Interesting question, isn’t it? On the one hand, you have the New England Patriots, unbeaten all season, going for their fourth Superbowl win in 7 years. On the other, you have the New York Giants, massive underdogs, but on a huge roll, having won three playoff games no-one (myself included) thought they would get close to winning. It should be a walkover. But will it? Let me do something that they never do in the US media, but which happens all the time in the UK, and compare the two teams like for like:
QUARTERBACKS
Unless you’ve been living in a hole for the past few months, you’ll know what a stellar season Tom Brady has had. You’ll also know that, in the past few weeks, Eli Manning has gone from being everyone’s second favourite figure of fun (sorry, Rex Grossman, you won that title again this year) to everyone’s favourite underdog.
Before this season, the question on everyone’s lips was “How good will Brady be now that he has some decent receivers to throw the ball to?”. Unfortunately, the receivers have turned out to be so good, no-one knows if it is them making Brady look great or the other way around. Moreover, Brady has had a decidedly shaky playoff campaign, throwing needless interceptions in the last two games and generally looking more harassed than he has all season. Oh, and he’s spend most of the past 10 days with his leg in a protective cast, having picked up a high ankle sprain in the AFC Championship game against the Chargers.
Manning, on the other hand, has barely put a foot wrong. The pressure of the playoff games seems hardly to have affected him (and, whatever you say, it got to Big Brother Peyton last year. Big time.) and the Giants have turned the ball over only once. He’s also held the side steady through the narrow overtime win against the Packers. It does seem that the more the spotlight falls on him, the more he feels able to be himself.
The clinching factor could be that Brady has been here before, three times. But he hasn’t since 2005. And whilst Manning has never played in a Superbowl, he did have the advantage of playing in the game in London in October, with all the attention that generated (if you don’t believe how much that meant, listen to the excited squawks coming out of New Orleans and San Diego, both of whom are supposed to be coming this year). I don’t see this being the walkover for Brady that everyone thinks it is.
Verdict: TIE
WIDE RECEIVERS
We already mentioned the Patriots receiving corps. Randy Moss, Donte Stallworth, Wes Welker and Jabar Gaffney. Hell, even Grossman would look good throwing to these guys. Moss broke the record for number of receiving touchdowns in a season, Welker was, for me, the player of the season, Stallworth gives you extreme pace and if you can stop those three they’ll bring in Gaffney, too.
Against this, the Giants have Plaxico Burress, Amani Toomer, Steve Smith and their own Moss, Sinorice. Burress has played all season with a dodgy ankle and at times has hardly practised, but you can bet he’ll be working his socks off down in Arizona this week. He will cause huge problems for the Patriots, because at 6’5” he just towers above most defensive backs. It the ball is thrown anywhere near him, he’ll catch it. The same is true of Toomer, who has the safest hands in the NFL bar none. What they don’t have is the pace of the Patriots receivers, nor do they have the strength in depth – Smith is a rookie with much to learn, Sinorice Moss isn’t a rookie and doesn’t seem to have learned very much anyway.
Verdict: PATRIOTS
RUNNING BACKS/TIGHT ENDS
The running back equation is almost too tight to call. The Patriots have Laurence Moroney and Kevin Faulk, the Giants Brandon Jacobs and Ahmad Bradshaw. Both teams will be looking to run with the ball a lot – the Giants to try and take some pressure off of Manning, who will be targeted by the Patriots defensive line, the Patriots because the Giants will be covering all the deep position, trying to keep tracks of the four receivers. That said, the Patriots would love to have a monster like the 6’4”, 264 pound Jacobs to run at an opponent instead of Moroney, who is efficient but nothing more. The real challenge is how the sides cope with the third down specialists, Faulk and Bradshaw. Faulk is a long time veteran who saves his best for the big games. He can catch, too, as anyone who saw his stunning dive catch against the Colts will testify. Bradshaw is 5’9” in every direction and very hard to tackle when he gets going.
Where the Patriots edge it is in the tight ends. Ben Watson and Kyle Brady can catch, run, do everything but throw. The Giants lost Jeremy Shockey, one of their star men, with a broken leg in early December and can only field the rookie Kevin Boss. Boss had an outstanding game against the Patriots in the last week of the regular season, catching two touchdown passes, but he’s lost that element of surprise now.
Verdict: PATRIOTS
OFFENSIVE AND DEFENSIVE LINES
The Patriots have two of the best offensive linemen around in Logan Mankins and Matt Light. Against them, two of the best defensive lineman, Michael Strahan and London’s own Osi Umeniyora. This is going to be one hell of a clash. Three of the four have been selected to the Pro Bowl the following week, so you really do have the makings of a classic battle. I’m going to pick the Giants to win this one, as Strahan (the one not going to Hawaii) plays on the opposite side of the line to the other three and should make mincemeat of his opponents, Nick Kazcur and Steve Neal.
On the other hand, the Giants’ offensive line will have serious problems protecting Manning. Not only do they face the Patriots’ legendary Richard Seymour, they are also up against the man who is officially the NFL’s dirtiest player, Vince Wilfork. He picked up his fourth fine of the season for foul play only this week, and in fact has two fines in the last three weeks. The Giants’ line has played better than they could ever have hoped for, but I think they are going to struggle.
Verdict: TIE
SECONDARY
The Giants’ secondary are going to spend their game running backwards, trying to cover the Patriots’ receivers. Whilst the likes of Antonio Peirce, Sam Madison and Kawika Mitchell are notorious harassers of quarterbacks, they are going to be needed to drop back and help further down the pitch, rather than joining in the fun up front with Strahan and Umeniyora. Whilst cornerback RW McQuarters will be hoping to add to his three playoff interceptions, if he is on the pitch at all it will indicate that the Giants either are under serious pressure, or that they’ve lost another starting back to injury.
By contrast, the Patriots have Adalius Thomas, Tedy Bruschi, Mike Vrabel, Rodney Harrison and Asante Samuel, all of whom have had fairly easy rides for the last month and all of whom will be champing at the bit to get into the Giants’ offense. Their big worry is that they will be badly burned by Burress. I suspect that they will be told to put that out of their minds, secure in the knowledge that they have the beating of the Giants’ front five and that, if they don’t, they have other, more deadly receivers of their own.
Verdict: PATRIOTS
SPECIAL TEAMS
There’s little to choose between the two sides on the kicking and punting side of the game. Neither side has terrifically good returners of a football. Jeff Feeley, the Giants’ punter, has finally made a Superbowl after 20 years in the game. His opposite number, Chris Hanson, is officially the most underworked man in the NFL, having had less time on the pitch than any other starter this season. He’ll be hoping not to do much on Sunday, either.
The worst thing for the game would be overtime, because neither team has a top quality kicker. Stephen Gostkowski of the Patriots has had a good post-season, but can be nervy and unreliable. Lawrence Tynes is aiming to be only the second British-born Superbowl winner and showed with that last kick against the Packers that he has some nerve. The last thing the game needs is 15 minutes of these two missing goals in front of a primetime audience. If it comes down to it, I back Tynes.
Verdict: GIANTS
There you have it. If it is a kicking game, I expect the Giants to win. Anything else, though, and the Patriots will win by a clear 14 points.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
One perfect night – Margin
For football fans the inevitable pain and suffering visited on us by our teams is made bearable by the prospect of a perfect moment. This is the story of one such match.
Standing on the cracked concrete of the back yard, Spurs fans sang with their heads held high, getting wet by the rain as they drank their beers. Inside we got wet by the beers we spilt as we jumped arm in arm, singing and chanting and enjoying the night.
That was the Bell and Hare - an hour before kick off.
I’d ridden up on the rush hour train after work, and no commuter could have been left in doubt that Spurs were on the move. I don’t know what those heading to Bishop’s Stortford made of the constant chants of ‘Yid Army’ throughout the carriage. Nor do I care.
When the time came, those heading home squirmed to make space for the alighting supporters who could now be joined in their chorus by comrades from other carriages.
‘We are Tottenham – Super Tottenham – We are Tottenham – From the Lane’ announced the blatantly obvious as we, in Spurs shirts, hats, coats, gloves and scarves, surged down White Hart Lane station’s metal stairway onto White Hart Lane.
Cars slowed to a crawl as the marching crowd took to the roads, and programme quickly in hand I slipped into the familiar yellow glow of City Kebabs. At a table with fellow fans - there were no strangers tonight - I gorged on the best doner in town, washed it down with a beer, and made haste to the pub.
The Bricklayer’s was heaving. So too the Coach and Horses. The Corner Pin, its windows permanently boarded up, was audibly full. But the Bell and Hare was groaning under the weight of revelry.
The manic sweaty throng was united in its expectation. No talk of tactics. No fretting at results. No pondering likely line ups. Just singing, dancing, jumping, shouting, drinking and glory for one and all.
A few brandies and a Guinness necked, the pub emptied. The whole crowd as one had passed into the High Road which was ablaze with bright jackets of a wary police force, and ringing to the sound from seemingly miles around, “Spuuuuurs are on their way to Wemb-ley.”
Passing by the away fans entering their corner of the Park Lane, one large drunk behind me shouted “You’re going out you c*nts!” No more need be said.
Twenty minutes to go and the ground was almost full. The atmosphere had started to build and when the players marched on the announcer could barely be heard.
Kick off triggered a giant roar lasting so long that when Jenas sauntered into the box for the early opener we had no higher volume with which to mark it.
“Hark now hear - the Tottenham sing – the Arsenal run away.”
Soon after Denilson went down, seemingly injured by walking about. The signal came from the bench and he got back up again. Then after fifteen minutes another signal was offered. This time he stayed down to cover his manager’s embarrassment at changing the team in an act of early panic.
“Now we know you’re wooorrieeeed.”
The second goal went in and all heaven broke loose. People toppled over plastic chairs. Men hugged each other like long lost brothers. Children were hoisted high into the air. There was more jumping, more shouting, and a delight that no one knew how best to express.
“Ramos – Give us a wave – Ramos, Ramos, Give us a wave.”
Berbatov hit the post. Spurs dominated but couldn’t score. Fabregas gave the ball away cheaply time and time again. And then the interval.
Fans shook hands, grinned knowingly, and universally expressed the view that we were finally going to do it.
Keane opened the second half with our third and the contest was all over. We cheered again, we hugged again, and we marvelled at just how many we might score.
“Aaaalll I want is a team of Robbie Keanes – Team of Robbie Keanes – Team of Robbie Keanes.”
Now there was nothing left to do but celebrate. When Lennon scored we cheered again and revelled in the humiliation of our rivals. But by then the ground was already singing in full voice about the win.
“Que Sera Sera – Whatever will be will be – We’re going to Wem-ber-ley – Que Sera Sera!”
And to top it off, at that point, our wonderful Spanish manager took off Berbatov, Keane, and soon after Lennon. He was resting them for the big game at the weekend. No goal count, no chant, no other gesture, and no score line could have better insulted our opponents than that. Although by then many of their fans had gone home.
“Weee can see you – weeee can see you – weeee can see you sneaking out”
The rest of the match barely mattered. Arsenal players started fighting each other. Adebeyor scored what was barely a consolation goal. And Malbranque concluded matters with a last second fifth.
And during all of that time the Spurs fans combined in a universal spine tingling slow rendition of “Ohhhhhh Wheeeeen theeeee Spurrrrrrss – Goooo Maaaaarrrcchiiiing iiiiiiin - Ohhh Wheeen theee Spurrrss Go Maaar-chhiing iiiin – Iiiii Waaannaaa Beeeeeeeee Iiiin thaaaat Numbeeerrr – Oh When the Spuuuurrrs Goooo Maaaaaar-chiiiing iiiin.”
Standing on the cracked concrete of the back yard, Spurs fans sang with their heads held high, getting wet by the rain as they drank their beers. Inside we got wet by the beers we spilt as we jumped arm in arm, singing and chanting and enjoying the night.
That was the Bell and Hare - an hour before kick off.
I’d ridden up on the rush hour train after work, and no commuter could have been left in doubt that Spurs were on the move. I don’t know what those heading to Bishop’s Stortford made of the constant chants of ‘Yid Army’ throughout the carriage. Nor do I care.
When the time came, those heading home squirmed to make space for the alighting supporters who could now be joined in their chorus by comrades from other carriages.
‘We are Tottenham – Super Tottenham – We are Tottenham – From the Lane’ announced the blatantly obvious as we, in Spurs shirts, hats, coats, gloves and scarves, surged down White Hart Lane station’s metal stairway onto White Hart Lane.
Cars slowed to a crawl as the marching crowd took to the roads, and programme quickly in hand I slipped into the familiar yellow glow of City Kebabs. At a table with fellow fans - there were no strangers tonight - I gorged on the best doner in town, washed it down with a beer, and made haste to the pub.
The Bricklayer’s was heaving. So too the Coach and Horses. The Corner Pin, its windows permanently boarded up, was audibly full. But the Bell and Hare was groaning under the weight of revelry.
The manic sweaty throng was united in its expectation. No talk of tactics. No fretting at results. No pondering likely line ups. Just singing, dancing, jumping, shouting, drinking and glory for one and all.
A few brandies and a Guinness necked, the pub emptied. The whole crowd as one had passed into the High Road which was ablaze with bright jackets of a wary police force, and ringing to the sound from seemingly miles around, “Spuuuuurs are on their way to Wemb-ley.”
Passing by the away fans entering their corner of the Park Lane, one large drunk behind me shouted “You’re going out you c*nts!” No more need be said.
Twenty minutes to go and the ground was almost full. The atmosphere had started to build and when the players marched on the announcer could barely be heard.
Kick off triggered a giant roar lasting so long that when Jenas sauntered into the box for the early opener we had no higher volume with which to mark it.
“Hark now hear - the Tottenham sing – the Arsenal run away.”
Soon after Denilson went down, seemingly injured by walking about. The signal came from the bench and he got back up again. Then after fifteen minutes another signal was offered. This time he stayed down to cover his manager’s embarrassment at changing the team in an act of early panic.
“Now we know you’re wooorrieeeed.”
The second goal went in and all heaven broke loose. People toppled over plastic chairs. Men hugged each other like long lost brothers. Children were hoisted high into the air. There was more jumping, more shouting, and a delight that no one knew how best to express.
“Ramos – Give us a wave – Ramos, Ramos, Give us a wave.”
Berbatov hit the post. Spurs dominated but couldn’t score. Fabregas gave the ball away cheaply time and time again. And then the interval.
Fans shook hands, grinned knowingly, and universally expressed the view that we were finally going to do it.
Keane opened the second half with our third and the contest was all over. We cheered again, we hugged again, and we marvelled at just how many we might score.
“Aaaalll I want is a team of Robbie Keanes – Team of Robbie Keanes – Team of Robbie Keanes.”
Now there was nothing left to do but celebrate. When Lennon scored we cheered again and revelled in the humiliation of our rivals. But by then the ground was already singing in full voice about the win.
“Que Sera Sera – Whatever will be will be – We’re going to Wem-ber-ley – Que Sera Sera!”
And to top it off, at that point, our wonderful Spanish manager took off Berbatov, Keane, and soon after Lennon. He was resting them for the big game at the weekend. No goal count, no chant, no other gesture, and no score line could have better insulted our opponents than that. Although by then many of their fans had gone home.
“Weee can see you – weeee can see you – weeee can see you sneaking out”
The rest of the match barely mattered. Arsenal players started fighting each other. Adebeyor scored what was barely a consolation goal. And Malbranque concluded matters with a last second fifth.
And during all of that time the Spurs fans combined in a universal spine tingling slow rendition of “Ohhhhhh Wheeeeen theeeee Spurrrrrrss – Goooo Maaaaarrrcchiiiing iiiiiiin - Ohhh Wheeen theee Spurrrss Go Maaar-chhiing iiiin – Iiiii Waaannaaa Beeeeeeeee Iiiin thaaaat Numbeeerrr – Oh When the Spuuuurrrs Goooo Maaaaaar-chiiiing iiiin.”
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Long live King Kev - PremCorrespondent
Visiting St James’ Park is a bit like a trip to theatre-land down south. Or so says Kevin Keegan, referring presumably to the quiet spectators, over priced tickets, and acting on display.
Were it not for the third coming, Newcastle v Bolton was surely the least interesting game of the season. It was dull throughout, the football was turgid, and the ending was inconsequential.
Bolton have dragged their form out of the doldrums and Newcastle probably can’t fall as far as 17th. So good luck to the great hairy one. Lets hope he returns some vague interest to this amateur dramatic production of ‘A Ferret Ate My Hat’.
Staying with entertainment and funny wigs, Coco-the-Bramble managed the best ‘slip on a banana while wearing silly boots’ moment of the weekend.
The comedy signing for soon-to-be relegated Wigan attempted a pass back under very little pressure, fumbled it into the path of Andy Johnson, and by the time the fans stopped laughing Liverpool’s big four club had secured the three points.
Liverpool’s second team meanwhile, waited two days before failing to make up ground on their more illustrious rivals.
Amid fan protests at the owners for not buying them the title, and fears that Mascherano will leave because he’s not valued at £17million, only a late gem by Peter Crouch denied Villa a well deserved three points.
That’s Aston Villa by the way, who along with impressive form, a talented bunch of young English players, and a nerdy looking manager, are supported from afar by Tom Hanks - because they have a silly sounding name.
Further up the table the title challenge took an unspectacular lack of twists.
Arsenal comfortably beat relegated Fulham three nil, suggesting that the African Cup of Nations can rob you of key players with little ill effect if you only have to play rubbish sides.
Chelsea slightly less comfortably beat lowly Birmingham City by a goal to nil, showing that the African Cup of Nations can rob you of key players with little ill effect if you only have to play rubbish sides.
And Manchester United uncomfortably beat an energetic Reading by two goals to nil, showing that the African Cup of Nations can’t rob you of Portuguese wingers.
In other games no one much worried about…
Pompey strolled to a 3-1 win over Derby County, who might as well not have come up this season, thanks to a Benjani hat trick.
Blackburn had the ineptitude of the Boro front line to thank for their one-all draw. Had the North East side had a striker better than last night’s Chicken korma then this would have been a rout.
And Manchester City scored a dodgy sixteenth minute equalizer against West Ham to effectively end the contest at Eastlands with over seventy minutes to go.
So as the final curtain comes down, take a bow Robbie Keane. In an age when any old mercenary can hop between clubs like Wolves, Leeds, Coventry and Inter, it takes praiseworthy loyalty to stay in one place long enough to score 100 goals for your side.
His goal in a two-nil win against Sunderland made him Spurs’ fifteenth century scorer. And I can’t help but wonder as I raise my can of wife beater to him, how Spurs get so lucky that the top clubs decide time and again that they don’t want what has become a near goal-a-game Irishman.
Were it not for the third coming, Newcastle v Bolton was surely the least interesting game of the season. It was dull throughout, the football was turgid, and the ending was inconsequential.
Bolton have dragged their form out of the doldrums and Newcastle probably can’t fall as far as 17th. So good luck to the great hairy one. Lets hope he returns some vague interest to this amateur dramatic production of ‘A Ferret Ate My Hat’.
Staying with entertainment and funny wigs, Coco-the-Bramble managed the best ‘slip on a banana while wearing silly boots’ moment of the weekend.
The comedy signing for soon-to-be relegated Wigan attempted a pass back under very little pressure, fumbled it into the path of Andy Johnson, and by the time the fans stopped laughing Liverpool’s big four club had secured the three points.
Liverpool’s second team meanwhile, waited two days before failing to make up ground on their more illustrious rivals.
Amid fan protests at the owners for not buying them the title, and fears that Mascherano will leave because he’s not valued at £17million, only a late gem by Peter Crouch denied Villa a well deserved three points.
That’s Aston Villa by the way, who along with impressive form, a talented bunch of young English players, and a nerdy looking manager, are supported from afar by Tom Hanks - because they have a silly sounding name.
Further up the table the title challenge took an unspectacular lack of twists.
Arsenal comfortably beat relegated Fulham three nil, suggesting that the African Cup of Nations can rob you of key players with little ill effect if you only have to play rubbish sides.
Chelsea slightly less comfortably beat lowly Birmingham City by a goal to nil, showing that the African Cup of Nations can rob you of key players with little ill effect if you only have to play rubbish sides.
And Manchester United uncomfortably beat an energetic Reading by two goals to nil, showing that the African Cup of Nations can’t rob you of Portuguese wingers.
In other games no one much worried about…
Pompey strolled to a 3-1 win over Derby County, who might as well not have come up this season, thanks to a Benjani hat trick.
Blackburn had the ineptitude of the Boro front line to thank for their one-all draw. Had the North East side had a striker better than last night’s Chicken korma then this would have been a rout.
And Manchester City scored a dodgy sixteenth minute equalizer against West Ham to effectively end the contest at Eastlands with over seventy minutes to go.
So as the final curtain comes down, take a bow Robbie Keane. In an age when any old mercenary can hop between clubs like Wolves, Leeds, Coventry and Inter, it takes praiseworthy loyalty to stay in one place long enough to score 100 goals for your side.
His goal in a two-nil win against Sunderland made him Spurs’ fifteenth century scorer. And I can’t help but wonder as I raise my can of wife beater to him, how Spurs get so lucky that the top clubs decide time and again that they don’t want what has become a near goal-a-game Irishman.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
NFL Divisional Championship Games - the Velvet Bear
That’s that settled, then. The 2008 Superbowl will be between (to no-one’s surprise) the New England Patriots and (to everyone’s surprise) the New York Giants.
In truth, both Divisional Championship games were grim affairs, played out by four teams who were not only wary of taking any chances whatsoever, but who were also being frozen to the marrow. The game between the Patriots and the San Diego Chargers was played in a temperature of 9 degrees. Fahrenheit. That’s -13 Centigrade. And that was the warm game! Later, in Green Bay, the Giants and the Packers endured the third coldest NFL game ever, playing in -1F (-18C).
The first game - the AFC Championship - was decided more by the defenses than the much vaunted offenses. On the Chargers’ side of the ball, this was not much of a surprise, as QB Philip Rivers needed arthroscopic surgery on his injured knee to play at all, tight end Antonio Gates was still playing with a dislocated toe and running back LaDanian Tomlinson managed exactly three plays before going off injured again. This meant that, on the three occasions that they managed to get inside the Patriots 20 yard line, they only managed three field goals. By comparison, on the four visits that the Patriots made to the other end of the pitch, they came away with three touchdowns.
It tells you something about the game that the biggest news was that Tom Brady threw three interceptions, including one intended touchdown pass, the first time he’s been picked off in the end zone since 2005.
A fairly easy 21-12 win for the Patriots, marred only by allegations of foul play against defensive end Richard Seymour, although most rugby players would be surprised that being accused of ‘stomping on feet, slapping heads and elbowing people in the back’ was worthy of comment at all. (And why would you slap the head of someone wearing a helmet anyway?)
The game in Green Bay was so dull that it is hardly worth devoting any time to at all. Two very evenly matched sides slugged it out for the full 60 minutes to finish 20-20 at full time. It shouldn’t have been like that, as the Giants’ Scottish kicker Lawrence Tynes managed to miss two very kickable field goals which would’ve won the match for them in normal time, including one with the last play of the fourth quarter.
The drama all came during overtime, the fifteen minute period of extra time where the first score wins. Green Bay started out with the ball, but Brett Favre threw an interception. The Giants failed to obtain a first down and were left with the choice of punting the ball away, or attempting a 47 yard field goal. A lot of people are talking about how brave Giants coach Tom Coughlin was to take the latter option, especially considering Tynes’ earlier misses. In fact, a 47 yard field goal means that the ball starts on the opposition’s 32 yard line, as the kick is normally from a point 15 yards behind the point where the ball is ‘spotted’ at the end of the previous play. It is almost impossible to punt from so close to the goalline, so the options were to try again for a first down and risk handing the ball over on the 32 if you fail, or try for a field goal and risk handing the ball over on the 32 if you fail. In first-score-wins overtime, what are you going to do? Tynes nailed the kick and the Giants won 23-20.
So little Eli Manning gets to go to the Superbowl, just one year after his big brother finally got there. Moreover, he goes with a better record than Peyton did - Manning Snr being the first player to go to a Superbowl having thrown more interceptions than touchdowns. Who will win? Come back next week and I’ll tell you.
Meanwhile:
- Indianapolis Colts coach Tony Dungy has confirmed that he is, after all, going to stay with the team for one more season;
- Buffalo Bills’ player Antony Hargrove will be taking next year, off, though, after being suspended without pay for twelve months, having clocked up his third breach of the NFL’s anti-drugs policy. He was suspended for four games earlier this season for his second breach and the year ban is automatic for a third offence;
- Speaking of banned players, some good news at last for Adam ‘Pacman’ Jones - the latest woman to accuse him of assault has withdrawn her complaint;
- Finally, four players have been nominated for the Walter Payton Man of the Year award. Named after the legendary Chicago Bears running back, who died of a rare liver condition ten years ago, the award recognises players for their contribution to the community. Hines Ward, Jason Taylor, Jason Witten and Brian Waters are the four, and you can read more about their respective foundations here:
In truth, both Divisional Championship games were grim affairs, played out by four teams who were not only wary of taking any chances whatsoever, but who were also being frozen to the marrow. The game between the Patriots and the San Diego Chargers was played in a temperature of 9 degrees. Fahrenheit. That’s -13 Centigrade. And that was the warm game! Later, in Green Bay, the Giants and the Packers endured the third coldest NFL game ever, playing in -1F (-18C).
The first game - the AFC Championship - was decided more by the defenses than the much vaunted offenses. On the Chargers’ side of the ball, this was not much of a surprise, as QB Philip Rivers needed arthroscopic surgery on his injured knee to play at all, tight end Antonio Gates was still playing with a dislocated toe and running back LaDanian Tomlinson managed exactly three plays before going off injured again. This meant that, on the three occasions that they managed to get inside the Patriots 20 yard line, they only managed three field goals. By comparison, on the four visits that the Patriots made to the other end of the pitch, they came away with three touchdowns.
It tells you something about the game that the biggest news was that Tom Brady threw three interceptions, including one intended touchdown pass, the first time he’s been picked off in the end zone since 2005.
A fairly easy 21-12 win for the Patriots, marred only by allegations of foul play against defensive end Richard Seymour, although most rugby players would be surprised that being accused of ‘stomping on feet, slapping heads and elbowing people in the back’ was worthy of comment at all. (And why would you slap the head of someone wearing a helmet anyway?)
The game in Green Bay was so dull that it is hardly worth devoting any time to at all. Two very evenly matched sides slugged it out for the full 60 minutes to finish 20-20 at full time. It shouldn’t have been like that, as the Giants’ Scottish kicker Lawrence Tynes managed to miss two very kickable field goals which would’ve won the match for them in normal time, including one with the last play of the fourth quarter.
The drama all came during overtime, the fifteen minute period of extra time where the first score wins. Green Bay started out with the ball, but Brett Favre threw an interception. The Giants failed to obtain a first down and were left with the choice of punting the ball away, or attempting a 47 yard field goal. A lot of people are talking about how brave Giants coach Tom Coughlin was to take the latter option, especially considering Tynes’ earlier misses. In fact, a 47 yard field goal means that the ball starts on the opposition’s 32 yard line, as the kick is normally from a point 15 yards behind the point where the ball is ‘spotted’ at the end of the previous play. It is almost impossible to punt from so close to the goalline, so the options were to try again for a first down and risk handing the ball over on the 32 if you fail, or try for a field goal and risk handing the ball over on the 32 if you fail. In first-score-wins overtime, what are you going to do? Tynes nailed the kick and the Giants won 23-20.
So little Eli Manning gets to go to the Superbowl, just one year after his big brother finally got there. Moreover, he goes with a better record than Peyton did - Manning Snr being the first player to go to a Superbowl having thrown more interceptions than touchdowns. Who will win? Come back next week and I’ll tell you.
Meanwhile:
- Indianapolis Colts coach Tony Dungy has confirmed that he is, after all, going to stay with the team for one more season;
- Buffalo Bills’ player Antony Hargrove will be taking next year, off, though, after being suspended without pay for twelve months, having clocked up his third breach of the NFL’s anti-drugs policy. He was suspended for four games earlier this season for his second breach and the year ban is automatic for a third offence;
- Speaking of banned players, some good news at last for Adam ‘Pacman’ Jones - the latest woman to accuse him of assault has withdrawn her complaint;
- Finally, four players have been nominated for the Walter Payton Man of the Year award. Named after the legendary Chicago Bears running back, who died of a rare liver condition ten years ago, the award recognises players for their contribution to the community. Hines Ward, Jason Taylor, Jason Witten and Brian Waters are the four, and you can read more about their respective foundations here:
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Anil and his Winning Shades - Chanelle
(dutifully transcribed by Zephirine)
“Well as my Dad would say, fall about in my back yard. Australia have lost a Test match.
Those of you who are not into cricket right will be saying like yeah and?
Let me explain it for you yeah they were on a winning streak of 16 having not lost a Test match since way back in 2005 when they were beaten by England yeah hard as that may now be to believe.
Australia have done this before right under their previous captain the legendary Steve Waugh they reached 16 unbeaten in 2001 yeah so the less legendary Ricky Ponting has been obviously like busting to beat the record but 17 was not to be. Tough shit Ricky lol.
So I was trying to explain the impact of this to Karl and I’m like, it’s as if you woke up and found Man U, Liverpool, Arsenal and Chelsea were all halfway down the Premier League right but he was like, that’s a physical impossibility and a ridiculous hypothesis so I was like, ooh pardon me for breathing. Football freaks eh?
Seriously it is a great result yeah because the Aussies winning all the time in the Tests was quite dull and also there have been like questions raised about their style of play under the not quite legendary Ricky and if the Indians can be their like nemesis it can only be good for the game yeah.
Thing is yeah the Australians play using a lot of sledging which is basically like verbal abuse and the sort of thing you or I would get thrown off the bus for but well to be fair everybody does it a bit in cricket well the men anyway because hey they are basically standing about in a field for a very long time yeah and most men would swear in this situation. Though it is more like insults and there are famous examples that everybody like sniggers about yeah to do with who has been seeing to whose wife etc etc you can use your imaginations. As far as I know women cricketers don’t sledge much right but I bet they swop the odd remark yeah like about how the batswoman made a big mistake choosing that hair colour with her skin tone lol.
But there has been a feeling right that the Australians employ psychological aggression like to excess yeah and this ended in nasty scenes in the 2nd Test match at Sydney which I am not even going to start to discuss right because a thousand trolls will descend on this site from Australia and India and will scream at each other endlessly causing noise pollution in cyberspace life is too short. But we can say that some iffy umpiring didn’t exactly help yeah and also we must admit that the Indian Cricket Board does a bit of psychological aggression of its own yeah consisting of waving its very big cheque book and saying like argue with us if you dare.
So this 3rd and latest match has been played in Perth right and there the Indians have won by 72 runs and nobody has got into any fights yeah and the spirit of cricket is safe and well for a while longer hooray and hurrah and everybody is happy except the Aus team. Even some of the Aussie supporters don’t mind yeah because they were getting like pretty bored, win win win win yawn.
And this is very nice for Anil Kumble right who is the Indian captain but only after years of waiting for the job and he is one of those people that just like does what he does really well and gets on with it yeah and nobody notices much and now suddenly right everyone realises he has taken over 600 wickets in his career which is the third highest ever since the dawn of the game right so cheers for Anil. He also wears very cool shades which are probably from a sponsor but they are chicly smart.
The other person to talk about right is Ishant Sharma who is only 19 and very tall and skinny with long hair and looks like the sort of boy who just loafs about at home smoking lots of weed yeah but that would be like the wrong impression of all time because he is a seriously like seriously good bowler : )) He managed to get the almost legendary Ricky P like totally rattled and got him out right so that is like an achievement and a half for a 19 year-old guy. So the same as our own tall skinny and cute Stuart Broad yeah we must hope he avoids injury and also doesn’t like go mysteriously off the boil for ever like too many of the English bowlers sigh.
Now there is one Test left because they are only playing four which is kind of stupid right so India can only level the series yeah but clearly the sparks are flying now and everybody is looking forward to it. And this shows that it is the like unpredictability of sport that we love yeah nobody wants to watch a match knowing in advance what the result would be right and perhaps we will love the Aussies more now they have been beaten hmm though I think we in England will only truly love them when they have been beaten by us.”
“Well as my Dad would say, fall about in my back yard. Australia have lost a Test match.
Those of you who are not into cricket right will be saying like yeah and?
Let me explain it for you yeah they were on a winning streak of 16 having not lost a Test match since way back in 2005 when they were beaten by England yeah hard as that may now be to believe.
Australia have done this before right under their previous captain the legendary Steve Waugh they reached 16 unbeaten in 2001 yeah so the less legendary Ricky Ponting has been obviously like busting to beat the record but 17 was not to be. Tough shit Ricky lol.
So I was trying to explain the impact of this to Karl and I’m like, it’s as if you woke up and found Man U, Liverpool, Arsenal and Chelsea were all halfway down the Premier League right but he was like, that’s a physical impossibility and a ridiculous hypothesis so I was like, ooh pardon me for breathing. Football freaks eh?
Seriously it is a great result yeah because the Aussies winning all the time in the Tests was quite dull and also there have been like questions raised about their style of play under the not quite legendary Ricky and if the Indians can be their like nemesis it can only be good for the game yeah.
Thing is yeah the Australians play using a lot of sledging which is basically like verbal abuse and the sort of thing you or I would get thrown off the bus for but well to be fair everybody does it a bit in cricket well the men anyway because hey they are basically standing about in a field for a very long time yeah and most men would swear in this situation. Though it is more like insults and there are famous examples that everybody like sniggers about yeah to do with who has been seeing to whose wife etc etc you can use your imaginations. As far as I know women cricketers don’t sledge much right but I bet they swop the odd remark yeah like about how the batswoman made a big mistake choosing that hair colour with her skin tone lol.
But there has been a feeling right that the Australians employ psychological aggression like to excess yeah and this ended in nasty scenes in the 2nd Test match at Sydney which I am not even going to start to discuss right because a thousand trolls will descend on this site from Australia and India and will scream at each other endlessly causing noise pollution in cyberspace life is too short. But we can say that some iffy umpiring didn’t exactly help yeah and also we must admit that the Indian Cricket Board does a bit of psychological aggression of its own yeah consisting of waving its very big cheque book and saying like argue with us if you dare.
So this 3rd and latest match has been played in Perth right and there the Indians have won by 72 runs and nobody has got into any fights yeah and the spirit of cricket is safe and well for a while longer hooray and hurrah and everybody is happy except the Aus team. Even some of the Aussie supporters don’t mind yeah because they were getting like pretty bored, win win win win yawn.
And this is very nice for Anil Kumble right who is the Indian captain but only after years of waiting for the job and he is one of those people that just like does what he does really well and gets on with it yeah and nobody notices much and now suddenly right everyone realises he has taken over 600 wickets in his career which is the third highest ever since the dawn of the game right so cheers for Anil. He also wears very cool shades which are probably from a sponsor but they are chicly smart.The other person to talk about right is Ishant Sharma who is only 19 and very tall and skinny with long hair and looks like the sort of boy who just loafs about at home smoking lots of weed yeah but that would be like the wrong impression of all time because he is a seriously like seriously good bowler : )) He managed to get the almost legendary Ricky P like totally rattled and got him out right so that is like an achievement and a half for a 19 year-old guy. So the same as our own tall skinny and cute Stuart Broad yeah we must hope he avoids injury and also doesn’t like go mysteriously off the boil for ever like too many of the English bowlers sigh.
Now there is one Test left because they are only playing four which is kind of stupid right so India can only level the series yeah but clearly the sparks are flying now and everybody is looking forward to it. And this shows that it is the like unpredictability of sport that we love yeah nobody wants to watch a match knowing in advance what the result would be right and perhaps we will love the Aussies more now they have been beaten hmm though I think we in England will only truly love them when they have been beaten by us.”
Saturday, January 19, 2008
How to win leagues without cash – Ebren & Margin
I've just finished reading Moneyball. If you haven't read it - do. Do it now. Borrow my copy.
The book sets out how any sporting side can boost their chances of winning by looking at the defining characteristics of victory and focusing exclusively on the things that increase its chances winning .
No matter how ugly, slow, old, injured or unfavourable a reputation a player might have, and no matter how bad that player might be at things that don't improve your chances of winning - if he increases your chances of success you sign him.
In Moneyball this leads the Oakland As to remarkable success in Major League Baseball.
That success is also a result of another lesson that Moneyball teaches. You see any isolated sport that relies on insiders to run things is vulnerable to attack by outsiders. Those within "the club" can tell outsiders that "you're not one of us so you don't know what you're talking about" but leave themselves open to being beaten by those outsiders with good data, facts and objectivity.
This allowed Oakland to identify that many of the most expensive players in baseball added little by way of value to a team in terms of wins. The most valued draft players, often picked on the basis of how far they hit the ball, were often not particularly good at hitting it, and some attributes generally deemed valuable turned out to have little bearing on winning baseball games.
But the secret of doing it without money [as Oakland As had to in the book] is to look at which of the attributes that lead to success are least valued by others, and then focus on these (focus on the same attributes as rich teams and their money means you will lose). And you can make money by exploiting other people's misconceptions to sell on players you can replace at a massive profit.
To do this you first have to examine your sport in the minutest detail (first lesson: the naked eye and watching games - even all the home games in a season - is useless to you).
But this is a problem in my beloved football.
We all know what wins football games - goals. More specifically scoring more goals than the opposition.
So the next question is how do you score more goals than the opposition?
In the 1980s the theory was most goals are scored in the opposition final third. So get the ball there as fast as possible. And so was born Graham Taylor's Watford. Which had great success in the league but could not cut it at international level (although Egil Olsen had more success with Norway). The 1970s Ajax system, contrary to popular belief, was also an effort to score in the most efficient manner (you swapped positions, because rather than running from left back to left wing, and back again, it was easier to run to left wing, swap with the left wing, then swap back – 70 yards less running, same defensive shape).
But in football no one ever successfully broke the mould and brought in outsiders to ditch the unqualified football men. Too many remain without good reason to justify the job they are in with anything other than “I used to play, y’know”. And too few compete with other people on the exact job skills needed for the managerial posts that now pay them in millions.
Not many football managers would survive true scrutiny. Certainly not most of the ex-players that get top-flight jobs the first time they try. Some of them work out. The vast majority don't. But in the next 12 months I guarantee another ex-player with no CV will get a top job (one in the top two divisions). It's nuts.
And that means the first people to successfully exploit this imbalance in the market will have success. Now in Taylor, Allardyce, Robson, Ferguson, O'Neil and Clough managers have succeeded in consistently beating huge piles of cash with intelligence.
But have they done the stats? Have they really ever looked at exactly what makes a team win on the pitch with academics running the numbers? Spirit, pride, passion, "game breakers", "that bit of magic", "there's just something about him". How often do you here these phrases from people paid to analyse the game?
Numbers game
So goals mean games. Score them and stop them.
But more than that - to take the Moneyball example - which stats correlate to victories most closely. And what are the secondary stats that lead to these stats.
To be subjective for a moment, let's look at some misconceptions.
Territory. Possession. Goals. Clean sheets. Shots. Distance covered. Tackles. Cards, red and yellow.
These are the stats people see, quote, and argue about.
I'll take them one by one.
Territory. Meaningless. Utterly, uttelry meaningless. Beckham scored from his own half. So did Alonso. 1% of a game in a final third is enough to score quite a few goals. And then look at Leeds Chelsea in December 1997. Leeds had nine men, Chelsea eleven. Chelsea camped in the opposition half, won 14 corners to none, and never looked like scoring. 0-0. England Argentina 2002? The socreline is not dependent on territory.
Possession. Do you know how often you need to touch the ball to win 3-0. Once. At your kick off (either at 0 or 45 mins). You can't score without the ball and they can't score if you have it. Fair enough the wise heads nod. But it's bollox really. Germany had more possession in 2001, 1-5 England. In 1972 England had more possession and territory – 1-3 Germany at Wembley.
Goals. Fine, more goals means you win. But how much of a goal is luck, and how much is skill? Deflections, own goals, cock ups, idiots, bad refereeing calls. Goals alone are not a reliable stat - the stats alone are so flawed.
Clean sheets. As above. With a large dollop of opposition ineptitude included. Their cock ups lead to your success. Actually, that applies to goals as well.
Shots. As the 2006 World Cup quarter finals approached, Frank Lampard had taken as many shots in that competition as Argentina. Argentina had scored 10 goals. Lampard hadn't. All shots are not equal, and treating them as such is deeply flawed logic.
Distance covered by a player. I can run 10k in 57 minutes. About the same as most Premiership players in 90. Players run more in England than in other leagues. Does that mean the league is better? Frankly, I would guess the average distance covered in the Championship is higher than in Serie A or La Liga as well.
Tackles. Right, don't get me started here. Tackles are fundamentally reactive. They are also something you do when other things have failed and the opposition is threatening. Just no.
Cards. Do they mean anything to a result? - is there any evidence that a team with "worse discipline" perform worse than a comparable team with better discipline? If there is I will shut up about this. But Arsene Wenger's shocking long term red card record at Arsenal suggests not, and Juande Ramos has seen his players collect three at Spurs, in matches resulting in one win, one draw, and one defeat.
What it all means
Without stats we can't know these things are irrelevant, but with such clear exceptions and with no figures to back up conventional wisdom, there is no reason to believe they are.
So what makes you win and lose games? Well, goals. What leads to goals, chances (note - not shots, you do not need a shot to have a chance, as evidenced by Theo Walcott's recent equalizer against Spurs last week, and a shot is often not a chance at all). Specifically finished chances. So what you need is chance conversion rate from a striker. Scrap that - two stats, chances created, and chances finished. The ratio between them needs to be established.
Chances come from for the team - the process that leads to a goal is key. Increasing your chances of creating chances. Decrease the opposition’s chances of creating chances. Increase your chances of finishing chances and vice-versa for the opposition.
For example, do crosses result in chances more often than a simple pass inside? Is the chance conversion better on crosses? What about crosses from deep as opposed to from corner of the box? And how does a cross from the left compare to a cross from the right?
A pet theory is possession won within 30 yards of the opposition goal is a key stat. Win possession there do chances nearly always ensue? If so who's best at winning possession there? Have we just stumbled upon the point of Kevin Davies? A corollary of that is how often possession is surrendered in the final third – how often is a defender caught with the ball? If it happens a lot does it undermine the benefits of that same defender's excellent heading or pace?
We need facts and stats.
Focus on this, evaluate the more and less valuable contributions to this. For example - which players contribute the most to the goals scored and conceded? If a goalkeeper worth ten goals a season is half the price of a striker worth 20 goals a season, can we spend the money saved on a striker worth at least eleven goals a season? If so, let’s exploit it (buy strikers cheap, and sell them to fund better keepers- have Reading already read this?).
But let's do it properly, test the damn theory properly. There is no reason not to do this. In fact, others not doing it is a Very Good Reason to do it indeed.
Some have tried - pipe down Boothroyd, you don't count. McClaren put prozone down and stop grinning.
Some stats are more than numbers, some stats can tell you something, they have the power of language. Others are just numbers, it is working out what counts, and not counting, that matters.
Here begins the search for new football knowledge.
The book sets out how any sporting side can boost their chances of winning by looking at the defining characteristics of victory and focusing exclusively on the things that increase its chances winning .
No matter how ugly, slow, old, injured or unfavourable a reputation a player might have, and no matter how bad that player might be at things that don't improve your chances of winning - if he increases your chances of success you sign him.
In Moneyball this leads the Oakland As to remarkable success in Major League Baseball.
That success is also a result of another lesson that Moneyball teaches. You see any isolated sport that relies on insiders to run things is vulnerable to attack by outsiders. Those within "the club" can tell outsiders that "you're not one of us so you don't know what you're talking about" but leave themselves open to being beaten by those outsiders with good data, facts and objectivity.
This allowed Oakland to identify that many of the most expensive players in baseball added little by way of value to a team in terms of wins. The most valued draft players, often picked on the basis of how far they hit the ball, were often not particularly good at hitting it, and some attributes generally deemed valuable turned out to have little bearing on winning baseball games.
But the secret of doing it without money [as Oakland As had to in the book] is to look at which of the attributes that lead to success are least valued by others, and then focus on these (focus on the same attributes as rich teams and their money means you will lose). And you can make money by exploiting other people's misconceptions to sell on players you can replace at a massive profit.
To do this you first have to examine your sport in the minutest detail (first lesson: the naked eye and watching games - even all the home games in a season - is useless to you).
But this is a problem in my beloved football.
We all know what wins football games - goals. More specifically scoring more goals than the opposition.
So the next question is how do you score more goals than the opposition?
In the 1980s the theory was most goals are scored in the opposition final third. So get the ball there as fast as possible. And so was born Graham Taylor's Watford. Which had great success in the league but could not cut it at international level (although Egil Olsen had more success with Norway). The 1970s Ajax system, contrary to popular belief, was also an effort to score in the most efficient manner (you swapped positions, because rather than running from left back to left wing, and back again, it was easier to run to left wing, swap with the left wing, then swap back – 70 yards less running, same defensive shape).
But in football no one ever successfully broke the mould and brought in outsiders to ditch the unqualified football men. Too many remain without good reason to justify the job they are in with anything other than “I used to play, y’know”. And too few compete with other people on the exact job skills needed for the managerial posts that now pay them in millions.
Not many football managers would survive true scrutiny. Certainly not most of the ex-players that get top-flight jobs the first time they try. Some of them work out. The vast majority don't. But in the next 12 months I guarantee another ex-player with no CV will get a top job (one in the top two divisions). It's nuts.
And that means the first people to successfully exploit this imbalance in the market will have success. Now in Taylor, Allardyce, Robson, Ferguson, O'Neil and Clough managers have succeeded in consistently beating huge piles of cash with intelligence.
But have they done the stats? Have they really ever looked at exactly what makes a team win on the pitch with academics running the numbers? Spirit, pride, passion, "game breakers", "that bit of magic", "there's just something about him". How often do you here these phrases from people paid to analyse the game?
Numbers game
So goals mean games. Score them and stop them.
But more than that - to take the Moneyball example - which stats correlate to victories most closely. And what are the secondary stats that lead to these stats.
To be subjective for a moment, let's look at some misconceptions.
Territory. Possession. Goals. Clean sheets. Shots. Distance covered. Tackles. Cards, red and yellow.
These are the stats people see, quote, and argue about.
I'll take them one by one.
Territory. Meaningless. Utterly, uttelry meaningless. Beckham scored from his own half. So did Alonso. 1% of a game in a final third is enough to score quite a few goals. And then look at Leeds Chelsea in December 1997. Leeds had nine men, Chelsea eleven. Chelsea camped in the opposition half, won 14 corners to none, and never looked like scoring. 0-0. England Argentina 2002? The socreline is not dependent on territory.
Possession. Do you know how often you need to touch the ball to win 3-0. Once. At your kick off (either at 0 or 45 mins). You can't score without the ball and they can't score if you have it. Fair enough the wise heads nod. But it's bollox really. Germany had more possession in 2001, 1-5 England. In 1972 England had more possession and territory – 1-3 Germany at Wembley.
Goals. Fine, more goals means you win. But how much of a goal is luck, and how much is skill? Deflections, own goals, cock ups, idiots, bad refereeing calls. Goals alone are not a reliable stat - the stats alone are so flawed.
Clean sheets. As above. With a large dollop of opposition ineptitude included. Their cock ups lead to your success. Actually, that applies to goals as well.
Shots. As the 2006 World Cup quarter finals approached, Frank Lampard had taken as many shots in that competition as Argentina. Argentina had scored 10 goals. Lampard hadn't. All shots are not equal, and treating them as such is deeply flawed logic.
Distance covered by a player. I can run 10k in 57 minutes. About the same as most Premiership players in 90. Players run more in England than in other leagues. Does that mean the league is better? Frankly, I would guess the average distance covered in the Championship is higher than in Serie A or La Liga as well.
Tackles. Right, don't get me started here. Tackles are fundamentally reactive. They are also something you do when other things have failed and the opposition is threatening. Just no.
Cards. Do they mean anything to a result? - is there any evidence that a team with "worse discipline" perform worse than a comparable team with better discipline? If there is I will shut up about this. But Arsene Wenger's shocking long term red card record at Arsenal suggests not, and Juande Ramos has seen his players collect three at Spurs, in matches resulting in one win, one draw, and one defeat.
What it all means
Without stats we can't know these things are irrelevant, but with such clear exceptions and with no figures to back up conventional wisdom, there is no reason to believe they are.
So what makes you win and lose games? Well, goals. What leads to goals, chances (note - not shots, you do not need a shot to have a chance, as evidenced by Theo Walcott's recent equalizer against Spurs last week, and a shot is often not a chance at all). Specifically finished chances. So what you need is chance conversion rate from a striker. Scrap that - two stats, chances created, and chances finished. The ratio between them needs to be established.
Chances come from for the team - the process that leads to a goal is key. Increasing your chances of creating chances. Decrease the opposition’s chances of creating chances. Increase your chances of finishing chances and vice-versa for the opposition.
For example, do crosses result in chances more often than a simple pass inside? Is the chance conversion better on crosses? What about crosses from deep as opposed to from corner of the box? And how does a cross from the left compare to a cross from the right?
A pet theory is possession won within 30 yards of the opposition goal is a key stat. Win possession there do chances nearly always ensue? If so who's best at winning possession there? Have we just stumbled upon the point of Kevin Davies? A corollary of that is how often possession is surrendered in the final third – how often is a defender caught with the ball? If it happens a lot does it undermine the benefits of that same defender's excellent heading or pace?
We need facts and stats.
Focus on this, evaluate the more and less valuable contributions to this. For example - which players contribute the most to the goals scored and conceded? If a goalkeeper worth ten goals a season is half the price of a striker worth 20 goals a season, can we spend the money saved on a striker worth at least eleven goals a season? If so, let’s exploit it (buy strikers cheap, and sell them to fund better keepers- have Reading already read this?).
But let's do it properly, test the damn theory properly. There is no reason not to do this. In fact, others not doing it is a Very Good Reason to do it indeed.
Some have tried - pipe down Boothroyd, you don't count. McClaren put prozone down and stop grinning.
Some stats are more than numbers, some stats can tell you something, they have the power of language. Others are just numbers, it is working out what counts, and not counting, that matters.
Here begins the search for new football knowledge.
Friday, January 18, 2008
January football and credit card bills - Premcorrespondent
In even numbered years, January can be a dull month for a football fan. There’s no meaningful international football until the summer, the Champions League is taking a break to count the money and in domestic football, teams are jockeying for position rather than staking claims. January used to host the two most romantic rounds of the most romantic Cup competition in the world, but a forward line of Paul Daniels, David Nixon and David Blaine couldn’t recapture the “Magic of the Cup” which is sadly a 20th century phenomenon.
Last weekend’s batch of games saw Manchester United refrain from scoring six in the first half against Allardyceless, clueless Newcastle, so they could ping in the half-dozen in the second period. A hat-trick for the Portuguese wonderkid, who could probably have had six himself if he’d wanted, illuminated a hideous mismatch. Newcastle will need saving if they are not to drop like a stone – where’s a Messiah when you need one? Oh… there.
Earlier in the day, Arsenal’s journey from sublime to, if not ridiculous, certainly a bit ordinary, continued with Garry O’Connor cancelling out Emmanuel Adebayor’s opener – the goalscorers’ names tell you all you need to know about the clubs. Dropping two midwinter points at home to the likes of Birmingham is dangerous for title contenders and Wenger will know that he can afford no more such slips. Arsenal slide to second. Fellow “Londoners” Chelsea showed how the spirit of Mourinho lives on, securing three points in an awkward fixture against resurgent Tottenham. The four points by which they trail the top duo is possibly one too many, but don’t be surprised to see Chelsea in the mix.
Speaking of which, the mix for the fourth CL spot looks very tight with four clubs level on points. Liverpool relied on Torres yet again to rescue a point at Middlesborough amidst boardroom strife – like Liverpool, Rafa is sinking. Two potential fourth placers faced off at Goodison, where Joleon Lescott;s goal suggested he could play centre-forward as well as full back and centre-half. Sven won’t be unduly concerned, as City’s home form remains strong. The other club in this mix is Aston Villa, which has been quietly, but purposefully built into a formidable team by Martin O’Neill. Their goals to see off Reading came from giant Scandanavian powerhouses, Laursen and Carew, but O’Neill has plenty of youthful pace to go with the brawn.
Elsewhere, it was business as usual as Fulham took the lead and lost, this time to West Ham, whose sensible manager should have a word with Dean Ashton’s barber; Derby conceded their usual late goal, this time to Wigan’s Sibierski, who doesn’t need a barber.
On Sunday, Roy Keane’s Sunderland showed that they have what it takes to pull away from the drop zone with two Keiron Richardson goals seeing off fading, African-free Portsmouth. The last game of the weekend was a curiously low-key derby between Blackburn and Bolton won by Jason Roberts’ late run and strike. Any club who acquires Gary Megson and loses Nicolas Anelka is probably asking for trouble, and that’s just what Bolton will get.
I’m off to pay my credit card – HOW MUCH?
Last weekend’s batch of games saw Manchester United refrain from scoring six in the first half against Allardyceless, clueless Newcastle, so they could ping in the half-dozen in the second period. A hat-trick for the Portuguese wonderkid, who could probably have had six himself if he’d wanted, illuminated a hideous mismatch. Newcastle will need saving if they are not to drop like a stone – where’s a Messiah when you need one? Oh… there.
Earlier in the day, Arsenal’s journey from sublime to, if not ridiculous, certainly a bit ordinary, continued with Garry O’Connor cancelling out Emmanuel Adebayor’s opener – the goalscorers’ names tell you all you need to know about the clubs. Dropping two midwinter points at home to the likes of Birmingham is dangerous for title contenders and Wenger will know that he can afford no more such slips. Arsenal slide to second. Fellow “Londoners” Chelsea showed how the spirit of Mourinho lives on, securing three points in an awkward fixture against resurgent Tottenham. The four points by which they trail the top duo is possibly one too many, but don’t be surprised to see Chelsea in the mix.
Speaking of which, the mix for the fourth CL spot looks very tight with four clubs level on points. Liverpool relied on Torres yet again to rescue a point at Middlesborough amidst boardroom strife – like Liverpool, Rafa is sinking. Two potential fourth placers faced off at Goodison, where Joleon Lescott;s goal suggested he could play centre-forward as well as full back and centre-half. Sven won’t be unduly concerned, as City’s home form remains strong. The other club in this mix is Aston Villa, which has been quietly, but purposefully built into a formidable team by Martin O’Neill. Their goals to see off Reading came from giant Scandanavian powerhouses, Laursen and Carew, but O’Neill has plenty of youthful pace to go with the brawn.
Elsewhere, it was business as usual as Fulham took the lead and lost, this time to West Ham, whose sensible manager should have a word with Dean Ashton’s barber; Derby conceded their usual late goal, this time to Wigan’s Sibierski, who doesn’t need a barber.
On Sunday, Roy Keane’s Sunderland showed that they have what it takes to pull away from the drop zone with two Keiron Richardson goals seeing off fading, African-free Portsmouth. The last game of the weekend was a curiously low-key derby between Blackburn and Bolton won by Jason Roberts’ late run and strike. Any club who acquires Gary Megson and loses Nicolas Anelka is probably asking for trouble, and that’s just what Bolton will get.
I’m off to pay my credit card – HOW MUCH?
NFL Divisional Playoffs - the Velvet Bear
Well, it’s a good job we had Superbowl XLI-andahalf back in November, because Superbowl XLII won’t be between the Patriots and the Colts.
In the surprise of the weekend, the Chargers overcame Indianapolis in Indianapolis by 28-24 and now go through to the AFC Championship game. It was quite some achievement by San Diego. They started the game with a half-fit Antionio Gates, who dislocated his toe last weekend. They lost star running back LJ Tomlinson with a knee injury less than halfway through the game. Then, to cap it all, quarterback Philip Rivers also picked up a knee injury.
The key to the Chargers’ success was just how well their back-ups performed. Michael Turner and Damien Sproules replaced Tomlinson and took it in turn to batter holes in the Colts’ defense. In fact, Rivers was injured throwing a short pass to Sproules, who then ran 53 yards for a touchdown. Even more remarkable was the play of backup QB Billy Volek, who had been so unreliable all year that he had only been on the field for ten plays in the entire season. What is more, he even threw an interception on his first series of plays, yet still came back to drive the team to victory, with a long, accurate, pass to Cris Chambers and then a one yard run of his own for the touchdown, thus completing the second most remarkable comeback of the weekend (we’ll get to the most remarkable one later).
The Colts themselves did little wrong. Peyton had two good passes bounce off the hands of receivers and into the waiting arms of Chargers players, but he also completed a sublime pass to tight end Dallas Clark for the game’s opening score, Clark spinning on his heel to shake off the last defender before running the ball home.
In retrospect, the Colts’ biggest mistake was probably to activate Marvin Harrison for this game. Harrison is a legend, one of the all time great wide receivers, another one who is a shoe-in for the Hall of Fame in due course. But you will notice that I haven’t mentioned him at all this season. That’s because he has been injured for half of it. And boy, did he play like a man who hasn’t been in a game for months. He only caught two passes all day and at least twice dropped catches which should’ve led to touchdowns. He clearly wasn’t ready for the game, no matter what Tony Dungy and his coaching staff felt.
The other surprise – although less of one – came in the NFC, where the Giants beat the Cowboys 21-17 in Texas Stadium. This really was a contest to find who had the least flaky quarterback. Eli Manning’s run of good, actually-I-really-can-play-like-a-franchise-quarterback form continues. Unfortunately for Dallas, so did Tony Romo’s run of I-don’t-want-to-do-this-I-have-a-sore-thumb-and-anyway-it’s-my-turn-to-have-sex-with-Jessica-Simpson form.
Basically, Romo had a stinker of a game. He completed on only 50% of his passes and never looked like the player he was, well, before he began dating Miss Simpson. At one point, he totally lost his cool with his offensive line in general and center Andre Gourode in particular – in the middle of a play. It is easy – and somewhat lazy – to draw parallels like that, but it is very coincidental that his play began going downhill the moment their relationship came to light and games like this will only further the cause of those who want to make such comparisons.
The game ended when the Cowboys, with only one timeout left and only 1.47 minutes on the clock, bizarrely went for two running plays and gained very few yards indeed. Romo then finally went for a pass, only to chuck the ball straight down the throat of the Giants’ replacement cornerback RW McQuarters. Game over. The Cowboys will forever wonder just how good this season could’ve been.
Most people had the Cowboys down as the only side who could beat the Patriots come February 3rd. If that is the case it should be a stroll for New England from now on. On Saturday night they took apart the Jacksonville Jaguars with such clinical precision, it was almost breathtaking. Jacksonville did everything, I mean everything, right. They played Randy Moss out of the game. They shut down the secondary (the deep part of the field, basically). They forced Tom Brady to throw short passes. They squeezed Laurence Moroney as he tried to run through the line of scrimmage. What did they get in return? Brady setting an NFL record for one game, by completing over 92% of his passes. Only twice did the ball go to ground, and one of those was when Wes Welker dropped a catch so simple, even Monty Panesar could’ve taken it.
I still can’t love the Patriots, but they are an awesome side to watch. I can’t see the Chargers having a prayer against them on Saturday, not unless they can get Gates, Rivers and particularly Tomlinson fit. Even then, the Patriots will have had one more day off between matches.
As an aside, 31 coaches across the NFL will be choking on their morning coffee when the league announces the Draft order for this year. The Draft is when the 32 NFL sides recruit the best college players of each year and I’ll be writing about it in much more detail nearer the time. The order in which teams pick is the reverse order in which they finish this season, with the worst team – the Dolphins, in other words – having the first pick and the Superbowl winners the 32nd.
This year, the Patriots lost their first round pick (there are seven rounds) as part of their punishment for spying on the Jets. Except that one of the ways teams trade players – there being no transfer market like in other sports – is by swapping or handing over draft picks. And, as a result of a trade made two years ago, the Patriots will have the seventh pick in the first round of the 2008 Draft. That’s right, they get the 7th best new player to enter the league. Quite where they will put him is anyone’s guess.
The final playoff game featured one of the best examples of a master demonstrating his art to his pupil that you will ever see. It also featured one of the gutsiest comeback performances that you will ever see.
Seattle Seahawks QB Matt Hasselbeck spent three years as Brett Favre’s understudy in Green Bay before moving to the west coast. Since then, he’s been in a losing Superbowl, been hailed as one of the best quarterbacks of his generation and almost been killed by a falling television camera. On Saturday evening, in Wisconsin, in a blizzard, Favre showed just how much he still has to learn. From the Packers’ first eight possessions, they scored touchdowns on 6. All of those six featured Favre leading them down the field from deep inside their own half. Strangely, though, it was what happened on the first two possessions that was interesting.
The Seahawks kicked off, so the Packers began with the ball. Favre passed to running back Ryan Grant, who promptly dropped the ball into the hands of a waiting Seahawk. One play later and Seattle were 7-0 up.
Green Bay again got the ball from the kick off. Favre entrusted the ball to Grant again, who this time had it stripped from his grasp. Seattle recovered the fumble, moved back up the field and went 14-0 up.
Cue Favre, as the ‘Hawks were kept to just two field goals in the rest of the match. Cue a 42-20 win for Green Bay. But also cue Ryan Grant, who came back from his disastrous opening to run for over 200 yards and score a hat-trick of tries. It was a formidable display, which overshadowed his Seahawk rival Shaun Alexander (another future Hall of Famer) – Alexander managed only 20 yards all game. Top marks to Grant for putting the early troubles behind him, but also to the Packers’ coaching staff for trusting him despite all that had gone before.
This weekend sees the Chargers visit the Patriots on Saturday and the Giants go to Green Bay on Sunday. And then the Superbowl hype can begin.
Not much other news this week, but:
- Word on the street is that both Seahawks’ coach Mike Holmgren and the Colts’ Tony Dungy are considering their futures now that their season is over. Dungy’s son has just enrolled in a high school in Texas, which is being taken as a sign that the first black coach ever to win a Superbowl may be about to step down. Holmgren goes through this ‘stay or go’ ritual every season, it seems, but rumour has it that this time, he is seriously thinking about moving on;
- The Packers have a safety named Atari Begby. Apparently his grandmother named him that. I’m wondering if he has brothers called Sinclair, Commodore and Oric;
- The Falcons have hired a new general manager (think ‘director of football’) without even meeting him. Thomas Dimitroff’s interview with owner Arthur Blank was conducted over a satellite link and apparently got him the role over the interviewees Blank did deign to meet.
In the surprise of the weekend, the Chargers overcame Indianapolis in Indianapolis by 28-24 and now go through to the AFC Championship game. It was quite some achievement by San Diego. They started the game with a half-fit Antionio Gates, who dislocated his toe last weekend. They lost star running back LJ Tomlinson with a knee injury less than halfway through the game. Then, to cap it all, quarterback Philip Rivers also picked up a knee injury.
The key to the Chargers’ success was just how well their back-ups performed. Michael Turner and Damien Sproules replaced Tomlinson and took it in turn to batter holes in the Colts’ defense. In fact, Rivers was injured throwing a short pass to Sproules, who then ran 53 yards for a touchdown. Even more remarkable was the play of backup QB Billy Volek, who had been so unreliable all year that he had only been on the field for ten plays in the entire season. What is more, he even threw an interception on his first series of plays, yet still came back to drive the team to victory, with a long, accurate, pass to Cris Chambers and then a one yard run of his own for the touchdown, thus completing the second most remarkable comeback of the weekend (we’ll get to the most remarkable one later).
The Colts themselves did little wrong. Peyton had two good passes bounce off the hands of receivers and into the waiting arms of Chargers players, but he also completed a sublime pass to tight end Dallas Clark for the game’s opening score, Clark spinning on his heel to shake off the last defender before running the ball home.
In retrospect, the Colts’ biggest mistake was probably to activate Marvin Harrison for this game. Harrison is a legend, one of the all time great wide receivers, another one who is a shoe-in for the Hall of Fame in due course. But you will notice that I haven’t mentioned him at all this season. That’s because he has been injured for half of it. And boy, did he play like a man who hasn’t been in a game for months. He only caught two passes all day and at least twice dropped catches which should’ve led to touchdowns. He clearly wasn’t ready for the game, no matter what Tony Dungy and his coaching staff felt.
The other surprise – although less of one – came in the NFC, where the Giants beat the Cowboys 21-17 in Texas Stadium. This really was a contest to find who had the least flaky quarterback. Eli Manning’s run of good, actually-I-really-can-play-like-a-franchise-quarterback form continues. Unfortunately for Dallas, so did Tony Romo’s run of I-don’t-want-to-do-this-I-have-a-sore-thumb-and-anyway-it’s-my-turn-to-have-sex-with-Jessica-Simpson form.
Basically, Romo had a stinker of a game. He completed on only 50% of his passes and never looked like the player he was, well, before he began dating Miss Simpson. At one point, he totally lost his cool with his offensive line in general and center Andre Gourode in particular – in the middle of a play. It is easy – and somewhat lazy – to draw parallels like that, but it is very coincidental that his play began going downhill the moment their relationship came to light and games like this will only further the cause of those who want to make such comparisons.
The game ended when the Cowboys, with only one timeout left and only 1.47 minutes on the clock, bizarrely went for two running plays and gained very few yards indeed. Romo then finally went for a pass, only to chuck the ball straight down the throat of the Giants’ replacement cornerback RW McQuarters. Game over. The Cowboys will forever wonder just how good this season could’ve been.
Most people had the Cowboys down as the only side who could beat the Patriots come February 3rd. If that is the case it should be a stroll for New England from now on. On Saturday night they took apart the Jacksonville Jaguars with such clinical precision, it was almost breathtaking. Jacksonville did everything, I mean everything, right. They played Randy Moss out of the game. They shut down the secondary (the deep part of the field, basically). They forced Tom Brady to throw short passes. They squeezed Laurence Moroney as he tried to run through the line of scrimmage. What did they get in return? Brady setting an NFL record for one game, by completing over 92% of his passes. Only twice did the ball go to ground, and one of those was when Wes Welker dropped a catch so simple, even Monty Panesar could’ve taken it.
I still can’t love the Patriots, but they are an awesome side to watch. I can’t see the Chargers having a prayer against them on Saturday, not unless they can get Gates, Rivers and particularly Tomlinson fit. Even then, the Patriots will have had one more day off between matches.
As an aside, 31 coaches across the NFL will be choking on their morning coffee when the league announces the Draft order for this year. The Draft is when the 32 NFL sides recruit the best college players of each year and I’ll be writing about it in much more detail nearer the time. The order in which teams pick is the reverse order in which they finish this season, with the worst team – the Dolphins, in other words – having the first pick and the Superbowl winners the 32nd.
This year, the Patriots lost their first round pick (there are seven rounds) as part of their punishment for spying on the Jets. Except that one of the ways teams trade players – there being no transfer market like in other sports – is by swapping or handing over draft picks. And, as a result of a trade made two years ago, the Patriots will have the seventh pick in the first round of the 2008 Draft. That’s right, they get the 7th best new player to enter the league. Quite where they will put him is anyone’s guess.
The final playoff game featured one of the best examples of a master demonstrating his art to his pupil that you will ever see. It also featured one of the gutsiest comeback performances that you will ever see.
Seattle Seahawks QB Matt Hasselbeck spent three years as Brett Favre’s understudy in Green Bay before moving to the west coast. Since then, he’s been in a losing Superbowl, been hailed as one of the best quarterbacks of his generation and almost been killed by a falling television camera. On Saturday evening, in Wisconsin, in a blizzard, Favre showed just how much he still has to learn. From the Packers’ first eight possessions, they scored touchdowns on 6. All of those six featured Favre leading them down the field from deep inside their own half. Strangely, though, it was what happened on the first two possessions that was interesting.
The Seahawks kicked off, so the Packers began with the ball. Favre passed to running back Ryan Grant, who promptly dropped the ball into the hands of a waiting Seahawk. One play later and Seattle were 7-0 up.
Green Bay again got the ball from the kick off. Favre entrusted the ball to Grant again, who this time had it stripped from his grasp. Seattle recovered the fumble, moved back up the field and went 14-0 up.
Cue Favre, as the ‘Hawks were kept to just two field goals in the rest of the match. Cue a 42-20 win for Green Bay. But also cue Ryan Grant, who came back from his disastrous opening to run for over 200 yards and score a hat-trick of tries. It was a formidable display, which overshadowed his Seahawk rival Shaun Alexander (another future Hall of Famer) – Alexander managed only 20 yards all game. Top marks to Grant for putting the early troubles behind him, but also to the Packers’ coaching staff for trusting him despite all that had gone before.
This weekend sees the Chargers visit the Patriots on Saturday and the Giants go to Green Bay on Sunday. And then the Superbowl hype can begin.
Not much other news this week, but:
- Word on the street is that both Seahawks’ coach Mike Holmgren and the Colts’ Tony Dungy are considering their futures now that their season is over. Dungy’s son has just enrolled in a high school in Texas, which is being taken as a sign that the first black coach ever to win a Superbowl may be about to step down. Holmgren goes through this ‘stay or go’ ritual every season, it seems, but rumour has it that this time, he is seriously thinking about moving on;
- The Packers have a safety named Atari Begby. Apparently his grandmother named him that. I’m wondering if he has brothers called Sinclair, Commodore and Oric;
- The Falcons have hired a new general manager (think ‘director of football’) without even meeting him. Thomas Dimitroff’s interview with owner Arthur Blank was conducted over a satellite link and apparently got him the role over the interviewees Blank did deign to meet.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Kerfuffle in the Kitchen at the Pakalolo
by Offgrass and Greenside
In the misty kitchen of our favourite hostelry, reindeer horns stick out of a giant boiling cauldron. A hatchet-faced, almost-Arsenic Pseuds XI boss (Offside) leans on the work bench, a bottle of absinthe beside him. Dressed in a bloody apron and chef’s hat, he expertly tests the sharpness of a meat cleaver. On the other side of the bench stands Greengrass in Santa Claus garb, nervously fumbling with his hat.
Offside: What can I do you for, GG?
Greengrass: Well, boss, it’s this Munni business...
Offside: Munni?
Greengrass: Yes, Munni. Here I am, the regular left-whinger in the Pseuds XI. That’s been my berth for years - never missed a game, except when I’ve been banned.
Offside: Oui - and...
Greengrass: Well, then this slip of a girl turns up and flashes her eyes at you, and you give her my place in the side. It’s not right, I mean...
Offside: GG, GG - take it easy. You’re not getting any younger, and I have to think about the future of the Pseuds XI. I just want to ease her into the squad, rotate her under your expert tutelage, sell a few shirts in Asia.
Greengrass: So I’m not being farmed out on loan to Accrington Stanley?
Offside: No way!
Greengrass: And I won’t be banished to the touchline with a sponge and some smelling salts and a little jar of Dog Fat ointment, ready to nip on and give her legs a rubbing if she gets hurt?
Offside (shudders): Dog above, no! As sure as Liverpool is the City of Culture (suddenly gets a frog in his throat and coughs it up, deftly slipping it into the cauldron) you will still be our main man on the left whinge. I’ll have Munni in the side for the Mickey Mouse Cup and a few games against the weaker teams.
Greengrass: I see.
Offside: Oui. I mean, if you insist on tiring yourself out by chasing 13-year-old Gooners all over the pitch, or if you’ve been away on international duty, you can go off to Bognor Regis for a weekend...
Greengrass: Blackpool, please!
Offside: ...or Blackpool. You can see the illuminations, gorge some cockles and candy floss, have a lie-in or two, get your fortune told, then come back to turn out in the big games - the Cup finals, the title deciders.
Greengrass: So I get to keep the number 11 jersey?
Offside: Oui.
Greengrass (leaving): Grand! Right - I’ll be off to get some training in, then. We’ve got a crib game tonight against the Wheel Tapirs. Will there be any grub on?
Offside (pensively stirring reindeer stew): Mmmm - so what IS Dog Fat?
Dear Reader,
we hope, with the aid of this virtual real-life scenario, to enlist your help in tackling some of the big issues facing top-level football today - ageism, sexism, slow-food fetischism, binge thinking, sheer greed and so on.
What do YOU think?
In the misty kitchen of our favourite hostelry, reindeer horns stick out of a giant boiling cauldron. A hatchet-faced, almost-Arsenic Pseuds XI boss (Offside) leans on the work bench, a bottle of absinthe beside him. Dressed in a bloody apron and chef’s hat, he expertly tests the sharpness of a meat cleaver. On the other side of the bench stands Greengrass in Santa Claus garb, nervously fumbling with his hat.
Offside: What can I do you for, GG?
Greengrass: Well, boss, it’s this Munni business...
Offside: Munni?
Greengrass: Yes, Munni. Here I am, the regular left-whinger in the Pseuds XI. That’s been my berth for years - never missed a game, except when I’ve been banned.
Offside: Oui - and...
Greengrass: Well, then this slip of a girl turns up and flashes her eyes at you, and you give her my place in the side. It’s not right, I mean...
Offside: GG, GG - take it easy. You’re not getting any younger, and I have to think about the future of the Pseuds XI. I just want to ease her into the squad, rotate her under your expert tutelage, sell a few shirts in Asia.
Greengrass: So I’m not being farmed out on loan to Accrington Stanley?
Offside: No way!
Greengrass: And I won’t be banished to the touchline with a sponge and some smelling salts and a little jar of Dog Fat ointment, ready to nip on and give her legs a rubbing if she gets hurt?
Offside (shudders): Dog above, no! As sure as Liverpool is the City of Culture (suddenly gets a frog in his throat and coughs it up, deftly slipping it into the cauldron) you will still be our main man on the left whinge. I’ll have Munni in the side for the Mickey Mouse Cup and a few games against the weaker teams.
Greengrass: I see.
Offside: Oui. I mean, if you insist on tiring yourself out by chasing 13-year-old Gooners all over the pitch, or if you’ve been away on international duty, you can go off to Bognor Regis for a weekend...
Greengrass: Blackpool, please!
Offside: ...or Blackpool. You can see the illuminations, gorge some cockles and candy floss, have a lie-in or two, get your fortune told, then come back to turn out in the big games - the Cup finals, the title deciders.
Greengrass: So I get to keep the number 11 jersey?
Offside: Oui.
Greengrass (leaving): Grand! Right - I’ll be off to get some training in, then. We’ve got a crib game tonight against the Wheel Tapirs. Will there be any grub on?
Offside (pensively stirring reindeer stew): Mmmm - so what IS Dog Fat?
Dear Reader,
we hope, with the aid of this virtual real-life scenario, to enlist your help in tackling some of the big issues facing top-level football today - ageism, sexism, slow-food fetischism, binge thinking, sheer greed and so on.
What do YOU think?
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Festive fatigue - Premcorrespondent
It seems fashionable nowadays for England's foreign imports to complain about the amount of football played in our sceptred isle over the Christmas period.
They come here - tempted by riches beyond the dreams of avarice - and then say they are cruelly parted from their families and made to play football.
Well, they should count themselves lucky. In the 11 days between December 22nd and January 2nd no Premier League player played more than four times - that's six hours or 360 minutes. In contrast, I have been forced to spend ten days, 240 hours or 14,400 minutes with the in-laws.
Cliff walks, dinners, breakfasts, lunches, coffees all accompanied by endless present exchanges with second cousin Ennis from Slapton, ex-sister-in-law Enid from Cullopmton, or Uncle Ned from Topsham and their broods - each infant thrusting out its grubby palm out in the expectation of "pwessies".
But there was - as ever - a bright side. Football, lovely, lovely football. 40 games. 122 goals.
Rather than take you thought the whole bally lot (and let's face it, sorting through cousin Ennis' sock draw for receipts to return his own interpretation of what a present should be is more appealing at the moment), I shall provide a team-by-team breakdown for the festive season.
Arsenal: points 10
A good Christmas for the Gunners. Two London derbies dispatched as if they were Derby, Everton swept aside, and the only points dropped against Pompey (the fourth draw in the last five games at Fratton Park for the Mr Wenger - and another joyous trip to the bookies resulting for your faithful correspondent).
But eight goals scored and only two conceded does not tell the full story. Against Everton, Spurs and Pompey the results could easily have gone the other way, and only once did Arsenal score in the first half (in their only comfortable win - against the Hammers).
Worryingly for the rest of the league, Eduardo and Adebayor have found form (with Bendtner chipping in) and a team that can successfully change things around while playing badly is the sort that wins things (see Chelsea in 04 and 05).
Arsenal come out of Christmas top, two points clear. They're going to win it aren't they...
Aston Villa: points 8
When Martin "I resemble a serial killer" O'Neil took over at Aston Villa I thought something might happen. A European Cup winner with Old Big Head as his manager. Making Leicester not only a Premier League fixture, but cup winners and then taking Celtic to multiple titles cups and a European final.
Finally it seemed the country's least ambitious "big" club had found the man to take them to success. And now things are happening in Brum.
Wins against Wigan and Spurs, and creditable draws away to Chelsea (well, 4-4 is more comedy than creditable) and top-4 club Man City, show real potential. Much like many of the young Englishmen in their side.
They're screwed aren't they? (7th in the table).
Birmingham: points 4
Mixed bag covers Birmingham's festive results about as well as a micro-skirt covers a hotel heiress getting out of a limo.
It all began very badly for those on the blue side of Brum, a 3-0 drubbing by fellow relegation candidates Bolton. Things then went from bad to almost exactly as good with a 3-0 drubbing of fellow relegation candidates Middlesbrough.
Having gone 1-0 down to fellow relegation candidates Fulham, they relaxed. In one of the most oft-quoted statistics of the year, Fulham have thrown away more leads than an incompetent dog-walker. At one point they were top of the table if the game lasted 45 mins and in the relegation zone at the end of 90. Needless to say Birmingham recovered from 0-1 down to draw 1-1.
Birmingham - having lost one, won one and drawn one without anyone noticing much - then proceeded to create the talking point of the festive season.
Losing 1-0 to Man U on New Year's Day was unremarkable, but Alex Ferguson getting annoyed about crowd noise in a routine victory has provoked comments every day since. Incidentally, St Andrew's - average decibels 122.7. Old Trafford, average decibels 117.5. Fergie should be quiet; the lack of atmosphere is more likely to unsettle opponents unused to it than his own players.
Birmingham finish two points and two places above the drop zone.
Blackburn: points 7
A good holiday period for a side looking like they are on the up (i.e. soon to hit the glass ceiling). And the way you make it to the top? Firepower. Santa Cruz and McCarthy are good at this and Bentley seems happy to supply ammunition.
A 1-0 win over Sunderland (McCarthy) a 2-1 over Derby (Santa Cruz and Bentley) might not have been too impressive - but were wins. By contrast the 2-2 away to the loud half of Manchester and a slender 0-1 defeat away to Chelsea were impressive performances - but yielded only one point.
Blackburn may be in 9th - but they are just three points of 6th and five behind Liverpool.
Bolton: points 6
Bolton's footballers, like Manchester's boxers, don't travel well.
Two good wins at home against Derby and Birmingham (any win is a good one when you have fewer points than fixtures played) were complimented by losses to Sunderland (plain embarrassing) and Everton (understandable).
Somehow - despite garnering just 20 points from 21 fixtures - Bolton are 14th in the table, three points from relegation, and have just lost their best player.
Chelsea: points 10.
Just when it seems to be a two horse race, Chelsea sneak a win here and a win there and, like Arnie in the Terminator, keep going forward. Despite crazy results like Boxing Day's game against Aston Villa (4-4 goals, 2-1 red cards), the team and its manager still possess all the charisma of a Terminator, which makes them easy to hate with your head (where the money comes from, how it's been spent, the impact on transfer fees etc) but hard to hate with your heart, as there just isn't enough there to get worked up about. I miss Jose.
The three wins came away at Blackburn and Fulham and at home to Newcastle, all by the single goal - Yawn. But in a turbulent season, they are just four points off Manchester United and six off Arsenal.
It's telling too that they have more points away from home than the other three of the Big Four, which shows that they have the stomach for the fight. Expect them to be closer to the top after 38 games than after 21, especially with Anelka filling an African Cup Of Nations shaped hole up front.
Derby: points 1.
Gone, Gone, Gone. But Paul Jewell is already making an impact, securing a point against a jammy Newcastle and succumbing to very late goals at home to Liverpool and away at Bolton.
Jewell's other match saw defeat by the odd goal at home to Blackburn (whose goals were scored by the Premier League's two form players over Christmas, Roque Santa Cruz and David Bentley). Jewell is already planning for the Championship 2009 and I expect him to do very well indeed in the second tier.
Cruel I know, and I wouldn't lose the Boxing Day match for the world, but with players visibly tired after so compressed a fixture list, would the Premier League be diminished by the absence of Derby (and, say, Fulham)? If that's the price for an 18 club League and 4 fewer fixtures with all that implies for the national team coach, the case is beginning to build
Everton: points 6.
Christmas revealed exactly where Everton stand: in the foyer, safe from the cold blast (and chip shop fires) outside, but not yet smartly turned out enough to be offered a seat in the Michelin starred restaurant.
At either end of the Christmas fixtures, Bolton and Middlesborough were despatched by two goals to nil with all the efficiency of an Audi cruising the empty motorways on Christmas Day. In between times, the Blues were more like Virgin Trains: things seemed to be going well vs Big Boys Manchester United and Arsenal, but all of a sudden the Pendolino Express had turned into a relief coach service and you were stuck behind an HGV somewhere near Spaghetti Junction, as United won 2-1 and the new Brazil won 1-4.
For that thank defensive errors by Pienaar vs Manchester United and Jagielka vs Arsenal, but, if truth be told, those clubs have better players and both will beat Everton 8 times out of 10. Everton are sixth which is about right.
Fulham: points 2.
For a man to look sound like Porky Pig may be regarded as a misfortune; to compound it by looking like Porky Pig appears careless. But Roy Hodgson has more than that on his mind as Fulham slip to 19th after a Christmas programme which brought just two points from draws at home to Wigan and away at Birmingham (those match-ups against fellow strugglers "count double" if you win them). Fellow Londoners, Chelsea and Tottenham, made it a miserable Christmas with a 5-1 walloping and a fortunate 1-2 victory, secured by the charming Michael Ballack's penalty after he went down "a little easily".
With two red cards (scary looking Haimar Bouazza and all-round nice guy Moritz Volz) further pressuring his thin squad, Porky has a lot of work to do if Fulham aren't to join Derby in getting detached in the basement.
Liverpool: points 8.
Read the Press recently? Hands up who thought Liverpool had a Ceausescuesque 1989 Christmas? Premcorr did, but there they are 8 points from 4 games and undefeated. But with the dream of a title fading for another season (how hollow are those t-shirts sported by Reds in 1991 with Terry Waite getting off a plane after his release from confinement saying, "What? The Mancs still haven't won the League.") Disquiet grows at Anfield.
The Christmas matches showed exactly why Liverpool are good enough to secure another CL qualifying place, but not good enough for the title, with an easy 4-1 seeing off of top half Pompey, a late goal to secure all three points against doomed Derby and draws against Sven's City and Wigan Athletic FFS. Again goals were a problem, with only Gerrard and Benayoun chipping in to support Torres.
Liverpool finish the period in fifth with a game in hand on fourth place Manchester City. Rafa is a medium term Torres injury away from Liverpool's worst season since the 7th place finish in 1999.
Manchester City: points 6
I always said seedy Sven was a genius - I remember it distinctly. Just like I've been banging on about the genius of Elano for years and saying how underrated he is and that he should be at a top-four side. Just like the rest of the footballing intelligencia.
City come through Christmas undefeated, despite games against three top sides and Newcastle. Draws with Liverpool, Blackburm and Villa were creditable, and showed a reliance that will stand them in good stead later on.
But that also explains why he never cut it as an England manager. Let's face it, three draws out of four games whenever facing a half-decent side was one more than was needed to knock England out of three tournaments. Only Pompey, Liverpool and Fulham have drawn more, If we had penalty shoot outs in the league expect City to be 8th. As it stands they are 4th. Only West Ham and Blackburn have a worse goal difference in the top half.
Manchester United: points 9
Every single year people look at what happened last season and predict that the same thing will happen again. Unless a team is hit by injuries (under performs) or buys in star names (will perform better). So Man U will logically win the league - just like Chelsea did last season and Arsenal went undefeated in 2005.
The problem with predicting success for the successful is that you are right more often than you are wrong, so generally have no idea why you are right and don't understand what's going on when it goes wrong. And yes, I am looking at you Lawro.
9 points is a decent return for Man U - but they were unconvincing against Birmingham, sneaked past Everton, and lost to West Ham. At the same time last year they won the league as an injury-hit Chelsea underperformed. Chelsea and Arsenal out-scored them this year. They are second in the table, they won't finish higher than that.
Middlesbrough: points 3
It is entirely possible Middlesbrough only exist in the minds of other clubs, and this Christmas was not exception.
They were a mere adjunct to the results of others according to most pundits. Everton's 2-0 defeat of them helped the blues edge closer to Europe, Birmingham's 3-0 victory against them moved them out of the relegation zone. West Ham's Ashton and Parker helped state their England credentials while beating them 2-0. And Portsmouth collapsed to a rare home defeat, denting their chances of getting a Uefa spot against them.
I would tell you they finished the festive season 15th - but let's be honest here, no one's reading this, you all skipped ahead to Newcastle.
Newcastle: points 1.
A triple helping of Christmas defeat cost Big Sam his job. Wigan on Boxing Day, Man City on New Years Day, and Chelsea in between all feasted on the black and white carcass. Drawing with Derby didn't help much either.
Plenty of money, international stars on the pitch, a new owner, and nothing changes. So the pragmatic miracle worker at Bolton went the way of the England, Barca, and Ipswich Legend. The same way as the Liverpool and Blackburn legend. And the same way as all others who have taken the job.
So Santa, another new manager? Or how about we check that list and move them to naughty from nice?
Newcastle are in 11th.
Portsmouth: points 4
Soon to be managerless Pompey had a mid-table Christmas.
A win at Reading, a home draw against Arsenal and away defeat to Liverpool. A 1-0 home loss to Boro emphasised the fact that while they can be good on their day, they don't have the consistency to really challenge for much in the league.
8th is about right, but they could freefall with the wrong man in charge. That said, there is not a lot of evidence the man they have in charge is any more than good enough to keep most sides in the top half of the table.
Reading: points 4
Reading are busy playing neat tidy football, comfortably above the relegation zone and nowhere near the European places.
So really, their fans are paying to watch pointless football.
But then if that's the position you are going to find yourself in you want to have fun doing it. 6-4. That'll cover it. A win against Sunderland and a draw away to West Ham and a loss to Pompey were the other results. But let's be honest here, the only one anyone remotely noticed was SIX-FOUR at Spurs.
I sometimes with I was a Reading fan.
Sunderland: points 3
Roy Keane likes to kick things, if he can't get a shot at opponents' legs as a manager it's chairs. The problem is, no matter how afraid of him the player are, most are simply not quite good enough.
Sunderland lost to Blackburn narrowly, Reading narrowly, Man U heavily and beat Bolton comfortably.
Three points from four games is relegation form, and the team finds itself in 18th. But the Maccums may well be saved this season due to the poverty of skill in the bottom half of the table. Sunderland may be in 18th, but there are four teams three points or fewer ahead of them. In fact the whole bottom half of the table is within three games of being in the relegation zone.
Tottenham: points 6
While Ramos was in Spain pundits prized one bet above all else. His games involved more than four goals so often that the occasional loss to the bookie meant nothing.
This Christmas the gift that keeps on giving is at Spurs. Five-one against managerless Fulham was a post-Christmas warm up that helped dull the pain of Robbie Keane's messed penalty in a 2-1 defeat to Arsenal. But there could be no preparation for the big Reading shaped package with the gold ribbon on and a post mark from Bulgaria.
Four goals for both Reading and Berbatov, along with one each from Malbranque and Defoe gave everyone a delight that still had heads spinning when the Lilywhites lost 2-1 to Villa on New Year's Day. Six points from nine is better than the old sock Spurs fans normally get.
Spurs are 12th, one place behind Newcastle.
West Ham: points 7
The Hammers are doing quite nicely for themselves, which is odd, because their players are anything but.
A team with Bellamy, Bowyer and Dyer is not one to be easily loved. Throw in an underwear model (Ljungberg) a Ferdinand brother and an Australian earning £70,000 a week, a foreign millionaire owner funding all the largess and a fan base known for a certain streak of nastiness and it's hard to see why they aren't hated more.
But they're not, and despite a Christmas fixture list containing Arsenal and Man U, they come away with seven points. Well, let's face it, they always beat Man U so that was no surprise. Neither was loss in the Emirates or a win at Boro. The Draw with Reading was more of a surprise.
West Ham are 10th and they should finish in the top half.
Wigan: points 5
Wigan have had a good Christmas under their new manager. But they needed one.
Five points was the second best return in the bottom half of the table, and means they climber out of the relegation zone (albeit on goal difference).
A draw against Liverpool a win against Newcastle and a draw against Fulham are where the points came from. And a 2-1 loss to Villa is hardly a bad result.
It seems making Mario Melchiot captain and Emile Heskey and Kevin Kilbane joint vice captain is what you need to do. Oh, and Titus Bramble scoring against Villa and then again at Anfield helped.
Wigan are 17th on goal difference, on this form they could end up a lot higher.
They come here - tempted by riches beyond the dreams of avarice - and then say they are cruelly parted from their families and made to play football.
Well, they should count themselves lucky. In the 11 days between December 22nd and January 2nd no Premier League player played more than four times - that's six hours or 360 minutes. In contrast, I have been forced to spend ten days, 240 hours or 14,400 minutes with the in-laws.
Cliff walks, dinners, breakfasts, lunches, coffees all accompanied by endless present exchanges with second cousin Ennis from Slapton, ex-sister-in-law Enid from Cullopmton, or Uncle Ned from Topsham and their broods - each infant thrusting out its grubby palm out in the expectation of "pwessies".
But there was - as ever - a bright side. Football, lovely, lovely football. 40 games. 122 goals.
Rather than take you thought the whole bally lot (and let's face it, sorting through cousin Ennis' sock draw for receipts to return his own interpretation of what a present should be is more appealing at the moment), I shall provide a team-by-team breakdown for the festive season.
Arsenal: points 10
A good Christmas for the Gunners. Two London derbies dispatched as if they were Derby, Everton swept aside, and the only points dropped against Pompey (the fourth draw in the last five games at Fratton Park for the Mr Wenger - and another joyous trip to the bookies resulting for your faithful correspondent).
But eight goals scored and only two conceded does not tell the full story. Against Everton, Spurs and Pompey the results could easily have gone the other way, and only once did Arsenal score in the first half (in their only comfortable win - against the Hammers).
Worryingly for the rest of the league, Eduardo and Adebayor have found form (with Bendtner chipping in) and a team that can successfully change things around while playing badly is the sort that wins things (see Chelsea in 04 and 05).
Arsenal come out of Christmas top, two points clear. They're going to win it aren't they...
Aston Villa: points 8
When Martin "I resemble a serial killer" O'Neil took over at Aston Villa I thought something might happen. A European Cup winner with Old Big Head as his manager. Making Leicester not only a Premier League fixture, but cup winners and then taking Celtic to multiple titles cups and a European final.
Finally it seemed the country's least ambitious "big" club had found the man to take them to success. And now things are happening in Brum.
Wins against Wigan and Spurs, and creditable draws away to Chelsea (well, 4-4 is more comedy than creditable) and top-4 club Man City, show real potential. Much like many of the young Englishmen in their side.
They're screwed aren't they? (7th in the table).
Birmingham: points 4
Mixed bag covers Birmingham's festive results about as well as a micro-skirt covers a hotel heiress getting out of a limo.
It all began very badly for those on the blue side of Brum, a 3-0 drubbing by fellow relegation candidates Bolton. Things then went from bad to almost exactly as good with a 3-0 drubbing of fellow relegation candidates Middlesbrough.
Having gone 1-0 down to fellow relegation candidates Fulham, they relaxed. In one of the most oft-quoted statistics of the year, Fulham have thrown away more leads than an incompetent dog-walker. At one point they were top of the table if the game lasted 45 mins and in the relegation zone at the end of 90. Needless to say Birmingham recovered from 0-1 down to draw 1-1.
Birmingham - having lost one, won one and drawn one without anyone noticing much - then proceeded to create the talking point of the festive season.
Losing 1-0 to Man U on New Year's Day was unremarkable, but Alex Ferguson getting annoyed about crowd noise in a routine victory has provoked comments every day since. Incidentally, St Andrew's - average decibels 122.7. Old Trafford, average decibels 117.5. Fergie should be quiet; the lack of atmosphere is more likely to unsettle opponents unused to it than his own players.
Birmingham finish two points and two places above the drop zone.
Blackburn: points 7
A good holiday period for a side looking like they are on the up (i.e. soon to hit the glass ceiling). And the way you make it to the top? Firepower. Santa Cruz and McCarthy are good at this and Bentley seems happy to supply ammunition.
A 1-0 win over Sunderland (McCarthy) a 2-1 over Derby (Santa Cruz and Bentley) might not have been too impressive - but were wins. By contrast the 2-2 away to the loud half of Manchester and a slender 0-1 defeat away to Chelsea were impressive performances - but yielded only one point.
Blackburn may be in 9th - but they are just three points of 6th and five behind Liverpool.
Bolton: points 6
Bolton's footballers, like Manchester's boxers, don't travel well.
Two good wins at home against Derby and Birmingham (any win is a good one when you have fewer points than fixtures played) were complimented by losses to Sunderland (plain embarrassing) and Everton (understandable).
Somehow - despite garnering just 20 points from 21 fixtures - Bolton are 14th in the table, three points from relegation, and have just lost their best player.
Chelsea: points 10.
Just when it seems to be a two horse race, Chelsea sneak a win here and a win there and, like Arnie in the Terminator, keep going forward. Despite crazy results like Boxing Day's game against Aston Villa (4-4 goals, 2-1 red cards), the team and its manager still possess all the charisma of a Terminator, which makes them easy to hate with your head (where the money comes from, how it's been spent, the impact on transfer fees etc) but hard to hate with your heart, as there just isn't enough there to get worked up about. I miss Jose.
The three wins came away at Blackburn and Fulham and at home to Newcastle, all by the single goal - Yawn. But in a turbulent season, they are just four points off Manchester United and six off Arsenal.
It's telling too that they have more points away from home than the other three of the Big Four, which shows that they have the stomach for the fight. Expect them to be closer to the top after 38 games than after 21, especially with Anelka filling an African Cup Of Nations shaped hole up front.
Derby: points 1.
Gone, Gone, Gone. But Paul Jewell is already making an impact, securing a point against a jammy Newcastle and succumbing to very late goals at home to Liverpool and away at Bolton.
Jewell's other match saw defeat by the odd goal at home to Blackburn (whose goals were scored by the Premier League's two form players over Christmas, Roque Santa Cruz and David Bentley). Jewell is already planning for the Championship 2009 and I expect him to do very well indeed in the second tier.
Cruel I know, and I wouldn't lose the Boxing Day match for the world, but with players visibly tired after so compressed a fixture list, would the Premier League be diminished by the absence of Derby (and, say, Fulham)? If that's the price for an 18 club League and 4 fewer fixtures with all that implies for the national team coach, the case is beginning to build
Everton: points 6.
Christmas revealed exactly where Everton stand: in the foyer, safe from the cold blast (and chip shop fires) outside, but not yet smartly turned out enough to be offered a seat in the Michelin starred restaurant.
At either end of the Christmas fixtures, Bolton and Middlesborough were despatched by two goals to nil with all the efficiency of an Audi cruising the empty motorways on Christmas Day. In between times, the Blues were more like Virgin Trains: things seemed to be going well vs Big Boys Manchester United and Arsenal, but all of a sudden the Pendolino Express had turned into a relief coach service and you were stuck behind an HGV somewhere near Spaghetti Junction, as United won 2-1 and the new Brazil won 1-4.
For that thank defensive errors by Pienaar vs Manchester United and Jagielka vs Arsenal, but, if truth be told, those clubs have better players and both will beat Everton 8 times out of 10. Everton are sixth which is about right.
Fulham: points 2.
For a man to look sound like Porky Pig may be regarded as a misfortune; to compound it by looking like Porky Pig appears careless. But Roy Hodgson has more than that on his mind as Fulham slip to 19th after a Christmas programme which brought just two points from draws at home to Wigan and away at Birmingham (those match-ups against fellow strugglers "count double" if you win them). Fellow Londoners, Chelsea and Tottenham, made it a miserable Christmas with a 5-1 walloping and a fortunate 1-2 victory, secured by the charming Michael Ballack's penalty after he went down "a little easily".
With two red cards (scary looking Haimar Bouazza and all-round nice guy Moritz Volz) further pressuring his thin squad, Porky has a lot of work to do if Fulham aren't to join Derby in getting detached in the basement.
Liverpool: points 8.
Read the Press recently? Hands up who thought Liverpool had a Ceausescuesque 1989 Christmas? Premcorr did, but there they are 8 points from 4 games and undefeated. But with the dream of a title fading for another season (how hollow are those t-shirts sported by Reds in 1991 with Terry Waite getting off a plane after his release from confinement saying, "What? The Mancs still haven't won the League.") Disquiet grows at Anfield.
The Christmas matches showed exactly why Liverpool are good enough to secure another CL qualifying place, but not good enough for the title, with an easy 4-1 seeing off of top half Pompey, a late goal to secure all three points against doomed Derby and draws against Sven's City and Wigan Athletic FFS. Again goals were a problem, with only Gerrard and Benayoun chipping in to support Torres.
Liverpool finish the period in fifth with a game in hand on fourth place Manchester City. Rafa is a medium term Torres injury away from Liverpool's worst season since the 7th place finish in 1999.
Manchester City: points 6
I always said seedy Sven was a genius - I remember it distinctly. Just like I've been banging on about the genius of Elano for years and saying how underrated he is and that he should be at a top-four side. Just like the rest of the footballing intelligencia.
City come through Christmas undefeated, despite games against three top sides and Newcastle. Draws with Liverpool, Blackburm and Villa were creditable, and showed a reliance that will stand them in good stead later on.
But that also explains why he never cut it as an England manager. Let's face it, three draws out of four games whenever facing a half-decent side was one more than was needed to knock England out of three tournaments. Only Pompey, Liverpool and Fulham have drawn more, If we had penalty shoot outs in the league expect City to be 8th. As it stands they are 4th. Only West Ham and Blackburn have a worse goal difference in the top half.
Manchester United: points 9
Every single year people look at what happened last season and predict that the same thing will happen again. Unless a team is hit by injuries (under performs) or buys in star names (will perform better). So Man U will logically win the league - just like Chelsea did last season and Arsenal went undefeated in 2005.
The problem with predicting success for the successful is that you are right more often than you are wrong, so generally have no idea why you are right and don't understand what's going on when it goes wrong. And yes, I am looking at you Lawro.
9 points is a decent return for Man U - but they were unconvincing against Birmingham, sneaked past Everton, and lost to West Ham. At the same time last year they won the league as an injury-hit Chelsea underperformed. Chelsea and Arsenal out-scored them this year. They are second in the table, they won't finish higher than that.
Middlesbrough: points 3
It is entirely possible Middlesbrough only exist in the minds of other clubs, and this Christmas was not exception.
They were a mere adjunct to the results of others according to most pundits. Everton's 2-0 defeat of them helped the blues edge closer to Europe, Birmingham's 3-0 victory against them moved them out of the relegation zone. West Ham's Ashton and Parker helped state their England credentials while beating them 2-0. And Portsmouth collapsed to a rare home defeat, denting their chances of getting a Uefa spot against them.
I would tell you they finished the festive season 15th - but let's be honest here, no one's reading this, you all skipped ahead to Newcastle.
Newcastle: points 1.
A triple helping of Christmas defeat cost Big Sam his job. Wigan on Boxing Day, Man City on New Years Day, and Chelsea in between all feasted on the black and white carcass. Drawing with Derby didn't help much either.
Plenty of money, international stars on the pitch, a new owner, and nothing changes. So the pragmatic miracle worker at Bolton went the way of the England, Barca, and Ipswich Legend. The same way as the Liverpool and Blackburn legend. And the same way as all others who have taken the job.
So Santa, another new manager? Or how about we check that list and move them to naughty from nice?
Newcastle are in 11th.
Portsmouth: points 4
Soon to be managerless Pompey had a mid-table Christmas.
A win at Reading, a home draw against Arsenal and away defeat to Liverpool. A 1-0 home loss to Boro emphasised the fact that while they can be good on their day, they don't have the consistency to really challenge for much in the league.
8th is about right, but they could freefall with the wrong man in charge. That said, there is not a lot of evidence the man they have in charge is any more than good enough to keep most sides in the top half of the table.
Reading: points 4
Reading are busy playing neat tidy football, comfortably above the relegation zone and nowhere near the European places.
So really, their fans are paying to watch pointless football.
But then if that's the position you are going to find yourself in you want to have fun doing it. 6-4. That'll cover it. A win against Sunderland and a draw away to West Ham and a loss to Pompey were the other results. But let's be honest here, the only one anyone remotely noticed was SIX-FOUR at Spurs.
I sometimes with I was a Reading fan.
Sunderland: points 3
Roy Keane likes to kick things, if he can't get a shot at opponents' legs as a manager it's chairs. The problem is, no matter how afraid of him the player are, most are simply not quite good enough.
Sunderland lost to Blackburn narrowly, Reading narrowly, Man U heavily and beat Bolton comfortably.
Three points from four games is relegation form, and the team finds itself in 18th. But the Maccums may well be saved this season due to the poverty of skill in the bottom half of the table. Sunderland may be in 18th, but there are four teams three points or fewer ahead of them. In fact the whole bottom half of the table is within three games of being in the relegation zone.
Tottenham: points 6
While Ramos was in Spain pundits prized one bet above all else. His games involved more than four goals so often that the occasional loss to the bookie meant nothing.
This Christmas the gift that keeps on giving is at Spurs. Five-one against managerless Fulham was a post-Christmas warm up that helped dull the pain of Robbie Keane's messed penalty in a 2-1 defeat to Arsenal. But there could be no preparation for the big Reading shaped package with the gold ribbon on and a post mark from Bulgaria.
Four goals for both Reading and Berbatov, along with one each from Malbranque and Defoe gave everyone a delight that still had heads spinning when the Lilywhites lost 2-1 to Villa on New Year's Day. Six points from nine is better than the old sock Spurs fans normally get.
Spurs are 12th, one place behind Newcastle.
West Ham: points 7
The Hammers are doing quite nicely for themselves, which is odd, because their players are anything but.
A team with Bellamy, Bowyer and Dyer is not one to be easily loved. Throw in an underwear model (Ljungberg) a Ferdinand brother and an Australian earning £70,000 a week, a foreign millionaire owner funding all the largess and a fan base known for a certain streak of nastiness and it's hard to see why they aren't hated more.
But they're not, and despite a Christmas fixture list containing Arsenal and Man U, they come away with seven points. Well, let's face it, they always beat Man U so that was no surprise. Neither was loss in the Emirates or a win at Boro. The Draw with Reading was more of a surprise.
West Ham are 10th and they should finish in the top half.
Wigan: points 5
Wigan have had a good Christmas under their new manager. But they needed one.
Five points was the second best return in the bottom half of the table, and means they climber out of the relegation zone (albeit on goal difference).
A draw against Liverpool a win against Newcastle and a draw against Fulham are where the points came from. And a 2-1 loss to Villa is hardly a bad result.
It seems making Mario Melchiot captain and Emile Heskey and Kevin Kilbane joint vice captain is what you need to do. Oh, and Titus Bramble scoring against Villa and then again at Anfield helped.
Wigan are 17th on goal difference, on this form they could end up a lot higher.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
NFL Wildcards - the Velvet Bear
And then there were 8. This weekend's wildcard games went pretty much according to the form book, so Saturday will find the Seahawks in Green Bay and the Jaguars in New England, whilst Sunday sees the Giants go to Dallas and the Chargers to Indianapolis. All of which will feel pretty much like a trip to the headmaster's study, with sound thrashings all around being predicted.
The Seahawks ended the Redskins' fairytale ride into the playoffs without really breaking sweat. Washington didn't even get onto the scoreboard until the fourth quarter, when touchdowns from Antwan Randle El and Santana Moss took them briefly into the lead. Unfortunately, Todd Collins then spoilt an otherwise brilliant performance behind a badly beaten line by throwing two interceptions that were returned for touchdowns. A 35-14 defeat showed that there is only so far you can ride on team spirit alone. At the start of this week, veteran coach Joe Gibbs resigned.
Over in Pittsburgh, the Steelers and Jaguars played out a classic. The home side, badly weakened by injuries even though star safety Troy Polamalu was fit again, trailed 28-10 going into the final quarter. Three touchdowns should have brought them at least parity, but twice they blew attempts at a two point conversion (where, instead of kicking the ball through the posts, a team tries to play the ball into the end zone again). Had they kicked the points, the game would've been in overtime. As it was, QB Ben Roethlisberger was left to attempt to make over 70 yards with 45 seconds on the clock. Jacksonville exploited the inexperienced Pittsburgh offensive line to force a fumble and kill the game stone dead.
Surprise result of the weekend, such as it was, was probably the Giants' win in Tampa. I say this not because I wanted to introduce some serial Eli-bashing into this piece - which wouldn't be hard to do - but because of the absence of center Sean O'Hara. It is hard to think of a relationship anywhere in professional sport that is as that between a center and a quarterback. The closest is probably in ice dance. Imagine one of a pair being injured a week before a competition and a replacement having to be brought in. They might know all of the moves, but they also would need to know how their partner is going to perform, what their little quirks are and so on. Going into a game that makes or breaks not only your season, but possibly your shaky reputation, with an entirely new center is something which we are all fortunately going to avoid.
From being 7-0 down at the end of the first quarter, the Giants were never headed as their defense took command. Michael Strahan finished with nine tackles and one sack as Jeff Garcia was given a miserable time even though he, David Diehl and Jay Alford all had to spend time on the sidelines recovering from knocks. Garcia's afternoon was completed when Giants cornerback RW McQuarters pulled off a stunning interception catch late in the final quarter. A 24-14 win sets up possibly the juciest tie of the next round.
Finally, the Chargers and the Titans produced a 17-6 borefest. The Titans came out looking as if they were going to make a spectacle of it. On the first play they shifted the offensive line 20 yards across the pitch, only for center Kevin Mawae to make a complete mess of the snap and Justin Gage to drop the final pass anyway. They strolled into a 6-0 lead as Albert Haynesworth and Kyle Van Den Bosch blew holes in the Chargers offensive line, whilst the defense had LJ Tomlinson in their pocket and the Steelers' other star offensive player, Antonio Gates, went off injured. Quite where it all went wrong is anyone's guess, but suddenly the Chargers were on top, Tomlinson and Vince Jackson had touchdowns and the Chargers were dead and gone. One thing is for sure, though - the Chargers will be outgunned by the Colts if they play like that again.
In other news:
- No sooner had I filed last week's piece than the Dolphins fired coach Cam Cameron. After a 1-15 season and the recruitment of Bill Parcells no-one was surprised at all. Word is that Cowboys assistant coach Tony Soprano - sorry, Sparano, is their favoured candidate for the role;
- The Cowboys' Roy Williams will take the place of the late Sean Taylor in the Pro Bowl;
- His almost-namesake, Roydell Williams of the Titans, is out for the rest of the season after breaking an ankle in a training accident;
- This season saw record attendances in the NFL, with the average crowd being 67,738. Eat that, Premiership football clubs;
- Warren Sapp of the Raiders, a legendary defensive player even during his own career, has announced his retirement. Expect him to be elected to the Hall of Fame in five years time, when he first becomes eligible;
- I made a slight mistake last week when I said that Adrian Peterson have been named as the top rookie. In fact, he was top OFFENSIVE rookie. The defensive award when to Patrick Willis of the 49ers. No-one in the league made more tackles this season, although you would argue that no-one but the 49ers defense was so rubbish that they had to;
- Bills QB JP Losman wants away, after losing his starting berth. Chicago may be interested, having announced this week that they were in the market for a new quarterback and running back. Which must make Rex Grossman, Brian Griese, Kyle Orton and Cedric Benson feel really good;
- Saints tackle Jamaal Brown copped a $2,5000 fine for deliberately bumping into the referee in their last game of the season. Would that work on John Terry, I wonder? Vince Wilfork of the Patriots ended up $15,000 lighter after being caught poking a finger through the facemask of the Giants Brandon Jacobs;
- The Titans are seeking to have the claim brought against them by the victim of the Pacman Jones incident thrown out;
- Tom Brady was the almost unanimous choice for player of the year. Defensive player of the year was Bob Sanders of the Colts. Bill Belichick won coach of the year, despite his dodgy videos;
- A big hurrah for the Jags Fred Taylor, who has finally made it to the Pro Bowl after 11 years, replacing Willie Parker of the Steelers, who broke his leg in Week 16.
That's all for this week. Back next week, by which time we'll be down to four contenders for the Superbowl.
The Seahawks ended the Redskins' fairytale ride into the playoffs without really breaking sweat. Washington didn't even get onto the scoreboard until the fourth quarter, when touchdowns from Antwan Randle El and Santana Moss took them briefly into the lead. Unfortunately, Todd Collins then spoilt an otherwise brilliant performance behind a badly beaten line by throwing two interceptions that were returned for touchdowns. A 35-14 defeat showed that there is only so far you can ride on team spirit alone. At the start of this week, veteran coach Joe Gibbs resigned.
Over in Pittsburgh, the Steelers and Jaguars played out a classic. The home side, badly weakened by injuries even though star safety Troy Polamalu was fit again, trailed 28-10 going into the final quarter. Three touchdowns should have brought them at least parity, but twice they blew attempts at a two point conversion (where, instead of kicking the ball through the posts, a team tries to play the ball into the end zone again). Had they kicked the points, the game would've been in overtime. As it was, QB Ben Roethlisberger was left to attempt to make over 70 yards with 45 seconds on the clock. Jacksonville exploited the inexperienced Pittsburgh offensive line to force a fumble and kill the game stone dead.
Surprise result of the weekend, such as it was, was probably the Giants' win in Tampa. I say this not because I wanted to introduce some serial Eli-bashing into this piece - which wouldn't be hard to do - but because of the absence of center Sean O'Hara. It is hard to think of a relationship anywhere in professional sport that is as that between a center and a quarterback. The closest is probably in ice dance. Imagine one of a pair being injured a week before a competition and a replacement having to be brought in. They might know all of the moves, but they also would need to know how their partner is going to perform, what their little quirks are and so on. Going into a game that makes or breaks not only your season, but possibly your shaky reputation, with an entirely new center is something which we are all fortunately going to avoid.
From being 7-0 down at the end of the first quarter, the Giants were never headed as their defense took command. Michael Strahan finished with nine tackles and one sack as Jeff Garcia was given a miserable time even though he, David Diehl and Jay Alford all had to spend time on the sidelines recovering from knocks. Garcia's afternoon was completed when Giants cornerback RW McQuarters pulled off a stunning interception catch late in the final quarter. A 24-14 win sets up possibly the juciest tie of the next round.
Finally, the Chargers and the Titans produced a 17-6 borefest. The Titans came out looking as if they were going to make a spectacle of it. On the first play they shifted the offensive line 20 yards across the pitch, only for center Kevin Mawae to make a complete mess of the snap and Justin Gage to drop the final pass anyway. They strolled into a 6-0 lead as Albert Haynesworth and Kyle Van Den Bosch blew holes in the Chargers offensive line, whilst the defense had LJ Tomlinson in their pocket and the Steelers' other star offensive player, Antonio Gates, went off injured. Quite where it all went wrong is anyone's guess, but suddenly the Chargers were on top, Tomlinson and Vince Jackson had touchdowns and the Chargers were dead and gone. One thing is for sure, though - the Chargers will be outgunned by the Colts if they play like that again.
In other news:
- No sooner had I filed last week's piece than the Dolphins fired coach Cam Cameron. After a 1-15 season and the recruitment of Bill Parcells no-one was surprised at all. Word is that Cowboys assistant coach Tony Soprano - sorry, Sparano, is their favoured candidate for the role;
- The Cowboys' Roy Williams will take the place of the late Sean Taylor in the Pro Bowl;
- His almost-namesake, Roydell Williams of the Titans, is out for the rest of the season after breaking an ankle in a training accident;
- This season saw record attendances in the NFL, with the average crowd being 67,738. Eat that, Premiership football clubs;
- Warren Sapp of the Raiders, a legendary defensive player even during his own career, has announced his retirement. Expect him to be elected to the Hall of Fame in five years time, when he first becomes eligible;
- I made a slight mistake last week when I said that Adrian Peterson have been named as the top rookie. In fact, he was top OFFENSIVE rookie. The defensive award when to Patrick Willis of the 49ers. No-one in the league made more tackles this season, although you would argue that no-one but the 49ers defense was so rubbish that they had to;
- Bills QB JP Losman wants away, after losing his starting berth. Chicago may be interested, having announced this week that they were in the market for a new quarterback and running back. Which must make Rex Grossman, Brian Griese, Kyle Orton and Cedric Benson feel really good;
- Saints tackle Jamaal Brown copped a $2,5000 fine for deliberately bumping into the referee in their last game of the season. Would that work on John Terry, I wonder? Vince Wilfork of the Patriots ended up $15,000 lighter after being caught poking a finger through the facemask of the Giants Brandon Jacobs;
- The Titans are seeking to have the claim brought against them by the victim of the Pacman Jones incident thrown out;
- Tom Brady was the almost unanimous choice for player of the year. Defensive player of the year was Bob Sanders of the Colts. Bill Belichick won coach of the year, despite his dodgy videos;
- A big hurrah for the Jags Fred Taylor, who has finally made it to the Pro Bowl after 11 years, replacing Willie Parker of the Steelers, who broke his leg in Week 16.
That's all for this week. Back next week, by which time we'll be down to four contenders for the Superbowl.
Monday, January 7, 2008
NFL Week 17 – the Velvet Bear
A few years ago – a few more than I care to remember, actually, as it was 1986 – there was a football match between Coventry City and Everton. It was the last game of the season and was, for some reason, being played so late in May that it was after the FA Cup final. Everton had nothing to play for. Coventry needed a win to avoid relegation. Everton turned up with pretty much a reserve side, Coventry won easily and there was, by genteel English standards, uproar.
In the world of the NFL, this sort of thing happens all the time. Which I forgot when making my predictions last week. The result of which was that the Colts only played some of their star players for half their game against the Titans, which was enough for Tennessee to win 16-10 and edge the Cleveland Browns out of the playoffs. Not a murmur of protest; that teams already in the playoffs will give their stars some down time in the last games of the regular season is almost taken as read.
Not that this made any difference to the Cowboys, who were simply dreadful against the Redskins, even with Tony Romo on the pitch and receiver Terry Glenn playing his first game back from injury. The Redskins ran out easy 27-6 winners, in doing so clinching a playoff spot ahead of the Vikings, who imploded against the Broncos and lost 22-19 in overtime.
Story of the week, though, was that the Patriots didn’t rest any of their stars against the Giants. Good job, too, as they only just won 38-35 – having at one point been 21-3 down. In doing so, they became the first team ever to win all 16 games of the regular season (the previous unbeaten team, the Dolphins in ’72, only played 14 games). Tom Brady beat Peyton Manning’s record of 49 touchdown passes in a season and Randy Moss caught 23 of the 50 to break the record for most touchdown passes caught in a season. They also set the record for most points scored by one team during a season. You’d be mad to bet against them winning the Superbowl now. In 1942 the Bears won every game they played and then lost the AFC Championship one, but there seems very little chance of the Patriots making that mistake.
All of which means that, on Saturday, Seattle and Washington will reprise their 2005 playoff game and Jacksonville will visit a Pittsburgh team that is fast running out of fit players. On Sunday the Giants go to Tampa Bay whilst San Diego entertain Tennessee. For all of these teams, THIS is their Superbowl – you simply cannot see any of the winners beating the Patriots, Packers, Colts or Cowboys the weekend after.
Plenty of other news this week:
- Brian Westbrook of the Eagles set team records for career catches and rushing yards during their last game of the season, but other results didn’t go their way despite a 17-9 home win over the Bills and so their season is over. Marv Levy resigned as the Bills’ general manager after their loss;
- Chicago ended the Saints’ playoff hopes with a 33-25 win that was easier than the results suggest. In the process, Devin Hester beat his own NFL record for kick returns in a season, a 65 yarder taking his season tally to 6 and his career total to 11. In two seasons. The NFL record in a career is 13;
- The Browns beat the 49ers 20-7 but still missed the playoffs. Remarkably, they have announced that Derek Anderson, who set a modern day record for touchdown passes for the team this season, can leave for another club – Chicago lead the running. Which might explain why Brady Quinn finally got some game time on Sunday;
- The Baltimore Ravens beat the playoff-bound Pittsburgh Steelers, who rested a number of key players, but it wasn’t enough to save coach Brian Billick’s job after a 5-11 season;
- Bill Parcells’ shakeup of the Dolphins began when he sacked general manager Randy Mueller after their 38-25 loss to the Bengals, giving them a 1-15 record for the season. Parcells was widely expected to install his own son-in-law as GM, but for some reason he wouldn’t leave the Patriots (where he holds the same post) so he hired Jeff Ireland from the Cowboys instead;
- Small consolation for the Dolphins will be that, after their worst season ever, they will have the very first pick in the 2008 Draft. Unfortunately, they can only choose one new player and not the 45 they seem to need;
- Tennessee QB Vince Young is a doubt for their playoff game on Sunday after tearing a quadriceps muscle;
- Meanwhile, the Jag’s Fred Taylor has already criticised the state of the Seelers’ pitch ahead of their game on Saturday. Nothing like getting your excuses in first, but the Steelers will be missing no fewer than 8 first choice players and have at least another 8 carrying injuries which they probably shouldn’t be playing with, so depite Taylor’s (uncharacteristic) whining, the Jags will be hot favourites;
- The Giants, on the other hand, will just be hoping to win. Neither New York team has won a postseason game since 2000;
- The Panthers beat the Buccaneers (also resting key players for this weekend). Vinny Testaverde took the final snap of the game to end his career (allegedly) in the city where he began 20 years ago;
- An 11 year old boy who has been wearing the same Brett Favre jersey since getting it for Christmas four years ago finally made it to his first NFL game on Sunday. Unfortunately for him, the Old Man hardly played in Green Bay’s easy 34-13 win over the Lions. Fortunately for the rest of us, the jersey has been washed every other day of the 1466 days of consecutive wear it has received;
- Michael Vick’s house is up for sale – a snip at $1.1M;
- Seven people were hurt in an accident on an escalator as the crowd tried to leave Giants Stadium after the game against the Patriots. Three key Giants players – centre Shaun O’Hara, plus defensive players Kawika Mitchell and Sam Maddison – were also injured during the game and are major doubts for this weekend;
- As it it wasn’t obvious from what has been said above, the end of season coaching carnage has begun. If you thought football in England was bad, remember that each NFL team has a head coach, a general manager and about 8 other coaches of various types – think of the England rugby side under Clive Woodward and you’ll get the idea. The Chiefs, Lions and Bengals have all fired people this week and more will surely follow before the month is too much older. A bigger surprise, though, is that the Niner’s coach Mike Nolan (no, not the one from Bucks Fizz) keeps his job after their disappointing season – one in which they have gone through four starting quarterbacks without ever looking like beating anyone;
- Tony Gonzales of the Chiefs set another record at the weekend, beating the mark for number of catches by a tight end. He broke the record for touchdowns by a tight end earlier in the year. How long he will hold either mark for if Tony Romo and Jason Witten continue their love-in in Dallas is anyone’s guess;
- Over in Denver, the lightbulbs had barely cooled on the spotlights before Javon Walker was insisting that he didn’t want to ask for a move, but he didn’t see his future being with the Broncos. Which isn’t asking for a move at all, honest;
- At the other extreme, Broncos veteran Matt Lepsis has announced his retirement after 11 seasons with the club. This was despite having two more years on his contract, so he is passing up $9m dollars simply because he feels he isn’t playing well enough any more;
- One bit of good news for the Vikings this week: Adrian Peterson won Rookie of the Year, despite not really doing anything since about week 11;
- Things that make you go ‘ow’: Titans tight end Bo Scaife will miss the playoffs. He has a lacerated liver;
- Clubman of the year: Bengals QB Carson Palmer, asked this week if he thought the club’s coaches could help them improve on this season’s disappointing 7-9 finish, replied “I don’t think so”. Sometimes you can be too honest…
That’s it. See you after this weekend’s games have sorted out who next weekend’s sacrificial lambs will be
In the world of the NFL, this sort of thing happens all the time. Which I forgot when making my predictions last week. The result of which was that the Colts only played some of their star players for half their game against the Titans, which was enough for Tennessee to win 16-10 and edge the Cleveland Browns out of the playoffs. Not a murmur of protest; that teams already in the playoffs will give their stars some down time in the last games of the regular season is almost taken as read.
Not that this made any difference to the Cowboys, who were simply dreadful against the Redskins, even with Tony Romo on the pitch and receiver Terry Glenn playing his first game back from injury. The Redskins ran out easy 27-6 winners, in doing so clinching a playoff spot ahead of the Vikings, who imploded against the Broncos and lost 22-19 in overtime.
Story of the week, though, was that the Patriots didn’t rest any of their stars against the Giants. Good job, too, as they only just won 38-35 – having at one point been 21-3 down. In doing so, they became the first team ever to win all 16 games of the regular season (the previous unbeaten team, the Dolphins in ’72, only played 14 games). Tom Brady beat Peyton Manning’s record of 49 touchdown passes in a season and Randy Moss caught 23 of the 50 to break the record for most touchdown passes caught in a season. They also set the record for most points scored by one team during a season. You’d be mad to bet against them winning the Superbowl now. In 1942 the Bears won every game they played and then lost the AFC Championship one, but there seems very little chance of the Patriots making that mistake.
All of which means that, on Saturday, Seattle and Washington will reprise their 2005 playoff game and Jacksonville will visit a Pittsburgh team that is fast running out of fit players. On Sunday the Giants go to Tampa Bay whilst San Diego entertain Tennessee. For all of these teams, THIS is their Superbowl – you simply cannot see any of the winners beating the Patriots, Packers, Colts or Cowboys the weekend after.
Plenty of other news this week:
- Brian Westbrook of the Eagles set team records for career catches and rushing yards during their last game of the season, but other results didn’t go their way despite a 17-9 home win over the Bills and so their season is over. Marv Levy resigned as the Bills’ general manager after their loss;
- Chicago ended the Saints’ playoff hopes with a 33-25 win that was easier than the results suggest. In the process, Devin Hester beat his own NFL record for kick returns in a season, a 65 yarder taking his season tally to 6 and his career total to 11. In two seasons. The NFL record in a career is 13;
- The Browns beat the 49ers 20-7 but still missed the playoffs. Remarkably, they have announced that Derek Anderson, who set a modern day record for touchdown passes for the team this season, can leave for another club – Chicago lead the running. Which might explain why Brady Quinn finally got some game time on Sunday;
- The Baltimore Ravens beat the playoff-bound Pittsburgh Steelers, who rested a number of key players, but it wasn’t enough to save coach Brian Billick’s job after a 5-11 season;
- Bill Parcells’ shakeup of the Dolphins began when he sacked general manager Randy Mueller after their 38-25 loss to the Bengals, giving them a 1-15 record for the season. Parcells was widely expected to install his own son-in-law as GM, but for some reason he wouldn’t leave the Patriots (where he holds the same post) so he hired Jeff Ireland from the Cowboys instead;
- Small consolation for the Dolphins will be that, after their worst season ever, they will have the very first pick in the 2008 Draft. Unfortunately, they can only choose one new player and not the 45 they seem to need;
- Tennessee QB Vince Young is a doubt for their playoff game on Sunday after tearing a quadriceps muscle;
- Meanwhile, the Jag’s Fred Taylor has already criticised the state of the Seelers’ pitch ahead of their game on Saturday. Nothing like getting your excuses in first, but the Steelers will be missing no fewer than 8 first choice players and have at least another 8 carrying injuries which they probably shouldn’t be playing with, so depite Taylor’s (uncharacteristic) whining, the Jags will be hot favourites;
- The Giants, on the other hand, will just be hoping to win. Neither New York team has won a postseason game since 2000;
- The Panthers beat the Buccaneers (also resting key players for this weekend). Vinny Testaverde took the final snap of the game to end his career (allegedly) in the city where he began 20 years ago;
- An 11 year old boy who has been wearing the same Brett Favre jersey since getting it for Christmas four years ago finally made it to his first NFL game on Sunday. Unfortunately for him, the Old Man hardly played in Green Bay’s easy 34-13 win over the Lions. Fortunately for the rest of us, the jersey has been washed every other day of the 1466 days of consecutive wear it has received;
- Michael Vick’s house is up for sale – a snip at $1.1M;
- Seven people were hurt in an accident on an escalator as the crowd tried to leave Giants Stadium after the game against the Patriots. Three key Giants players – centre Shaun O’Hara, plus defensive players Kawika Mitchell and Sam Maddison – were also injured during the game and are major doubts for this weekend;
- As it it wasn’t obvious from what has been said above, the end of season coaching carnage has begun. If you thought football in England was bad, remember that each NFL team has a head coach, a general manager and about 8 other coaches of various types – think of the England rugby side under Clive Woodward and you’ll get the idea. The Chiefs, Lions and Bengals have all fired people this week and more will surely follow before the month is too much older. A bigger surprise, though, is that the Niner’s coach Mike Nolan (no, not the one from Bucks Fizz) keeps his job after their disappointing season – one in which they have gone through four starting quarterbacks without ever looking like beating anyone;
- Tony Gonzales of the Chiefs set another record at the weekend, beating the mark for number of catches by a tight end. He broke the record for touchdowns by a tight end earlier in the year. How long he will hold either mark for if Tony Romo and Jason Witten continue their love-in in Dallas is anyone’s guess;
- Over in Denver, the lightbulbs had barely cooled on the spotlights before Javon Walker was insisting that he didn’t want to ask for a move, but he didn’t see his future being with the Broncos. Which isn’t asking for a move at all, honest;
- At the other extreme, Broncos veteran Matt Lepsis has announced his retirement after 11 seasons with the club. This was despite having two more years on his contract, so he is passing up $9m dollars simply because he feels he isn’t playing well enough any more;
- One bit of good news for the Vikings this week: Adrian Peterson won Rookie of the Year, despite not really doing anything since about week 11;
- Things that make you go ‘ow’: Titans tight end Bo Scaife will miss the playoffs. He has a lacerated liver;
- Clubman of the year: Bengals QB Carson Palmer, asked this week if he thought the club’s coaches could help them improve on this season’s disappointing 7-9 finish, replied “I don’t think so”. Sometimes you can be too honest…
That’s it. See you after this weekend’s games have sorted out who next weekend’s sacrificial lambs will be
Monday, December 24, 2007
Merry Christmas fellow pseuds
Merry Christmas all!
If the hours are dragging as you wait for the festivities to begin - here are some things to do to while away the yuletide time...
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And one more thing before I go:
If the hours are dragging as you wait for the festivities to begin - here are some things to do to while away the yuletide time...
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And one more thing before I go:
Friday, December 21, 2007
NFL Week 15 – the Velvet Bear
How. On. Earth. Did. That. Happen? I know it is the season of miracles and all that, but how the heck did the Dolphins suddenly win a game? Trailing 13-3 to the Ravens at half time, they clawed their way into a three point lead with less than two minutes remaining, only to see Baltimore kicker Matt Stover land a field goal with 8 seconds left and force the game into overtime.
In overtime, Stover missed a much longer kick and then restored Dolphins QB Cleo Lemon sent Greg Camarillo 64 yards for the game-winning touchdown. Cue much celebration, especially as the all-conquering 1972 side were watching from the stands.
Much credit for the win must go to head coach Cam Cameron. He’s had a tough first season in the NFL, not helped by his starting quarterback being ruled out for the year early on and then injury after injury hitting his side. He’s stuck it through to the end, unlike Bobby Petrino in Atlanta, and got his reward on Sunday. Reward also for having the balls to admit he was wrong and to recall Lemon.
Three weeks ago, Coach Cameron gave the starting job to rookie quarterback John Beck. On Tuesday, check your turkey after it has been in the oven for 10 minutes. That will be about as ready to be eaten as Beck was to be an NFL quarterback. Lemon got the job back on Sunday and look at the return.
No-one is pretending that the ‘Fins will have a hope against the Pats on Sunday, but, despite all of talk about how nicely symmetrical it would be to have a 14-0 team play an 0-14 one, no-one really wanted to see Miami become only the second team to go through a season winless.
Speaking of the Pats (and 29 other teams):
- New England had a hard time of it, as sleet and 27mph winds lashed Gillette Field, but a 20-10 win over the Jets secured them top spot in the AFC playoffs;
- Brett Favre broke his weekly record, this time for most career passing yards, as Green Bay took the #2 NFC spot by beating St Louis 33-14;
- Not such good news for the Cowboys. Their NFL-best streak of games with a touchdown ended as they were beaten at home by the Eagles 10-6 and saw QB Tony Romo suffer a potentially serious thumb injury;
- The Cowboys lost safety Roy Williams for a game, too – he was banned for a ‘horse collar’ tackle on Eagles QB Donovan McNabb;
- And five Atlanta Falcons were fined for wearing or displaying messages on their kit in support of jailed dog-botherer Michael Vick;
- Wins for the Colts and the Buccaneers saw them confirmed as their respective divisional champions;
- Not only did the Giants’ playoff hopes take a knock in their defeat by the Redskins, but they lost tight end Jeremy Shockey with a broken leg, which will keep him out for the rest of the season;
- The Bills not only lost 8-0 to Cleveland in horrific winter weather (at least 4 inches of snow fell during the game), they then got stuck there overnight because of the weather and, on Monday, stuck – literally – for a few hours longer when their plane got stuck in mud;
- Steelers fan Richard Desrosiers finally made it to a Steelers game – nine months after he died. But the presence of his urn couldn’t help them avoid a 29-22 loss to the Jaguars;
- The play off position is now that, in the AFC, the Patriots and Colts will have first round byes and home advantage in the second round. The Chargers are also through. The Jaguars, Browns and Steelers will also join them unless one of them loses both their remaining games and either the Bills or the Titans win both of theirs;
- Over in the NFC it is slightly more clearcut. The Cowboys and the Packers get the byes and the home field advantage. The Buccaneers and the Seahawks are also through. The last two places are between the Giants, Redskins and Vikings. Again, if any of them lose their last two games (and the Giants play the Patriots in the last match of the regular season), other teams can step in by winning both of their final two (but again, there are too many to list here);
- Finally, the Pro-Bowl sides were selected this week. This is the closest thing to an international that the NFL gets, with the best players in each conference taking on one another in Hawaii in February. In truth, it is usually a rotten game, but selection is seen as a mark of a player having a very good season, so everyone wants to be picked, even if they cannot go. One of those not going, sadly, will be the late Sean Taylor, but he was an overwhelming selection in his position. Another Taylor, Fred of the Jags, also misses out, this time for the tenth time; he is now the only player to have run for over 10,000 yards in his career without making the game. At the other extreme, Ravens tackle Jonathan Ogden goes for the 11th time in his 12 year career, despite his side being on a franchise record eight game losing streak.
In overtime, Stover missed a much longer kick and then restored Dolphins QB Cleo Lemon sent Greg Camarillo 64 yards for the game-winning touchdown. Cue much celebration, especially as the all-conquering 1972 side were watching from the stands.
Much credit for the win must go to head coach Cam Cameron. He’s had a tough first season in the NFL, not helped by his starting quarterback being ruled out for the year early on and then injury after injury hitting his side. He’s stuck it through to the end, unlike Bobby Petrino in Atlanta, and got his reward on Sunday. Reward also for having the balls to admit he was wrong and to recall Lemon.
Three weeks ago, Coach Cameron gave the starting job to rookie quarterback John Beck. On Tuesday, check your turkey after it has been in the oven for 10 minutes. That will be about as ready to be eaten as Beck was to be an NFL quarterback. Lemon got the job back on Sunday and look at the return.
No-one is pretending that the ‘Fins will have a hope against the Pats on Sunday, but, despite all of talk about how nicely symmetrical it would be to have a 14-0 team play an 0-14 one, no-one really wanted to see Miami become only the second team to go through a season winless.
Speaking of the Pats (and 29 other teams):
- New England had a hard time of it, as sleet and 27mph winds lashed Gillette Field, but a 20-10 win over the Jets secured them top spot in the AFC playoffs;
- Brett Favre broke his weekly record, this time for most career passing yards, as Green Bay took the #2 NFC spot by beating St Louis 33-14;
- Not such good news for the Cowboys. Their NFL-best streak of games with a touchdown ended as they were beaten at home by the Eagles 10-6 and saw QB Tony Romo suffer a potentially serious thumb injury;
- The Cowboys lost safety Roy Williams for a game, too – he was banned for a ‘horse collar’ tackle on Eagles QB Donovan McNabb;
- And five Atlanta Falcons were fined for wearing or displaying messages on their kit in support of jailed dog-botherer Michael Vick;
- Wins for the Colts and the Buccaneers saw them confirmed as their respective divisional champions;
- Not only did the Giants’ playoff hopes take a knock in their defeat by the Redskins, but they lost tight end Jeremy Shockey with a broken leg, which will keep him out for the rest of the season;
- The Bills not only lost 8-0 to Cleveland in horrific winter weather (at least 4 inches of snow fell during the game), they then got stuck there overnight because of the weather and, on Monday, stuck – literally – for a few hours longer when their plane got stuck in mud;
- Steelers fan Richard Desrosiers finally made it to a Steelers game – nine months after he died. But the presence of his urn couldn’t help them avoid a 29-22 loss to the Jaguars;
- The play off position is now that, in the AFC, the Patriots and Colts will have first round byes and home advantage in the second round. The Chargers are also through. The Jaguars, Browns and Steelers will also join them unless one of them loses both their remaining games and either the Bills or the Titans win both of theirs;
- Over in the NFC it is slightly more clearcut. The Cowboys and the Packers get the byes and the home field advantage. The Buccaneers and the Seahawks are also through. The last two places are between the Giants, Redskins and Vikings. Again, if any of them lose their last two games (and the Giants play the Patriots in the last match of the regular season), other teams can step in by winning both of their final two (but again, there are too many to list here);
- Finally, the Pro-Bowl sides were selected this week. This is the closest thing to an international that the NFL gets, with the best players in each conference taking on one another in Hawaii in February. In truth, it is usually a rotten game, but selection is seen as a mark of a player having a very good season, so everyone wants to be picked, even if they cannot go. One of those not going, sadly, will be the late Sean Taylor, but he was an overwhelming selection in his position. Another Taylor, Fred of the Jags, also misses out, this time for the tenth time; he is now the only player to have run for over 10,000 yards in his career without making the game. At the other extreme, Ravens tackle Jonathan Ogden goes for the 11th time in his 12 year career, despite his side being on a franchise record eight game losing streak.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Mimi’s Review of the Year – Part The First
Fellow Pseuds: it’s December and so time to have a little think about the events of the year – as regards our favourite topic: SPORT. Unfortunately due to various shenanigans across the board, politics and drugs may creep in!
As this is a Review not the Oscars, I’m not going to be handing out awards, accolades or even allocades (which may disappoint those Pseuds who are also OBOers and may remember that much fun was had in the depths of the winter with Seani’s allocades!).
However, one award must be given. It isn’t to do with any actual sporting achievement but given that none of us would be here in this part of cyberspace without The Editor Our Good Lord Ebren, I feel it only right and proper to present The Begetter with a large and incredibly vulgar gold-plated trophy for giving us this space to publish our sometimes brilliant, sometimes mundane (me: endless Tour reports), sometimes humorous but always worth reading articles.
Thank you – but no time for speeches.
Moving on, rapidly – goodness me, this is about a year of sport not a year of blogging – I’m going to look back on the last 12 months and solely from my memory. From here on in, be assured I will not be googling or wikipediaing or even checking my own stories. I’m offering for comment my flawed and questionable memories of a year that for me, brought more pain, anguish and desperate chasing of false hope than great celebrations. Please do pick me up on errors or areas in which my flawed and fractured memory conflicts with your instant recall. Oh and there are some sports I simply won’t deal with as I am not worthy in your company to discuss eg football, American football, darts, chess – the list could go on forever really.
I have to start with December 2006 and cricket: our boys went to Australia to defend the Ashes. Within five weeks the all-conquering Aussies, led by gerbil-faced, foul-mouthed Tasmanian Ricky (second-best batsman in the world) Ponting had crushed us underfoot and we lost the Ashes 5-0. From Steve Harmison’s first ball in Brisbane I knew we were doomed. In Adelaide, England did what they do so well – tossed us a small smidgin of hope and then chucked it away. Desperate times. We did fight back and against the odds our defeated, dismayed, dismal One-day side somehow snaffled the Commonwealth Bank Series and we returned from the back of nowhere with at least one trophy.
Hardly having time to draw breath, or so it seemed, the lads were off again with Duncan "I’ve written a really good book now" Fletcher and we were under siege – or perhaps water – in the West Indies for the ICC World Cup. An interminably long tournament of which I can remember little except we lost lots of matches, Fred lost his head and the vice-captaincy, Scotland did better than expected and Ireland caused Pakistan’s downfall. What happened next, the death of Bob Woolmer, overshadows all memories of the tournament. The press went to town with conspiracy theories and to this day we have no real answers. It is a stretch now to remember who the finalists were. Sri Lanka and Australia I think, and obviously the Aussies won – that’s what they do. I have no idea what the scores were. Fletcher resigned/was sacked afterwards and we entered the Peter Moores era. From what I recall we were dodgy against India – we lost, then did well against the West Indies, but for all the detail I can recall, it could have happened on a different planet. Scotland meantime, hosted Israel for an international fixture, just a few miles away from me, but sad to say, I missed that match.
County cricket became a lottery of the weather gods and then came the World Twenty/20 where, surprise surprise, England were rubbish again, but not so rubbish that we didn’t hold out some hope. Vain as it always is and I’m afraid I can’t remember who won. Sticking to my principles and not looking anything up, I’m going out on a limb here and reckon it wasn’t Australia. Dog’s sake, there must be something apart from the CB series they didn’t win this year – and I think they’ve just wrapped up the Hadlee Trophy against the Kiwis.
I did spend time with some other sports – mostly those involving fit young men in leather or lycra.
Looking at those in leather first: "chuck it away, why not" Casey Stoner proved that there was a beautiful marriage for Aussies and Italians as he took Ducati to win after win on the 900cc MotoGP bikes. Casey’s dominance in MotoGP was a let-down for the series really as in recent years it has been the most exciting wheeled sport, but Yamaha and Rossi were plagued by tyre issues and mechanical problems and could not mount a proper challenge. As for Honda – well I just don’t know what went wrong there for the biggest team in motorbike racing. They were damn nearly beaten by Johnny-come-latelies Rizla Suzuki, so lots of homework for Honda in the off-season.
Stoner wrapped up the MotoGP Championship with at least two races to go and that was that. Fortunately for those of us who get a kick out of the leather and two wheels, the Superbike title went a bit further. Won eventually by our own James "Fingers" Toseland, it was thrilling and just a shame that most of it was not on terrestrial TV. Young James, now a DOUBLE World Champion, was honoured by being nominated for the BBC Sports Personality of The Year (or SPOT as I will refer to it later) and despite being a WINNER, was only there to play boogie-woogie piano. Which he did very well but that’s hardly the point. James moves to MotoGP next season with the second string Yam boys and we have our fingers, toes and whatever crossed for him.
Formula 1 went down to the wire – but only because FIA politics had taken over the events. McLaren v Ferrari in Spygate was unedifying and in fact sullying of the sport. Max Mosley’s remarks disparaging Sir Jackie Stewart brought the sport to an all time low. I was embarrassed to be known as a subscriber to an F1 magazine. However, cool, fast, speedster Kimi Raikkonnen ended winning the drivers’ title and deserved it for fantastic driving, and for never getting involved with any of the shit. In my view Ferrari shouldn’t have won the constructors’ title and I deplore the most recent development where Renault have been found just as guilty as McLaren of having other teams’ knowledge but not penalised.
"Babyface" Hamilton proved that a seat in a top F1 car and a lifetime’s relationship with Ron Dennis means you can win in F1 almost from the get-go. Alonso proved that being a World Champion doesn’t make you gracious in any way or form.
I came out of the F1 season thinking the right man won – that’s Kimi – but everything else was political shite.
In rallying, the wrong man won – Seb Loeb – but only because emotionally I’d have liked Marcus Gronholm to win in his last year and celebrate the double with his team who won the constructors. That’s Malcolm Wilson’s MSport Ford. A reason why it would have been so sweet if Ford could have had the double this year is that it would have been a tribute to one of motorsport’s greatest heroes: Colin McRrae.
Colin died in a freak helicopter accident on 16 September 2007 and had that not happened, I rather expect that part of this review would have been to report on him and David Coulthard winning the Race of Champions at Wembley (staged a week ago and this year won by the Germans: Michael (I never really tried to shove Damon or Jaques off the track) Schumacher and rising star Sebastian Vettel.
Sticking with four wheels for one more championship – and this is a goody. The World Touring Car Championship. A series that attracts manufacturers from Europe, the US and the Far East and has drivers who have won multiple titles. For the last two years it has been won by a boy from the Channel Isles who this year was driving for almost a family set-up. Andy Priaulx did not have the best car, did not have the best resources, but WON. He is a MULTIPLE WORLD CHAMPION – but obviously wasn’t even nominated for the BBC SPOT show.
Back to two wheels now, but not with petrol engines. Cycling – that most maligned of sports, but actually we didn’t have too bad a year.
The trouble is, with cycling, that the sports pages only ever cover three weeks in July – yup Le Tour. Admittedly, this year, that is what I spent my writing hours on for Pseuds – I’m sure you all remember and enjoyed my interminable reports of each and every stage. Or perhaps not.
Anyway – every year for almost as long as I can recall, Le Tour has been the focal point for drug scandals and just about everything that is wrong on the ProTour. This year was no different. Big names (and I’m going to be really careful here because I don’t have the bucks to hire lawyers) were kicked off before the start and at least one team was "disinvited". However, with the eyes of the world upon cycling, Le Tour kicked off Le Grand Depart in London in the best possible style. It was a triumph.
Not much else about Le Tour was Рdopage apr̬s dopage followed. Then the Rasmussen debacle and no-one is really sure who won. Still better than last year РFloyd Landis, stripped of his win, vows to fight on.
But… despite all that cycling has had a great year. Mark Cavendish, 22, is a huge emerging talent and Roger Hammond, 42????, proved at Ghent that he still has it. Cadel Evans, the most boring cyclist ever but utterly clean, won the ProTour by dint of being boring (and having nicked Mattie Haydon’s eyebrows along the way), and the younger Schleck – Andy – is a very bright hope. Bradley Wiggins won on the road and on the track. He’s class. Chris Hoy failed in his high-altitude attempt at the Hour, but won loads of medals elsewhere and Beijing beckons for the entire GB Team who knocked the cycling socks off everyone, everywhere on the track this year.
Well, that just about wraps up my review, part the first, of 2007. I’ve done willow-wielders and chaps on wheels so far and there is much more to cover. Please feel free to vilify me for getting things wrong – I welcome all criticism.
In a PS – horribly I realise that in all my praise of the cyclists, I have not mentioned Victoria "Multiple Champion" Pendleton. My mistake. She is brilliant.
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