(dutifully transcribed by Zephirine)
“Well as my Dad would say, fall about in my back yard. Australia have lost a Test match.
Those of you who are not into cricket right will be saying like yeah and?
Let me explain it for you yeah they were on a winning streak of 16 having not lost a Test match since way back in 2005 when they were beaten by England yeah hard as that may now be to believe.
Australia have done this before right under their previous captain the legendary Steve Waugh they reached 16 unbeaten in 2001 yeah so the less legendary Ricky Ponting has been obviously like busting to beat the record but 17 was not to be. Tough shit Ricky lol.
So I was trying to explain the impact of this to Karl and I’m like, it’s as if you woke up and found Man U, Liverpool, Arsenal and Chelsea were all halfway down the Premier League right but he was like, that’s a physical impossibility and a ridiculous hypothesis so I was like, ooh pardon me for breathing. Football freaks eh?
Seriously it is a great result yeah because the Aussies winning all the time in the Tests was quite dull and also there have been like questions raised about their style of play under the not quite legendary Ricky and if the Indians can be their like nemesis it can only be good for the game yeah.
Thing is yeah the Australians play using a lot of sledging which is basically like verbal abuse and the sort of thing you or I would get thrown off the bus for but well to be fair everybody does it a bit in cricket well the men anyway because hey they are basically standing about in a field for a very long time yeah and most men would swear in this situation. Though it is more like insults and there are famous examples that everybody like sniggers about yeah to do with who has been seeing to whose wife etc etc you can use your imaginations. As far as I know women cricketers don’t sledge much right but I bet they swop the odd remark yeah like about how the batswoman made a big mistake choosing that hair colour with her skin tone lol.
But there has been a feeling right that the Australians employ psychological aggression like to excess yeah and this ended in nasty scenes in the 2nd Test match at Sydney which I am not even going to start to discuss right because a thousand trolls will descend on this site from Australia and India and will scream at each other endlessly causing noise pollution in cyberspace life is too short. But we can say that some iffy umpiring didn’t exactly help yeah and also we must admit that the Indian Cricket Board does a bit of psychological aggression of its own yeah consisting of waving its very big cheque book and saying like argue with us if you dare.
So this 3rd and latest match has been played in Perth right and there the Indians have won by 72 runs and nobody has got into any fights yeah and the spirit of cricket is safe and well for a while longer hooray and hurrah and everybody is happy except the Aus team. Even some of the Aussie supporters don’t mind yeah because they were getting like pretty bored, win win win win yawn.
And this is very nice for Anil Kumble right who is the Indian captain but only after years of waiting for the job and he is one of those people that just like does what he does really well and gets on with it yeah and nobody notices much and now suddenly right everyone realises he has taken over 600 wickets in his career which is the third highest ever since the dawn of the game right so cheers for Anil. He also wears very cool shades which are probably from a sponsor but they are chicly smart.
The other person to talk about right is Ishant Sharma who is only 19 and very tall and skinny with long hair and looks like the sort of boy who just loafs about at home smoking lots of weed yeah but that would be like the wrong impression of all time because he is a seriously like seriously good bowler : )) He managed to get the almost legendary Ricky P like totally rattled and got him out right so that is like an achievement and a half for a 19 year-old guy. So the same as our own tall skinny and cute Stuart Broad yeah we must hope he avoids injury and also doesn’t like go mysteriously off the boil for ever like too many of the English bowlers sigh.
Now there is one Test left because they are only playing four which is kind of stupid right so India can only level the series yeah but clearly the sparks are flying now and everybody is looking forward to it. And this shows that it is the like unpredictability of sport that we love yeah nobody wants to watch a match knowing in advance what the result would be right and perhaps we will love the Aussies more now they have been beaten hmm though I think we in England will only truly love them when they have been beaten by us.”