Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Winter Sports 2 - Beyond the Pale

English Premiere League: Greatest Moments 2008 by Beyond the Pale--A Video Review

Scoring While Immortal

Cristiano Ronaldo (Man Utd) vs. Portsmouth 1.30.08

Cristiano Ronaldo (Man Utd) vs. Bolton 3.19.08


Scoring From the Next County/ Over The Rainbow/ Another Dimension

Juliano Belletti (Chelsea) vs. Tottenham 1.12.08

Kieran Richardson (Sunderland) vs. Newcastle 10.25.08

Geovanni (Hull City) vs. Tottenham 10.5.08

Matthew Taylor (Bolton) vs. West Ham 10.05.08

Jose Bosingwa (Chelsea) vs. West Brom 11.15.08


Scoring Like A Windmill (The Long And The Short Of It)

Peter Crouch (Portsmouth) vs. Stoke City 10.5.08

Deco (Chelsea) vs. Bolton 12.06.08


Scoring On The Tilt

Kevin Nolan (Bolton) vs. Blackburn 1.15.08


Scoring With Chips

Frank Lampard (Chelsea) vs. Hull City 10.29.08

Steed Malbranque (Sunderland) vs. Hull City 12.20.08


Scoring With Chips To Silence the Gunners

Robinho (Man City) vs. Arsenal 11.22.08


Scoring a Shocking Belter To Silence The Gunners

Rafael da Silva (Man Utd) vs Arsenal 11.08.08


Scoring From The Spot Where Your Old Dad's Ashes Are Buried To Silence The Gunners

Grant Leadbitter (Sunderland) vs. Arsenal 10.04.08


Scoring From the Next County/ Over The Rainbow/ Another Dimension To Silence The Gunners

David Bentley (Tottenham) vs. Arsenal 10.29.08 (


Scoring From The Next County/ Over The Rainbow/ Another Dimension/ In Computer Animation To Silence The Gunners

(Hull City) vs. Arsenal 9.27.08


Scoring Without Feet To Silence The Gunners

Ricardo Fuller (Stoke City) vs. Arsenal 11.01.08 (from Rory Delap long throw: 1-0)

Seyi Olofinjana (Stoke City) vs. Arsenal 11.01.08 (from Rory Delap long throw: 2-0)


Scoring Without Feet: A Questionable Example for Youth: Pseudo-Delap Mini-Catastrophe



Scoring With Feet (Because You Can)

Cristiano Ronaldo--from Dimitar Berbatov (Man Utd) vs. West Ham 10.29.08


"Even A Heel Has Got To Score Sometimes" (D. Hammett)

Cristiano Ronaldo (Man Utd) vs. Aston Villa 3.29.08

Felipe Caicedo (Man City) vs. West Brom 12.21.08


Scoring With Hair (Ah, But Whose Hair?)

Stephen Ireland (Man City) vs. Fulham 4/26/08


Scoring Without Hair (But With A Mysteriously Revenant Grandmother)

Stephen Ireland (Man City) vs. Liverpool 10/05/08



Beyond the Pale said...

"He's long, / He's red, /His feet stick out the bed." Ah, Crouchie. The "long of it" was meant to be PK's astonishing robotic overhead kick against Stoke on last October 5. But the EPL, which Sherlocks all the goal-posting sites with the dogged humorlessness of an underpaid gumshoe, has now shut down all the posts of this goal--and I mean all, even the most obscure, beyond-the-pale-of-you-tube ones (I deliberately picked an obscure Arabic clip, in hopes it would escape the trawling nets of the EPL Solicitor General, but as you will see if you've looked, that one too has now been yanked). I love to watch this particular goal over and over myself (get a life, BTP), and you too can do so by searching for it persistently on Daily Motion or YouTube or 101 Great Goals or TV Golo (probably your best last-ditch hope, that last site, because they post goals in clusters, and the EPL sleuths can't be bothered sifting through whole posted clusters), going to the removed links, and proceeding from the directions given therein to the secondary sites where, if the footie gods be willing, this goal may be found. (And the same circumstances may apply--though I hope not, and so far this is the only clip I have, in today's fresh check of them all, found to be missing--to other goals in this piece compiled two weeks ago: it was apparent then that the clip-removal hounds were active on all these goal-clip trails; and so, other clips, like this one, may be disappearing as we speak. Sic fugit etc.)

HOWEVER for those residual enthusiasts of Crouchie overhead kicks, there is this sweet little video that shows two earlier ones, against Galatasaray and Bolton (from back in those feet-out-the-bed days with Liverpool); plus a bonus Crouchie hat trick to silence the Gunners; plus a neat soundtrack: one of Fatboy Slim's (Norman Cook's) top five greatest tunes, "Praise You!", perfect accompaniment to these two of the Robot Man's career total of three astonishing and highly praiseworthy--given the complicated erector-set architectonics involved--top-flight overhead-kick goals:


beyond the windmill said...

Okay, I've found it (again, for now). This link should take you to the top 5 world goals of the first week of October 2008. Crouchie's is the second. (TV Golo polls viewers each week, and for this week, the Robotic Windmill came in second to an unreal bit of wonder-work by Zlatan Ibrahimovic--a killer backheel against Bologna that I've watched at least two dozen times and still can't understand: how could a human being do this?)


beyond the pale said...

(Sigh of relief...) Okay, as of 7 pm Jan 20 GMT all these clips in the piece are still ahead of the hounds and posted for your edification (by "Winter Sports" was meant a pleasant January evening with an entertaining hour or so your favorite sport--and if yours is enabled not by footie videos but by a bottle of wine, a Viagra and...more power to you).

A quick note or two on the clips.

Apologies for the wretched quality of the clip of that Bentley shot-from-over-the rainbow (wondrous--and wondrously lucky?)that provided the highlight to date of yet another miserable Spurs season (as well of course as an early lowlight for the Gunners in a match that went on to be one of the best of 08, that justly famous 4-4 shootout at the Emirates). Simply unforgettable once you've seen it, the Bentley may well have to be stored in your cranial computer, as it's one of the hardest-to-find and most-yanked of all recent goal videos. Pray this very poor quality Metacafe clip will at least still be up there by the time you've got around to looking.

For better quality video on that one, the best bet is to go to the TV Golo goals-of-the-week clip for 10/08 (week 5). Bentley's is the first goal on the clip:
http://tvgolo.com/best goal of the week.pjp?subaction=showfull&id=1225470027&archive=&start from=&ucat=57&

Th most-proscribed EPL videos of the year were probably those featuring individual goals scored either by Cristiano Ronaldo or through the throwing skills of that other, less likely scoring sensation, Rory Delap. The two goals from Delap's long throws against Arsenal to be found here may therefore dematerialize into the timewap at any moment. Be warned.

(The "Pseudo-Delap Mini-Catastophe"features Pompey Boys--and a lot of bottle on the part of the young lad who takes it on the nozzle.)

Finally, BTP didn't mean to imply, with the Hammett Quote Categorization, that Felipe Caicedo, the excellent young City defender, is in any way a heel. He is with Luis Antonio of Wigan one of the two best players of his arriving Ecuadoran generation. And that backheel of his is the last goal on the clip--a bit of joy pulled back at the tail end of an unfortunate night for City, going down 3-1 to Racing Santander in the Uuefa Cup on December 18. Sweet, yet not quite as sweet as the even more audacious backheel the same player amazingly executed in a trying 2-1 City loss away to West Brom in the EPL a few days later. That latter one was the clip you were meant to find here. I'll start back out on the eyeball-destruction trail now, and let you know if it turns up.

beyond the stiletto heel said...

Okay, here's that intended Caicedo stiletto backheel against the Baggies (not bad video quality, bit of a music track thrown in):


Beyond the Joke said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
offsideintahiti said...

You're doing this because I said I didn't have time to watch clips, aren't you?


guitou said...

sos médé médé médé, pseuds has been illegaly hijacked by an undercover Youtube agent-

beyond the pale said...

This latest gift flung over the wall of the settlement was meant as a response to the collective request for a return to the perhaps mean but at least entirely real arena of pure sport, where angels and politics fear to tread. But a gob of something thrown over the wall of the kingdom may appear to btp to be a gob of something pleasant--curiously enough he finds pleasure in repeatedly seeing and considering, for example, Grant Leadbitter's goal against Arsenal, less for its meaning to the scoreline (though that has its importance too) or even for its aesthetic and skill qualities (rather miraculous given the undistinguished career or this rather awkward if earnest player for a struggling club) than for the human story resonant around it, one having to do with the traditional local fan support of a club always as workmanlike as this player, or as his old dad, subterranean object of his post-goal celebrations: no shirtshow this, yet communicative nonetheless of, if it's not too "infratistical" (as Ringo37 might say), considerable cultural/historical content.

Within the settlement however as btp must acknowledge this gob of incoming may well appear simply another obstreporous bombardment. In which case who would pop up but a triple-visored dragoon-of-the guard, so top-heavy with layered armoring as to risk, upon his charge, sinking of his own weight into the bog that surrounds the Happy Castle. (Beyond the Joke, hello, we promise not to laugh!)

At any rate this epistemological crux could go on hanging us up forever on both sides of the wall. But guess what? BTP--regretfully enough, for he has particularly enjoyed being afforded a privileged peek in through the casements at the intelligent japes and revels of the jesters (and viewed every posted video, from Charles Aznavour to Damien Saez to Bleeding-Jesus-in-a-Box, with gratitude for his betterment)--fears he just doesn't have the time to continue to engage in this way these parlous times...

When the white sky darkens over the city
Of ashes, far from the once Happy Valley,
This daze spreads across the blank faces
Of the inhabitants, suddenly deprived
Of the kingdom's original promised gift.
Did I say kingdom when I meant place
Of worship? Original when I meant
Damaged in handling? Promised when
I meant stolen? Gift when I meant
Trick? Inhabitants when I meant slaves?
Slaves when I meant clowns
Who have wandered into test sites? Test
Sites when I meant contagious hospitals?
Contagious hospitals when I meant clouds
Of laughing gas? Laughing gas
When I meant tears?....

beyond the word limit said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Zephirine said...

There is no word limit on Pseudscorner, and Beyond the Pale or anyone else is entitled to use as many words as he or she chooses.

Zephirine said...

Also, anyone who's been around Pseudscorner for a bit of time will remember the hurt and ill-feeling that was caused by a previous occasion of someone using someone else's pseudonym.

Pseuds of course can and do vary their own names for fun all the time. But we all still know that name belongs to that person.

Nobody else is entitled to hijack that name for some purpose of their own, least of all to use it against its originator.

So please don't, you may think it's funny but it's not acceptable.

guitou said...

Totally agree with you, it's not funny ,and it's mean spirited.
I thought all the above comments were originated by the same Beyond running a fictitious dialogue-

Zephirine said...

I understand that 'Beyond a Joke' and 'Beyond the Word Limit' were somebody else.

file said...

can I say that this latest act of ventriloquism has absolutely nothing to do with me.

It is perhaps disingenuous to suggest that the perpetrator is hoping to hide behind the fact that I posted yesterday for the first time in a year but I'd ask all to remember that I had the Balls to own up immediately and apologized without reservation.

Pseuds can only hope that this copycat has the same sense of honesty and honour...

I'd also like to mention that, although I was guilty of misrepresentation, the words I chose were far less directly insulting, were aimed at one specific comment (in fact they paraphrased it) and were most certainly not intended to be 'hurtful' or 'mean-spirited' as is suggested here, but thanks for the revision, lol

Zephirine said...

It's OK File, I think everybody knows your Episode was a one-off misjudgement, but there was plenty of hurt and ill-feeling flying about that time even though none was intended!

Certainly didn't cross my mind it might be you this time. My guess is that this joker isn't a regular Pseuds visitor.

Ebren said...

I've deleted two posts on this thread.


Because they were not written by Beyond the Pale.

This is not something I want to see happening again. It's fun to play with usernames sometimes, just make sure you play with your own and not someone else's.

I don not want to have to do this again.

guitou. said...

bravo Zeph,
Filou's name never crossed my mind ,neither any of the tap room usual suspects-
it's ironic that it's coming up right after a long debate about freedom of expression-hiding behind someone's name, not exactly the right way to use it-
sitting on the Thalys, train going to Amsterdam-

ringo37 said...

What the - ? Dunno what all this is about, because I've not seen the deleted posts, but I should probably dissociate myself from any prankery...

As for "interfrastically": BtP, look to your Blackadder.

AnythingOtherThanPale,InFactExtremelyPurple Greengrass said...

This mendacity is definitely BeyondtheFile.
Any other bugger starts misusing this haven, I'll set Ingrid on them.

Anonymous said...

The full moniker was:
AnythingOtherThanPale,InFactExtremelyPurple Greengrass

Not beyond anything said...

I am tempted

offsideintahiti said...


Take a couple of days to cool down if you need to, but please don't stay away too long. Your contribution here is valued by many and derided by just one anonymous joker. The maths are easy. You've sparked one of the most interesting (if slightly overheated) debates we've had in recent times, and I'm looking forward to reading more of your stuff.

Incidentally, I've had a little more free time today and I've watched some of the clips. The one goal I really would have liked to score myself is the Kevin Nolan vs Blackburn one. Great volley, very difficult. Had I tried something like that, I probably would have kicked my own calf and claimed a penalty.

guitou. said...

Nolan yes,but Ledbiter and David Bentley were awesome too-In fact BTP's selection is impressive by the quantity and quality they are all great goals-
It reminded me of the french expression:
"n'en jetez plus la cour est pleine"
It's hard and challenging for me to go through so many clips at once because usually I have a very limited time to fool around on a thread-I made an exception last week for BTP's sports and History part 1-It did indeed hit a sensitive cord but, no arm, no foul, no ambulance.We survived few crisis before, todo esta bien.cheers.

gg said...

Yeah, BtP, stick around - Ingrid is looking forward to showing you round the beer cellar.

gg said...

roasting tapirs is fine by me, but I draw the line at kicking calves. Have you ever looked into their eyes?

A Milkman from Wolverhampton said...

File, Offie, Guitou, GG:

My deafmute doppelganger BTP, now bound and gagged in a corner of the dairy, wearing a curious dunce-cap that may well be a nightcap, seems to be frantically signing to me a message for you all. Here's what the poor fellow seems to be saying from his Coventry Corner...there in Wolverhampton.

"Having been chased finally from the field by the unwonted attentions of Harry Hotspur the unhorsed mock-heroic multi-masked comment-thread stalker, BTP would like everyone who has so kindly self-exculpated to know they shall not now be the object of any bitter grudgery on his part. Whichever exasperated hack is responsible shall no doubt suffer greater pangs of private shame than BTP could or would ever wish to inflict upon him.

"However in the interests of his own survival as well as the joy of the general, BTP is currently on leave for a time from the Big Corner. For the nonce he must be constrained to communicate from his shrunken dunce's corner solely through the house-appointed proxy, A Milkman from Wolverhampton."

Thus, very briefly, the prisoner sends his thanks to those who've commented (he's delighted some of you have enjoyed the wondrous Nolan, Leadbitter and Bentley strikes).

ingrid said...

*Emerging from trap-door, re-applying lipstick*

Sorry gg, I was giving the lad File a little welcome back tour of the beer cellar. But tell your friend, the milkman from beyond, that I'm ready when he is.

I can't take too long though, I have to massage offie's calf afterwards.

filed said...

*the spirit of file rises slowly through the floorboards and up towards the ceiling, a stupid grin plastered on his grizzled face, the only sound to be heard is but a whisper on the wind "tack..tack..tack..."*

Godder Greengrass said...

Dear Milkman from Wolverhampton,
I used to live there once - on the Penn Road.
Have you drunk with the Godders of Cradley Heath?
Do you know the Cider House at Quatt?
You aren't by any chance... (???)

A Milkman from Wolverhampton said...

(Squirting sound heard at rear)

Ingrid--You wicked thing now you've made me tip cream onto my boot. And I have deliveries yet to make at Sedgley, Great Wyrley, Wombourne, Codshall, Oldbury and Smethwick, all before dawn! What with the caregiving responsibilities (sound of muffled croaking from rear of dairy) how shall I ever get a constructive thing done?

Our Cricket Correspondent said...

As the league reached its climax on the final Saturday of the season, the teams at the bottom of the table played each other. Quatt went into the match bottom of the table with Madeley just above them and knew that a win was the only result possible to guarantee they could lift themselves away from the foot of the table. Twenty-six consecutive years in that lowly station was a total many found difficult to bear. Others councilled courage, recalling the famous victories of the past (though mean-spirited questions have lingered concerning the possible memory impairment of some of our senior members).

Having won the toss the home side decided to take the game to Madeley and batted first. On a lush and damp outfield boundaries were going to be even more difficult to come by than usual. But the reassuring sounds of leather on willow, the applause, the calls for out, all served to calm the nerves of the tense populace.

Beyond the fence--extended, with a net added for the safety of spectators, by community-minded members of the Club--a throng of at least sixty local citizens paused with baited breath awaiting the fated outcome. Bravery in the hearts of all, and a squirt of cream in the tea thermos, our trusty milkman having made his way especially early from Woverhampton to fortify us for the test.

At that perilous point in the proceedings a naked young woman was seen to rush upon the pitch singing out happily in what sounded to all of us like that strange barbaric language the frightful Norse invaders employed when they barged our grounds some while back. Older members of the club, remembering, began to quaver and list dangerously toward the dampened turf.

Events took a happy turn however when a proud native son, the emeritus historian Professor Greengrass of the University of Stockholm, pince-nez dangling into his disturbed chinwhiskers what with the excitement of it all, emerged unexpectedly from the surrounding bush and began to thrash the unclad intruder quite smartly with his cane.

The rude pitch-invader was seen to exit sharpish, laughing wildly and uttering curious high-pitched cries later interpreted to us by the heroic professor--himself an accomplished linguist--as signifying "More, more!"

Seemingly inspired by the untoward events, openers Paul Chadworth (34) and Mal Chiddick-Wibble (15) got the home side off to a solid start notching up 42 in the first 10 overs before Chiddick-Wibble was bowled. With Paul Twittenham and Nigel Ballsworthy both going cheaply, Quatt had a wobble at 49 for 3 before Stephen Thong-Jones came to the crease and he and Chadworth put on 60 before Chadworth was caught running off into the woods grasping at willow branches, seemingly in hopes of securing a firm switch with which to punish the unmannerly female should she be bold enough to dare a return.

With all eyes now divided between the copse from which another dangerous intrusion seemed liable to issue at any time, Drivel took advantage of the youthful visitors' distraction to knock up a seasons best 70 not out, including 10 fours, and with Trevor Beaver-Eagersley (25) put on another 49 and then with Graham Hedgebets (9) another 23. Members of the Quatt Ladies Cricket Support Group moved among the crowd with tissues, mopping many an anxious-fevered brow. Calls went out for a supplementary supply of tissues. But in evidence of the fortitude of all, the match went boldly on.

Quatt finished with an impressive highest ever total of 202 off their 40 overs. Credit must go to the visitors for putting out a young and inexperienced team and for giving them all an opportunity to bowl. The temporary suspension of good manners was now being overlooked if not indeed quite forgotten, though brief flicks of glances beyond the greensward indicated the earlier fears of further unsporting conduct had not entirely subsided.

Opening for the visitors, Blunden-Pease and Crock-Offit looked dangerous as they put on a quickfire 45 before Pishley Smarm had Blunden-Pease trapped lbw for 22. Smarm finished with seasons best figures of 3 for 11 off 5 overs. A gentle breeze stirring the drooping appendages of the willows brought an occasional glimpse of what appeared to many pale and tender flesh, while these qualms were assuaged by others who opined the apparition to be merely heat-induced hallucination.

When Blunden-Pease was caught by Ben Densmore off the bowling of Drivel in the 14 over with just 52 on the board it looked all over for Madeley. With only Percy Kneckshaw providing any resistance, knocking up 12, the young visitors capitulated as wickets fell to Norman Egglesworth (2), Peter Drubbingham and Stephen Bingely-Fitts, Madeley were eventually all out in the 31 over for 78. An ominous rumbling in the sky suggested the thunder gods may have been looking on all along, and were perhaps not entirely pleased. But our local men, now heartened by a great resolve, and showing impressive bulges in virtually every pocket, labored on to complete the great work so nobly begun.

Quatt took all 23 points to ensure that they wouldn't finish bottom of the table. As the long day closed, members of the club formed exploratory parties to forage the woods for signs of the vanished intruder from the north, uttering strong expletives indicating their noble intent to deal with further misconduct in firm Quattian fashion.

The reputation of the Club and the spirits of the village now restored, all adjourned to the Sombre Arms, Professor Greengrass at the forefront, to quaff a victorious flagon. It had been a day etched into the annals forever.

guitou. said...

who said Beyond was taking a break?
As for the Milkman I posted my comments on
offside's thread , where there is Sun, white sand beaches and Pakalolo-

gg said...

Now you all knows wot
I learned to do, in my yoof
In the woods of Quatt

offsideintahiti said...

Yeah, and why are we not surprised?

Tweet it, digg it