Funnily enough, the Premier League isn't over yet, with the Fat Lady in the wings ready to warble on Sunday - Sky will be pleased.
Last weekend saw her gargling away as the penultimate round of matches in the Wagneresquely long Premier League season was concluded. At the top, Manchester United declared on 4-1 vs West Ham, despite Nani's red card for acting the goat: a thrust that was parried on Monday, as Uncle Avram's Chelsea pricked Newcastle's barely tumescent revival with a 0-2 reverse at Keegan's Shrine. Michael Ballack is playing well - these Germans know a thing or two about lasting the pace in a marathon drama.
Speaking of which, Arsenal's reserves played about in front of Everton's tired men for 89 minutes and 50 seconds. Unfortunately for the Blues, the other ten seconds saw Armand Traore cross the ball for "can't run, can't control it, can't pass it, but can head it" Nicklas Bendtner to bullet a header home. If Everton were still on the pitch now, they wouldn't have scored. But neither could erstwhile form team, Aston Villa, who went down to two Valencia strikes to Wigan. Torres did the Torres thing (he does it well, when he's on the pitch) to secure three points for Liverpool against soon to be Svenless Manchester City.
At the top, Chelsea need a better result than Manchester United to pilfer the title, Arsenal are third and wondering who's going to be left in the squad next season, Liverpool are fourth, as they have been since more or less day one, and Everton need a point at home to Michael Owen, sorry, Newcastle, for fifth place and the glory that is the UEFA Cup.
At the bottom, Blackburn err... cruised past Derby, but above those no-hopers, Fulham continued to show huge heart in overcoming Birmingham at Craven Cottage. I don't much care for Brian McBride's ostentatious crossing after every goal, but you've got to admire the man and his manager. Birmingham are joined in the relegation slots by Reading, who lost 0-1 at home to a beach-bound Tottenham for whom Robbie Keane continues to bring enough good attitude to the pitch for him and Berbatov. Steve Coppell for England anyone? We could all bemoan Bolton's foolishness for selling Anelka and not replacing him, were it not for the fact that they are safe after playing Sunderland at exactly the right time of the season. El Haji Diouf signed off his stay at the Reebok with a goal: Bolton fans will be sad to see him go; nobody else will. The last game to report was Middlesborough's win over FA Cup Final bound Portsmouth in front of a handful of fans at the Riverside.
So Sunday brings the last meaningful football for three months, as the title is decided and the trap door swallows its victims. Thank God there's no football over the summer... What do you mean? There is?