Thursday, July 26, 2007

The Pseudifier – by Offgrass & Greenside

A bierstube just off the autobahn. Outside, a faded, peeling poster promises: "For this night only - Madame Mimi's Lycra and Leather Extravaganza".

Inside, Oliver Kahn dances the can-can, accompanied by a bevy of lederhosen-clad Bavarian brass monkeys. Greengrass turns to Offside:

  • So you brought me all this bloody road for this?
Offside flashes an enigmatic smile. He moves towards the bar area, fishes a strange looking device out of his bag, plugs it into the back of a computer ; sits down and starts banging away at the keyboard.
  • That’s just a decoy, I’m trying to keep this quiet for the moment. Listen, Gigi, you've been away for a long time, so I was getting bored and I developped this… thing. Hang on, let me show you.
Offside punches in a couple of codes, hits the Enter key. The Bavarian set-up flickers and vanishes. It is instantly replaced by a gigantic bedroom, subdued lighting, soothing music, a couple of kimono-clad beauties reclining on a sofa so big and soft that it's threatening to engulf them. On the black coffee table, three lines of fine white powder and a small silver tube..
  • What the f…?
Offside hurriedly presses the Escape key. The room turns to a neutral, formless grey.
  • Oops, sorry. That’s just a test environment I created to fine tune the… oh, nevermind. Here, look at this.
He types in another combination, hits Enter. The place flickers again and turns into the Antibes Absinthe Bar. Spiral staircase descending into a stone cellar, vintage Pernod posters, a collection of old absinthe fountains, a piano, marble-top bar tables, comfy chairs. Offside turns to Greengrass and grins.
  • Pretty neat, hein? But look, what’s even better is that I can do it with people, you know, Pseuds. I can bring them to life. I tried it last weekend with Guitou and Marcela as guinea pigs and it worked fine. Well, Guitou’s hair came out all wrong and Marcela was a lot smaller than she should be, but otherwise it was great. All you need to do (Offside pastes the Pseuds’ Corner URL in the addres bar) is work from one of their comments on the site, and the machine… well, it’s complicated but, to put it in a nutshell, the letters and words solidify into a data stream that goes through… this… and the blogger materialises… like so…

Blinding flash of light. Greengrass stares, open mouthed…

248 comments:

1 – 200 of 248   Newer›   Newest»
mimi said...

More absinthe please

guitougoal said...

I knew it will come down to this.......not the time machine kind of stuff which is pretty good, but the Absynthe bar :"let us wise pilgrims, reach the absinthe with the green pillars....
No, no more of these pure drinks,
these water flowers for glasses;
Neither legends nor faces
slake my thirst." Rimbaud.
'"Resurrection", drops of water on a sugar, people sitting around the table watching the water stir in the absynthe gently for 2 minutes.
Patience game, or friends drinking absynthe in Antibes old village.?..and why did offside had to drop these lines right before taking off for Tahiti....?

DoctorShoot said...

that's not a very good likeness of me, over in the lounge, smoking again, I'm much uglier and older than...
no wait,
great machine this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ure2RdTZm8c

forty two years old clip to open and make me feel young as I look on that holograph...

hang on offie don't turn that dial yet I...
click

tony said...

Very nice boys. I've just finished work until October so will drink a glass of absenta (or ausencia as we refer to it the morning after) to your health before heading down to Andalucía.
By the way, that second scenario flashed by so fast that I missed it. Any chance of posting a link?

Ebren said...

Pouf - and as if by magic, Ebren appears. Sporting a natty fur and PVC number with a wild look in his eye

"What? Who? Where?"

Ebren pauses in befuddlement, spies absinthe, reaches into his back pocket, takes out his 19th century absinthe spoon

"A shot of the green stuff please Ingrid - and does anyone know where this pair of breasts came from?"

chef said...

their quail sir,

but large ones

if you wouldn;t mind handling them a little less fondly...

libertine 72 said...

hair?

what hair?!

marcela said...

ahhh...

here you all are, decadent indeed, at this early hour of the morning.

absentia for breakfast indeed. you sorry bunch ;)

doc, i've come to regard it as a sign that it will be a good day when i start with your musical posts...

Khawuleza - absolutely beautiful. Thank you.

Any more from her?

DoctorShoot said...

marcela
sorry I already punched this one in for the poor riders cut from the crop for indiscretions and their hope for a redemption amnesty:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsAXUuJR7J0

any quails left chef?

marcela said...

no apologies necessary, doc.

wore black armband the day bob died, like all my friends.

emancipate yourselves from mental slavery...

lovely, lovely.

guitougoal said...

hair? what hair?!

mimi said...

Is anyone in? It's nearly the weekend. I could do with another drink, to be honest.

Pastagobbler said...

Mimi
No ones about their all on fb!

mimi said...

It's a sad state of things when there's no-one around to raise a glass and bemoan life, Le Tour and flooding in Oxfordshire. I'll just retire and contemplate life's general unhappiness - tis all I can do tonight.

marcela said...

no!

wait.

don't go.

i'll raise a glass to floods.

or something :)

mimi said...

Hey Marcela - you're here. Good news that. Ever played Netball?

tony said...

any chance of a drink round here?

Zephirine said...

Bit quiet in here, innit? Try this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEq62iQo0eU

or this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqAuuIDU2sw

tony said...

Zeph - great link. What do you think of this one?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TvtDD98rK-o

marcela said...

mimi - netball? never.

i may be too late to share my ausencia but the thrill ain't gone from this taproom :)

Zephirine said...

Tony: bizarre, truly bizarre. But it's got to be better than Sonny and Cher.

This one's pretty cool, from a middle-aged geezer in a jacket and tie:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYjBQKIOb-w

Zephirine said...

Marcela, I enjoyed the second glass of absinthe but why is this room full of hats...?

tony said...

Oh zeph, that's great. Have you noticed how similar it is to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UpFGoJHwLI ?

I used to play netball too, by the way...

tony said...

by the way, you really need to see this one... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9eEvLzoSVsw

mimi said...

Netball- deathball. Go here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjYhTnh6Zaw&mode=related&search=
love the smell of fine coffee in the morning! Well you gotta do something when Le Tour is screwed and the Test match is rained off!

tony said...

oh mimi, that link says you're feeling pretty bad about the tour. Try this as an antidote: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zK4xGum544Q

marcela said...

tony, your link leads me to this:

The url contained a malformed video id.

WTF??!!

reads like a well thought out reply to orsay's ludicrous notion that he hologrammed some us into actual people and ... etc.

LOL

zeph: hats? what hats?? are you sure you're not mistaking the wives?

or maybe you mean the boa constrictors that swallowed the elephants

Zephirine said...

It's the green muse, Marcela...or the little prince.

Tony, I see what you mean about the Lou Reed but the Zappa is just like totally to the max, totally.

tony said...

Marcela Oh my god!!! Which link?

mimi said...

Just sticking another one on the jukebox
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bW_JEHoyQBY
Should be the Pixies

marcela said...

wey hey!

frank rocks!

my fave:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VX8415wWqU4

muse? green?

http://dancoulter.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/01/frightening.gif

off to check mimi's pixies...

mimi said...

And another one. I'm so tired said Francis.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZgYIgQ21Gk&mode=related&search=

tony said...

loved that mimi. I looked for the chicken shack version of this (possibly the best record ever made) but this isn't too bad...

mimi said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bW_JEHoyQBY
Try this one folks!!

tony said...

here it is...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fODb3-yoQ9g

guitougoal said...

Tony,
soeur sourire is the younger brother.

tony said...

marcela - do you know her? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1njEBrVtY0

guitougoal said...

marcela,
zeph is right! the room was full of hats!Or may be it was one day but not the following day.

tony said...

i meant this one one http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AmOs-VU-8A&mode=related&search=

mimi said...

Setting the juke box for me
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=toFF3OvBR94
Nick, Mick and Rowland looking so young. Gosh, was it that long ago ....

Zephirine said...

All kinds of hats, but you don't notice them till after a little absinthe....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bqrkIP6lj4

marcela said...

tony, no!!! don't know her but i love her already.
how cool is she?



guitou, zeph... what are you trying to do to me?

room. what room.

mimi said...

Try this for gorgeousness
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5CRiS8bRTw

tony said...

oh mimi, that's so beautiful! I'd never heard of them. Try this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FV0vEISJegY

Gouti Are you Belgian?

tony said...

marcela she's cooler than anyone, ever. Have you seen the second one?

Zephirine said...

Bebe, yes, definitely a good thing, great little croaky voice!

Marcela, you'll have to speak to Offside about the hats, it's obviously a malfunction in his machine that you didn't see them :)

guitougoal said...

marcela,
bebe it's so cool you lost track of the room with the hats...if zeph didn't and I didn't, that leaves you with only one place.

guitougoal said...

But...wait a minute, Zeph, where where you sitting?

Zephirine said...

Over here by the piano, Guitou, but I don't see all the hats till I turn round a bit.

On Tony's last link to the Fleetwood Mac, check out 'Oh Well 1969' too, it's in the column at the side.

guitougoal said...

We were sitting in the opposite corner inside the round "pit" where the hats were on display , they probably remove them for Marcela....

tony said...

oh well... Fabulous track, zeph. Pity we can't upload here cos...

Zephirine said...

It's no good, the combination of absinthe and a very young Peter Green in that last clip has done for me...the brain is closing down... 'night all.

marcela said...

saw them both. first video is too sexy for words. second song brilliant.

this thread has introduced me to two (2) new female singers wot i never heard of. 'kin ace.

doc's south african mama from 66 and now bebe...

this ausencia stuff is good. but i'm going to quit before the sugar cubes get to my head :)

where is prof greengrass BTW?

guitougoal said...

Tony, who is gouti belgian?

guitougoal said...

marcela,
a little resurrection with poco de bebe no?

mimi said...

Not the best of the boys, but worth having a listen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrn-EQvi3Zk
Lonely Stretch is the best.

mimi said...

This is a brilliant film clip. Music as well.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZsy6Ekkq0M

tony said...

It's true. Absinthe makes the heart grow softer.

tony said...

mimi - nick cave isn't fair.
I suppose this one is for the boys among us really...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqkkAvRJ28M

levremance said...

Driver let me tell you a secret,
A secret in the shape of a song...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ssIyCuqaXks

Ebren said...

That's it, I've had enough of people knowing bands I don't - stick this in your jukebox and smoke it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5_E3FvQfsQ&mode=related&search=

Zeph said...

Ebren, Ebren, how did you do that, post the direct link? Are you the only one who's allowed to, because of your special powers?

Nice song btw

tony said...

Hmm, think I'd better just make it a half of shandy after last night...

also, something mellow

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqDuxyGcFA8

guitougoal said...

Tony,
Something is wrong with me, I found some similarity
between bebe and cocorosie.....check it out and please confirm if I need a schrink.

Ebren said...

Anyone can post a direct link - they just need to use a few special characters, problem is that they disappear if you type them here - so I'd have to tell over email.

Ebren said...

Anyone can post a direct link - they just need to use a few special characters, problem is that they disappear if you type them here - so I'd have to tell over email.

offsideintahiti said...

"Gouti Are you Belgian?"

I really need to fine tune this machine.

tony said...

"Gouti, are you Belgian?" I believe this made sense to me at the time...

... however, if you're confusing Bebe with Cocorosie, I may have to accuse you of worse.

guitougoal said...

offsidebackintahiti,
glad you made it safely and thanks for adjusting the pseudifier-
Tony,
-Gouti are you belgian doesn't make sense at anytime-there is no gouti in this taproom-and no accusation either (taproom is not courtroom).
Thanks again for bebe and cocorosie now that the machine is fine tuned I am clear about their similarity.Both are girls.

tony said...

ok I've got it: guitou (Damn that absinthe. I think I've also remembered the Belgian connection. The soeur comment reminded me of that well-known game, 'names of famous Belgians'

Zephirine said...

just a little test run with an extract from a fine movie about sport and life:

Zephirine said...

Whee! it works!

tony said...

That's not fair, Zeph, I want to play...

Zephirine said...

Ah, you have to ask Lord Ebren by email... and read the small print...he strikes a mean deal..

guitougoal said...

Zeph,
congratulations for your perseverance with the technology-white men can't jump but white women can play-
Tony,
more absinthe while dj zeph is sticking another bebe in the juke box? I love the way she pick up her guitar

Zephirine said...

Can't find any more of the beautiful young Bebe, but here's a somewhat older Bebe and another lady, in black tights....

tony said...

Gitou - oooh, you're right, that is fab!

Do you know this bad girl?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4EMP4cxZD4

guitougoal said...

zeph,
you can't find too much of bebe, she did one album and then retired.......I think she likes doing movies.

guitougoal said...

Tony,
I don't know any bad girl!
this one seems to have more problems with cel. phone than with pakalolo.

guitougoal said...

uno mas,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTGP2-Pd7tI&NR=1

tony said...

gitou - you don't know any? Poor you! Still, you've made a start with La Mala...

As for Bebe's retirement, maybe you should warn the concert organisers in Cercedilla, Pamplona, Zafra, Pontevedra, Málaga etc...

Zephirine said...

From my very limited Spanish it looks as if she's said she's not making any more records, at least for the time being?

Here's something else, erm, Spanish..

tonyellis said...

that rings a bell, zeph. Nice music although not sure about the dancing - try this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noWCwyVkBNk

guitougoal said...

-definitely Toni's flamencois is he best. Zeph would you mind to share the secret about blue typing?

Zephirine said...

Nice flamenco Tony, thanks.

Zephirine said...

btw Tony, I suggested getting the link thing from Ebren because he'll have your email address, don't like encouraging people to put their email on here owing to evil spam trawlers... if you can disguise your email somehow... or otherwise Lord Ebren will come back from touring his estate soon no doubt.

tony said...

Ahh, all this Flamenco! Tomorrow I'll be living it...

So a last link. Bet none of you can resist her...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xmQl2zD7k4

tonyellis said...

When you return, my lord...

mimi said...

Searching always for the songs that matter- here's a one to stick on the box:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGE4dnrPPZQ

mimi said...

When tears fall - here's a song for redemption - and for DocShoot - you'll understand this one, I think. As we play the music, cry a lot and wonder why.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGE4dnrPPZQ

mimi said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tjx7X35cMkA

that last link may not have worked. Try this.

tony said...

mimi - I think that's a record: three links and not one of them leading to anything. Was it a Zen test?

guitougoal said...

Tony,
mimi dancing flamenco, drinking absinthe and reporting on the tormented tour cannot youtube at the same time.You tube she dances.

mimi said...

Does this one work?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=slvPMU-7OyI&mode=related&search=

offsideintahiti said...

I never thought this would turn into the youtube music clip stock exchange, but then again, the machine is fairly unpredictable.

Haven't had time to check them out, will do so when my connection is a little more stable.

(You go away for a couple of months and the rats eat your phone cables, it's a sick world. Thank dog the neighbour is on wifi, her cats are useless, though)

Zeph? said...

Obviously you weren't paying the rats their protection money, Offy. Had you noticed any large rats with tattoos hanging around the place?

greengrass said...

Just in from the forest (more like a jungle at the moment) to see what you're all up to and check on the latest instalment of the Tevez saga. Hope he signs for us, he seems like a good lad - a true Mancunian, just born in another city hardly a war away.
I'm suffering from 2 varieties of abstinence - haven't smoked for over 5 weeks (own choice - my pipes sounded like a canary farm) and I hardly ever see a computer.
Glad to see you're all as mad as ever - "Guitou a Belgian", the cheek!
Spare a thought for Martin's mate in Liverpool, the old-timer who can't have a fag at the pub any more: did someone say "1984"?

guitougoal said...

Zeph,
I don't buy the rats story-this was supposed to be a reality show, people meeting people in a bar, then offside turned the script into a fictional complex situation with his pseudifier time machine. Now he is
trying to switch to a sci-fi horror show by pushing the escape button so we have a rats invasion of the taproom.In the meanwhile..........
Strangely enough, professor Greengrass is showing up reborn again after being pseudified by the mysterious machine...welcome mister clean,hope you don't mind we're all smoking here, for carlos Tevez transfer, it's next door, Marcela's room..:)

Zeph said...

Professor Greengrass, please can you put the link to your steel band site again? I downloaded a couple of your tunes and have played them often, but there were more, and I can't find the site now.

offsideintahiti said...

Zeph,

this is Polynesia, all the rats have tattoos, wear sunglasses and carry longboards.

mimi said...

Is a longboard different from a short body-board (£10.99 from my shop)? And does anyone care about the rats? My Mouse seems seriously worried. She won't let me post comments unless reading every word I write. And Offy - Small Fierce still wonders where her fish are.

mimi said...

Oh guys: I think I forget to post this one - long ago when I won the sharkskin boots off Offy: should have put this on the juke box:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7OU7Nezg7Ls
See ya all later.

offsideintahiti said...

exvp,

this particular place is designed specifically for free-flowing conversation and general nonsense.

Eradj said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
exvp said...

'ello

Eradj said...

Speaking of Kahn...

I have a Geerman friend who lives in USA! USA!, and he just recently got a new car. his reg. plates say "Oli Kahn"...with a lovely background of flowers/autumn leaves

offsideintahiti said...

er, is that you? If "eradj" is a typo for "exvp", then maybe you should see a specialist...

Eradj said...

C'est moi offside.

Name is old Persion, I think. Don't know what the parens were thinking...

exvp

Eradj said...

-Persion
+Persian

I really need a spell checker...

greengrass said...

zeph -
crashpans.steelband.se

gg

offsideintahiti said...

eradj,

c'est un très joli nom.

I'll just mention, in passing and for the benefit of others, that this is the offshoot of a conversation that begun on a GU thread and that took refuge here in order to spare the sensitivities of bloggers and com mods who may be allergic to off-topicness.

And since I'm back in silly time zone territory, I'll just say good night, for the moment.

offsideintahiti said...

Ah, Professeur Piaget-Greengrasse, didn't see you there (didn't expect you either, as you seem to be rather there than here these days).

I'm afraid the ending to this here piece of writing you sent me did not reach me in time. It must have landed in my mailbox just as I was landing here myself and getting ready to resume my work at the Pakalolo Institute.

We'll just have to write another one, then, right?

guitougoal said...

offside,
things landing in your mailbox, like "happy new year
2006"?.

Zeph said...

Thanks Greengrass!

greengrass said...

Ah, mon cher Professeur Offside,
I am happy to read that you have safely returned to your beloved institute, there to carefully tend all those artefacts so votal to the future of science, humanity and the world as we know it.

Sadly, I was unable to leave my archeolinguistical tasks for a sufficient length of time to be able to nip down to Antibes and quaff the absinthe - but in some strange, inexplicable way the knowledge that you owe me a flask of brain thinner gives me great satisfaction.

I look forward to implementing the exchange programme between our two outstanding institutions. So far, the only thing which has arrived is a container packed with (unwashed) loincloths. My research assistant, Ingrid, strapped on a miner's lamp and entered the container three days ago; we haven't seen her since.

Yours in science,

Piaget

pipita said...

Offside

Think its about time you guys at the Pakalolo Institute put a rest to the excessve amount of intoxicating smoking, and start considering putting foward a motion to award Professor Greengrass an honorary degree as he rightly deserves

mimi said...

I've offered Ingrid some freelance work cataloguing my vinyl collection. She's currently engaged, heavily with Dillenger. I think substances may be taking their toll with the alphabetisation of the collection!

guitougoal said...

is Ingrid still in the container or cataloguing for mimi? i am confused again.And please mimi, explain
"heavily engaged"......

offsideintahiti said...

The Honorary Degree for Professor Greengrasse is in the works, only held up by the small matter of an internal investigation which will determine whether his assistant, the lovely Ingrid, is in fact doing all his research for him, or not.

offsideintahiti said...

OK then, slow night in the taproom...

In that case, I'm going for a swim and then I'll tell that poulet rôti what I think of its breasts.

See ya.

greengrass said...

I never expected...

I am deeply honoured...

Having devoted one's life to science,
one has never anticipated any reward other than the assurance that one has furthered our knowledge of the world around us...

Ingrid? He's done nothing, that lascivious bugger, except burrow into loincloths!

Offy - will this degree thing be legit outside this time machine thingy?

munni said...

mimi, is that the kind of vinyl you listen to, or the kind you wear?

offsideintahiti said...

Absolutely, this degree will give you the right to profess your opinions and shed your lights on sports blogs worldwide.

Neat, hein?

pipita said...

Offy
"this degree will give you the right to profess your opinions and shed your lights on sports blogs worldwide."
You should add, "without ever again being banned" and tell those paranoid Pakalolo scholars to mind their own business and stop that internal investigation nonsense.

offsideintahiti said...

Hola Pipita,

the thing with Pakalolo scholars is that you can tell them what you like, they'll just carry on doing their own thing, regardless. It can be frustrating sometimes, espectially when you're Head of the department of Archeolinguistics.

Anyway, I'm quite sure the investigation will come to nothing. Nothing serious, at least. Unless re-defrocking refrocked vicars is something that can get you banned from the world of Academia...

pipita said...

Offy

All the same, were talking about an academic who has for years been defying the boundaries of science with his research on the art of the paribal, and the delicacies of the rein-deer gambetas. Its frankly outrageous that all this is the work of a pack of dubious academics, high on pakalolo, who can't even make up their minds if thet are investigating him for Ingrrid's services or a bunch of refrocked vicars

offsideintahiti said...

What can I say? My hands are tied. And as for the object of the investigation, I'm afraid I am sworn to secrecy.

Just between us, it has been whispered that Ingrid and the vicar are one and the same and that one could be seen leaving the phone booth the other had entered, followed closely by a dishevelled looking Professeur Greengrasse. Nuff said.

munni said...

I don't understand this conversation at all, but reindeer gambetas sound terrifying. Are they some sort of frankenstein hybrid creature?

pipita said...

Dear Munni

Oh dear, this is a pretty long story. im afraid we would have to direct you to a certain GU blogger who responds to the name Pondwatching...aka Pondy, One of the sweetest bloggers on that GU den of perdition

Offy
Makes absolutely no difference Whatever excesses he may have had with vicars and bar maids of dubious sexuality
Hey, on another note, did you see Monsieur Galardou's delicate tocuhes, swirling free kicks and exquisite gambetas at the Emirates last weekend??Oh, how I miss him, think I'll be a raving PSG fan this season. Is this very uncool??Enlighten me please

offsideintahiti said...

Munni,

defining the exact scientific nature of the reindeer gambetas is precisely the purpose (well, one of the purposes) of the Pakalolo Institute. For this particular queries, I suggest you get in touch with our resident specialist of Austral ZooFootballogy, Professeur Pipite.

guitougoal said...

So Ingrid is a vicar cataloguing for mimi and she is trapped in a container.O.k. that makes a lot of sense.

offsideintahiti said...

Munni,

in case you're not familiar with the staff of the Pakalolo Institute, Guitou is our resident specialist in Logics, Logistics, Logical Positivism, and Logjams.

pipita said...

Offy

Thank you very much......I had just managed to divert Munni's curiosity towards Pondy amd know that you have divulged my expertise I find myself in an awkward position

Guitou

You are permanently going off topic here

Wooooow Im watching the gorgeous Liz Solari, argentine model sister of santiago "el indiecito" Solari currently at Inter, dancing cumbia in a television dance competition. Im on the verge of a nervous breakdown, urgently need some paklolo here

guitougoal said...

that's right, nothing is irresolvable....but who is munni?

guitougoal said...

Pipita,
"nervous breakdown"? welcome to the club, few days spent in offside's neighborhood south of france took a serious toll on my mental health.

offsideintahiti said...

Professeur Guitou,

have you been taking your medication as prescribed? Remember that if you skip a day, the consequences could be disastrous.

I might need your help in devising a custom treatment for Professeur Pipite. He is considering becoming a PSG supporter. It might be too late already, but I'm hoping he'll join me in supporting Toulouse for their upcoming EC clash with Liverpool.

pipita said...

Dr Guitou
I can only imagine....Sincerly wish I could have joined you guys. Heard that you had a fantastic time. Was about to ask you about the coolness or uncoolness of supporting PSG but have seen that Offy is back from the beach suggesting medications for me because of my desired affiliation to the parisino team. Whats your impression on this subject
Offy
Tolouse against Liverpool?? Off course, you didn't even need to ask that, especially after the bad tempered ironies I received from Marvin in todays GU blog after asking why the reds haven't won the league for 17 year

pipita said...

Dr Guitou
I can only imagine....Sincerly wish I could have joined you guys. Heard that you had a fantastic time. Was about to ask you about the coolness or uncoolness of supporting PSG but have seen that Offy is back from the beach suggesting medications for me because of my desired affiliation to the parisino team. Whats your impression on this subject
Offy
Tolouse against Liverpool?? Off course, you didn't even need to ask that, especially after the bad tempered ironies I received from Marvin in todays GU blog after asking why the reds haven't won the league for 17 year

guitougoal said...

OffsideinMedicare,
I did forget to take my memory pill again, and if I think about taking it, then I forgot where I misplaced it.
Supporting Toulouse, nothing to loose!
btw:your friend P. Doyle did not mention St Eienne in his championnat forecast - inexcusable ignorance, the team , this year, should be a serious contender..

offsideintahiti said...

I'm afraid I didn't follow very closely. What happened to St Etienne in the off season?

If anyone is looking for soul medication, there's a lovely poem about Antibes by Zeph at the other place (as well as a crazy postcard from File):

http://pseudstuff.blogspot.com/

guitougoal said...

Pipita,
if you heard, we heard about you and talked about you too....it was up to you to join us, you know, using offy's Pseuds-machine, just a click away from drinking absinthe, with Picasso, Verlaine and Marcelle
Proust.

munni said...

Still concerned about the taxonomy of the reindeer gambeta. Do they taste like chicken?

Pipita, I have no right to comment as what I know about the French league would fit in a teaspoon, but you really can't support PSG. You will just have to admire monsieur gallardo from afar.

pipita said...

Guitou

yeah I heard....but I was left abandoned in freezing Buenos Aires by you lot. Very inconsiderate. However Im glad, but also a bit concerned, that I was at least mentioned in conversation:)))

Munni

Your completely missing the point about the paribal and those reindeers, or maybe your unaccosutmed with the term gambeta...Probably your right about PSG, I'll just concentrate on Gallardo then. Dr Guitou was seeking more info about you if you happened to notice

munni said...

I'm familiar with the term but baffled by the reindeer.

More information? I've been around here for months, on and off, am I really so mysterious?

offsideintahiti said...

Don't worry, I'll email Guitou the codes for the Pseudifier, which he can enter into his computer and thus bring Munni to life in his living-room.

guitougoal said...

Diaz from Bocca to Spain, I undestand but what on earth is wrong with Neri Castillo? going to Ukraine, at 23 one of the most talented forward in s. america is committing an unexcusable error.

guitougoal said...

munni no offense please, I just had to update the system....
good night all!:)

offsideintahiti said...

Guitou,

you're not fooling anyone, it's only 8pm where you are, nowhere near your bedtime.

guitougoal said...

not to bed yet but diner where no singers are allowed.

offsideintahiti said...

Very wise. Enjoy.

I'm off to the Sheraton for cocktails myself, very poche.

See ya.

pipita said...

Munni

As I said, long story. Paribal Is a combination of Pondwatching's caribeou counting, Professor Greengrass's masterpiece article published on this site in March about the game of Bandy, and Offy's fusion of the both incorporating the gambeta element. It actually developed on a GU thread which I could not posibly trace, nor remember what it was about, surely a Marcela blog. Im no specialist on the topic as Offy claims, my Phd was on a completely different subject

Guitou
Enjoy that meal

Offy
Off to the Tahiti Sheraton??????? Doesn't precisely fit with your loincloth-Gaughinite imagery

greengrass said...

munni,
take no notice of the people who write on here!

Whilst pretending to shed light on subjects, they have continually lead shite upon them - the very essence of a high-powered research programme conducted by my head research fellow Ingrid.

If you would like to make a small contribution to our reindeer gambeta programme (around € 3 million, used notes please) you could join Pipita and myself when we let loose the reindeer to gambeta all over PSG's hooligans at their first home game of the season.

For a slight consideration (€ 1 million) I can have you smuggled into the reindeer gambeta camp run, at the Santa Claus grotto just outside Rovaniemi, by Dr. Sami Hyppiää, ex-footballer
and unwitting solo tango legend.

offsideintahiti said...

Munni,

if you're going to heed any of gg's advice, focus on his first sentence.

pipita said...

Professor Greengrass

So much for my gambeta instincts....What's the point of me trying to get you of the hook if you confuse matters even more by referring to Ingrid as your head research fellow. Assistant is as far as she gets and you know it. BTW, could't sleep last night thinking that the game was in fact called cariball, not paribal...Am I going out of my mind or what?? Must be the effects of that bloody pakalolo...And offy has the nerve to wonder off to drink cocktails at the sharaton

munni said...

Gentlemen, this has been most edifying. Whatever it is Ingrid does, I hope she's well compensated.

guitougoal said...

munni,
well compensated she is in greed.
I am glad pipita and yourselves didn't fall for the temptating oratories stay alert.

guitougoal said...

"yourself, tempting oratories"-sorry for this lapsus-

offsideintahiti said...

Pipita

PSG - Sochaux : 0-0

Gallardo only played the last 10 minutes. Good game, apparently, lots of woodwork.

guitougoal said...

Offside,
Please don't ask about toulouse .Three cassoulets a la valenciennes please and one du pays.

pipita said...

Assume PSG were at home, not a very good result. Its either PSG or Bordeaux I'm going to support. That's settled

guitougoal said...

Pipita,
ASSE,
because.1 A as argentina,2S as super selection,1E as excellent.
if you need a riverplate player to support them I may arrange a tranfert for el burrito, with a call to Laurent Roussey.

pipita said...

Guitou

Hummmmmmm don't think that will be posible. Poor old burrito is in a clinic in Chile trying to get rid of his addictions....Come to think of it, the team I've supported most in France through the years must have been Monaco, especially when Ramon Diaz was signed by them in 1990. Think Wenger was the coach actually. Then Gallardo played there too. Marseille however had both Enzo, and before him, Beto Alonso, two of my all time favorites

offsideintahiti said...

Pipita,

why don't you join me in half-heartedly supporting Nice? They have no connection whatsoever with Argentina (not at the moment, anyway), they have no budget, they're crap and will probably struggle to stay up. Sounds like a fun season ahead, non?

guitougoal said...

After all, Nice is not a bad idea, you can get free tickets anytime you want.
I am very sad about ariel ortega, que lastima.

offsideintahiti said...

Nice is nice.

Sorry.

Anonymous said...

oh je sais nice.

offsideintahiti said...

anonymousse au chocolat,

tu connais l'OGC Nice?

Anonymous said...

oui moi aussi je dis:oh j'essaie nice....

Elvisinvegas said...

l'hiver,pull over.

pipita said...

I'd like to play for Nice

pipita said...

Shit!! Thought that previous text would go under the pseud "burrito", a-la-offy, but obviously I'm hopeless...

guitougoal said...

I was the silly anobymous and elvisinvegas blogger, please don't blame offy-
el burrito in Nice, if we have to close the bars and the cafes the city will go broke.

el burrito said...

I drink to that.

pipita said...

Mon dieux!! You franchtés are driving me crazy, which of you was "el burrito"?? Must have been offy this time because it appeared at exctly the same time as Guitou, but clearly making reference to Nice going broke. Im totally puzzled...Unless guitou has the fastest fingers in pseuds

guitougoal said...

Pipita,
no, I do not, if you want to use another name you have to first use your identity, post, then you may choose another username (cick on "other") and post again.
Needless to mention that I would never use another
blogger pseud, we learned recently how bad the consequences could be for using someone else's name.

guitougoal said...

btw, it's easy this way to track down the "usurpator",

orsay said...

Pero yo no soy el burrito.

offsideintahiti said...

Especially not at 5:27 pm, which is 6:27 AM in Polynesia. Moi, getting up at the crack of dawn, on a sunday? Think about it.

le bourricot said...

yo soy el burrito

Zephirine said...

This conversation looks like one of those 18th century comedies where everybody is masked and disguised as someone else.... so who jumped out of the window pretending to be the gardener, then?

guitougoal said...

zeph,
18 th century or some prose on the future of decadent poetry....if you think that this thread began
with a reference to Rimbaud and then it seems his rhymes had been blown out and the game got as usual when pipita, guitou and orsay get loose....
ps. and once again I mixed it up....sorry.
anonymous, el burrito,le bourricot.

Zephirine said...

I don't mind, Guitou, it's Pipita who's in a state of confusion... I usually know it's you when there's a string of puns left behind on the floor and people saying "who was that masked man?"

guitougoal said...

Ah pipita, if only he could have been with us at the absynthe bar.....
btw zeph, i had a good teacher as far as switching identity on pseuds.

Zephirine said...

Yes, I seem to remember somebody being a shark and a palm tree amongst other things... it's the absinthe that does it.

pipita said...

Guitou

Rimbaud and, later on, Piaget...Really sorry to have missed the absynthe bar. "click on other" whaaaat????

Zeph

Mind you, I been the only confused one on this blog. Poor ol Munnni didn't know what we were on about either. Where's marcela???Anyone have a clue

guitougoal said...

absInthe, correct,I always spell it wrong probably confusing with absynthe magazine.

edith piaf's burro said...

C'est pas d'ma faute
Si Marcelle aime l'absinthe
C'est pas d'ma faute
Si Marcelle est absente

greengrass said...

Morning,all!
Just popping in to say that you're all mad, and I won't be in for the rest of the day.

We're in Helsingborg, visiting the shrine of St. Henrik of All Hollows, and it's Mrs. GG's day: she decides what we do, and it WON'T involve me "poring over that bloody machine"...

Zeph, love - there's loads of great steel pan music on the net, so don't be content with a crap outfit like wot we are. Great bands in London and Huddersfield - try "Ebony Steel Band". Apart from playing grand music they play an important role in the local community.

GG

Zephirine said...

Thanks GG, I'll check them out. I like steel pan music especially in the summer (and it seems we're being allowed a week of summer at the moment) - but I like to listen to music made by people I know as well:)

Here's Bruce being bitter about disguises...

guitougoal said...

Bruce in his kitchen, pretty cool stuff-
Greengrass crashpans.steel band pretty much cool too.
The swedish protestant church will march for the first time in the gay pride parade in stockholm.their slogan "love is stronger than everything".More than cool.I wonder if the Pope will march disguising himself as a nun.

honolulu said...

ohmigod I thought Offside had been avarda kedavraed.

How is everyone?!?! I've been submerged literally at the beach and metaphorically by Potter- madness. Have I lost all my credibility?

Oh wait, I lost it all months ago, you say? Well, at least I was right about Eboue being a brilliant idea for right wing.

Looking forward to reading the posts... or is it all just drunken nons, er, uh Great to be back!

greengrass said...

gtg -
in a gay pride parade, the Pope need only come as himself.

Love,

GG

Zephirine said...

Honolulu, I've been reading it too, I refuse to be snobbish about JK Rowling, she deserves every dollar she makes in my view. Not sure about that epilogue though. Your credibility is safe with me but you were perhaps well advised to move quickly onto the subject of football...

offsideintahiti said...

Lulu, Zeph,

I've never read a line of the Potter books. I'm curious, though. How does it end?

Zephirine said...

As Oscar Wilde put it: "the good end happily, and the bad end unhappily; that is what fiction means."

guitougoal said...

Honolulu,
yes your credibility is even reinforced with your suggestion about Eboue, but you must have sensed that Sagna was coming to town to play behind....you like the premiership because it's as fictional as Harry Potter.

harry potter said...

Honolulu reads Dickens and Shakespeare, Arsene Wenger read only things with X'sand O's in it.

honolulu said...

Well, that means Arsene's been reading the fan mail I've sent him!

You've given me a great deal of confidence, Zeph. I thought the epilogue was saccharine, but I was relieved to read it- I thought the kid deserved a happy ending and I loved Snape so his canonization was just as important.

I do read Dickens, and Shakespeare, but most importantly, I've been catching up on the blogs- woohoo! two weekend cups for the Arse! Now, something BIG with FA on it to hit Jose and Sir Alex over the head with, and it'll be a good year!

Guitou, last year was more Grimms than Disney, but yes, the Premiership is pure entertainment. (slapping hands and licking lips) Bring it on.

munni said...

Honolulu, you're much more optimistic than I am, I've been worrying that we've already used up our winning-things quota for the season before it's even started.

(And there's no shame in reading Harry Potter although I probably shouldn't admit that at one point I was moved to tears, in broad daylight and on public transportation)

guitougoal said...

Munni,
Arsenal could be the Cinderella story this season they have the talent, the spirit and the golden man who put this team together with a grander vision.
The three megastars clubs are in for a surprise and probably a bad one. Money is not everything.

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