Saturday, August 18, 2007

Sugar, Spice and No More Than Three Seconds - by Zephirine and Mimitig

To most people, the Baggy Green is the headgear proudly worn by the Australian cricket team. For others, the phrase has an altogether different connotation.

Some of us had to do our games lessons at school wearing skirts - short skimpy skirts, designed to reveal the podgy thighs characteristic of the adolescent British female - and under the skirts would be special knickers. Worn over the normal knickers, you understand, to provide an extra layer of modesty. They were more than the big pants of Bridget Jones fame: they were huge, baggy pants, and depending on your school uniform they might be navy, grey, or… dark green. One of us can never hear that Australian expression without a quiet smirk.

But worse, far worse than having to wear this combination of skimp and bag on a cold winter’s day while the teacher was warmly wrapped in her tracksuit, was having to play netball.

Research (well, one click on Wikipedia actually) informs us that netball, having been originally invented as a form of basketball specifically for women, is now “the pre-eminent women's team sport in Australia and New Zealand and is popular in Jamaica, Barbados, South Africa, Sri Lanka, and the United Kingdom”. Your correspondents find this hard to believe.

Based on personal experience, we maintain that netball is a stultifying distortion of everything that a ball game ought to be.

Think about this: when playing netball, you are not allowed to run with the ball. Or walk. Or move more than one step. Imagine a sport where, as soon as you get possession of the ball, you have to STAND STILL. That’s fun, isn’t it? Exciting? Dynamic? Not.

But you can’t stand still with the ball for more than three seconds. Got that? Can’t bounce the ball to keep possession, either.

You have to pass to somebody else. Aha. This is where we begin to see the hidden agenda of this ghastly game. Girlies must be made to share nicely. Girlies are not allowed to keep the ball and make a spectacular run down the court culminating in a flamboyant slam-dunk like the nasty boys do.

Only two players per team are allowed to shoot. So that’s great for the rest, eh? The star girlies who are the pets of the games teacher, they get to shoot, and everyone else has to be their little slaves and pass the ball to them so they can look good. And each player is only allowed in certain areas of the court. Girlies must remember their place and stay in it.

And, naturally, physical contact of any kind is strictly forbidden. Because girlies can’t push and shove, now can they? Girlies might hurt their delicate selves. And if you should chance to hamper another player just a tiny bit, or even come within touching distance of her, she gets a free pass and you have to stand beside her and do nothing. That’ll teach you: nice girlies don’t play rough.

Zeph, who in those days was a bespectacled child who would rather have been reading a book anyway, recalls being bemused, in her baggy green knickers, by a so-called sport in which so many sporting skills were not allowed. “I remember the constant whistle-blowing from that games mistress with the strange frizzy hair, halting the game every time it threatened to get going - some infringement of the rules could be guaranteed to occur every two minutes or so. And the tall, rather boyish girl in the class who got on so well with the games mistress would somehow always come out ahead and get to score lots of goals.”

Mimitig, who was a teenage athletic star (her knickers were navy) remembers: “It’s cold, it’s wet, it’s winter. Games. That’s fine, obviously – we’ll run out onto to the field and play hockey. No, no – it’s time for netball. Oh the horror. First off it’s the picking of the team. Seven girls to each side, and I have to wait until the end to hear my name called. Me: Captain of the Under-15s (hockey), playing tennis for the Under-16s and swimming for my county – but I can’t get picked in a playground for netball. No wonder I hated it.” For Mimi, too, the sport is forever associated with the boys from the nearby school who would climb the fence to watch the girls playing netball. “We got cold, even colder on that little playground. It was desperate as the boys watched our knickers and we watched the favoured girls score goals.”

And yet, this restricted, artificial, frustrating game is ‘the pre-eminent women's team sport in Australia and New Zealand’. What’s wrong with Southern Hemisphere females? Why don’t they follow the fine traditions of their countries and play cricket or tennis? And it’s ‘popular in Jamaica, Barbados, South Africa, Sri Lanka, and the United Kingdom’. Well, it certainly isn’t popular with us two inhabitants of the UK, or anyone we know. And surely, surely if you live in Barbados there are better things to do than catch a ball and stand still for not more than three seconds before you pass it on, making sure that you’re in the right section of the court and not within touching distance of any other player? Wouldn’t a nice swim be preferable? Or a bit of beach volleyball?

So let’s hear from these many women who apparently think netball is a great game. Are you out there? Are you readers of Pseuds? Come on, convince us. Tell us what’s so great about it. Persuade us that the time spent freezing in those baggy knickers wasn’t totally wasted, for to be sure we will never have that time again.

452 comments:

1 – 200 of 452   Newer›   Newest»
munni said...

I don't think I remember ever actually playing. Mostly I spent a lot of time sitting in the school nurse's office getting nosebleeds mopped up.

nestella said...

It is true that netball is the biggest female sport in Australia. It is the only girl's sport with a professional league and it is shown on free to air telly. The girls play to packed arenas most matches. The best players are household names and earn a living from the sport.

The grand final is played next weekend between the Sydney Swifts (my girls) and the Adelaide Thunderbirds (Lev's girls).

Your description of the game in England in the 1950's had me shivering. Imagination escaped my control and the thought of chubby cellulite pocked translucent thighs turned my stomach.

You're writing also moved me to feel a great compassion for the pubescent lads and the poverty of stimulus for their adolescent sexual fantasies. It reminded me of how lucky I was to grow up ten minutes from Tamarama Beach.

Netball in Australia is almost a contact sport. There are broken noses and facial fractures. Knee injuries are commonplace. Elbows are strategic weapons and there is plenty of sledging.

It is a flowing, colorful and skilful team sport that is played at incredible speed and intensity by athletic tanned amazons in body hugging lycra.

What's not to like about that!?

Australia and New Zealand have an intense rivalry and Test series between these nations are often as brutal as Blediscoe Cup encounters. There has been the occasional melee or two and let me tell you, the girls don't hold back. However, the hardest and most aggressive team are the Trenchtown girls from Jamaica.

Watching Australia's captain Liz Ellis tussle with the giant Kiwi goalshooter Amy Van Dyke is to witness a true one on one elite sporting epic. It's netball's version of Ali-Frasier.

Who would of thought that with so little positive coverage of women's sport that the two culprits denigrating it would be the pseuds suffragettes, mimi and zeph. The sisters are not be amused.

Enjoyed the article. Obloquial and autobiographical with just a tinge of green green envy. Thanks.

Zephirine said...

Munni: are you a female Pseud? I hadn't realised, hooray, that may actually mean the number of active Pseudettes can be counted on the fingers of more than one hand.

Nesta: the 1950s???? I'm one of the maturer Pseuds but not that mature, thanks very much. And judging by Mimi's music choices she's younger than me.

Great to learn that the game is so good in Australia, but it sounds as if that's been achieved by largely ignoring the prohibitions against physical contact, had Mimi and I been allowed to do that in our respective schools we could have settled a few scores and had a lot more fun.

pastagobbler said...

Many a year ago, possibly on a day too cold to actually play, actually that's unlikely, more likely the boys were playing hockey on the astro because the grass was mud, I got to watch a video of an international match, and mainly what I remember other than the fact that we got to sit in a warm classroom was that they got to play indoors.

Obviously there is a level that you have to reach in the popularity stakes that leads to playing in the dry, a level never to be reached by 99% of girls in the UK.

Easter term was the worst for games if you were a girl. Not only was is cold and wet and praying to be on a sheltered court, unlikely teachers prefered the ones in the center. You were in a skirt trying to stretch your socks over your knees in vain hope of keeping out the sleet. Then the elastic would go and you'd be left with them baggy round your ankles being whipped to shreds by the wind and sand off the court. Then you'd probably end up with water all over your glasses unable to see and being bashed over the head by one of the tall popular girls, or sent running to fetch the ball when you missed it and it went for 6 to the other end of the astro.

Eurgh, horrible days, no wonder I gave up netball as soon as possible, and took up sculling. Cold, yes but you could wear leggings and gillets and hats and best of all poogies...
and no 'popular' girls telling you to run faster for the ball, just you, the elements, your boat and occasionally a coach.

Even the thought of rain wasn't too bad, rain bought with it flat water and clearing of the river of larger craft. Plus once your wet in a boat your wet and there was nothing you could do about until you got back to school (20 min bike ride) so what was the point in complaining.

Especially out in a scull on your own rain is beautiful, the hiss as it enters the water so peaceful and inspiring.

I would never swop back the lush greeness of a river bank for woolly knickers.

mimi said...

Zeph: absolutely. Not thrilled to be tagged as a teenager in the 1950s!
As Pastagobbler points out, the English climate and the fact netball was never a summer sport had a lot to do with my distaste for playing it. Perhaps playing indoors or in glorious sunshine would have changed my view, and contact would certainly have raised the fun factor!

Zephirine said...

Exactly. If it could be played indoors or even - heretical thought - in the summer, netball could be an acceptable choice.

Though I would still ask, as we all did at school, "why can't we play basketball?"

pastagobbler said...

Nestella:
I'd like to see you or any Austrialian out there on a hard court in an English Febuary in a skirt and an airtex shirt!
Lets see how long you'd last....

munni said...

Zeph, you didn't know I'm a girl? That's quite funny.

Zephirine said...

Munni, no, I'm sorry, I think I was merely aware of you as an elegant presence of no specific gender :)

Zephirine said...

Talking of Pseudettes, anyone know how Fishcake got on in her exams?

mimi said...

munni - so sorry but I hadn't realised you were a girl either.
Is Nestella a girl - can't think she really knows the agony of being out on one of those courts in Feb in only a jumper - that you're not actually allowed to wear. Must go with Pastagobbler here - wear a skirt and horrid little short-sleeved aertex T shirt in the middle of F***ing winter before you tell us how easy it is to play in sunlight and fun.

file said...

I'm sitting here in nowt but baggy green knickers in solidarity with my oppressed sisters, typing with a clenched fist

great piece Zeph and Mims, and a great thread to follow, thanks Nestella and pastagobbler (I thought Pastagobbler was Fishcakes! These double/treble pseuds are doing me head in!)

can only sympathize, for a short time I went to school in Sweden and there (xx years ago) girls and boys played mixed football and volleyball together and nobody had to wear any special grade of underwear, clearly the moral education of the Swedes is dangerously loose eh?

it wasn't just the girls that suffered in the English school system, sociopathic games teachers seem to be a national treasure, I remember being made to face the barn (we had an old barn for the indoor sports for the summer!) for whole lessons for some trumped up charge of smoking while playing left back

the whole class had to stand facing the barn when somebody had the affront to nick the teachers whistle and wouldn't own up, FOR 3 WEEKS!, surprisingly none of that group went on to achieve anything in sports (unless you count forging sick notes as a sport?)

still, like Zeph and the Mimi, we all turned out well disciplined and respectful of authority, hah!

sarahjane1912 said...

I went to an Australian all-girls school where participation in sport, in all its forms, was encouraged, nay, required!

Moreover, despite my very real lack of hand-eye coordination, I was forced to play hockey, cricket, netball, tennis, and the rest. Oh WHY could the powers that be not recognise that I was an observer, not a 'doer'?

That said, and despite my feet being firmly locked in the 'H' netball team [can you imagine a school where even the 'Hs' were required to participate in inter-school competition?] I agree wholeheartedly with nestella's assessment of netball in my home country. What's more, by the time I was in university, and my hand-eye coordination had righted itself to an extent, I threw myself into netball with abandon, fervour and delight.

Netball is a fantastic game and while we may have had our tunic length measured at school [to check they were the requisite length so as not to affect our modesty], by the time I reached the 'big leagues' of inter-varsity competition, all bets were off. Nails were short by necessity, but that didn't stop wholesale violence from gouging to broken fingers to tripping, from spicing up the game.

That's not to say that violence was our driving motivation. Far from it. Netball is fast, action-packed, skill-based and just incredibly exciting to play, and watch. Stranded in the Old Dart as I am now, I have to say I even miss watching the good ol' ABC's netball coverage, and I remember, with a giggle, the time coverage during an incredibly tight match was broken for another program. Complaints to the station numbered in their MANY hundreds; let's just say they never wanted to raise the hackles of netball fans again in the future!

I did enjoy the article but am a little sad that such a fantastic sport doesn't have a greater following here, and that the experience of the authors was so dire. Women's sport has a hard enough battle being recognised, too, with the lion's share of detractors dismissing it as a waste of time, without women themselves jumping on the bandwagon.

So here's to netball: long may it reign. As for myself, I have my OWN fond memories of the 'baggy green' of netball knickers. When WE played netball [and I'm harking back to a period 20 years gone!] we wore yellow tunics adorned with the school crest, underwhich were white cotton shirts [not knit material, but actual school shirt material] with cotton 'bloomers' over our school-approved underwear! How's THAT for a lasting memory? I COULD shudder, but in the end, I laugh. It was such a great game to play.

Keep up the good work.

nestella said...

Sisters,

Going through labour 4 times is agony. Although not as hard as what comes after. Standing on a cold court unenthused and resentful is only a minor inconvenience.

I'm hurt that just because my ovaries are swinging free that you would question my feminity.

I'm off to find a hanky and a strong broad shoulder to cry on.

tonyellis said...

Thanks for that, ladies, I really enjoyed reading it. I know what you mean about the frustration: our basketball squad used to play the girls at the end of term and just about everything we did was a foul. Even worse, they wouldn't allow us to wear the same kit. We relaxed afterwards with a nice game of murderball...

Zephirine said...

Thanks for your comment, SarahJane. Clearly the game as played on the other side of the world is something quite different from the one we were taught, where all possible enjoyment was taken out by the combination of teaching and weather, and there was no chance of a good scrap.

Odd that two correspondents have interpreted our piece as denigrating women's sports, though. Zeph may have been crap at games and preferred to watch some good-looking boys play cricket, but Mimi was a high-achieving hockey player, tennis player and swimmer. The way sport is taught in girls' schools has long made it unattractive to many women - TonyEllis highlights the difference - and that's what we intended to satirise in our light-hearted piece.

File, we share your pain. Such persecution for the trivial offence of smoking at left back!

File

Zephirine said...

(The extra 'file' on the end there is a typo and does not indicate that File is actually Zephirine. That would be just too mind-blowing to contemplate.)

levremance said...

Netball update...Sydney Swifts beat Melbourne Phoenix 45 to 37 in the last NNL GF in Sydney today.
Melbourne goal attack McMahon copped a whack in the face in a spiteful incident in what has been described as a 'fiery clash'.

All the finals were held in Sydney this year to the befuddlement of the rest of Australia. A trans-Tasman super league starts next April to replace the NNL.

tigga said...

It certainly is odd that ONLY 2 people have commented on the fact that it is women who are belittling netball.

It's the only athletic team sport I can think of that is exclusive to us. The officials and players are 99% women. We run the show. Is it not the only sport that women can truly claim as their own? The knowledge that girls in Australia get paid to play is fantastic. Wow Australia must be a progressive country.

All other sports we play are men's sports that girls are encouraged to participate in. They all begin with the subordinate prefix 'women's'. As in women's cricket, women's cycling, women's football.

I found the story mildly amusing but really how can you say that you aren't denigrating women's sport? I'm going to email this to some of my friends. They will be just as appalled as I was that 2 women wrote something as condescending and patronising as this.

It's already hard enough getting our men to take us seriously where sport is concerned. Spending hundreds of words stating how rubbish netball is doesn't help.

The reason I saw this article is because my boyfriend read it. He is of the opinion that only men's sport is worthy of anyone's attention. He showed it to me to prove his point. It spoiled my Sunday. Thanks.

file said...

Tigga,

that's a nice introduction to your bad girl self then

you seem to have understood the grammar and syntax quite competently tho I wonder if you are having a little difficulty with the concept of humour?

(there is hope, at least you noticed it was there, did your pseudfriend point it out?)

how can you judge 2 womens personal experience of badly taught sports? Were you there too? Maybe you were their games teacher and feel the need to defend this style of instruction...

you have a very good point that most sports including women include the prefix - women's, but it gets lost in your confused spittle

tonyellis said...

tigga - How easily you are appalled! I thought it was fairly obvious that this was a light-hearted memoir of school days, rather than an attack on women's sport. As for patronising and condescending, the writers seem to suggest that these aspects are built into the rules. Perhaps you ought to work on your boyfriend, rather than Zeph and Mimi. If ruining your Sunday is so easily achieved, I hope you don't allow newspapers into your house...

Zephirine said...

Tigga, this was entirely intended as a light-hearted piece, and as I've already said it was satirising poor teaching as much as the sport itself.

However, we do also make the point that many of the rules we personally found annoying about netball exist because it was designed as a sport for women, at a time when women were considered unable to play any active or speedy game.

It was invented as 'women's basketball' and was referred to as such for many years after it was first introduced.

Modern women have developed the game and made it more exciting by a less literal interpretation of the rules than was imposed on us at school, and good for them.

Your boyfriend's opinions seem a bit, erm, extreme, but at least he reads Pseudscorner which can only be a good thing :)

nesta said...

Apologies if I have ventured into dangerous waters but do you think poor tig may be at the end of her lunar cycle?

Zephirine said...

Not dangerous waters Nesta, just inappropriate.

nesta said...

So it is as clear as a harmonic played through a Vox AC30 on eleven, I would like it known that my post which first accused our lovely suffragettes of a crime against their sex was written with tongue firmly in cheek. As was the 1950s jibe and all the other non-factual stuff. I'll attempt to be more obvious next time I inhabit my bitchy feminine side.

A friend informs that they have a name in Oz for those big knickers, bloomers. She wore the navy blue variety and burnt them with her books after final exams.

Since my comment on Tigga is inappropriate, I urge the Lord of Pseuds to delete it forthwith.

file said...

not quite sure how Nesta, but you seem to have dug a bit of a hole for yourself in these dangerous waters

I think it's good for hairy-arsed blokes to get in touch with their feminine sides

sarahjane1912 said...

Thanks for the feedback, Zeph. I hope that my small barb vis-a-vis your piece being 'down' on women's sports didn't come across too harshly, as it certainly wasn't meant in that way.

I think, however, that it wasn't entirely clear that this was a diatribe with regards to the teaching methods of games mistresses, and not simply a netball beat-up, especially since you conclude your piece with an exhortation for women to make the case FOR netball, rather than discuss what their sporting teachers were like when THEY were at school ...

But heigh-ho. Since you've pointed that out, of course, I take your [very] valid points!


PS. nesta, did you read my comment ? I gave chapter and verse on 'bloomers' there ! Grrr [with a giggle chaser] ...

Zephirine said...

SarahJane, great to have you here on the site, we did indeed ask for women to tell us why they think netball's great and we've had a response!

Of course you can just make fun of the rules of any sport and that's what we did, though I still think the original rules of netball, as we were taught them, reflect its invention in c1901 and the attitudes to women of those times.

Sadly, where netball's concerned Mimi and I are just two scarred human beings....

sarahjane1912 said...

A pleasure to be here, Zeph. I was left a trail of crumbs by a new dear friend, and hope to stop by with some frequency in the future.

mimi said...

Thanks for all your comments, and tony, file and pasta for seeing that we were writing about our personal school experiences. I was prepared to give any sport a go - and in all bar netball ended up at the least representing my school, and in a couple of sports, my county. For me to have such an aversion to netball is very much due to the rules imposed upon us. After all, I never cared about the weather for hockey, and would train in an unheated swimming-pool even when it was so cold I had to have a note from my parents allowing me to freeze. I enjoyed it, you see.
It's good that Sarah and Tigga have such different feelings for the sport though I'm sorry Zeph and I ruined Tigga's day. We asked for positive responses - just a shame we've been perceived as denigrating women's sport.

sarahjane1912 said...

One other small comment for pastagobbler:

I'm not sure I would've been crazy about playing netball in an English February, but may I just add that I used to play the game in Armidale back in Oz?

Winters there are extremely are cold and bracing, with overnight temperatures often dropping below minus 5 degrees with a thick white frost on the ground, and occasionally as low as minus 10 degrees. These cold frosty mornings are usually followed by sunny days, but the wind chill factor lops a good five degrees off the temp. Ohmygoodness, it gets cold there! If memory serves, it was my first introduction to chilblains!

These are true New England winter days with biting westerly winds, bleak grey clouds, and showers of rain, sleet, and occasionally snow, but we played netball throughout, and we survived!

nesta said...

I did read your post sarahjane and I enjoyed it. I may have missed your description of bloomers because I was reminiscing and fondly remembering my first girlfriend with curves. She wore the exact same uniform every Wednesday after lunch. Please forgive my oversight, it's not always easy for a bloke to keep concentration when the topic is cotton knickers.

File, I was rescued by a passing submarine. It's lime green and emblazoned in red spray-painted letters is the word Eros. It's full of people having a party and wearing their underwear as hats.

Let's kick a few facts from the site of the Netball World Body.

Netball originated from a basketball skill drill of the 1890s.

It was introduced to the UK by an American working at Luton Teachers College.

The first baskets were baskets. Open only at the top. When a goal was scored the ref had to climb a ladder and retrieve it.

Throughout the Commonwealth two million girls are registered players.

Oh gotta go, a lovely lass in floral nylon headgear has asked me to dance.

Emma said...

I was always really shit at netball. On my first PE lesson in year 7, I ran with the ball, went into areas that Wing Defence wasn't permitted to go into, and basically couldn't catch or throw. My stupid bitch of a PE teacher asked for my name, and said "I won't forget you easily." (Which was funny, because for the next 4 years of my life she got my confused with 2 of my other Chinese friends. Bitch.)

Then there's the uniform. We don't have what you described any more, but it was still quite bad, a pleated grey skirt with cycle shorts underneath. And green (the uniform colour) polo T-shirt, which always seemed to accentuate the unflattering bits.

But over the years, as I gained hand eye co-ordination, I started to like netball. I was never good enough to make the school team and I've gone through 2 pairs of glasses through netball-related injuries, but when netball's at it's highest point, fast, lively, with lots of throwing, catching, attacking and counter-attacking, I did find it fun.

We did happen to start playing basketball this year, which was more fun in my opinion, though I got a bit carried away and kept fouling everyone. But still.

Emma said...

Aw, Zeph, thanks for remembering me!

I did quite well... I got all As, although my As for Physics and Economics were scrapes (10 marks less and they would have been Bs). But I'm happier now than I had been all Summer, when I'd been dreading results day, and now I can start thinking Universities.

Zephirine said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Zephirine said...

[Previous post removed because Emma just answered my question]

Go Fishcake!! Congratulations!! Scrape or not, an A is an A.

Well done, now you can plan three years of being Another Bloody Student:)

Zephirine said...

And thanks for the netball reminiscences... games teachers eh? Why are they like that?

munni said...

I interpreted the article as denigrating of the way that women's sport is by default placed on unequal footing to men's - interesting that some readers found it denigrating to women's sport itself.

Mimi, Zeph, not offended, just surprised as I'd assumed my femaleness was obvious. Also, I doubt anyone who knows me in real life would believe that I could be mistaken for an "elegant presence", although I quite like that description.

Zephirine said...

I think some readers were stirring up arguments for their own amusement, Munni.

The joy of online conversation is that others have no idea what you're like in 'real' life, but sometimes it is a surprise when they miss something you thought must be obvious! Anyway now we know you are a Ms.

munni said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
DoctorShoot said...

Zeph and Mimi
loved the piece for it's lighthearted stabs at school curriculum philosophy and the consequences of forcing square girls into factory prepared round holes...

I played netball in mixed comp whilst at uni, expecting my 6foot 5inch footballing frame to get me through but was constantly outfoxed and out manouvred by speedy females who could pass quicker than a flash and could throw the ball at you so hard it hurt...

in the end when I had to drop the goalie with an elbow to the ribs (standard football practice) they banned me!!

nonetheless I found the game to be fast and difficult and requiring sixth sense communication with others on the team...

also, side note: "going to netball" is standard drill for males in first three months of courtship (looking only at the apple of one's eye), and with a compulsory reprise after first and second babies (when holding the new baby and scouting all the other players is the standard).

After that, women go it alone and even go off on netballing trips, and the old school-days of ashphalt courts in freezing rain starts to pay dividends...

Zephirine said...

You paint vivid pictures as always, Doc :)

I think what I'm learning from the more recent comments on the thread is that netball is a sport which gets more enjoyable once you're good at it - as compared with, say, tennis, where you can have fun even if you're rubbish. It's a shame some of us never got to the enjoying stage...

[shakes head at vision of Doc with baby in arms eyeing up the team...]

tony said...

Come on Zeph, don't back down. It's a crap sport invented for Edwardian ladies; something like walking while sewing. Women deserve more...

munni said...

Not intending to stir up an argument that has already died down on its own, and I hope no one takes this that way.

But what is wrong with referring to women’s football, women’s hockey, etc. by those designations? It’s exactly what they are: the female version of sports that were invented and intended to be played by men.

As opposed to sports that were specifically designed to be suitable for girls to play. And I really can’t think of too many of those, since as Zeph points out above, netball is really “women’s basketball”. And the ones I can think of are really more like bastardised dance forms. Like calisthenics.

(Doc, glad to hear that you Australian men at least turn out to support women's sports, even if it's only under compulsory conditions.)

(by the way my deleted comment above was due to technical difficulties and accidentally reposting an earlier comment).

levremance said...

Tony - I read a GU article last night that stated all sports other than soccer were crap. Its a recurrent theme there.

The writer apparently lives in the hope that one day everyone in the world will play soccer all the time.

Time for levremance to blow his farkin brains out.

Back to Netty ... an advantage it has over basketball is that the passing provides more opportunity for a turnover. In BB, too often it goes from one end of the court to the other without a contest. I don't see the 3 second rule as a bad thing either, use it or lose it.

sarahjane1912 said...

levremance,

Am most keen to read the Grauniad article you mention. Any chance of making life easier for me and posting a link?

levremance said...

SarahJane here's this weeks diss

http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/sport/2007/08/18/how_long_will_football_fever_l.html

sarahjane1912 said...

You're a treasure, levremance.

Eyethangyew.

file said...

claims this article 'denigrates women's sport' should not be taken seriously, no support has been offered and it's clearly not true

though perhaps it could be argued that the experiences of many English schoolgirls in games lessons denigrates them ...

seems as if netball is popular among some women, but I can't help thinking that women's skills couldn't be fostered, exercised in better ways

in these more enlightened days couldn't there be a sport that allowed for more expression and scope for female athleticism and competitiveness?

it's time to invent a new sport for women

another one that doesn't need any gender specific prefixes yet is indisputably 'girl-centric'

it might be called "ALLBALL" or even "M-Ball"

and it might emphasize and reward feminine talents over brute strength - perhaps like a cross between 'gymnastics with a ball', Takraw and Basketball with points for skill as well as goals

obviously participants could wear baggy greens or skimpy thongs if they so chose but would probably stick to shirts and shorts like sensible folk

tony said...

levremance

I think you're being unfair to Mr Ronay. Surely, his article should be filed under 'humorous'. Taking the piss out of sports other people like is fun. And harmless, I think...

File - now there's a challenge: invent a new sport for women. Here's my idea. Have you seen that film where Sean Connery trains Catherine Zeta Jones in burglary? She has to make her way through a maze of laser beams. You could have a version of netball without goal defence but with a similar maze in front of the goal. There'd be lots of fast action getting to the goal area followed by gymnastic displays before the final shot.

Zephirine said...

Levre, the answer to our question 'tell us what's so great about netball' seems mostly to involve speed, which was the last word I would have connected with it from my experience. Obviously the way it's taught and played in other countries allows players to get a good pace going even when they're inexperienced.

Sadly, I found a youtube clip - I won't post it as it's a family piece of film with pictures of kids etc - of young UK girls playing and guess what? two steps Beep move five yards down the court Beep step near another girl Beep... nothing's changed...

Munni, some of the earlier posts seemed to me designed to create strife rather than reflecting seriously held opinions, so I'm not going to engage with those views again, nothing at all wrong with saying 'women's tennis' etc in my view.

NESTA QUIN said...

I think it's time a sport was developed that was gender-neutral.
Perhaps some already exist.

It's baffling to me that in a sport like lawn bowls that there are women's and men's divisions. Surely the skills to succeed are not gender specific.

Shooting is another sport where men and women could and should compete for the same prize. There are probably others. Any ideas?

Where I live girls and boys play sport together until age 11 or 12. Cricket is an exception. Girls play with the boys until age 16. Also my local adult team the Slab Road CC have a woman wicket-keeper who is also the vice-captain.

There was a case brought before the equal rights tribunal last decade after the Football Federation banned a 13 year old girl from playing with the boys. This changed the rules and now women can play with men, in every sport, if that is what they desire.

I think that's fair enough but it does expose a problem with equal gender rights (which I wholeheartedly support).

Men are not allowed to play in women's teams unless they've had a sex-change operation.

Understandable of course, but it is far from equal when you have to chop off your nuts to get a game.

I should add that there are amateur sports in Australia where men and women play together. Indoor cricket, netball and ten-pin bowling are some examples.
These are labeled 'mixed' competitions.

And File why the 'M' in M-ball. Help me mate it's Monday afternoon and the mind is dulling.

Zephirine said...

File, I'm rather taken by the girls' outfits in this chinlone clip (which we've had before on Pseuds' but I think it's stunning). Your earlier article on takraw is relevant here too.

Tony, that film's called Entrapment. I seem to remember CZJ in a kind of Emma Peel catsuit thingy. Certainly not baggy knickers anyway.

MotM said...

I saw this and saved it up - Mimi, Zeph and the posters didn't let me down! Pseuds at its best.

I can think of no higher praise than that it reminded me of

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UycWO0w852g

The high water mark of British film-making.

MotM said...

Re the bloomers http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJ18XO20n5g&mode=related&search=

levremance said...

Tony - There's many a true word said in jest but I'll take your word for it.

Zeph - Netball at the top level is fast but also very skillful and has a fair bit of physicality to it as well. I didn't know about the standing still thing in netty, it seems a world of motion to me when I watch it.

Nesta - If someone cuts their nuts off to get a game, are they taking their sport too seriously?

nesta said...

Lev,

Daniel Chick chopped his finger off to get a game but I think even he would think twice about gender reassignment.

Buck's is back. Are you excited?

Zephirine said...

Mouth, well clipped! And since falconry is also a sport and has its place on Pseuds', let's recommend another clip from the same great film which I have to say tends to make me cry.

MotM said...

Zeph - I can't click the link - too dangerous. Anyone who doesn't cry at some point in that film isn't human.

Zephirine said...

[For the benefit of anyone who can't get youtube we should explain that the film in question is Kes, one of the best British films ever]

tony said...

mouth - too right! The only film that has me even more at its mercy is 'To Sir with Love'. I'm going nowhere near any such clips as I have to go out later today...

file said...

oh, thanks Zeph, thought you were talking about 'Whistle down the wind'

nesta, re M-Ball

if W is male then
M is female no?

NESTA QUIN said...

I had to watch those clips four times each to get my ear around the dialect. I still only understood about 90% of what was said.

Is there a version with sub-titles?

How accurate a portrayal is it of life in the north at that time? It seems overly bleak.

Life wasn't really like that was it?

file said...

perhaps imagining playing netball (with anally applied rules) in those conditions will give an idea of what Z and M were moaning about....

Zephirine said...

The film, and the book it was based on, are famous for being a remarkably accurate portrayal of life in a northern mining town in the late 1960s.

The dialect probably wouldn't be so strong nowadays. I believe a version with subtitles was released in the USA.

NESTA QUIN said...

I've just ordered the book from the library and another by the same author called Threads. I always like to read the book before seeing the film and hopefully the van will deliver them tomorrow.

If Zeph and Mimi's schooldays were even remotely like what I just witnessed I'd think basic survival would be more important than netball nous.

The bits of the film I have seen remind me of a flick called Billy Elliot. I read a synopsis on Kes' themes and I found the following quote interesting.

It's a particularly British form of bleakness which, thanks to our continued industrial decline, has become a sure-fire shortcut to audience sympathy (as long as the hero doesn't wallow in his misery but takes up an unconventional pastime).

Zephirine said...

I find that quote rather facile, I'm afraid. People related, and still relate, to those films because they reflect real life. Billy Elliott, of course, owes a great deal to Kes, though in my opinion Kes is a far better film.

mimi said...

Thanks for the Kes clips. I haven't had time to search for another, but there is a very funny bit when the classroom register is being called which involves citing the Shipping Forecast. After the boy's name of Fisher is called ...
Zeph will certainly know what got called out next!
Re depictions of nothern life, a truly great sporting film of the slightly earlier 60s is Lindsay Anderson's The Sporting Life. Highly recommended.

MotM said...

Nesta - It was like that.

Barry Hines wrote the book which is good, if a little sentimental, as it was aimed at adolescents I believe. I read in class at school aged 14.

The film is a rare example of "the film is better than the book" ("The Godfather" is another) due to the quality of the film-making and, especially, the acting from a largely non-professional cast.

As Zeph points out, it is a masterpiece because it was so close to a working class culture that has almost disappeared.

I first went to Yorkshire regularly in the late-Eighties and could barely understand what was said and they couldn't understand my (already fading) Liverpool accent.

This is what happened to the mining communities
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zYeyNyf4D_U (MacGregor was the American brought in by the Thatcher government to close the pits). It seemed a disaster at the time, but, despite much hardship, has proved to be for the benefit of the people who were doing jobs of extreme danger, dying young and living a life of narrow horizons (I caricature, but much is true).

There's another Yorkshire of cricket greens, excellent (if warm) beer and the generosity of the likes of Alan Bennett, so, as ever with us strange bipeds, one narrative doesn't suffice.

mimi said...

On the topic of films, check this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5sJ5kwGY0g

mimi said...

And moving on to more modern times, if anyone wonders about realism in film, check out this one
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbtbBQYMmV4&mode=related&search=

George Costigan - a fine actor and this film is a stunner. Well worth spending time watching.

MotM said...

Mimi - I've come over all nostalgic. I think you know that I owe my first OBO published comment to "If" and Lyndsey Anderson.

Zephirine said...

BTW, now that MotM has mentioned cricket greens and warm beer, if anybody's looking for a taproom it could well be here...

offside said...

Did somebody say taproom?

Sorry for the late entrance, I was help up in Vegas, chewing the fat with the King, the Colonel, and the two goalkeepers.

I must say I really enjoyed this piece, Mimi and Zeph, your frustration really comes through and anything with knickers in it can only be good for Pseuds' Corner. You should be ashamed of yourselves, though, for ruining some of your readers' sunday.

mimi said...

Going off topic - but I'm allowed - it was partly my thread! As we're on films, check this - the cafe scene
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5sJ5kwGY0g
Malc was the most beatous of boys and Eleanor - cor, whoo.
If remains to me, one of the greatest of films, and of course the follow-up O Lucky Man is just a triumph.
I invite comments, but I think these British films are as definitive of their time as Zeph and my little article was.

offside said...

Mimi,

I've never seen any of those films, which is understandable since, unlike you and Zeph, I wasn't lucky enough to be a teenager in the early fifties.

Zephirine said...

That will be quite enough cheek from you, young Offside, help Mimi with her shawl while I park my Zimmer frame. Mimi dear, you posted the same clip twice, is it the Alzheimer's setting in?

mimi said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oq3bLe6I_L4&mode=related&search=
starting point for anyone new.
Use this as a taproom, Offie - I'd be honoured.
Sadly, gladly, don't have the baggy knicks any more. They were GONE when I left school. But happy to pull up a bar stool and reminisce. Not fondly ...

mimi said...

Aw Zeph - getting forgettful. Must be the result of being beaten up bu those nettie girls!

Zephirine said...

For you, Mimi, a cocktail:

Blue Knickers

Ingredients: 1 shot Vodka 1 shot Blue Curacao 1 shot Galliano Pineapple juice 1 dash Cream

Instructions: Shake the Vodka, Blue Curacao, Galliano and pineapple juice in a shaker. Pour into glass and add a layer of cream to the top. Serve with a straw and an orange wedge. Drink is to be sipped through the straw.

offside said...

Mimi,

getting up on a bar stool when your knickers are gone could be risqué. And what's that talk of fondling? Can I remind you that this is a family oriented site, with a very sensitive readership?

levremance said...

Nesta - Buckley can swing the match and the season for us. I can't wait for Saturday night, watch out you Swannies, here come the mighty Pies.

Zephirine said...

Mimi, we've already been accused of denigrating, not to mention being old, and now that naughty M.Offside is making innuendi at you...these are trying times, how's the cocktail?

Levremance, haven't a clue what you're on about, but welcome back :)

levremance said...

Zeph - Big comeback game this Saturday night for Collingwood captain Nathan Buckley. Doc and Nesta's Sydney versus my Collingwood at the MCG.

Not only that but there's footy tipping kudos on the line. And if that all makes no sense, just mutter bloody Aussies, (we're used to it).

Its a bit early but I'll have a pint of Coopers Stout if there's one going.

mimi said...

Look - I never thought I'd have to reveal this, but I did once lose my knickers on the Kennington Road! Bust elastic and running to catch the last train there was no option. Kick the knicks or lose the tube. Well, there you go. So hitching up my skirt to enjoy a Zeph or Offie cocktail, maybe should be most modest - or wish for netball knickers. Nah - what the hell, shake the cocktail and say cheers to all!

Zephirine said...

Cooper's Stout coming up... I remember you being pretty good with the Fantasy Cricket XI, Levre, are you equally smart at the footie tipping?

Don't fall off that bar stool now Mim...

offside said...

Bloody Aussies, sorry... I mean, hello South Pacific neighbours!

Yep, careful Mimi, falling off that bar stool in your present state of dress might be too... revealing.

mimi said...

Aw look - the skirt may be a bit short and the knickers kicked away, but I'm wearing me sharkskin boots and that's just fine.

levremance said...

Cheers Zeph, morning Mimi, Offy, (lev slurps, wipes foamy white froff from top lip, burps)... ah yes Zeph, footy tipping, I'm going ok, hit the front this week but there's 2 rounds to go so it can all fall apart from here.

Zephirine said...

How about the boys on the jukebox ?

Sound's not too great, but it looks like a good use of the Sydney Opera House to me...

Zephirine said...

...and now I'm going to sneak away and leave you to it, got a full day's procrastination ahead of me tomorrow.

'Night all.

mimi said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkKxGzm98AU
Not netball, but about girls

offside said...

Typical Zeph, that. She'll shake a couple of cocktails, sweet talk Mimi into taking off her knickers, and then just... leave.


Doesn't matter, with that Thin Lizzy clip, all is forgiven.

levremance said...

When it comes to Utube, I'm working for the King of Thailand... so I blindly feel my way along the velvet wallpapered walls of the taproom...

...If this place is turning into a stripjoint then the next Australian prime minister, Kevin Rudd, should be along soon...

Kevin Rudd said...

Did someone say stripper...
http://www.myspace.com/officiallaborspace

guitougoal said...

Let me tell ya!
I was going to write something nice to Zeph and mimi and I was interruped by this Kevin Rudd-
How rude!
I understand Kevin is trying something but is he at the right place?

guitougoal said...

oops! I got it, Kevin Rudd is trying to sell himself and he has a nice face and seems to be a nice guy- Sorry Kevin, you'll get my vote of confidence.But please ring the bell next time you pay us a visit.

NESTA QUIN said...

For F'acks sake. Smarmy Rudd at pseuds. I see and hear enough of this Sino apologist on my telly and radio every f'acking day.

Has Ingrid still got that shotgun and shovel behind the bar? If so can I have it. I'm taking Kev for a chat down by the river.

What next? Abbot and Costello? Mr Magoo? Jabba Vanstone? Eric the brownshirt? Surely they can get their drinks for free from the Parliamentary bistro and bar.

I propose a petition stating that no Australian politicians be allowed in the taproom unless of course they are on the Taste of Tasmania menu. Anyone for a Lennon burger? It comes served with delicious dioxin sauce and roasted wood chips.

If that doesn't take your fancy how about a pulped democracy. It's been approved as safe, clean and in your best interests.

Bon Apertit!

Zephirine said...

As far as I know, all politicians are barred from the taproom by order of Lord Ebren, (though Margin may have sneaked a few in from time to time).

Mr Magoo is always welcome.

Zephirine said...

And I've just found out that claiming you were so drunk you don't remember doing something (like going to a strip club for example) is known in Australia as 'the footballer's defence'.

levremance said...

Its my fault really, I shouldn't have mentioned Kevin "I'm no Wowser" Rudd in the first place.

His minions are probably trawling the internet, googling references to his new bad boy pisshead persona.

Apologies to all.

Zephirine said...

No problem Levre. Interesting that his myspace site was closed down for a while, I wondered if someone had hacked into it and put naughty things :)

levremance said...

Some of his friends from the Scores 'nightclub' in NYC maybe dropped by, who knows.

mimi said...

lev: I can't tell you glad I am that you rescued Belly from the carnage at the Oval. His trip north seems to have done the trick. Maybe it was that woman....

offside said...

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn.

'morning.

coffee? please?

mimi said...

Coffee, Offie? At this hour, with a match on? I think I can find you a madeleine to munch on.

offside said...

Match? What match?

A madeleine might trigger memories... A pain au chocolat would be safer.

tonyellis said...

See what happens when you turn a girls' blog into a taproom? Coffee and fairy cakes! Make mine a sol y sombra; and no doilie thank you very much!!

guitougoal said...

mimi,
madeleine, pain au chocolat, thea, is this your new definition of a taproom or we just lost the liquor license for pakalolo and other substances abuse?
Please let me know as soon as the good old rules are reinstated , I feel like being locked out .

offside said...

Mimi,

get Guitou his café/calva with spliff on the side, or he'll be grumpy all day.

Tony,

sol y sombra reminds me that your article on bullfighting is long overdue.

Zephirine said...

Can't expect you Latin types to appreciate this, but the England one-day cricket team are doing rather well with their new strawberry blond captain Paul Collingwood and the returned fair-haired icon Fred Flintoff - so tonight's cocktails are:

The Ginger in Fashion

4 pieces Fresh Ginger Root
2 oz Bourbon Whiskey
1 tsp Sugar
1 Dash Old-fashioned Bitters


and the Blonde Bombshell

Crushed Ice
5 Shots Light Rum (Bacardi)
1 Can Frozen Lemonade Concentrate

or if you prefer, MM Offside and Guitou can open the carefully concealed door to the side bar where the absinthe lives.....?

Zephirine said...

Oh, of course, it's morning where you guys are, maybe just a tad early for the absinthe mm? ... fresh coffee then.

offside said...

Aaaaahhhhhh, a cricket match... sorry, that didn't exactly made the news here.

Yes, it's morning. It's even one of those mornings when coffee might not be enough. A little Rock'n'Roll might help.

offside said...

Pfff, "didn't made", see what happens to my verbals when i'm not fully awake?

tony said...

Offside - an article on bullfighting, now there's a thought. I must say that I love everything about that world apart from the killing of the bull. If only they used poodles... Anyway, seems some old Yank with a complex about the size of his penis got there before me.

tony said...

Not exactly rock'n'roll, but I like it..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q96U-auDSgc

Zephirine said...

Offie, did you say a little rock'n'roll would improve your grammar?

Try this.

Zephirine said...

Don't the French do non-tauricidal bullfights? Or is that just a rumour put about to boost the tourist trade in Arles?

offside said...

I'm not sure, Zeph, but if you're an animal and you live in France, there's every chance you'll be served for dinner at one time or another.

guitougoal said...

Zeph,
thanks for the ginger cocktail it was long overdue but
so refreshing, I'll have another one please. L'Arlesienne is supposed the tourist trade in Arles but she is always missing.
Tony,
offside's suggestion about a bullfighter article is a good proposition, but no blood please, I am the one mopping up....Arrra torro!

guitougoal said...

sorry I meant"supposed to help the tourist trade"

Zephirine said...

England are going to win this cricket match, Guitou, so have another ginger cocktail and drink to Captain Collingwood. Mouth, Mimi and I were calling for him to be made one-day captain months ago and hooray, we've been proved right!

guitougoal said...

Well then, I'll drink to that.

offside said...

Tony,

that clip was supposed to wake me up?!!? One more like that, plus some cricket talk and I'm going straight back to bed.

Zephirine said...

Yep, we won. We weren't expected too, this is a very cheerful moment, where did Mimi put that champagne?

mimi said...

I think I drank the champers.I'm so enjoying my boy's wonderousness. Quite forgotten that I shamed myself with no knickers and Offside!
What a day!!

offside said...

If you can't find the champagne, there's a cocktail called cricket:

1 oz chocolate mint liqueur
1 oz white creme de cacao
1 oz cream
ice

Combine ingredients in an ice-filled shaker. Shake well, strain into old-fashioned glass, and serve.


* Note the "old-fashioned" glass

Zephirine said...

Ah, Offside, you're learning... and since Mimi's fave Ian Bell is also a strawberry blonde, and he did very well today, it's Cricket and/or Ginger in Fashion cocktails all round.

Zephirine said...

And let's watch Sam and Cassius again because they are soooo great.

mimi said...

There is no end to the enjoyment that is the Pseuds exp[erience. I'm hitching up my skirt again tonight to sit on a bar stool and have fun. Someone should stick a dollar on the sounds.

guitougoal said...

Mimi,
this one cost me two dollars,
enjoy and dance to the music like Iris Chacon Pao Pao

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kb3KlOtt06I

mimi said...

gui - I watched, and it's lovely but a bit unreal. I'm sure I don't have to go into detail as for why, but ...
Any way, I'm a different type of girl. If i dance, bits move!!!! But from now on in the Corner I will keep my knickers firmly on. Oh yes.

Zephirine said...

Looks like better exercise than netball anyway - OMG I went back on topic [hangs head in shame]

mimi said...

Zeph: we could make this a Tony Wilson tribute. 24 hour party people - that'd work for lots of the troops, and hey, I shed a tear for the passing way too soon of a great music guy.

Zephirine said...

I kind of missed out on all that Manchester scene, Mimi - but feel free :)

mimi said...

This maybe works or not depending:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0dfd_L4tDk

It's always made me cry and songs like this are forever. doesn't matter what goes on. You just cry to listen now and you cry to remember everything.

offside said...

Guitou,

where did you get that clip??

The residents of Pao Pao, Moorea wish to make it clear that they have nothing to do with any of this. And it's not pronounced the same way, anyway.

Zephirine said...

Something wrong with that link, Mimi.

mimi said...

Just trying to pay my respects to Mr Wilson. And a link to the fabbest of moments "Love will Tear Us Apart Again". A song literally as it turned out, to die for. But just, chills up the spine, yeah?

guitougoal said...

offy,
Pao Pao it's a cuban classico- couldn't find anything else on youtube than this geeky and slazy Iris Chacon
still interesting.
but here the real thing :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1njEBrVtY0
can't get enough of the bebe.stuff since one of our blogger posted on pseuds

offside said...

Guitou,

full marks for the bebe clip. Very sad and beautiful.

greengrass said...

I didn't know there was a taproom on this baggy knickers thread - if I'd known, I would have been on long ago, signing in as "Ena Sharples".

"Kes" and "Sporting Life" are great portrayals of the North of my childhood days. The speech was not a problem, since I grew up with a sister dialect - Oldham - in my mouth. This group of dialects is certainly on the wane, though you'd find that hard to credit if you dropped into a Barnsley taproom.

offside said...

Have you heard? The Baggy Knickers is precisely the name of the band Mimi and Zeph are putting together. I hear they need a steely kind of drummer...

greengrass said...

If they need someone to play mouth organ, I'm their man!

offside said...

I think MouthOrganOfTheMersey might have something to say about that. If his mouth wasn't full, that is.

greengrass said...

I think he'll be AWOL today, as will Zeph and Mimi -
England's cricket side finally won a match yesterday.

offside said...

Ah yes, I know what the English are like, they'll be drunk for a month.

I guess we'll have to form our own band, then. Any ideas for a name?


Alright, who said the Silly Buggers? Hold your hand up.

(..)

Cowards, shame on you.

greengrass said...

Sven-Göran and the City Slickers?

They could do some ABBA: Thaksin For the Money...

offside said...

ABBA? I thought it was Rafa and the Scouse Brigade swooning and singing "Fernando..."

Greengrass said...

Rafa and Gabi are doing "Unchain My Heart" b/w "You Keep Me Hangin' On".

offside said...

... while Lord Wrigley sings that old Boney M classic "Nani, Nani, Nani..."

NESTA QUIN said...

Hey Guys

Can I join your band? The ladies are still upset at my satire. I play a mean harpsichord and my 9-string lute through the Marshall is divine. I'm even prepared to wear satin paisley flares. What do ya say?

And in other developments may I give myself a plug? Oui. Merci.

There is a new Thunder column at The Googly (for the uninitiated you can find the link on the right-hand side of the Pseuds main page).

A warning. It is entirely about cricket and contains little humour but if you are interested in how the greatest sporting team on the planet is preparing for the inaugural T20 World Championships you may find it interesting. You can even leave a sarcastic comment if you dare. I'd welcome it.

greengrass said...

Nesta,
bugger your musical skills and double bugger "the greatest sporting team on the planet" - with those satin paisley flares, you're definitely in our band.

You can open our first set with "Snakin' All Over".

MotM said...

Having lain down in a darkened room to recover from the shock of an England win at anything, I find I'm missing out abysmal punning on Abba hits. So that's The Name of the Game huh?

nesta said...

Can I wear my snakeskin platform boots and Grateful Dead tie-dyed flashback psychadelic T-shirt too? So little opportunity these days.

Perhaps we could close the set with a rollicking duelling banjo version of 'Smells like Absinthe Spirit'.

What a show! The groupies will be lined up around the block. I'm happy to share fellas. You can only waterski behind one boat at a time.

Zephirine said...

Hmm, as far as groupies are concerned, Nesta, I fear you may have only "Tigga" for company....

nesta said...

Tigga? What are you on about Zeph? Is he/she a good sort? Is he/she a fan of bluegrass too?

greengrass said...

Come on now, Nesta - don't make us look like novices!

A groupie is a groupie is a groupie -
asking for a description is not cool.

Just get on with it - the tour bus is
leaving in 5!

nesta said...

I'd be a bit quicker if some of you lot would lay off the cocktails and give me hand with the harpsichord.

Just where has Offy disappeared to with the motley road crew?

mimi said...

Hope the bus hasn't taken all of you away.
I'm waiting for Zeph to mix me a very special Bell-loving cocktail ~(sighs longingly, thinking of the Boy).

guitougoal said...

Nesta,
harpsichord you need more than a hand they used two in the past said Tommy Lee...forget about offside Tommy said he keeps him to poor the drinks-
mimi should help you with the harpsichord.

Zephirine said...

Mimi, yesterday's Ginger In Fashion cocktail will be just fine for the boy - Guitou said it was very good!

or there is the

Bellini Cocktail:

2 oz Peach Nectar
1 tsp Fresh Lemon Juice
1 oz Peach Schnapps
3 oz Chilled Dry Champagne
1/2 Cup Crushed Ice


but you'll have to mix it, bit busy I'm afraid....

guitougoal said...

Zeph,mimi, nestella

help me out girls!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NIGbhPLZmjY

which one of you is the girl in the middle.

Zephirine said...

Great clip, Guitou, but not guilty!

mimi said...

Did I not post this one - ah, it's me! All that Jazz
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPFKMco8AL0&mode=related&search=

mimi said...

And this is beautiful, life is beautiful
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opi1da2FzbE
and my spelling has gone to pot!

offside said...

Oh boy, can't wait for the blogs on England's - ahem- performance.

Zephirine said...

Mimi - divine decadence, darling!

Erm, was there some kind of football game this evening? Did it not go quite according to plan?

Oh dear.

greengrass said...

England would have done fine if someone had told Robinson that he wasn't playing Tahiti football.

I liked the fact that Jarvis Cocker was manager for Germany.

mimi said...

jarvis cocker - that's enough to get the pulse racing. Was there something about football? A match? Sorry - I was following the young chaps against Pakistan.

mimi said...

And this is it
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F39RS3I0D0Y
We've surely mostly all been there, in one way or another ...

offside said...

gg,

what on earth is Tahiti football? And if I don't know, who does?

byebyebadman said...

And said young chaps did quite well didn't they mimi?

Some of the England players looked like they were on E's and whizz against Germany tonight.

greengrass said...

Offy,

just a quick-fire analogy, pissed-up and pissed-off: the Swedes call a game of ice-hockey with no structure "Hawaii hockey".

My sincere apologies to the people of Tahiti for mentioning their game in the same sentence as Robinson.

greengrass said...

badman,

it was certainly a case of "No-one seems to know just what the story is".

Goodnight, all!

offside said...

gg,

commiserations (and apology forwarded to all Tahitian people this instant).

I've only seen England's "highlights", as I was busy watching France batter Slovakia 1-0.

Was it that bad?

guitougoal said...

I watched the game, I thought the best news for England come under the name of Micah Richards-
Flying from New York a non influencial player such Beck just for a friendly game?...let's play netball.

marcela said...

trusting the tradition of serving round the clock continues...

argentina lost against norway.

is there any live schoolgirl netball showing on the screen at this joint?

marcela said...

oh, and forgot to say: brilliant clip from kes.

brought a wee tear to my eye :)

offside said...

Guitou,

what's the bad news?

guitougoal said...

offside,
the bad news are displayed on the gu spots pages and all other papers.
marcella,
sending argentina in Norway it's cruel but Norway is good though.

hannibalbrooks said...

Did someone mention a Mai Tai?

offside said...

Mai Tai, coming up for the gentleman in red at the bar. How's it going, MarvinBrooks? Ready for another thrashing by Toulouse?

munni said...

The thing is, England actually looked fairly decent, they just never looked, you know, like they might actually win. Which is exactly what's depressing.

Ah, Common People. 1995 was a good year.

guitougoal said...

munni,
it's depressing indeed because iwhen it's time to turn it up, they turn it down.
orsay,
"displayed on sports pages" I am sure you understood the bad news was the score.

greengrass said...

Hide that Mai Tai, Offy - Hannibal is already drunk as a skunk.

He was on GU, claiming that John Barnes was better than George Best...

offside said...

gg,

on which thread was that? Did I miss it or was it deleted?

GG said...

Offy -
it was the Hattenstone blog, but never mind that.

There's a scandalous blog on GU by Tom Bryant, writing about the South Pacific without a mention of pakalolo.

mimi said...

Is Marcela around - I'm here. Pass that round, please. And mix me another Bell-boy cocktail, barman.

GG said...

Is Marcela around?

Sexual discrimination on PC!

We let women come into the taproom, and they scorn us blokes and only ask for one another.

I suppose that's why netball was invented - if we'd let them play basketball, they'd only have passed to the other gels (sorry for lurching on-topic).

offside said...

I suppose there's nothing wrong with a wee shot of on-topic in the morning. As long as you don't overdo it.

To be honest, I'd never even heard of netball before I read this piece. It isn't played in France (I'll ask Mrs Offside what they torture girls with at school, when she wakes up).

Ah, les femmes... (he sighs gallicly)

mimi said...

Aah Offie (mimi sighs welshly, thinking of her boy Ian and her other boy Simon) - so nice that Netball is an anathema to you and your loved ones.
Set up the bar for us, please, and what's on the juke box tonight?

offside said...

Since it's early morning here, how about a little French coffee?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rV_c2FKUCrM

guitougoal said...

offside,
couleur cafe nice one.
I am sure mrs offside kows better about slam dunk or volley-ball than netball no?
back to yesterday england game, they were looking good until mac la reine did all the changes, perhaps he should have started by removing himself for the good of the team.

GG said...

Ta, Offy -
too late for coffee here, but I'll have a brandy to settle my guts before I turn in.

Serge was so-so, but that netball player could really dance!

tonyellis said...

nice one, offie, do you know this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DgXUctWDF34

offside said...

Guitou,

you didn't see Slovakia - France, then? Vieira was in good form, and Makelele even better. Hope they stay fit for next month.

offside said...

Tony,

I knew of her, but had never seen that clip. Do you know how many sheep were sheared in production?

mimi said...

yesterday's matches. Off and for whischt - don't know what you're on about. My young boys did well, though not so good today.

tony said...

Don't know but I'm sure all of the felt most honoured...

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