Sorry for the slow reporting - I felt that I couldn't truly tell the tale of the weekend's action without placing it in the full context of tonight's Johnstone's Paint Trophy results.
And truly this added colour and has been worth waiting for.
White-washing seems all the rage, not only were Yeovil beaten 1-0 by Swansea, but West Ham rinsed Derby 5-0. Derby have been taken to the cleaners so often this season it's hard to work out what colour their strip was originally - but it's faded to white now.
Eight of the Premier League's sides took up the Daz Challenge - all keeping spotlessly clean sheets. West Ham, Liverpool, Bolton, Boro, Man U, Pompey, City, and Spurs all made sure their bed linen was in a fit state to receive a special friend.
Bolton and Middlesbrough both seemed too intent on impressing the ladies with their domesticity to actually bother with scoring in the first place. And unless you have some potency up front and the wherewithal to use it, all the bleached bedclothes in the world will get you about as far as an agoraphobic tortoise in a pool of treacle.
The second double-oh of the weekend was one where the only licence to thrill belonged to young City keeper Joe Hart. An impressive display from the England under-21 stopper meant Harry Redknapp's language turned as blue as his player's kits as Pompey were held to a draw on the south coast.
Juande Ramos' time in charge of Spurs has seen the Lillywhites record three clean sheets in his four matches, which is verging on obsessive-compulsive. This weekend saw the North Londoners continue in their quest to throw off their reputation as the league's worst dog-walkers as they resolutely held on to their lead against Wigan to climb out of the top flight's bottom reaches.
The reds halves of Manchester and Liverpool were the remaining domestic goddesses, both winning 2-0 at home to Blackburn and Fulham respectively.
Liverpool's and Fulham's neighbours locked horns at Stamford Bridge - but neither could protect their unblemished bed-wear or score more than once in 90 minutes. Everton and Chelsea's Uefa Cup decider ended 1-1. How things have changed at Stamford Bridge since Jose left - now there was a man who knew his grooming, just 61 conceded in his three full seasons in charge finishing each year with the best defence.
Arsenal strolled past Reading with a 3-1 win, seeing them finish the weekend's fixtures at the top of the pile and responsible for the most dirty laundry - they have scored in every league game this season.
In the North-East and the Midlands local rivals renewed their acquaintances after a trial separation enforced by relegation. Sunderland drew 1-1 with Newcastle, while Birmingham lost 2-1 at home to Aston Villa. These games were ruined by one hack's inability to think of fresh paint analogies mangle more bedlinen metaphors.