyone thinks he is a bit creepy.

March
The Champions League restarts, but no-one really cares anymore. Michel Platini explains that everyone has played each other so much recently that it is pointless, before awarding the trophy to his mate Berlusconi.

Robbie Savage is declared public enemy number one, after he tackles Cesc Fabregas. He is sent off for this slight, and banned for the rest of the season. Mark Hughes apologises on the pitch, and orders Brad Friedel to score an own goal. Arsenal win 1-0, but have a pass completion rate of 103%, and are duly awarded another 10 goals by the FA for artistic merit. The Guardian welcomes this new rule, and subsequently goes back through the archives to discover that under this new ruling Arsenal have won every championship since they bought their place in the football league, even when George Graham was boss. The only exception is when Spurs pipped them in 1961. Martin Jol acknowledges that this proves that Spurs play exciting football. Still. Honest. A halo is fitted around the emirates to signify Arsenal’s purity.

West Ham are arrested. Just because they have so many ‘orrible players.

Everton players complain that boss David Moyes is starting to show a different, obsessive side to his personality. He also seems to have no internal monologue anymore.

Derby win all their games this month.

April
There are some showers; there are some fools.

May
The FA decide to have an end of season awards ceremony, instead of the FA cup final (which they cancelled after the big four were knocked out in the quarter finals) presented by Jonathon Ross, and with Javier Mascherano reading some poetry in the interval. Arsenal win the gold star for being pretty, Manu a prize for being exciting, while Liverpool and Chelsea are booed off the stage. These four are all awarded places in the Champions League, although Liverpool are asked to start qualifying last February.

David Moyes has not been seen for the last month, with the only sighting of him behind some rocks in New Zealand. He has taken to going around naked, and with a strange high-pitched voice. He is a shadow of his former self.

Derby win the title. Football eats itself.

Epilogue
In the summer, a major tournament is played for the first time since we bothered to look without a British Isles team in it. It is rubbish. There is no fighting; no useless looking team who manage to get through with passion and commitment; no amusing football songs; no ignorant British journalists who don’t know who Ricardo Quaresmo is; and most importantly, the sheer cynical, monolithic androgyny of it all bores the pants off everyone. The final is cancelled, and everyone decides that they like Rugby better.

Epilogue to the Epilogue

Germany win the 2011 Rugby World Cup.

NFL Week 7 - the Velvet Bear

I sparked a discussion on here a few weeks ago when I compared kicking in the NFL to that in rugby. Opinion seemed to be pretty divided as to whether it was easier to kick on your own, from anywhere on the pitch, with a minute to prepare yourself, or easier to do it NFL style – you line up in front of the posts, but one guys throws the ball back between his legs to a second guy, who stands the ball upright on the ground and holds it whilst you kick it. All within 40 seconds and without you getting the chance to do a Johnny style pose beforehand. And the posts are higher, too.

It is an argument which you can never win. The two styles are too different. The only thing you can say is that, in an indoor arena, it is probably easier to kick in the NFL. But then where does that leave someone kicking in the Millennium Stadium when the roof is closed?

What I can tell you is that, with an eerie sense of timing, the NFL kicking record fell on Sunday, as Rob Bironas of the Tennessee Titans kicked 8 field goals in their 38-36 win over the Houston Texans. The last of these came from the very last kick of the match to win it and break the record.

In truth, the Texans didn't deserve to win, having scored 29 of their points in the final quarter to put themselves back into the match, in a thrilling spell which included a 57 yard touchdown pass by quarterback Sage Rosenfels. I mention this for no reason other than to cram one more silly name into this article.

Elsewhere in the NFL:

● I feel slightly bad about something. I've rather ignored Tom Brady thus far. The problem is that, whilst Brady is a thoroughly nice guy, he plays for the Patriots, who are such an unloveable team it is not true. Frankly, you could send Brady out with a team full of fluffy bunny rabbits, new born babies and kittens and you still couldn't love the Pats. Even so, their form (as I mentioned last week) has been awesome and Brady himself couldn't be playing better. This week he threw six – yes, SIX – touchdowns as the Pats beat the Wembley-bound Dolphins 49-28;

● The Dolphins remain winless and Sunday's big game looks like being something of a walkover as the Giants go 5-2 by thrashing the 49ers. San Fran backup QB Trent Dilfer was sacked 6 times, one of which led to a fumble, a fumble recovery and a touchdown all in one;

● No apologies for making this so prominent. In a game of astonishing offensive ineptness, the Bears stunned the Eagles, their fans, me and probably themselves by going 97 yards on their final drive of the game to win 19-16. In fact, when they started the play at their own three yard line, with less than two minutes on the clock and no timeouts left, I stopped watching;

● Comeback of this year – and possibly any other – is in Oakland, where the Chiefs' Priest Holmes plays his first game since a neck injury threatened to end his career in 2005. He has little impact in a grim match which ends 12-10 to the Chiefs, but it's good to see him back;

● Definitely out for this season are Dolphins QB Trent Green, Safety Renaldo Hill and RB Ronnie Brown. The lengths some people will go to to avoid a trip to London. Renardo Foster of the Falcons joins them in the treatment room for the next few months;

● The Falcons' season keeps getting worse, as star TE Alge Crumpler misses their game against the Saints and latest QB Byron Leftwich is injured in the third quarter. Needless to say, the Saints win 22-16;

● A thriller in Cinci as the Bengals outscore the Jets 38-31, in Denver where a last second field goal gives the Broncos the win over the Steelers by 31-28, and in Washington as the Cardinals, despite dominating the game, miss a 54 yard field goal with the last kick of the game to lose 21-19;

● The Lions are this year's surprise team and they continued their good run against the Bucs. Two Jeff Garcia fumbles led to touchdowns as they go 4-2 with a 23-16 victory;

● Last week the Seahawks' Matt Hasselbeck and several teammates narrowly avoided serious injury when an overhead camera broke away from its cabling and landed on the pitch just behind them. This week they were in little danger of breaking sweat against the Rams as they won 33-6;

● The Colts continued their quiet dominance by beating the Jags 23-7 in Jacksonville, but they are far too boring to write about;

● The bush fires in California force the Steelers to move to Arizona for the forseeable future;

● Good news for Vikings fans as Tavaris Jackson breaks a finger. Oh, hold on, who does that leave you with? Kelly Holcomb and Brooks Bollinger? HAHAHAHAHAHA Good job it's not a season ending injury;

● Latest victim (if you'll forgive the expression) of the NFL clean up campaign is the Rams' Claude Terrell, who is sacked after being accused – accused, not convicted – of assaulting his wife;

● Suspended players Chris Henry and Tank Johnson are cleared to return to practise with their teams, if not to actually play;

● The NFL adds $10m to the fund to provide for retired players who fall on hard times, to equally large cheers and complaints that it is not enough;

● Michael Vick places his house in Atlanta on the market. Well, he won't be needing it for a few years. Hopefully;

● Finally, sad news as Max McGee, who scored the first ever Superbowl touchdown, dies in a fall at the age of 75. Quite what he was doing on the roof at his age is anyone's guess.

Right, I'm off to Wembley...

Mad Boks and Englishmen - premcorrespondent

While all Englishmen and women (well the ones that speak posh) were concentrating on whether a mix of public schoolboys, Rugby League converts and organo-phosphate poisoned farmhands could turn over the descendents of the Voortrekkers (and Percy Montgomery), proper football went ahead as usual... alas.

The lunchtime kick-off resounded to thousands of scousers (and some Liverpool supporters) baying for blood, but only one cry was answered in the affirmative - when Mark Clattenberg, on second thoughts, agreed with Stevie G that Tony Hibbert should get a red card and duly dismissed him. Stevie was soon hooked by Rafa who knows that it's the CL that will make his reputation, not parochial events like the.... Premier League.

While the England man cleared Tesco bags off the bench and settled down to sign photos for Clattenburg, Dirk Kuyt was showing that he could become the new Cantona and Carragher was pulling Lescott down on to his prone body like an aspirant porn star. Everton 1 Liverpool 2 and David Moyes minus 30 grand, once the FA blazers get round to a hearing. The Merseyside teams are now 11th and fourth respectively, which is where they are likely to finish. The Premier League have kindly given Clattenberg next weekend off so he can reacquaint himself with the rule book.

The six three o'clock games (a generous quota these days) saw Arsenal continue their season of wonder goals with a 2-0 win over a Bolton side bereft of the managerial influence of Sammy Lee (yes, there was no difference). Chelsea cruised to a 2-0 win at the Riverside over long term residents of "The Best League in the World" Middlesborough. Elano continued his quest to wrest the Footballer of the Year award away from little Cesc with another virtuoso display for Citeh as they ran out 1-0 winners over Mrs Doubtfire's Birmingham.

Sven's success in England and overseas gives him the kind of CV the FA will be looking for to replace Steve McClaren... or maybe not. The other three matches brought Portsmouth more points with a 0-2 win at Wigan, Fulham draw nil-nil with Derby in a game that won't have pleased Frankie Howerd lookalike Laurie Sanchez and Tugay (see above) leading his mob to victory over the Royals, as Blackburn ran out 4-2 winners over Reading.

On a channel nobody can watch except if you're at the pub, Manchester United defeated Aston Villa 1-4 without the help of Ronaldo, but with plenty of assistance from Rob "Hey, Look at Me!" Styles, who secured his usual quantum of camera-time by giving penalties and red cards to the Villa.

Roy Keane had squeezed out a very scary beard in the international break, but the face furniture (and all the talk of Black Cats - where did that come from?) didn't bring any luck, as West Ham were flattered by a 3-1 scoreline.

Champions League 2009 non-contenders Tottenham Coldspurs rounded out the weekend's fixtures with a 3-1 defeat at Big Sam's Newcastle. Martin Jol was doing his head slightly tilted back Mussolini look, but he'll be hanging from a lamp-post soon (metaphorically, I think).

And that's it, with just a Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday of European matches to keep us going before the weekend's matches kick off. Enjoy Friday!

NFL Week 6 - the Velvet Bear

I was struggling for a theme for this week’s missive, but then someone (no names, no pack drill) very kindly used the phrase ‘thuggery versus skill’ elsewhere on this site and gave me a neat tie in to events on and off the field over the past week.

Those of you who have been reading since my first article will know that the NFL is trying desperately to clean up its act following a rather large number of player misdemeanours. That extends not only to acts off the field, but acts on them as well. Players are now routinely fined for going beyond the bounds of what the NFL decides is fair and reasonable. This week alone:

· Mike Vrabel was fined $5000 for the tackle which I referred to last week;

· Kyle Van Den Bosch of the Titans is $7500 lighter after a low tackle on Falcons’ QB Joey Harrington;

· Maurice Jones-Drew of the Jaguars needed a real cash machine after picking up a similar fine for a touchdown celebration where he pretended the goalposts were a cash machine – yes, in the NFL you can now be fined for over-celebrating, although Jones-Drew has been so poor this year I reckon the fine was $500 for what he did and $7000 for having the nerve to draw attention to himself after being such a useless waste of space for the first five weeks.

Basically, in the modern NFL, anything which looks a bit bad on television is going to cost you. It generally takes a week or two for the fines to filter through, but it is a safe bet that anyone who was pulled up for a horsecollar (a tackle around the neck) or facemask this week won’t be spending too much money for another seven days. Given that all of the protective equipment prevents some of the sneakier pieces of foul play you find in other games – it is hard to eye gouge through a helmet – picking up the offenders isn’t the hardest job in the world and indeed you wonder why the league didn’t get tougher before now.

On the other hand, it is all a question of proportion. Is tacking someone high, or late, really only worth as big a fine as using the goalposts as a celebration prop? Surely not. In the examples given above, either Jones-Drew was hard done by, or the other two got off very lightly.

The week’s other news
Tom Brady throws a career-best 5 touchdown passes – two of them to the littlest and least well known of their formidable receiving quartet, Wes Welker – as the Pats destroy the Cowboys 48-27. In doing so, he sets a new record as the first QB to throw three touchdowns in six consecutive matches. There is some talk among pundits that the spying affair has so galvanised this team that they will be hard to beat; in truth, they are simply enjoying having every player fit and on the top of his form. Whilst it is very hard to see anyone beating them at the moment, you get the feeling that it only takes one or two of them to have an off day and the wheels will come off in spectacular fashion;

The Chiefs beat the Bengals 27-20; Chiefs tight end Tony Gonzalez scores two of their touchdowns to break the record for the most touchdowns by a tight end in NFL history;
Vinny Testaverde (aged 753) extends his own record for the number of consecutive seasons with a touchdown pass to 21 as he leads his new team the Carolina Panthers to a 25-10 victory over the Arizona Cardinals;

Testaverde is a mere stripling compared to 59 year old Mike Flynt, who became the oldest college football player in history on Friday night;

The Rams’ dire season continues as they crash 22-3 at the Ravens;

Over in Jacksonville, the Jaguars beat the Texans 37-17. That man Jones-Drew runs in a touchdown and then bows to the crowd, who hail him for the prize idiot he clearly is;

In the battle of the Adrian Petersons, it is the Viking of that name who comes out on top, going in for three touchdowns against the Bears (and his namesake) and leading Minnesota to a surprise 34-31 victory;

A 43 yard field goal with just 11 seconds remaining gives the Buccaneers a 13-10 victory over the Titans in a game so awful the only thing you could say is that neither side deserved to win;
The Packers beat the Redskins 17-14 and it is another record for Old Man Favre. He might not want this one, though – he has now been intercepted more often than any other QB;

Anthony Hargrove of the Bills will be ordering extra toilet paper after pleading guilty to disorderly conduct, drawing a $300 dollar fine from the court and a the prospect of an uncomfortable meeting with arch-disciplinarian Roger Goodall;

Goodall is also due to hear Tank Johnson’s application to resume playing any day now and is – rumour has it – likely to say ‘yes’ for once in his life;

And continuing the Goodall theme, he has also hinted that, one day, the Superbowl may be played outside the USA – meaning London;

The Cardinal’s QB problems continue as Kurt Warner picks up an elbow injury, leaving only Tim Rattay available. They’ve signed Tim Hasselbeck as back up to him, which means they now have none of the quarterbacks they had six weeks ago. Hasselbeck is the less talented brother of the Seahawks’ Matt, which makes him about ¼ the talent of Eli Manning, or 1/8th of a full Peyton…

Finally, good news of Kevin Everett, who is now walking again with the aid of a special frame, but sad news of Cowboys legend Ron Spring, who is in a coma after a kidney transplant (donated by a former team-mate) failed.

NFL week 5 – the Velvet Bear

I hadn't intended to catch the Cowboys/Bills game this week. The team with the most points in the NFL in opposition to the side with the worst defense anywhere didn't exactly look mouthwatering, unless you are the sort of person who likes watching Bambi's mother get shot (or unless you support Leicestershire at cricket, in which case why would you want to suffer twice?).

Fortunately, a slightly complicated sequence of events, where nothing worked out quite as I intended it to, meant that I ended up seeing the game anyway. I'm really glad that I did. Forget the fact that the Cowboys won 25-24. Forget the fact that they did so with a 53 yard field goal in the final second*. Forget, even, that along the way Tony Romo, imperious this season, threw no fewer than five interceptions. To me, it was what the Bills did in the first quarter that was special.

First of all, we had two exceptional pieces of skill from Bills punter Brian Moorman. Now, punters really are the runts of any NFL team. Their sole role in the team is to come onto the pitch when their team's offense has failed to move the ball the requisite 10 yards in the first 3 downs.

They are then expected to hoof the ball as high and as far as they can, hopefully landing it somewhere inside the final 10 metres of the opposition half. That's it. Maybe they get to make the occasional tackle if their opponents catch the punt and manage to run it back far enough. Very very occasionally they get to take a long range kick at goal. It is a job which lacks glamour, thanks and – in NFL terms – money.

In this game, the Bills received the ball from the kick-off. They ground to a halt well inside their own half after 3 plays and so Moorman was sent for, with the side still 4 yards short of a first down.

The ball was snapped back. Moorman caught it. And ran and ran. For a full 10 yards. It doesn't sound much, but for someone to do something like that on the fourth play of a match takes real guts. If he hadn't made the first four yards, Moorman would have handed the Cowboys the ball deep in his own half. Because remember, those 10 yards are measured from where the ball started, not where Moorman started, which was a good 20-25 yards from where the ball was snapped to him.

The surprise of that move didn't unsettle the Cowboys too much and, although Moorman had given his side another four downs, they failed to make any real headway with the first three and so he was very quickly back on the field again. This time he did punt the ball in the normal way, this time from just inside the Dallas half (or at least the ball was just inside the Dallas half, see above).

With accuracy astonishing even at this level, Moorman landed the ball just two yards from the Dallas goal line. Which meant Dallas had to play from practically on their own line and the pressure was enough for Romo to throw his first interception of the evening – one which was run straight back at him for a touchdown to the Bills.

Even more remarkable was what happened the next time Dallas had the ball. Romo threw another interception. Moreover, their offensive team looked completely rattled by a defence reaching legendary levels of uselessness. It took a little while to work out why. To understand, you need to understand the 'line of scrimmage'.

The line of scrimmage is the point where the two teams face one another. On one side you have the offensive line and on the other the defensive. The offensive line will almost always have 5 players in it, sometimes even more. The defensive line can have anywhere between 3 and 7 players in it, depending upon what the offense does. The players crouch down like sprinters in the 'set' position, with either one or two hands on the ground.

What the Bills were doing was putting anything up to 7 players on the line, but only one of them was going into the 'set' position; the rest of them were standing like – to continue the athletics analogy – the way middle distance runners do when they start a race. Not only was this perfectly legal, it was confusing the hell out of the Cowboys, who didn't seem to have a clue what was going on. It is one of those tactics that probably isn't going to work more than once, but full credit to whoever came up with it.

In the rest of the NFL:
Two seasons ago, the Steelers and the Seahawks contested the Superbowl. Last season the Seahawks suffered badly from the strange phenomena whereby the losing Superbowl side suffers a spate of injuries which ruins their season. The Seahawks seem to have managed to get that to carry over to this season, but even that can't excuse being shut out by a Steelers side who still look pretty average;

In a sad postscript to the above, Seahawks fullback Mack Strong announced that he had a serious spinal condition and that his career was over, although thankfully his quality of life is not affected;

The Patriot's Tom Brady tied an NFL record by throwing three touchdowns for the fifth consecutive game as the Pats destroyed the Browns 34-17. The most interesting thing about this game was an after game spat between Eric Steinbach of the Browns and the Pats' Mike Vrabel over a late hit towards the end of the game. Steinbach called Vrabel 'classless' which, frankly, is like Victoria Beckham calling another Spice Girl 'talentless'. NFL players are picked for many things, but being classy isn't one of them;

The Cardinals eked out a win over St Louis by 34-31, but in doing so lost QB Matt Leinhart for the season with a broken collarbone;

More heartache for Miami as the Dolphins slump to 0-5 by virtue of a 22-18 loss to the Texans. More importantly, they also lost QB Trent Green with grade 3 concussion – the most severe – when he tried to make a block on Houston tackle Travis Johnson. He will miss at least one game and probably more;

In fact, injuries are really beginning to take their toll in the NFL this season. The determining factor seems to be which team manages to cope best without a large number of stars. High up this list will be the Colts, who shook off losing 5 starters to beat Tampa Bay 33-14. The Bucs in turn will lose RB Michael Pittman for at least 6 weeks with an ankle injury;

Over in Carolina, QB Jake Delhomme is out for the season with an elbow injury, but they just manage to edge out the Saints 16-13;

Painfully, the Broncos lose starting center Tom Naylen with a torn bicep. Even more painfully, they put up their worst performance for almost 30 years in losing 34-3 at home to the Steelers, who barely even bother to break sweat in the final quarter;

In Wisconsin, a genuine “Star me, how did that happen?” moment as the Bears, led by Brian Griese, beat the Packers 27-20 to claim bragging rights in one of the NFL's oldest rivalries;
Things can't even go right for the Vikings on a week off, as Tavaris Jackson announces that he will be fit for this weekend's game. I thought they just shot lame donkeys?

*The equivalent of Jonny Wilkinson kicking a penalty from inside his own half to beat the French with the last kick of the match this Saturday. Except I won't complain if he does.