Friday, November 21, 2008

Mystic blog - MacMillings

Scorpio: There can be no more glamorous time or place, Scorpio, to start your International managerial career than a freezing November night in Glasgow. Sorry, no less glamorous time or place.
Lucky Number: 1986. Unlucky Number: 1990.

Sagittarius: No matter how much you preach the virtue of “good areas”, we all know, Sagittarius, that good areas for your squad do not include: Antigua, India, or Any Cricket Ground in the World.
Lucky Letters: K, P.

Capricorn: You might hate your job, Capricorn, but did it ever occur to you that working for a club called Newcastle United Eff Cee is ideal for your talents? Enjoy! It’ll never get better than this – unless, of course, the job at It Is None Of Your Effing Business. What The Eff Are You Going To Do? You Ain't Got The Balls To Be An Effing Manager Wanderers comes up.

Aquarius: My advice, Aquarius? Go at the opposition on Wednesday night. The England players don’t like it up ‘em. Especially from a Mannschaft.

Pisces: You’re top of your World Cup Qualifying Group, Pisces, and you seem to have a Coach with the vision of DaVinci, the organizational skills of Garibaldi, and the sheer, steel stugots of Tony Soprano. But on Wednesday night, the fun stops, as it so often does, in Berlin.
Lucky Number: Probably not 2010.

Aries: From Soulmates (Northwest): “Suddenly wealthy, but underachieving, club (I’m an Aries!), unsatisfied with current relationship, seeking new man. Prefer preposterous former England managers. Ridiculoush Dutch accshent a bonush.”
Lucky Form of Government: Brutal Dictatorship.

Taurus: Mystic Blog is a teacher, and he’s about to drop some science. If 1 Scot + 1 Wimbledon Title = 1 Brit, then I’m afraid you, Taurus, will always = 1 Scot.
Unlucky Letters: SW. Unlucky Number 19.

Gemini: I can’t believe you’re both Gemini, but it’s true. Nevertheless, you’ll never be compatible in the England midfield. If you really are Twins, the only question remaining is, which one of you is the Schwarzenegger, and which the DeVito?

Cancer: Some go to India to find themselves, but all you’ve found there, Cancer, is 15 useless teammates and a strange yearning for the good old days of the South African Quota System.
Unlucky Numbers: 7-0.

Leo: You may have won the hardest race of all, Leo, but if you want Middle America to take you seriously, you’re going to have to do better than this.

Virgo: So, you beat Wigan with a team of children. Congratulations, Virgo. It isn’t going to stop your Lucky Number being 4th. At best.

Libra: Last night, I dreamt I was fighting a South African. A couple of early jabs rocked him, but soon his inexorable assault had me reeling. Next thing I know, I’m lying in the pouring SW London rain with my pants round my ankles. But don’t worry, Libra, it doesn’t mean anything; it’s just a dream. And I’m just the World’s Greatest Sporting Prognosticator.
Lucky Hemisphere: Not the Southern.

25 comments:

Allout said...

You've clearly thought long and hard about this one Mac and (after a bit of thought) I think I have managed to place all the named individuals.

In terms of this not advancing in GU I suspect that it was too quirky and, for someone just picking it up amongst one hundred entries, it was probably easier to toss it in the "no" pile than to spend the time trying to place all of the sportspeople you alluded to.

guitou said...

Brilliant Mac but why didn' you use your knowedge of astral influence on your life to increase your chances with GU? -:)

mac millings said...

Thanks Allout and guitou.

Allout: I suspected it wouldn't be a contender for the prize; I just wanted to do something I'd never done before, and then stick it on here to see what people thought.

By the way, Allout - having identified them all, could you tell me who Virgo is? Because I couldn't find any significant Virgos (insert joke here) at Arsenal, and had to fake that one ;)

guitou - that would just be unfair on the other Bloggers.

MotM said...

This is the right home for such writing pyrotechnics Mac. And good to read that you wrote it for fun, which is what all of us should do here as that's why it's such fun to read them.

You're very generous at GU - I couldn't get into any of the three, but it's Friday and I'm tired and I want to watch NZ bat Aus in Brisbane overnight, but I've got to be at work in the morning. Yes, I'm a whinging Pom!

mac millings said...

Thanks, Mouth.

Yes, perhaps I was a little generous Over There, but the kids have slept in and I feel great and have time to type!

Oh dear. Spoke too soon....back later....

Allout said...

Hi Mac

I didn't actually check his date of birth so I assumed (incorrectly as it turns out) that you were talking about Wenger!

mac millings said...

Hi Allout

As a world-renowned sporting seer, I felt bad about the deception, naturally :)

All the other characters do match the starsigns, though - Maradona really is a Scorpio, Moores is a Sagittarius, etc.

munni said...

very enjoyable, Mac, although the cricket references have gone right over my head as usual. I don't know about significant, but Alex Song is a Virgo, will that do? (No, I have not memorised the birthdays of the entire Arsenal squad, but I do have the information handily bookmarked.)

offsideintahiti said...

You got me, Mac, I can't figure out which one is Domenech.

mac millings said...

offie,

the only reason they're not all cricket-related is out of deference to you.

mac millings said...

munni

Mystic Blog sees a place outside the top 3 for Arsenal very clearly, but does not want to put all the blame on Alex Song.

offsideintahiti said...

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=D4Vz4ylRNV0

gg said...

offie,
so what if MacMillings IS Domenech?

offsideintahiti said...

Yeah, that would explain a lot, particularly about last summer.

munni said...

GG, that's impossible. The dead giveaway is, Mac confesses to being an Aries, Domenech is Pisces.

mac millings said...

munni,

It was Manchester City Football Club Limited that confessed to being an Aries, which means that, regarding Domenech, je could be lui.

Offie,
what do you mean, that would explain a lot? Are you saying I'm a worse coach than Domenech? Be careful, sir, it's not an awful long way from Hawai'i to Tahiti, you know.

gg said...

munni,
I'm lost there.
Like Van Morrison, I'm astral weak.

andrewm said...

Round of applause for that one, gg.

munni said...

yeah, sorry, I can't read.

offsideintahiti said...

Mac,

get that canoe ready, then.

gg,

I'm the one who's confused now, I thought Munni was Jim Morrison's LA Woman...

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=t3jf9_rua5Q

Savannah Greengrass said...

offie,
I know I'm crossing threads here, but we must find a couple of cages for these lost pets:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FArZxLj6DLk

munni said...

offie, I don't know what you're insinuating, I've never met the man. I do love that album though.

offsideintahiti said...

Nah, gg, there's only one motherflippin' place for them: the wild.

Or else: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=A6tx4KQ9DLY

gg said...

offie,
I would have had them put down ages since, but I can't afford the vet's fees.

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