Friday, March 2, 2007

Who you gonna call? Ghost Busters - 50KaWeekSub

In the news recently Carlton Cole was identified as taking a brave stand against Ken Livingstone in refusing to pay his congestion charge penalties. Michael Ballack is similarly vocal in his opposition to stamp duty, council tax and wide-boy gazumping Estate Agents. Glen Johnson’s recent adventure at B&Q is similar to that old schoolboy money-saving favourite known as the “Razzle move.” Instead of stuffing a mucky-mag into a less expensive newspaper before heading innocently to the checkout, Johnson took the game one step further by concealing some tap fittings and a toilet seat in a box with a cheaper price. Johnson is said to be privately fuming that the spotty, gum chewing teenager who couldn’t even point him to the correct aisle then raised the alarm at his ingenious slight of hand. He is currently in dispute over the £80 penalty and may be forced to take legal aid. http://home.skysports.com/column.aspx?hlid=280585&lid=Back_of_the_Net_column&title=Diouf's+disgrace+and+summer+holiday&channel=

Footballers are becoming more financially astute with Gary Neville recently attacking agents taking money out of the game: http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/6367425.stm Gary and younger brother Phil famously use their father’s services in all transfer negotiations; Neville (Neville) holding an HND in accountancy from Salford College of further education. A family friend explained, “Gary and Phil employ Neville on account of his book-keeping skills primarily and his parenting skills second.” The two are not mutually exclusive and unsurprisingly “Neville theory” is based around simple family-home-economics, the boys repaying Neville senior for the large sums of money invested in fish-fingers, alphabet spaghetti and Arial all-in-one liquid for those really stubborn grassy stains. When Mr Neville waves goodbye to this world the money will be redistributed back to the game in the form of an inheritance for Gary and Phillip. Genius.

Neville, Cole and countless others in the game are livid that Frank Lampard recently gave away two French Mastiff pedigree puppies to the non-footballing community. The big-boned dogs need plenty of training and are expensive to maintain as well as requiring lots of open space to run around in. A close source who doesn’t wish to be named on account that it may harm his England chances said, “Who does he think he is, Ian Botham? What next, dog blankets, anti-worming agents, dog kennels?” Lampard should understand more than most the need for supplementary income rather than hopeless charity with footballers having to resort to maximising commercial activities more than ever before. Many in the game are demoralised, citing the fact that Sky TV money is escaping not only to agents but also to ex-footballers turned pundits.

One notch further down from agents are the dreaded ghost writers bleeding the game dry with their lazy writing skills and lame no-stories. A handful of World-Cup stars who felt that they performed perfectly well when interviewed for their books now feel bitter and let down by their respective damp squibs. Interestingly, the makers of Prozone are teaming up with Steve Mclaren and Sir Clive Woodward to build the Pro2-pod; the benefits of which include a ghost writing service as well as doing all the normal things that Prozone does. Despite being in the early stages pre-sales are looking good; watch out Mr 10-per-centers everywhere.

6 comments:

Ebren said...

Just a quick note to say I have 50k's hon mention from last week as well.

But considering the volume of articles that have gone on today - I'm holding off on it, another of mine, one from Marcela, and another hon mention jonnyboy.

They will arrive either over the weekend or more likely next week.

andrewm said...

50k, you should fill in for Harry next time he's on holiday.

I wasn't always sure where you were going with it, but it can't be easy getting that much humour into a coherent 500 word article. I'm impressed.

50KaWeekSub said...

andrewm: HP is God so I'll just have to keep trying; I'm glad you liked the gags anyway; coherence is always a problem for me.
Ebren: Thanks for setting this up - some good stuff on here.....

olivier said...

offsideintahiti said...

50K,

time to come clean. Which premiership footballers do you ghost-write for?

MotM said...

Neville Neville is just intrinsically funny - it's like christening a little baby Reginald. How did he end up with that name?

V funny as many of the posts here have been. Sean keeps saying that they are looking for humour on the Big Blogger, but there's more laughs in this than all nine winners put together over there.

tonyellis said...

50k, I've read it several times now and I think you've understood what you need to work on. Coherence. Or at least a consistent incoherence. I enjoyed each paragraph seperately but can't seem to connect them. Much like mine, I feel...

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