Friday, May 18, 2007

Hey - you out there, lurking behind that tumbleweed… by Zephirine

While the variegated crew of Pseuds' Corner regular contributors have recently been contemplating their own and each other’s navels and discussing how best to capture the essence of the site in t-shirt or book form, some have expressed concern that there are interested - and, probably, interesting - readers of the site who never post a comment. Which is a pity.

To help anyone out there who is hesitant, we have assembled the following possible answers, so all you have to do it post the relevant letter(s) - how hard can that be?

I read Pseuds’ Corner but have not posted comments because:


a. I think you’re all a bunch of smug pretentious wankers and I only read the site so I can mutter abuse at you all.
b. I thought this was a porn site and am extremely disappointed.
c. I support Chelsea/Man U/Liverpool/Arsenal and you never write anything about my team.
d. I loathe all forms of sport and consider it a waste of time which would be better spent playing computer games.
e. I am usually too drunk.
f. I believe the internet to be the work of Satan.
g. I am on a 12-step programme to help me deal with my blogging addiction.
h. I work for Guardian Unlimited and am afraid someone will guess who I am.
i. I have not been able to think up a brilliantly clever pseudonym.
j. My partner has threatened to leave me if I post one more comment on any blog, ever.
k. I can’t work out how to post a comment: what do I click?
l. Frankly, I think most of your stuff isn’t worth commenting on.
m. I am waiting till after my gender reassignment surgery.
n. I am in a close personal relationship with a regular contributor and my comments might lead to distressing scenes.
o. Alien forces are preventing my comments from getting through.
p. I did post once, but nobody took any notice so I thought, well, sod you then.
q. I am in love with Marcela Mora y Araujo and am only hanging round the blog in the hope she posts a new photo of herself.
r. Whenever I try to post something, my boss walks past.
s. I do not speak English, French, Swedish or Spanish, Tahitian or Thai. Or Californian.
t. Every time I think of a good comment, some smartarse bastard gets there first.
u. My favourite sport is crown green bowling, and you never write about it.
v. I am supposed to be doing my homework.
w. I believe that some regular contributors to this site are leading decadent lives and setting a poor example to youth.
x. I am too busy writing poetry.
y. I read the damn thing - what d’you want, blood?
z. I am José Mourinho.

39 comments:

atsen said...

I read Pseuds’ Corner but have not posted comments because:

b. I thought this was a porn site and am extremely disappointed especially by those shaved varicose veins at the top of todays page. yUK.

l. Frankly, I think most of your stuff isn’t worth commenting on especially the pictorial essays

n. I am in a close personal relationship with a regular contributor and my comments might lead to distressing scenes and you would never guess who it is. If she calls tell her I'm on my way home.

q. I am madly in love with Marcela Mora y Araujo and am only hanging round the blog in the hope she posts a new photo of herself in the nude.

s. I do not speak English, French, Swedish or Spanish, Tahitian or Thai, Californian or Taswegien.

u. My favourite sport is women's beach volleyball sans bikini, and you never write about it or publish action shots.

y. I read the damn thing but now I only have pictures of ugly blokes to look at.

z. I am José Mourinho's lost dog. Ssh don't tell the cops.

zeph said...

Well atsen, we're glad to have your views! Make sure you come back :)

pastagobbler said...

I read Pseuds’ Corner but have not posted comments because:

i. I have not been able to think up a brilliantly clever pseudonym.
n. I am related to a regular contributor, and shocked by the curruption that I have witnessed, I thought they were so innocent :-P
v. I am supposed to be doing revision for finals
y. I read the damn thing - I don't have time to comment! I'm meant to be working so that I can get a job which I then can spend not doing by commenting...

zeph said...

pastagobbler: seems like a good pseudonym to me.

Given your genetic heritage, your reticence is surprising! But please feel free to post, even if only a few words - a simple 'This is a work of genius' can make all the difference to a frustrated hack's life.

Good luck with the finals.

offside said...

I post all the time, but still:

- b
- e
- and, erm, w

bluedaddy said...

o. Alien forces are prev

Garry BlendingIn said...

a. I think you’re all a bunch of smug pretentious wankers and I only read the site so I can mutter abuse at you all.

h. I work for Guardian Unlimited and am afraid someone will guess who I am.

Zeph said...

Never mind, Garry. Have you thought about therapy at all?

Tutor GN said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MotM said...

Because I posted it under the wrong damned pseud identity!!

guitougoal said...

zeph,
-I grew up in a jungle and I am Tarzan
- I can't read and I eat in a can
-I live in the the jungle with my pet
-A place where the sun never sets.
-Chita and I are wondering
-what's this tumbleweed behind lurking?

offside said...

motm (what a strange name!),

good to see new faces around. Now, if you could just introduce yourself briefly...

mimi said...

Mouth could be introduced simply as being The Man Who Never Sleeps! He is the soul of GU's OBO and is always there when needed for a quip or comment.
Where are you Mouth?

zeph said...

Here is a tumbleweed:

http://phoenix.about.com/library/bltumbleweed01.htm

photographed by a lady in Phoenix, Arizona (who to my knowledge has not been on Pseuds, but you never know...)

mimi said...

And I don't post because I haven't paid my dues by writing enough for the site.

MotM said...

Mimi - I'm afraid I was, er... asleep!


Beautiful blue sky for the Cup Final here in London

Jose Mourinho said...

Z.

And I'm a bit busy.....got a game today.

Anonymous said...

.... has anybody seen Bluedaddy lately?

MotM said...

I think BlueDaddy is taking Jose's dog for a celebratory walk.

mimi said...

jose, mouth and whoever: I thought this was a space for in-comers! But obviously nice you're all playing. Bit of a day today. Rank cricket and rank football. I've turned back to Fred on the CD.
And I don't post cos of - bf I've forgotten which letter to put. But it's because I am related to another blogger and wouldn't wish to bring yet more shame on my family!

bluedaddy said...

Been quite a day, one way and another. May have to jot something down for y'all.

Emma said...

Right, I'll comment on the ones that are semi-applicable.

d. I loathe all forms of sport and consider it a waste of time which would be better spent playing computer games. Yes, partially true. The bit about the computer games.

f. I believe the internet to be the work of Satan. I believe this. Though I usually spend at least half an hour each day wasting time online anyway. Which may be *the reason* why I believe it to be the work of Satan.

g. I am on a 12-step programme to help me deal with my blogging addiction. Got me there.

o. Alien forces are preventing my comments from getting through. Definitely.

p. I did post once, but nobody took any notice so I thought, well, sod you then. Yes, yes, yes!!!

q. I am in love with Marcela Mora y Araujo and am only hanging round the blog in the hope she posts a new photo of herself. Oh, I'm with this one! I'm a straight girl but Marcela is such a Goddess, definitely one of the 10 ladies in my "I would" list.

r. Whenever I try to post something, my boss walks past. Yep, but change "boss" to "teacher" and "mum."

t. Every time I think of a good comment, some smartarse bastard gets there first. I'm usually the opposite, I can't think of any smart comments.

u. My favourite sport is crown green bowling, and you never write about it. My favourite sport is fencing, no-one cares. *sad*

v. I am supposed to be doing my homework. Ding! We have a winner.

And also... fear and insecurity that what we write in the comment section may be laughed at. But that's summed it up quite nicely, really!

bluedaddy said...

Emma, you are more than welcome here. Us old trouts need to know what you young uns are up to. We dont bite on here (except mimi's cat crew, when there are sharks around to mess with).

I know from elsewhere that your comments are often witty, well informed and passionate - be good to finally see someone on here like that ;0)

Did you watch the game yesterday? Enjoyment of football can be found on different levels. I easily found a level to enjoy yesterday.

Why not write a piece on fencing and submit it? I know you can write like a dream when you want to. You can ask someone to give you feedback before you post if you are nervous (though your blog proves you dont need to be).

Go on, give it a go girl!

munni said...

I post only rarely because: P,W, X and Y.

And also the time zone thing: usually by the time I get here I think, oh, too late now.

Also, I am completely ignorant about sports that are not football, so generally have nothing to contribute to those threads, although I sometimes learn from them.

mimi said...

emma: may I refer you to a counselling session on these pages:
http://pseudscorner.blogspot.com/2007/03/blogoholics-anonymous-mimitig-and.html
for your addiction!
As bluedad says, it's great to have younger contributors and do have a go at a fencing piece. You can email me mimi@lydcott-house.co.uk if you want some reassurance but I'm sure you don't need it. My cats honestly don't bite much, and when I started doing this, I mailed everything to either a friend or fellow-blogger before having the nerve to publish.

MotM said...

Fishcake - it is you. Let's see some of your work. Your interventions at GU are always worth reading, especially when you er... shaft Marina! An appreciation of Peter Crouch prior to Wednesday would be very welcome!

MotM said...

Mimi - I forgot all about that blogoholics piece! Barry has cured me!

Zeph said...

Munni, it is often worth putting your comment even if the thread seems to have faded out a bit - people do come back and re-read.

But for the same reason sometimes comments don't get 'responded to' because the next person doesn't arrive for a day or two and then thinks "oh, they'll be gone now"!

But please stay around.

Emma, everything Mimi said.

zeph said...

Emma, and everything bluedaddy said too.

(glad you got away from those aliens, bluedaddy)

offside said...

Zeph,

when will you get it? Bluedaddy IS an alien. The clue is in the colour.


Emma, if you write it, I'll read it. Promise.

munni, you think you have a problem with timezones? Ha! Welcome to the Jetlag Club.

mimi said...

Offside, munni and others: this is the blog of multiple time zones. We have those to the east of the Greenwich mean line 9 or more hours ahead of us, and those to the west, the same in the other way. It makes for a weird and interesting conversation.
Zeph can probably mix us an invigorating cocktail that'll make it all make sense.
Whoops, I think I'm off-topic now and should go and seek out another place - maybe the Taproom. Anyone in tonight?

DoctorShoot said...

xa..too busy reading blogs and comments by wittier others
xb..dyslixec typo problems
xc..everybody seems to be ahead of me, even though I am actually mostly in tomorrow timewise

mimi said...

Doc: time zones are a bugger, aren't they?
Try being like MoTM: the man who never sleeps.
Then you can blog in all time zones and write witty and clever comments all over the place!

DoctorShoot said...

Mimi
we have a spot in Australia they call new years corner where by one can sit in the corner where the remote paddock fences meet and celebrate NYE, then climb the fence and have it again an hour later, then climb into the third paddock and have another one in thrity minutes time!
I was also interested to read that Tsar Nicholas (the last one) could see the sun setting in St Petersburg whilst it was only rising on another part of the empire. All pushed into meaninglerssness of course by the terrible execution (murder) of the Romanovff children.
I guess I try and avoid posting to Psuds corner because I am always off topic and rambling on about nothing in particular,...but it's been that sort of year really.
loved the cricket - hope the windies can make a game of it. that chris gayle is a talent when on form...

mimi said...

Doc: I didn't know about that place, and of course back in the day Queen Victoria presided over the Empire on which the sun never set. Doubt she could see it all from her deckchair on the Isle of Wight!
I had very little time to explore the depths when I travelled in Oz some years ago, but what I remember a lot was how in Adelaide, we had to change trains, and had 6 hours or so to spend in that fair city. We left all our luggage sitting on the station platform with no thought of danger. I even left my camera in my bag. All was safely there on our return. Met a lot of good people on those travels.

DoctorShoot said...

yes mimi,
i remember your swaps with ozzieoioioi and nesta and others re oz travels and your south australian adventures.
blogs were on GU in the context of english cricketers needing restaurant security whilst on tour (no pie floaters I guess).
Adelaide railway station is now part of the casino with losers vacuuming everything in sight to raise a stake to get back to the tables so your camera might well have been lifted and pawned in the modern era alas...

MotM said...

Probably better placed on File's thread, but I'm only typing this now because my post-10 year-olds' birthday party headache has subsided from agony to just painful. Soon I'll be well enough to sleep!

Crystal Gayle needs to deliver tomorrow (or is it today?)

mimi said...

Doc: sorry. i've already plagiarised myself here on Pseuds by sending in an article that was derived from an earlier one. Now I'm boring the troops by forgetting stuff I've previously banged on about on GU! Grrr.
I will try and be more original.

DoctorShoot said...

mimi
i am working on a piece just now and didn't realise that originality was at all an issue...may have to now do major rewrites...and anyhow you are an original and like a seabreeze off the firth on a hot day....

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