Thursday, December 13, 2007

England FC - Ebren

It was at my first 4-hour blog training course (don't ask, just don't) that we were told that one of the secrets of successful blogging was to "post little and post often".

So - here we go - my thoughts on the assumed imminent arrival of Fabio Capello to train England's national football team.

Now most angles have been covered already by people with more time for research and more readers than I have, so I've looked for a new perspective.

Firstly, we've always wanted England to play more like a club side - so a Foreign Coach is a good first step. Secondly, if he gets one of those natty tracksuit tops with his initials on it we will have England FC on it. So looking good already.

On the language barrier - I don't think Zola would be much cop as a translator.

He'd be fine explaining what Fabio wants done to the players and at press conferences, but how on earth could he hope to explain to the new manager about the English players' drinking, gambling, nightclubbing, filming themselves, fighting and autobiography addictions?

No, what we need is someone with these experiences that can also speak Italian.

Has anyone seen Gazza recently?


offside said...

Blog-training course?? (Of course, I've got to ask.)

Do you realise that this is cheating? The rest of us have to make it up as we go along.

guitougoal said...

Fabio may looks or sounds like the antisocial dude but he is the real deal-He had some dressing room issues with Real Madrid, at the end he got the job done-Besides he always will have the pope and the vatican to pray for his success.

Ebren said...

Don't worry offy, you missed very little.

I think it was a culture clash between a coproration and the internet. Someone said "this blogging thing seems popular - we should do that". Underlings replied: "Yes sir! I'll organise training for the staff."

The thing about blogging is there are very few rules

Ebren said...

And I should add that no one knows the rules either (beyond - people don't like broken links and they do like you replying to posts - oh and you should prbably spell things right)

file said...

IF (and it's a huge IF) Acapello can achieve better than quarter finals then who will get the credit, the Engle players or the Ity-bitty management team?

Not hugely nationalistic but isn't Wenger right about this?

offside said...

Of course, File, Wenger is ALWAYS right. As you should know by now.

Eb, no rules you say? Hmmmm... tempting.

file said...

Yes Offie, I should.

One horny Viking is not the same as a legion of Romans ...

... and isn't No Rules a rule of sorts?

andrewm said...

Ebren, I nearly had to go to one of those but talked my way out of it. Ha, and indeed, ha.

Capello is great. Just look at him. He looks great. He sounds great. He's tough. He's mean.

He's great.

file said...


yes he's very handsome and I'm sure that many Smaller Footballing nations would be very happy to get him but isn't it a little sad that the Cradle of Footie can't represent from within?

guitougoal said...

blogging class! may be we should send them gg to teach how to be banned from the blog you love.

offside said...

I think we should start a Blogging Course Seminar thing and rip-off corporate entities with time to waste and money to burn.

It's not like we don't have the experience. Or credentials.

file said...

...perhaps we should start grading contributions...

"this is an above average piece Ebren but can't help feeling it was written on the back of a bus ticket, shows potential, could do better... C+, no need to see me after but thanks for the apple"

andrewm said...

file, I do sympathise with that viewpoint, but trying to put that into action in the current state of affairs leads to appointing the likes of your previous manager.

What the FA mustn't do is go down the route of bringing young English coaches into the national set-up with the view that one of them will graduate to the top job. This doesn't work. You end up being more-or-less forced to appoint someone who has proven to be incompetent.

We kid ourselves that people no longer get jobs based on who they are, ie. their successful playing career. The truth is that the likes of Shearer and Southagte will never be without a big opportuntiy in management, no matter how mediocre they might prove to be.

gg said...

Ebren writes: "He'd be fine explaining what Fabio wants done to the players".

Would you mind expanding on this?

Need any help from Ingrid?

Off to the chapel for the weekend - can't be near a computer with BIg Sunday approaching!

PW75 said...


I've got one of these coming up soon too. I am very excited.

I shall quote 'post little and post often' in the opening exchanges and earn myself a gold star.

Zephirine said...

Delighted to see that you're finally finding out about blogs, Ebren, you've been living in ignorance for far too long:)

guitougoal said...

Learn about the future of blogging and the method to blog with style and finesse. Experts say that the pseuds blogging concept unlock many basic secrets of
blogging- You will learn how to adjust your style to the flow, more important to be patient, objective and courteous-
Dysfunctional students admitted.
-prepare the students to the 22nd Century-

file said...


fully agree with your comment

the FA (and to some extent Englanders, present company excepted of course) don't seem to realize what a comedown it is that we Have to look abroad

Acapello Baby is right about one thing; that the Engle problem is mostly psychological but it's a huge loss of face to admit publicly that there aren't any English managers who are anywhere near good enough

every time the Engles play now there'll be this possy of Italians on the bench, rubbing it in our (lost) faces for the world to see, how exactly is this going to benefit the mental problems of Engleballers?

Guitou, blogging 101, is that like Room 101?

guitougoal said...


From the merchandising corner:

-Banning proof Jacket:75 pounds
-blogger hat:25p. :
-NoBull price File's Xmas postcard- 5p.
-blogger Mug (offside & file-
discount for pseuds member :10.99
-"Greatest Love Letters between Bloggers"by

file said...

G, no Tapir bone cutlery?

guitougoal said...

ey file you may expand the list of gifts as you wish..
As far as England cradle of football it's a myth, football was invented in Italy (Firenze) 200 years before England claims, but the ruling of the game was originated in England.
-Fabio's presence should make an impact particularly in building up the confidence-He thinks "underconfidence" is the problem-
From my oustsider or foreigner point of view,if i may, it just doesn't make sense that top world class players as Wayne Rooney, Michael Owen,Steven Gerrard, John Terry etc..
can't be competitive at international level and the FA has to pay 6,5 million pounds just to pick the usual suspects for 8 to 10 games a year-Check out the Richard Williams blog you will have a better sense of the loss of football culture in England.

offside said...


- Build Your Own Media Empire
by Lord Ebren

- Multiple Personalities Disorders Online
by MarvinHanniballProust

- Grow Your Own Virtual Football Pitch
by greengrass

- TeenSpeak And CricketTalk
by Zephirine

- Merseybeat Surf Music
by Kokomo

Healing Heartbreak Through Blogging
by Mimi

- The Unbearable Lightness Of Blogging
by miro

- The Dangers Of Identity Theft Online
by File

- Understanding And Forgiveness
by andrewm

- YouTube Can Change Your Life
by tonyellis

- Is Blogging Art?
by the real Marcela

- How To Get A Life
by MouthoftheMersey (MBM, OBO, ACE)

- Offside, Off-Topic, And Off-The-Cuff
by yermanintahiti

For Registrations and Group Pricing, write to:

andrewm said...

Nah, mine's called Making the Same Mistake Twice.

offside said...

It's OK, andy, you can do several.

And we still haven't received bluedaddy's submission.

mimi said...

My gosh this has changed a bit since my quick look after work before nicking off to Dalcross to collect my Antipodean visitor!

Then it was mostly about new Fab, now lots is in the offing if I may use this term that could be considered something given that we have an Offy!

I am slightly mazed at the Mimi "Healing Heartbreak through blogging" as I would mostly see the healing heartbreak as chatting with chums - who happen to be miles away and yes, online. And anyway, this time round there would have been no heartbreak without blogging so - oh I've just proved your point, Offie!

guitougoal said...

Don't get too excited mimi, you have to register first-
I just got bluedaddy's for"eclipse of the blog"

MotM said...

I've been guilty of giving the odd blogging seminar myself. The best thing about blogging is how paranoid the old Media journos are and how prissy they can get that us hoi polloi can suddenly publish to the world (even if we're not read by the world).

Capello? Yeah - fine, but what do all the backroom staff do? Being England manager is only part-time right up until May 2010 (and that's if we qualify) so what does a part-timer's assistant do?

Ebren said...

make the tea?

offside said...

Ebren, no! Capuccino!

Do try to follow, please.

So, Mouth, how much money can we expect to make?

munni said...

Aren't the part-timer and his staff meant to be hard at work learning English for the next several months?

Guitou, do you have details for your Italians-invented-footie claim? Because English football as a street game dates back at least to the turn of the 16th century, and quite possibly longer ago that I'm not aware of. (Not being stroppy, but genuinely curious).

I know this is desperately behind the times, but I still have no idea who Tord Grip is.

guitougoal said...

I have to do some research but calcio di firenze was played in the Florence streetsin the 12th or 1th I believe.I'll try to provide more accurate information.

guitougoal said...

the wikipedia link for calcio fiorentino
about la soule,
also check Cambridge, the rules for modern football
18th century.

munni said...

Thanks, Guitou. So the question then becomes, at what point can this game be considered football, as opposed to some other game coincidentally involving balls and feet? I mean, I've heard people make serious arguments (farfetched but entertaining) that the Mesoamerican ballgame was the invention of football.

Now I'm going to spend the rest of the evening googling this. The fun never stops in this house.

guitougoal said...

yes munni,now that you are back to the precolombien era you may write the history of football for pseuds-
Don't forget to mention the chinese chuzu and please take your time and call for help if needed, our gg's archeologistic dept is open 24 hrs a day-

scurge said...

q: who invented the Mars Bar
a: well, food has been traced back to pre-Neanderthal times

munni said...

scurge, my point exactly.

guitou, what I need to write is a book about football, empire and globalisation. lately though, I rarely finish writing anything unless it's mandatory.

guitougoal said...

a book it's great but give pseuds the privilege of your introduction-

file said...


did you see David James taking his lead from you today?

"...the archaic attitude to qualifications and appointments, even at the elite level of the game. We are living in an age when the result of one match can lose you millions of pounds, and yet we are still operating on a 'jobs for the boys' mentality."

Munni, agree with Guitou, look forward to that piece muchly

andrewm said...

file, James usually talks a fair amount of sense. I always find it a bit unfair though that people laud him for his intelligence and articulacy, as if all other footballers are thick. Not only is that not true - why would it matter if they were? I'm not very articulate myself under questioning, but hopefully nobody holds it against me.

Zeph said...

Forgive me, this is a boring techie question... Ebren, if there's a boring techie question section on your blog course, can you find out why I now can't access the older archive on Pseuds'? I seem to remember someone else had the same problem (Bluedaddy?). Of course, you may not want to ask a question which reveals that you have actually been running blogs for quite some time:)

Ebren said...

not sure why that's happening. You can normally find stuff using google if you remember enough about it...

There's also a search bar at the top of the page (not this one, the main blog page) that only searches pseuds - althought I'm not sure how reliable that is.

Also - I'm afraid not only is there not a technical section to the blog training, but I am meant to only ever use Windows Live Spaces, so mentioning blogger would go down about as well as a ham and cheese sandwich at a Barmitzvah...

Zephirine said...

Windows Live Spaces !! Doesn't that implant something into your brain while you use it, so that you will only ever want Windows products until you eventually die?

Thanks anyway Ebren, I think I've got a wrong setting somewhere... sorry guys, back to the footy:)

file said...


DJ does always make for a good read though of course he gets help from a ghost, I confess that I'm always pleasantly surprised when footballers come out with more than "the boy done good" but you are right to say that there is no reason why I should be.

think it's admirable tho that Renaissance Man is alive and kicking (others?) in footie and can present a fair argument as well as run around for 90 minutes at that level, just wish I could do either! Gordon McQueen is another who impresses on that score

ervanp said...

If anyone sees a Scouser who goes by the monikers MarcelaP/HannibalB/Sir Ollie, etc, please direct him to the GU sports blog so he can explain himself to the blogging community, in particular why exactly he felt it would be a walkover for Weetabix FC.

Thank You

PS, if anyone had to suffer through reading the comments of Sean Ingle's blog, I take partial blame for that carnage. I'm an excitable young lad, what can I say...

guitougoal said...

Direction to the gu blog: first right, second blog on the left,

offside said...

Hey, that is one useful melon if I ever saw one!

ervanp said...

Isn't it offside? I hear Uncle Wenger used special methods to make it grow better, hence the strange, mohican-shaped growth on the top.

guitougoal said...

btw,mohican melon stole the goal -no doubt possible from the replays-

offside said...

Mohican? I thought that was some kind of telescopic sights device for better targeting. A deadly mutant melon, if you want.

guitougoal said...

totally illegal according to the geneva convention.

offside said...

Geneva Convention? Ah shit, and we're playing in Switzerland next summer. Bummer, as they say in the US of A.

Iain said...

Of course the English invented football. What do you think Stonehenge was for?

Iain said...

I may be talking to myself here but that won't be a novel sensation.

I have just discovered that I can now access all the old Pseuds articles. Maybe it is my gorgeous and powerful new secondhand iMac (thank you Ebay). I clicked at random and got

Fantastic thread and topped off with Chelsea's last gasp win at the Mestalla (hooray!), Offy jinxing us (grrr) and GG's prediction that Liverpool would do us in the semis (grrr again).

Is Pseuds suitably decrepit enough that we could have the occasional nostalgic revisit to old threads?
It's corny but I'd like it.

Re blog rules. Does writing 'FACT', 'simple as', or 'end of' actually win an argument or should using these terms without irony be punished by having the vowels removed from one's keyboard?

bluedaddy said...

and while I am talking to myself who is this iain character? What the divvel has happened to bluedaddy?

bluedaddy said...

phew! that's better.

Ebren said...

dn't b slly bd - hw wld rmvng th vwls frm ths ppl hlp mttrs.

rmv thr shft kys nd thr cps lck kys. fr mr fn

munni said...

guitou, you may have a point about the melon's goal - though I'm not convinced - but there was absolutely nothing wrong with Adebayor's goal that was disallowed so it all evens out.

iain, if that is indeed your name, everything's been done before. we'd better all just go home and watch tv.

kokominho said...

surfin' cross the mersey
cos this blog's
the place i love...

mygrandfatherandmaradona said...

i went to watch brian wilson in andrewm's fair city this year, and when he played sloop john b, my wife turned to me and said 'are you thinking about liverpool?'

it was like all the facets of my life came together in one moment.

mersey surf music indeed...

Anonymous said...

Hi there, just became aware of your blog through
Google, and found that it is truly informative.
I'm going to watch out for brussels. I'll be grateful if you
continue this in future. Numerous people will be benefited from
your writing. Cheers!

Here is my web page: one hour payday loans

Tweet it, digg it