Outside: A sign reads "FOR THIS NIGHT ONLY - PAKALOLO GALORE!!!"
Inside: A suspiciously Tasmanian-looking bloke arranges suspicious-looking foodstuffs on a corner table. Offside sits on a bar stool, teaching a kangaroo to sing "Waltzing Matilda" in Tahitian. Mimi, filling in for Ingrid, is lining them up on the bar.
Greengrass: A pint of off-topic, please, luv.
Offside: I'll have six pints please, Mimi. And the same for my friend here. He's got a title to celebrate and I have to drown my sorrows. Tonight's a night for licking wounds and celebrating togertherness. Let's leave the door open. Everyone is welcome and we need some fresh air.
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403 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 201 – 400 of 403 Newer› Newest»And by the way, if no one is going to claim that pet kangaroo (which is not mine, Nesta?), I'll take it over to file's "restaurant gastronomique 4 étoiles". You should check out the menu over there. Amazing.
guitou: too much french. I might have to stick on some german noise-meisters.
Marcela: how lovely to see you here. Apparently I've been stuck with being barmaid again (whispered aside - don't know how it happened in the first place, but you know, once you get in charge ...)
What can I get you my dear? Some swiftly referenced GU hate cocktail perhaps for the guys? For me a deep draft of disappointment maybe and I hope you'll join me in that.
ok fed up being ignored, nobody believes i'm real.
give up now as i have tried to convince you so many times.
If you are interested to find out if i exist ask mimi. She will tell you the truth as she has known me for about 6 years.
here comes offside:
O mimi, tenderphysician
come with powders and herbs
for i am in the center
it is very small and the air is gray
as in a steam house.
I am handed wine as a child is given milk
It is presented in a delicate glass
with a round bowl and a thin lip.
The wine itself is pitch-colored,musty and secret.
The glass rises on its own toward my mouth
and I notice this and understand this
only because it has happened.
i know what a soft spot many of you have for serge, so i want to make it clear that i mean no disrespect when i say,
but do you remember this guy?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUd212lSCvI&mode=related&search=
i was looking for another song when i found that one.
mimi, one can never get too much french. stop pretending to work behind the bar and come into the pakalolo room, girl.
let stan pour the drinks. :)
Talishka - I believe in you. And if anyone claims you don't exist I will clap my hands three times and say "I beleive in talishka".
Nobody knows it, but she's got a secret smile and she saves it only for tea.
Have Talishka and Harvey ever been seen in the same room together?
ebren:
is it possible to copy eric's match report from paulita's thread and post it as a blog entry?
Ah Marcela: you invoke the barman par excellance in the man Stan. He always was the most sterling of the cocktail shaker. I'll happily pass over my duties tonight to such a master of the art.
motm
Ta mate. Off course all fans sang to the last chorus of Hey Jude, lalalalaralala E-ver-ton. Do they still sing to that tune these days?? We could apply "Get Back" to Andrewm
Guitou
That wasnt Dean Martin of Players fame was it?? ha ha ha Serge Guinzbourg is fine, just dont bring in Johnny Halliday or Sasha Diestel please
pipita: so do you know what happened to andrewm? Has he been eaten - what is the word on the argentine street?
pipita,I bring santana for you:
..........................but you stay so cool
I can change my life to bettersuit your mood
.........................because you'r so cool!
doumdoumdoumdoum
but I tell you one thing.........
Didn't Santana write a song for Talishka?
"Well, let me tell you about the way she looked
The way she acted, the color of her hair
Her voice is soft and cool
Her eyes are clear and bright
But she’s not there..."
guitou: you are as bad as me.
By the time I make Oklahoma, she'll be sleeping ....
Time after time after time I tried to tell her so ...
214 comments at 12.14!!
that's sooo spooky.
Ah, Marcela, glad you're still here. I thought I was alone on the night shift. Now that is spooky. Especially with all the conejos still running around...
How are you doing?
oh. you know. soldiering on.
do you want to come outside for a smoke?
Jalopy Corner
For Sale: Toyota Usagi, 3 door hutchback, coney trim, good runner
No tyrekickers or timewasters
Call Brer Peter Tel: Moon "8" "8" "8"
motm,
Baby, you can drive my car(rot)
I'm in a different time zone to everyone huh?
well, I'm not going to do the whole hallelu thing again
ebren, mighty H, more like Lennart Johannson than Leonard Cohen
Shop!!
Mouth
Yes, I love Frank's pieces, but they don't really generate much scope for comment. They're usually great pieces though, I love him to bits.
I posted that very clip on one of the first YouTube blogs months ago. When the Kop are singing 'She Loves You', the camara zooms in onto a chap with black hair combed into a quiff at 1min 20 secs. THAT young man is yer actual Stan Boardman, yes THE Stan Boardman .... TRUE.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdH3d751rOw
I've seen an interview with him where he talks about it, and the old ritual that people of my dad's age used to observe in the 60s. They would go to the match in their Saturday night suit, then go into Town straight after the game. Bars used to close at 10.30pm in those days, so going home to change wasted valuable drinking time. The only aftershave that you could buy in those days was Old Spice, and my uncle Tommy says that the smell of Old Spice always reminds him of standing on the Kop.
I love the BBC clipped English accent of the reporter and the oldish guy at 1 min who mouths 'Oh Fuck Off' ... very unBBC
Mimi
Hi.. I know what you mean, but they've got away with so much against me in the past that I'm determined not to let this one slide by.
Pipita
Masch is a monster. I loved his game as soon as I saw it ... ask Marcela.
None of the Beatles were big footy fans really. Lennon is supposed to have been a Red, because of Albert Stubbins being on the Sgt Pepper sleeve, but Lennon probably just liked the sound of the name 'Albert Stubbins'. Macca went to the '68 cup final, but it was probably just something to do one Saturday. There is nothing on record in the many tomes that exist that mentions any of them prefering one team or the other or even liking football. The fact that they moved away from Liverpool and stayed away tells you more about them as people. They would have deliberately NOT been into footy because everyone else in Liverpool was into it .. the Beatles were non-conformists by nature.
I don't think Everton sang any Beatles songs, but Mouth would know more about that.
The Beatles mate, Jimmy Tarbuck, was and is a massive Red. In this clip of the end of the 2005 CL semi final at Anfield 'The Greatest YNWA ever' .. and it probably is ... you can see that he has watched the game sitting next to his pal, Kenny Dalglish ... at 1 min 36 Tarby is on the Left of Kenny. Kenny was one of tarby's guests when Tarby was on This Is Your Life. Kenny was the special guest that they bring out at the end of This Is Your Life when Billy Connolly was on it on New Years Eve 1980.
Doh ... forgot to post the Tarby clip .. I'm tired, sorry...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URRICSFLhiY&mode=related&search=liverpool%20fc
Marcela,
on here you sing perfectly in tune.
Offside,
She's not there? Santana's version is a cover of the original, by The Zombies - they were way before their time!
Mouth,
PJ Proby? The best thing with him was when he pretended to split his keks.
I fancy Mourinho singing "The Crying Game", doing all the hand signals like in the original...
We can't say that everyone's welcome, then leave Talishka in the cold, can we?
She didn't come from GU like the rest
of us, she's more of a stray who Mimi brought in from the street.
Andy has a way with cats - maybe he can give her a home...
and jose with a pierrots face, a single painted tear...
SAF medley - 'Hot Legs', 'The Boys are Back in Town', 'Don't You (Forget about me)'
Rafa (in a Kaftan) - 'Happiness is a Warm Gun'
C'mon Everbody!
If you haven't yet read File's article "Is Football Tart", then do yourself a favour and have a gander.
I'm off today to sing at a school in the West of Sweden, back in the middle of next week. Not sure about computer access on my trip.
(leaves, singing)
We'll meet again...
gg, have a good one! I'll save some of that rabbit stew for your return.
Marcela, sorry to leave you like that. Minor technical problems, and then the call of the Ocean.
Talishka, stop sulking, we're only teasing you.
Bit late but - clao, clap, clap
"I beleive in talishka"
Mimi
I have no idea whatsoever about andym's whereabouts. In argentina we would say "que onda Andy????" As in Beck's brilliant "Que onda Guero" Highly recomended if you havent heard it yet
Hannibal
Many thanks, and very interesting insight on the fab fours relationship with football. Phew, that was an education.
Pipita: do you have a link to Que onda Guero?
Maybe andrewm is just on holiday - mind you, he should have told us. Hope he's not been damaged by one of these exploding Japanese bidets.
Bonjour à tous,
café, croissants, pains au chocolat, pains aux raisins, baguette, beurre, confiture, encore du café.
Help yourselves.
If only that was true. My mouth is now watering.
Of course it's true. Can't you smell it?
away with your fancy foreign fare offside! Up here it's all black pudding, lorne sausage and butteries
So, no one is hungry? How about un digestif? Armagnac? Vieille prune? Liqueur de lézard?
offside, some chorizo left over?
i need to settle down in one place for a wee while.
posting trippy music here, spanish nonsense there, e-mail out of control...
chorizo, quiche, blue label if its on the house, and a light please.
Chorizo? I don't have any. Ask Pipita.
don't fret about what you don't have.
focus on what you've got.
email to the right, email to the left
I just put myself in a shity basket
Well, I most definitely have light for you, there you go.
E-mails are flying in today, which is nice. Haven't had time to answer any, but I've read them all.
pipita doesn't have chorizo because he doesn't have the internet yet.no internet, no chorizo-
garcon may be I have a chaud-rizzoto
A light. Du feu, un briquet.
I thought pipita was back... allo allo?
pipita back without chorizo, no merci beaucoup-
offside , I saw your email about sarko-Tatcher-
the question is does sarko tate cher or sarko tate gratis?
Sarko rase gratis, mais demain seulement.
deux mains it's enough.....pour raser
All gone quiet now...
Is Marcela still with us? I just heard Elizondo (he of world cup final fame) is now a member of the Argentine government, with a mission to curb violence in football. Maybe he'll use Zidane as a consultant. There's always use for a cool head.
pipita,elizond got his handful so does aguilar el presidente de River, because it could be another closing of his stadium...
also interesting to learn about nina pelozo.'que no se va a bailar no mas..."
Came in for amura'a...all I found is two scalawags whoo thinks they own this place....
gitougoal....
nina pelozzo? you just fell down from your pedestal. go fetch me something to eat will you?, best if its from the Champs D'Elizond. Dont mention the war!
Café froid ou café glaçé?
Unfortunate timing, just when I have to leave...
Not that you're chasing me away, far from it, but training is training.
Make yourself at home, Guitou is on duty and will attend to your every need.
'later.
fight fight fight fight
chanted the punters as round 2 was looming
Fuck...girlfriednd just called...cinema in 10 freakin minutes.
see you guys...I trust you will look after eachother
eh, eh ! eric,wait a minute, you just don't run from this place just because girlfriend is calling....offside who is this guy? he didn't even look at the frijoles grandes prepared just for him-let me kno whenis back..
Eric,
we obviously expect a report on the film as well.
And what happened to the coffee, did it get cold again? That never happens here.
everyone: I'd love to spend my Friday night pulling pints and mixing exotic cocktails for you all here, but I have obligations, and must go out and socialize (byebye: note the Oxford z!).
Please don't massacre any small furry animals while I'm gone, and see you all later.
Yeah, yeah yeah, that's right, just go out and socialise in REAL pubs, with REAL people and leave me here all alone in the virtual tavern. Thanks very much.
sorry offside,social activity is part of living the big life in the big city, what took you to live in a wild and remote island lost in the ass-ole of the world...must be hard on you, no champagne, no red wine, but you still have your canoe right?
relax, offside.
no matter what i'm doing in the so-called real world, a little bit of me is always puffing away in a corner of a pakalolo tavern.
a little quietly maybe sometimes.
but blowing smoke rings nevertheless.
offside: what could possibly lead you to think that my real world is some big city?
For fuck's sake - have you all not realised that I live in a tiny seaside world?
Indeed, guitou, that's pretty much all I have.
Such a tough life...
Ahhhhhhh, and I thought I was all alone, when you were all actually lurking about in the dark corners of the Tavern...
:)
How are you all?
offy: we're all here. Lurking behind the bar stools and waiting on your words of wisom, or at least the next cocktail.
Words of wisdom? You could be waiting a long time.
My next cocktail, however, is called (this is true, I did not make it up)... drum roll....
Creamy Mimi:
1 oz vodka
1 oz sweet vermouth
2 tsp triple sec
2 tsp white creme de cacao
Sounds yummy
o.k, ok, once again I was wrong - enjoy the breeze, the booze let's get beezzzi.
You lie, barman offy, you lie. There is no such cocktail, and I should know. After all, I worked at Raoul's and Marcela and Byebye chappy possibly OED person that he is, will tell you, Raoul's is the famousest place in Oxenford for the cocktails.
I'd be lying if I said I never lie, but in this case it's absolutely true.
Come on, Mimi, it's great that you have a cocktail named after you.
But creamy mimi - maybe another name???
Sorry. Nothing I can do. It exists as such, actually has a nice ring to it, and I haven't been able to find another cocktail with Mimi in the "title".
I might have to invent one.
It's true, Mimi, the Creamy Mimi Cocktail is on Google though probably not in the OED. Offside, for you perhaps:
Pacific Breeze
Ingredients:
- 1 1/2 oz Gin
- 1 oz Marie Brizard Anisette
- 1 1/2 oz fresh grapefruit juice
- 1/3 oz fresh lemon juice
- 1/2 oz sour mix
Garnish: grapefruit peel
Don't ask me what sour mix is, I only read about this stuff on websites.
in the army:
after mucho pakololo to be poco loco
we used to go to the screaming mimi
once at her door we use to sing do me mimi."Go away she used to shout mimi bsy with the enemy.
ps:the characters related to this story are a pure fiction -
Do we have British terrestrial TV in the bar?
Nick Cave is on, and he's angry.
What channel, Andrewm (football expert du monde entier)?
giutou: just as well you're only telling stories, cos we're getting close to the Mimi going west and heading out of Pseuds - too much stories, too many sad songs, too many comparing GU hacks to small furry beasts. Bad times for the Mimi. Will we come back? I don't know.
Cheers Zeph (Zeph/Breeze, does that work in English too?), although I wonder if a mix of Gin and Marie Brizard would go down well.
Guitou, I was never in the army, me.
Mimi, you're starting to talk like Gollum, take a deep breath and think about Daniel Vettori for a bit. Or that nice boy Ian Bell. There, that's better... This is a very odd bar full of strange folk from far-flung lands, and we must tolerate their outlandish ways (not to mention the fact that they like football)..
Offside: anisette is pretty dnagerous most of the time in my view....the Zephyr in English is either the spirit of the west wind or an old Ford car. Make of that what you will.
dangerous
Here's Nick Cave on BBC 2. Silence in the bar please.
andrewm: Cave where?
No, no, anisette is definitely dnagerous, I agree. Zéph in French is just slang for wind, regardless of its direction.
Mimi, don't go away, we wouldn't tease you so much if we didn't love you.
He's just destroyed the BBC2 studio.
That was brilliant.
For the benefit of those out of reach of the BBC, Mr Cave's last song was called No Pussy Blues. Perhaps a reference to tonight's menu in the Tavern?
well that's a pile of bollocks then. Just got alerted in time to see a cool chick in a short skirt.
Ah and bah.
and how do we get everyone over to the same thread?
Offy - over to you
Why, where's everybody else? And what happened to Nesta? I miss his Tasmanian menus.
mimi, they made Travis - yes, fucking Travis - follow Nick's first song with one of their pathetic little strumalongs. I was laughing as I turned the sound down.
You missed one hell of a performance though. offside will have to recreate it right here. offside, do you have either an enormous bushy beard or a Mexican bandit's moustache? Or both?
Well that's a it of a bugger that i missed a storming performance. Thing is i don't watch tv very much so you lot should have given me prior warning.
Nest is back, so await his musings.
Andy,
whatever suits your fantasy ;-)
but in reality, just a week's worth of stubble, I'm afraid. I can put on a sombrero, if that helps, but please don't ask me to sing or dance.
I've probably lost the plot here: and indeed i have because just now all I can think of is Oed' und leer das Meer
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
Well, offkey, that's a pretty poor show, I must say. Not even a traditional chanson folklorique of the Cote d'Azur?
TS Eliot Mimi? I preferred the Practical Cats myself.
there is nothing better than the wearing of the trousers rolled. And do I dare to eat a peach and walk upon the beach?
Zeph: how much more Eliotonian do we have to get?
No, Zeph, not even. Unless you want me to clear the place of its customers. (Who would then have to walk home in the rain.)
No, no, relax, Offside. But keep the sombrero on, it's a good look for you.
Mimi: one more: 'I have measured out my life in coffee spoons.'
mimi: too many sad songs, too many comparing to the gu hacks....??....no.no. not me, you may misunterpreted my goofy story....i am glad you didn't leave....I had a song for you: just kidding.
offside: a sombrero, a small blanket on the shoulder, a bottle of Tequila in one hand, the other pulling a donkey.
that's the mexican picture perfect.
watch out for the donkey...though
Enough already. Nick Cave and TS Eliot, what is this, Pseuds' Corner?
Night all.
(a faint snore comes from beneath a sombrero in a dark corner of the tavern)
Om the offside jukebox, I seek out an old an knackered reading by Alec Guinness of Prufrock and the Wasteland
Me, snore? Not at all (I don't, for starters). I'm wide awake and eagerly awaiting Mimi's next stage number. Olé.
Guitou,
just call him "Tuco".
Where's Clint Eastwood?
Ah, Nick has worn me out with his terrifying genius. I'll be in the gents, slumped against the wall, dreaming of strange bearded men who play the drums like Animal from the Muppets.
Don't wake me unless gg arrives with salt and vinegar crisps.
Aaaah.......that's a good one, you are referring to the nun and the mule story.
she quite changed lately...the nun.....
My next stage number will be a full on rendition of Sir Stephen Spender descrying the word "psychiatrist". It is something of an art form. I have described it elsewhere. I am expecting the great Finnish director Aki Kaurismaki to sign me up for his next film.
mimi , are you serious?
I am always serious. do you have a problem with this, gui2goals?
not at all, i am impressed.
Elle arrivait de Miami, Mimi
Dans un film de Kaurismaki, Mimi
Elle aurait pu, on s'en doutait,
Faire carrière derrière le comptoir
Mais elle a choisi d'être une star
Mimi from offside, traduction by guitou.("le paradoxe de segrolene)
She was coming from Miami,mimi
In this Kaurismaki movie, mimi
She could without any doubt be great behind a bar
Instead mimi choosed hollwood to be a star
offside i would not charge you anymore traduction? you welcome.........I am laughing loudly now.
going to the christophe galland party......let's see what reception I'll get...cheers.
Guitou,
tell Christophe to forget about his silly studies and join Pseuds' instead. Have fun.
file runs into the bar excitedly this time, slips on greasy rabbit sarkozz, and falls heavily on his face
'Oh fuck dat hurd!' he says as he stands up, slips again and cracks his temple on the corner of the juke box
he slowly slides down the wall, the blood starts to trickle from his nose and the droning conversations pick up again '... I think you'll find it was Millwall in '29 with a daschund...', '...city has the most onions, per capita, of any ...'
'Do, do, deally, I've dot adudder...' says file, pushing on the socket to help himself up as the plug gives way allowing pins, files and grid to connect 'so..AAAARGHGG!' File stiffens 'BANG' and collapses
''oo shwitched the feckin mushic off!' shouts Germaine Greer from under the bar
the crumpled folder climbs up the side of the juke box smearing the glass with the blood from his now freeflowing nose
'Urgh' says file and 'TANGG' as the frying pan hits him square on the back of the head
'Feckin numpty' says Germaine and puts the plug back in
'Aaah-Ga-Do-Do-Do...' the music restarts and the blood slowly seeps from under files broken form...
Ah, file. Is that you folded up flat on the floor? Shame you weren't in the bar last night, we had Nick Cave on the telly and he was excellent.
I'm slightly worried about Mimi though, she seems to be turning Finnish.
hi zeph, have you got any cotton wool?
didn't realize this was fertile soil for bad seeds
I sympathise with mimi because my cousin turned finnish once she could only speak in genuine Nokia ringtones and you could change the colour of the light behind her eyes, in the end we stopped recharging her
hows things?
That's a nasty lump on your head, that Germaine's a bitch with a frying-pan. I threw her out of the bar, can't stand the phoney way she quotes stuff in Italian.
Pour yourself some off-topic, it's self-service today, I'm just sitting here making a few notes...
thanks man, I will
[draws a gallon of steaming, frothing, bubbling liquid from brass pump]
have you tried a sharp?
Hmm, yes... all the right notes, but not necessarily in the right order...
ah..pj proby, mouth was playing some of his stuff earlier
are you off to Athens or Wembly 2 zeph?
file (whispers) I don't understand football. I like (glances round shiftily) cricket. Know what I mean? Willow, leather, that kind of stuff.
I'm sure that's not a problem if you can put up with the tapir droppings and rabbit sarkozz
ooohh, I see, you wanna score some CRICKET
you might have to go and make peace with Germaine then
file, sorry, got to go and do some hunter-gathering. The others'll be in soon - enjoy...
bye z
[tap, tap, looks at watch, tap, sigh]
whistles 'Hallelu....'
Jaysus file - don't start that again.
Look what happened last time.
okay, now you have to tell us.
that was in response to Fishcake - but she seems to have thought better of her question.
yeah, no whispering
btw, ebren you're footie Hallelujah was just fine
it should be mandatory singing at the end of every England home game
perhaps retitled 'Wembly-2-Ya!'
'Wembly-2-Ya!''Wembly-2-Ya!''Wembly-2-Ya!' repeat to fade...
er...have you thought about cold baths and camomile tea emma?
at least until the exams are out of the way
it has always worked for me with my crushes on my maths teachers, but then I failed every maths exam I ever took, I thought 42 was half-a-dozen till I heard it on the radio
Cheers file - I was rather happy with one or two of the lines, the rest weren't great.
But as Marcela will tell you, I have a propensity for jumping on stage at any given opportunity.
Emma- hmm...
I think probably best to get advice from the wonderful women of the thread, Marcela, Zeph and mimi.
I'm sure they've got more experience than me on this one...
File - camomile tea I've never had, though I do like fishcakes & spaghetti hoops as comfort food!
Ebren - yep, I'm hoping for some women to come on and give me good advice!
all, that was my post deletion before ebren grasses me up
emma,
what guitou said
ebren,
just watch the rabbit sarkozz when your jumping on to those stages, it really hurts, look at my nose, it's buckled.
oh guitou say it again it was beautiful, appropriate and insightful non?
emma,sorry about the deletion ..,,
emma. sorry about the deletion.
Marcela and mimi seems to be the right choice.
Though the reflection in the pool
often swims before our eyes:
Know the image.
Only in the dualm realm
do voices become
eternal and mild.
Rainer Maria Rilke was the poet of this philosophy of transforming the everyday into the sacred.Get his poems they are inspiring.
careful with the booze therapy, Cheers,
Ooh, Emma, heavy responsibility here...
Well, it's a crush. Nothing's going to happen, is it? Cos you've got more sense. So, basically, you think he's wonderful but he will never be yours. That's fine. Enjoy the fantasies and concentrate on not giving anything away, because the day will come when you'll want to believe nobody ever knew - especially him.
Though of course, when you do superbly in your exams and leave school in triumph, he may think "Emma, she was really special. If only..."
And camomile tea's quite good too, though it makes you sleepy.
guitou,
sorry to put you in that position man
emma,
not mean at all, isn't the poem trying to say (in part) that the beauty you see in your teacher is really your own beauty? Or maybe even the beauty of maths?
@ guitougoal, that really was a gorgeous poem. Thank you!
@ Zeph, that is so nice! Oooh, fantasies. And of course nothing's going to happen, except I'm just going to get over this obsession. One day. I do like what you said about the exams, now I have even more of a motivation to work harder.
@ everybody, thank you for being so nice. I feel much better now. :-)
file, maths it's a stretch..
gg,deletion is due to nervousness being posted between gg and file, feeling like this french sandwich:
-"le croque monsieur".-
Blimey, this Rainer Maria Rilke guy is good!
I just googled him for some more of his quotes:
The deepest experience of the creator is feminine, for it is experience of receiving and bearing.
The future enters into us, in order to transform itself in us, long before it happens.
The only journey is the one within.
Emma, rule 1 for all love affairs: conceal the evidence.
I think you should very soon delete your post which revealed all - you never know who's out there!
Yep, I was just thinking that. If one of my classmates one day stumbles across this, then, humph...
Yeah, poetry is a very good treatment for your present condition - good thinking, Guitou and file.
Emma,you got it: let the future enter and transform into You-
Get an upper hand on your future;see the light?
thanks maria.
guitou,
the best bit is always in the middle
maybe not maths then but emma might want to think about the dynamics of reflection attraction
file, I wish somebody'd given me that thought when I was Emma's age!
oh zeph, I wish I'd have had that thought when I was her age
File: btw ,it was very good thinking from your part-my compliments to mister professor,
thanks g
[lifts blood-stained glass and takes a long drink]
real 4 espagnol 3: un partidazo!
Higuain is worth it.pipita,pipita,pipita!
capello's job is secured for the moment.
What's with all the deletions around here?
I don't like it one bit. I won't stand for it. I'll put a stop to it, one way or another.
You'll all pay.
PS. On a happier note, I'm buying drinks all night to repeatedly toast Stirling Albion's glorious playoff victory. Scottish division one won't know what's hit it.
All together now,
"We drink beer and we drink shots,
We're Alan Moore's soccer cosmonauts"
Evening all, got a bit lost checking back in with all the deletions, so have no idea what fishcake needs in the way of advice. If poetry is a help, I'd always suggest a bit of Eliot, with a soupcon of Yeats.
Anyway, more importantly, Zeph, is the screen on in the snooker room? we need Eurovision. It's even more absurd than usual.
andrewm: btw, not surprised you find typing tiring - that'll be since the small scottish kitten chewed off your fingers then!
Hi Mimi, put the Eurovision on if you want but don't ask me to watch it! Emma was very indiscreet about an indiscretion of hers, hence the deletions.
zeph: it's not for the music, it's for the wondrousness of Terry on the Bailey's for the voting!
zeph,you did the right thing, suggesting emma's deletion, is andrewn really upset?
i guess not if he is buying the drinks.
Guitou, I don't think Andrewm is really upset, but he's a mysterious man and is in mourning for a departed cat.
Andrewm?
Hi all,
sorry I'm late, was watching président Chirac last official public appearance: handing over some silverware at the Stade de France.
Oh my, file, what happened to your nose? Did you say something that upset Mimi? I should have told you she was a master of the high kick with those sharkskin boots.
Offside, admit it, just for a moment you wanted Chirac back. Better than Sarcophage anyway.
Well, OK, just for a moment maybe. At least, he looks a natural at shaking hands and having a word with each player as they're introduced to him before the final. That's because he actually knows them. Chirac has spent the last 12 years in the Elysée Palace watching football and Sumo on TV while drinking Corona.
Sumo? Uncle Jacques is a sumo fan?? Bizarrrrrre.
I'm here, though with a friend tonight, so did file upset me? Don't remember that, he wasn't around when offy offed and cooked my tapir (or Marcela's horse) and so did I beat him up for some reason? Haven't been wearing the sharkskin boots for a while now. The toes pinch - obviously we didn't have quite enough sharkskin. Littlest fierce did her best, but offy's sharks weren't very fine specimens.
You didn't know that? He's a huge Sumo fan. And a fan of Japanese art and secret Japanese bank accounts as well apparently.
*cough - cough*
But to get back to the Sumo, yes, it's the first thing he checks in the morning and there is even a Sumo tournament in Japan called the "Jacques Chirac Cup". no kidding
Offside, it was Germaine Greer that beat file up, Mimi is blameless. Don't know how Greer got in here... I gave her a bottle of Marie Brizard and sent her on her way.
I'm having a tough night here now. HamsterJam - a soi-disant friend - is here and is taking issue with several things on this and other threads.
How do you make a small angry Amster dwelling rodent go quietly to bed?
Andrewm - you might help here after your experiences with the fierce kittens.
Hamsters are nocturnal, so Jam will be just waking up...
Would you be shocked if I told you I have no idea who Germaine Greer is?
And, erm, I do have a hamster-based recipe...
Offside:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Germaine_Greer
Nowadays she mostly is on TV pontificating about things in a fairly tedious kind of way.
I'm only open to an Amster recipe, if served with some remnants of tapir. Offy: do you have some confit of tapir left?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n83iE4L5FDU
Offy: any use for the kitchen?
Mimi, not much meat on that. If you can get me three dozens, we can have them as amuse-bouches, or brochettes.
Zeph, thanks for the link. So, file was lucky to escape with a blody nose, then?
Yeah, I think in her younger days she'd have had his guts for garters.
Hey ho, sleep calls. Night all. Don't overcook the hamster.
Orders for the kitchen: hamsters on toast for breakfast please chef.
Like Zeph I must away to my bed, but feeling hungry already for some interesting cuisine with a Polynesian twist.
Night all.
The Pakalolo Tavern is empty once again, save for offside who is wiping the bar, humming absent-mindedly a Charles Aznavour tune, which would be embarrassingly offkey if there were any witnesses.
"Prenant la route qui mène
A mes rêves d'enfant, sur des îles lointaines,
Où rien n'est important que de vivre
Où les filles alanguies
Vous ravissent le coeur en tressant, m'a-t-on dit
De ces colliers de fleurs qui enivrent
Emmenez-moi au bout de la terre
Emmenez-moi au pays des merveilles
Il me semble que la misère
Serait moins pénible au soleil"
ti...ra rara rarara ra ra ra ti ra rara..........
oofdide,
dever mide about feelid dess miderable in de dun, dere will be problems where de dun don't dine if you're dot careful, I'd kean up dat greasy dabbit darkozz before ad americord dlips over, they'll due you for every peddy in mimi's overflowid tip jar and den how wid dhe feed dings mall, dharp and dottish?
Oh dear, just look at yourself! You're dripping blood everywhere. Who do you think is gonna clean up this mess now that Guitou is on strike?
But don't worry, no one has ever seen an American in here and Duncan doesn't count, so I think we're safe. We've had a few south-americans, mind. Lovely people, if a little excitable.
Oh, and best not mention Mimi's tip jar, I think that's how greengrass financed his trip out west.
oh, dido, duds de dord
Sorry, what?
I SAID OKEY DOKEY DUDS DE DORD
DUDS DE DORD, oh dever dide
[puts finger to swollen blood caked mouth]
dsshhhhhh!
would you just crank my dose over to the left a bit, I'll hode on to de bar and bite me pencil, if you could just pull de bone out and den shift it over a bit and let go, ok?
*flips maniacally through English phrase book*
Dorian, doric...nope, no dord. Sorry, no idea what you're saying.
*lighting quick - grabs file's nose with both hands - pulls - twists - releases - slaps file on both cheeks - hard*
Better?
urgh!
ooo
ah, I think thats a bit beter, thanks offsid
[tears streaming down his bloody face, spiky hair and wide wide eyes]
I said, mums the word
comedy central-audience ready, crew ready unfortunately, don't know what to wear.....may i borrow one of your straight jacket?
You're welcome. Always a pleasure. I'll clean up now.
*offside bends over to pick up bucket of sawdust and shovel - straightens up - put shovel on his shoulder - rotates - whacks file in the face with shovel*
Oh, sorry.
DOOIING!
[file instantly collapses again and slowly slowly, tiredly drags himself up the face of the bar, he shakes his head to clear it spraying guitou, offsid and Didier Deschamps with blood]
'Zut alors' says Didier 'Je suis tache'
Didier looking toward file:"taches de pas m'tacher toi
fils de Tatcher-
"saches que si je me faches
je te cogne et t'attache."
je suis vachement desolee, honore des Marsailles
je suis pauvre et je suis petit, il faut pas que vous me pique
I am not sure in hell what you're are talking about ,
I got to drink till I found out.......
guitou, 'fils de Tatcher', thats a serious accusation!
file,
oui je suis sorry monsieur Bel air.
g, you always make me laugh or cry but what is monsieur Bel air?
oh, got it, you mean my breath smells of oranges, non?
please don't cry , Ie bel air means"good looking"
I wrote je suis sorry monsieur bel air instead of mr blair, capicce?
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