Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Ninety-Nine quid well spent! - PremCorrespondent

I've just been on Ebay and spent the most gratifying £99 I've blown since that night in 1972 when I bumped into half the [Ed. Never gonna happen!] team on their way into Miss Lightlegs' Parlour on Colchester's infamous Redman Street.

That's right! I've just bought my very own special edition commemorative Munich Disaster scarf memorabilia pack. Seeing it listed on there took me way back to that morning Edwards flicked up a ball on the training ground - glanced me a look - and blasted it at me to make me drop my pie. The Bastard!

The scummy prawn sandwich muncher with no sense of heritage who was selling it now has to give me his address for the cheque. And Dave the Knife has been itching to pay me back for pointing him towards Colchester for a while.

Whether Dave does the business or not, at least the scum selling their scarves watched an abysmal defeat to a side that last week were creamed easily by champions-elect Arsenal. And to think, most of the players on the pitch weren't even conceived when City last did the league double over United.

Sticking with conception, wives across the country were given an early Valentine present when millions of men turned off the Chelsea Liverpool bore draw half way through and asked instead if there was anything needed doing round the house.

And with the competition holding the door open for them, Arsenal destroyed a very poor Blackburn side 2-0 to take a firm grip of the shiny silver pot toped by a small golden crown. Granted 2-0 hardly sounds like a thrashing. But this one was and should have better embarrassed Rovers than their defeat to the same opponents' second string in the League Cup a few weeks back.

That poor Chelsea draw probably gave a boost to the other corner of North London too. Three goals in the last half hour saw Spurs claim three away points that even the remaining Busby Babes could still take if they needed them.

That's right. The only team outside the big three that might win something this season played Derby in a meaningless warm up ahead of two Uefa Cup games and a League Cup final. Under Ramos Spurs are better than Liverpool, and with Chelsea looking tired that three to one bet I took might yet pay off.

Of course another team better than Liverpool under their less new manager is Aston Villa.

Now I'll admit that I spat brandy across the pub when Kevin's plucky Magpies took an early lead - away from home – and through Michael Owen of all people. But there was never any doubt a defence that has worsened since sacking Titus Bramble would be overwhelmed.

So when Carew finished off his hat trick no one could deny the big man his accolade as Martin O'Neil's new Emile Heskey. No one except Joey Barton perhaps, who seemingly punched Shaun Maloney whilst out on bail awaiting trial for another violent assault.

Sticking with sides better than Liverpool, and granted this theme could last a while these days, Everton managed to go one better than their lower profile neighbours this week.

That's right. While Liverpool played out bore draw, Everton played an even more yawn inducing 1-0 win against Reading, whose form of late must offer the Toon Army some hope that Newcastle will remain in top flight for next season.

Of course hope is hard to foster at St James’ Park when sides like West Ham have already put their season into cruise control.

Like Spurs, Birmingham City have improved under their new manager. They have become better organised, more resilient, and a little sneaky when dealing with the ref. So when the Hammers didn’t finish the job with a follow up to their excellent opener, it was only a matter of time before a Lucas Neil special was rightly punished with a penalty to give the likely relegation survivors a valuable point.

Adding to the Newcastle gloom, Middlesbrough became the highest placed North East team as a 1-0 win against an increasingly adrift Fulham took them up to 12th. And Sunderland won a fourth consecutive home game putting them 14th, and just two points off the plummeting black and white stone, though they were largely outplayed by Wigan.

Oh, and on top of all that, Portsmouth scored a ludicrously offside goal to take an ill-deserved three points from the Reebok in a game that saw England Number One David James put in a man of the match performance.

37 comments:

greengrass said...

Ta, Prem!

Not sure if you're a Gooner or a Spud, but as a Red Devil I wouldn't take that scarf memorabilia pack off your hands if you offered it to me for 99 pence.
The whole business has left a nasty taste in my mouth - and I don't mean the 3 points we lost.

Ah, well - Arsenal are favourites for the PL (not undeservedly), but we still have a slim chance in the Cup and the CL.

And it will be good if Lord Wrigley decides to fight them all the way for the league!

guitougoal said...

gg,
it ain't over until the fat lady sing, assuming arsene's boys choke on the last 10 yards Fergie enjoys the smell of blood.

ingrid said...

Did you just call me fat?

chelseaexile said...

For what its worth I think we've cocked the Prem for another year.

I fancy utd still, to be stronger in the home stretch...

bluedaddy said...

CE, Avram's team selection and substitutions did not fill me with confidence.

It would be nice to think that Lampard could have been given the impression he would have to train and play like a demon to get back in the side. I can't ever really see Ballack and Lampard working in the same team.

The sides that Wenger and Fergie put out in the cup will be interesting.

chelseaexile said...

BD, its that 'owner's man' thing with Grant. There's always going to be an element of pleasing Roman over the correct football thing.

I wonder if JT will come back too early. Particularly ina side that don't seem to be missing him.

BTW -and apropos of nothing- I've just been officalliy warned off having a go at Mawaltrees on the Graun blogs. E-mail from the mod to my private account, threats of banishment etc. Apprently I was 'baiting' him. Go figure and go easy I suppose...

BlueinBetis said...

Chelseaexile,

I also had two nice messages waiting for me. Apparently Smug Arsenal Valium is insulting.

Now I know to you its insulting, but to a gooner, I ask you.

offsideintahiti said...

CE,

I thought you'd get banned for calling me a "hammock swinger" in public...

... and then for having the cheek to come in here as if nothing had happened.

chelseaexile said...

Offie!? I consider the epithet 'hamock swinger' to be the hight of aspiration. For me it sums up a laid back, yet intelligent and sage like approach to life. Oh and palm trees!

For a man living on the Lincolnshire Fens, it is indeed a luxurious picture.

And if you don't buy that, it could also be a crude allusion to the size of your manhood...!

In all seriousness I would never intentionally insult my blog mates. Not when there's MT and Aceal out there...sorry. :@)

offsideintahiti said...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, flattery will get you nowhere. I've been called a lot of things, but a mock swinger...

I am mortally offended. mmmgrumble honour grmmm restore grumblmmm dawn grmn church grrumble pistols...

guitougoal said...

offie,
that's the price of fame you have to pay..
your uncle Albert used to say"I am a mixt of Fernandel, humphrey Bogart and a Samourai"

chelseaexile said...

Ok Offie, Armadillos at dawn it is then...

..or do you still favour the Tapir...?

guitougoal said...

pistol at dawn,=je pisse tot le matin.

offsideintahiti said...

Yeah, but my dawn is your dusk, and versi-versa, like Fernandel used to say. So how are we gonna solve this one, cowboy?

Anonymous said...

the bar is open 24 hrs every day -

gg said...

offy,
swing that mock!

CE,
anytime JT comes back is too early.

offsideintahiti said...

gg,

ingrid's telling me my hammock swings both ways. Is she mocking me?

gg said...

offy,
yes - I'm sorry to tell you he is.

munni said...

my pseuds' t-shirt arrived today, and very distinguished looking it is!

offsideintahiti said...

That's great Munni, mine will probably take 3 months to get here by slow boat...

ryan greengiggs said...

Offie,
all of us 357 left-wingers will get ours first, then the rest of the side.

offsideintahiti said...

Brian Greengigs? Brilliant stage name.

If you're doing environmentally friendly concerts, of course.

Ryan Greengiggs said...

Me and my band, The Carbon Footprints, will be singing "These Boots Are Made for Walking" for Uncle Arsene later today.

offsideintahiti said...

Time for me to get my night-cloth.

Enjoy the game/gig.

guitougoal said...

gg,
watching the game from paris and then I'll walk alone as always;

offsideintahiti said...

Yaaaaaaaawn

'morning.

And so? Don't we have a live update service on this site? What's the score?

offsideintahiti said...

OK, nevermind, just saw the "highlights". Dreadful mistake by Lord Wrigley. He's got his priorities all wrong. He'll be sorry.

Interesting to see Liverpool scaling new heights, too.

ryan greengiggs said...

Yes, Offy, I can see Lord W. getting the sack for cocking-up bigtime.

Barnsley?

offsideintahiti said...

I don't know, I've never heard of Barnsley. Don't know where it is or what. Is it mostly barns? Or barn doors?

guitougoal said...

6 against Spurs, 4 against manutd, that's 10 in their last 2 cups game-May be Arsene has a bigger problem than he thinks, I watched his boys running all over the field like a bunch of chicken with no heads for 20 min and then I left because there is better things to do in Paris than watching this crap.

offsideintahiti said...

Better things to do in Paris? Like what? Can we have a non-match report? Please?

ryan greengiggs said...

offy,
there is a Liverpool expression:

"He couldn't hit a Barnsley with a banjo".

mimi said...

chelsea: you only mention the tapir because you think I won't read this!

offsideintahiti said...

gg,

many thanks for your description of picturesque Barnsley over on GU. I do love to read about exotic locations.

Are you ready for Hurricane Karim?

mimi said...

Offy: I can do exotic: would you like ocean or rainforest? Cricket or AFL? Both are riven with scandal and possible corruption.

Margin said...

PremCorr

great write up as always. Shame the 4-0 was a cup game as that might have been a fun one to read.

GG

There were two big similarities between the WHL and Old Trafford Routs.

One was that both sides cut fabregas out of the game far too easilly. Teemu Tainio is a medicore sub at best at spurs but he closed fabregas out of the game - Carrick to be fair is a class act and did so by cutting off his angles.

The other was that Adebayor was out - and without a target man arsenal had no other ideas to fall back on.

That second one in particular might be a concern as the season reaches squeeky bum time.

gg said...

offie,
Lord Wrigley knows exactly how to deal with the likes of Benzema, coming as he does from the land of Bennevis.

Margin,
Carrick was superb (thanks, Spurs!) but I never noticed him doing anything to shut down Fabregas; in fact, I never noticed Fabregas.

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