The following transcribes a meeting of a new support group held in Second Life at GU Towers Island.
MotM - Hello, my name is MouthoftheMersey and I’m a blogoholic.
Mimi - Hello, my name is Mimitig and I worry I might be getting hooked, but I can go more than 24 hours without a blog.
Sean - Hello, my name is Sean and I’m your counsellor for tonight.
Sean - Tell me. How did you start blogging?
MotM - I was introduced to it by a friend. I started with a little social posting, you know, complaining about anti-Everton bias, routine stuff. But then I started blogging heavily - hour-long binge sessions on Giles vs Monty for the First Test. I was naïve: I thought I could handle it.
Mimi - I fell into it by chance. I was missing my fix of OBO and trawling the GU site for something to amuse me, I discovered the SportsBlog.
Sean - Does it interfere with your work, your family life?
MotM - I started sneaking out of meetings to post regular updates arguing the case against Manchester United on Rob Smyth articles. Soon I was citing phantom appointments to stay at my desk posting clips to the YouTube column. I guess I really began to recognise that I had a problem when I started blogging before work on David Conn articles so dense less than 2% of the readership understand them.
Mimi - I lost touch with my family during the recent Ashes and CB Series. They simply didn’t understand how important it was to sleep all day and spend all night in the company of people I’ve never met.
Sean - Who do you blame for your problem?
MotM - Obviously, I blame myself. I should have listened to friends and family - I guess I was in denial.
Mimi - it’s absolutely not my fault, but I couldn’t name and shame the evil pushers who have encouraged my participation.
Sean - What do you propose to do about it?
MotM - I'm going to continue to seek help. I know I’m not alone. I’ll take each day as it comes. Can’t wait for Gideon Haigh on the Super Eights…. Oh, damn!
Mimi - I can’t think about that now. I have a World Cup to worry about ….
MotM’s and Mimi’s condition is not thought to be fatal, although it is clear that long-term therapeutic intervention is required. Referral to the BBC’s Sports Live coverage would be a positive step in addressing their addiction, although the cold turkey of the Daily Telegraph would probably result in a hostile reaction and an attack directly focussed on Rob Smyth’s Myspace page.
Having taken legal advice, I can confirm that GU is unlikely to be found liable in suit, although the law is still at an early stage of development.
The fallback position to cure any patient diagnosed with obsessive desire to participate in citizen journalism remains exposure to Alan Greene on 606. Should that prove necessary, I cannot be responsible for the consequences.