Monday, October 1, 2007

Maestro, please - premcorrespondent

These men stands at the centre of it all, controlling tempo, angles, possession, goals, assists. These men hold the crowd in their thrall - at their whim tattooed dockers weep. Brady, Dagliesh, Haynes, Cantona.

And this week they came again: Arteta, Elano, Fabregas.

Each at the heart of their team's play. Untouchable. The others seem to tip their game to them. The opposition relied upon to do their bidding as reliably as the ball.

Arsenal saw off West Ham thanks in large part to their pint-sized boyband-lookalike/best-player-in-the-world Cesc Fabregas and a misplaced linesman's flag. In the 60s George best boozed, looked like a Beatle and ruled the world as a teen genius. Fabregas looks like a clean-cut member of one of the androgynous anodyne all-boy acts that seem to clog up the hit parade in this post-Blair Britain. But he plays like an angel.

Over in Manchester Elano proved that Sven's eye for talent is of more value than a Thai chequebook. Elano is currently displaying something that Chelsea, Manchester United, and Liverpool lack. Someone to play the ball to and through who has class. City, inspired by this Brazilian from Donetsk, took Big Sam's Newcastle apart 3-1.

Arteta comes from Spain via Glasgow and doesn't look like a boyband member, but that mattered little as he ran the show and Everton lived up to one hack's pre-season hopes in a 2-0 suffocation of Middlesbrough. And McFadden played quite well and looks like he's in Travis, so that's fine.

As well as the return of the playmaker, this week has also harked back to the golden days of Stoke City defeating West Brom 10-3 with Sir Stan running the wing. Yes, in a comedy performance straight out of the 50s golden age, or the MLS, Portsmouth beat Reading 7-4. As I said to the man at the turnstile - if I'd wanted a cricket score I would have watched Fiji play rugby.

Of course, if we wander down the Kings Road we find the home of Haynes, Marsh, Best, and latterly Malbranque and Davis at Craven Cottage. Next to Fulham is 60s glamour side Chelsea. Zola, Gullit, Wilkins, Osgood, Vialli. Unfortunately all these players have now left. About the best thing in a turgid 0-0 draw was "not good enough for the Championship" Diomansy Kamara. Chelsea slip to 8th in the table.

Derby and Bolton joined in with Fulham in proving that not every team in white plays like Real Madrid. In fact, a white shirt seems to be more of a French flag than a symbol of attacking flowing football. Derby and Bolton drew 1-1 with each other. They continue to prop up the table, the less said about Leeds the better.

Spurs - the remaining achromatic outfit - were at home for their 125th anniversary. They managed to blow a 1-0 lead to draw 4-all and complete a whitewash of the relegation places. If they had a goalkeeper they might have scraped to the 4-0 they deserved, but panicking at their lead Leeds reject Paul Robinson (who also plays with the white shirts of England) handed Villa four straight goals to make sure Spurs didn't get ahead of themselves.

Gianni Brera wept.

In other news Mark Hughes' Blackburn beat Roy Keane's Sunderland to cement his position as the top manager managed by Ferguson in a previous life. But then competing with two newly promoted sides makes this job somewhat easier.

Alex Ferguson's Manchester United and Rafa's Liverpool both eked out 1-0 wins against no-hopers Birmingham and Wigan respectively. They are now in second and fourth, split by Sven's City.

48 comments:

mimi said...

There are simply times when "You Have"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2ERAmj5SRE

offsideintahiti said...

Just watched the Robinson "highlights". England's n°1? Oh dear oh dear oh dear...

snigger, oooops, sorry, that one escaped me, I meant good luck.

guitougoal said...

Premcor.
Top of the line stuff. I don't need to buy the sport paper anymore:), I'll wait for your column.
I really enjoyed it, it's knowledgeable, clever and humorous.Thanks.

offsideintahiti said...

Still, England can rely on David James, at least he didn't let in four this weekend. Oh, hang on...

guitougoal said...

offside,
He just forget to catch the ball, david is an intellectual, sometimes distracting from the game.

file said...

lovin' it PC, your best yet!!

all those lowly teams in white French flags, oh dear

but "if I'd wanted a cricket score I would have watched Fiji play rugby."

I was all set to slag Mark Noble off for a horrible tackle on Hleb, but Auntie Arsene has forgiven him already, so I'll pick on the ref instead (who saw it all in smell-a-rama soundvision)- how the FACK can that be a yellow card???? Have I missed the bit in the rules that says "Legs (or other limbs) must be clearly and cleanly broken in two for said offense to result in dismissal, woofters"?

and OI, OFFSIDE! Leave off our goalies right! They're sensitive flowers ...

tony said...

Still going, I see, prem. I still think my fiver's safe: you'll have to go on holiday sometime...

I'm with guitou on this - I'll probably still buy Marca but it is a great round up.

I love this week's Boy Band comparison and also the Joke about the French though I think it went a little 'au-dessus de leurs tĂȘtes', if you know what I mean.

File - just when I'm beginning to think you're a cultured, decent human being I discover that you are, in fact, a Gooner! And what about Willy Young's tackle on Paul Allen, eh? EH?

offsideintahiti said...

Tony, I would have thought you'd have commended me for my admirable restraint in letting it slide. Sort of.

tony said...

Offie - you can't possibly have thought I meant to include you as one of 'leur'. Even the moon asks your permission before passing above your head...

offsideintahiti said...

Where's Martillo? I feel like a proper slanging match, but I don't do wusses.

martillazo said...

You don't 'do' wusses? Not what I heard from the night clubs of Tahiti...

offsideintahiti said...

Oh, *those* night clubs? Were you specifically asking for someone who "does wusses"?

martillazo said...

No, just saw your name scrawled on a few toilet doors...

elclavo said...

I've seen that too:

"offtherailsintahiti fait les wusses"

offsideintahiti said...

It might have gone "au dessus de ta tĂȘte" that Premcorr could be an anti-martillo. So I'd be worried about that fiver, if I were you.

Mind, if that's what you charge in dodgy nightclub toilets, you can probably recoup your losses fairly quickly.

tony said...

Prem an anti-martillo? Say it ain't so.
Anyway, Martillo has gone to the gym. (Between you and me, he's a bit of a blouse himself and could do with it). As for me, I think a little lunch and a long siesta...

bluedaddy said...

I reckon Arteta is not a bad looking lad and he's got the dance moves down:

http://www.sport.es/vivo/recursos/fotos/foto_194822_CAS.jpg

Nice round up (in a tidy yet enticing display by the till).

Oh woe is Chels. We are well and truly fucked I feel, excuse my Anglo Saxon.

guitougoal said...

what about the Thierry Henry ,running around the block with his "I can't hear you" attitude each time he scores a goal?
hearing problems or unsecure prima dona?

MotM said...

Elano was very, very good.

Fab was (somewhat to my suprise when I think of last season) Fab.

But there's nobody better than Mikkel Arteta.

bluedaddy said...

We talking football or boy bands Mouth?

offsideintahiti said...

BD, I think Mouth is talking about a Moyes Band.

guitougoal said...

BDD,
woke up this morning with the blue moon in your eyes?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ut_Xmm2VZA

mimi said...

Excellent from Rangers tonight, but guess you lot don't follow Scottish football. I have to. I live here!

marseillaisintahiti said...

marvin?

guitougoal said...

marseille without Nasri surprised me, chelsea
didn't, their first post-jose win in Valencia-I hope reference to cl it's not off topic.

offsideintahiti said...

Guitou,

Ziani wasn't too bad himself. Nice touch, non?

guitougoal said...

offside,
very good indeed and what about valbuena goal!I was also impressed by marseille's long ball game.

mimi said...

Maybe a nice word for Celtic too. Fine game. Scots fans going quite mad now with poss of C and R going the distance.

guitougoal said...

mimi,
they didn't show the Celtic's game here but to beat AC Milan was a great accomplishment.

mimi said...

It's amazing how lifelong Aberdeen fans and Raith Rovers fans change allegiance to support Celtic and Rangers when they do well in Europe.

Hum. Don't understand swopping support, but they all seem to enjoy. A lot.

byebyebadman said...

Not sure how far Celtic will get mimi in light of what happened to Dida...a hefty fine seems certain, doubt UEFA will sling them out of the competition like they did Inter as they'll want to complete the fixtures but some kind of points penalty to ensure they don't progress would be likely.

I'd rather they prosecute the individual than the whole club though.

byebyebadman said...

Scrub that, I've just seen the incident. What a big jessie Dida is!

The BBC report made it sound like the fan had given him a proper thump.

Ebren said...

Did Dida do dat?

He should be fined a LOT of money. Strechered off with an ice-pack FFS. Can the ambulence people sue him for wasting their time?

Never would have happened in the women's world cup

file said...

...oh dat dainty Dida, it only goes to prove that diving in football has gone a little too far

I love the way he starts to chase after him then realizes the ref might be watching ... and falls over!

good result for les Marsaillaise as well as the Celts

offsideintahiti said...

Imagine if Dida had been in the car with Di and Dodi. A proper song and dance, for sure.

Anyway, it didn't make French TV highlights. Link, anyone?

file said...

'De Doo Doo Doo De Da Da Da, the meaningless is all that's true'

jus for you sweetie

byebyebadman said...

Maybe the fan did one of those secret martial arts techniques where you just tap someone with your fingers and they take five paces before collapsing in a heap.

Poor Dida. I really hope he's ok.

offsideintahiti said...

Diddums?

file said...

bbb,

perhaps not so surprisingly today 'death touch techniques' are called Dim Mak (not, Ever, to be confused with Dim Sum)

...diddums Dida on the dim mak, he didn't deserve it, doh!

Ebren said...

The dodo died, Dodi died, Dando died, Di Died, Dida dived.

What the hell’s going to happen to Dido?

file said...

dunno

tony said...

To be is to do - Plato
To do is to be - Aristotle
Do be do be do - Sinatra

Honestly! You can't take those Scots anywhere!

strangerinthenight said...

what did i do?
didn't diddle
didn't dido
me just a didicoi
playing didjeridoo.

guitougoal said...

hey frankie didn't you die?

deanmartin said...

he did die
me dino too.

guitougoal said...

indeed you did.

The coloured girls said...

Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo

louis armstrong said...

what did i do
to be black and blue
doo do do do.

Tweet it, digg it