Tuesday, September 25, 2007

It’s Derby ’73 all over again - premcorrespondent

They say the hangovers get longer the older you get, which means a certain knight will still be feeling the effects of the special bottle of wine he set aside in memory of his grey-coated nemesis.

Ah,that famous Matalan coat, those twinkling eyes, I almost wanted United to win. Almost.

But another thing that gets worse as you get older is hatred. For several decades now I have felt a rising enmity to the ruddy-faced Govan escapee. But it’s hard to drag your own blood-shot eyes from him as he rants, raves, and blusters because one day, one game, a capillary in his face IS going to pop. You mark my words – I’ve seen it happen in the press box and it’s not pretty.

And we can all hope that when that fateful day occurs the man splattered will be Young Arsene.

And his teeny-bopper move to ditch the classes will come back to haunt him then, oh yes, no matter how prettily his pre-pubescent players pass. And my they looked impressive, seeing young Cesc run the show like a seasoned pro was something to behold. Derby, meanwhile, did an impression of Serbia against Argentina, and I can’t shake the feeling Arsenal might well play their part in the extended metaphor later on.

Big Martin and Little Sam played out a relegation six-pointer over in Burnden Park with neither side showing evidence of the bottle required to stay in the first division.

Newcastle brushed off last week’s defeat to Serbia with Big Sam’s faith in pies and Croatians and Croatians that like pies being paid off. The toon now sit one place above Chelsea with a game in hand.

Speaking of clubs ahead of Grant’s grafters, Sven’s City did something his England side never tried. A thrilling 3-3 draw, with four goals in the second half. Fulham – the other half of the draw - sit in 17th, two points ahead of Serbia and Bolton, and one ahead of the Lilywhites. So not a huge departure from the days of drawing with Macedonia then Svennis. Expect City to qualify for the finals then go out on pens in the quarters.

Rounding up the makeweights, Villa climbed to a shock 8th place with a win at home. But then they had already beaten the blues 2-0 at home once this season. The groan in the press box when Agbonlahor scored was considerable.

And Liverpool followed this up by drawing at home to the blues in a game they should have won.

Blackburn are, along with Spurs and Everton, currently busy highlighting exactly how little the hacks know about football with a 1-0 surrender to Portsmouth. That said a win would see them (as well as West Ham and Villa) climb above Roman’s new-look team and potentially into fourth. Kanu, 93, and his size 11s are proving there is life in the old dog yet – although there is no danger of him becoming big-headed about it.

Sunderland earned a point at Boro in front of three Teesdiers, a parrot, the WAGs and 28,000 travelling Wearsiders. Reading beat Wigan, in a game so irrelevant it made Bob cry and me hide in my allotment mooing like cow for 45 minutes.
I think the farmer’s coming back now so I’m off for another week – toodle pip.


Ebren said...

The lowing of cattle is one thing, but you are filing later and later. If it wasn't such top copy I would be annoyed.

Good job PC

gg said...

The cattle are lowing, the baby awakes,
But little Lord Wrigley, no crying he makes.
The stars in his bright side have made a slow start,
And little Lord Wrigley is pissed as a fart.

bluedaddy said...

This is a bit all over the shop isnt it?

If you dont know your Memphis Minnie from your David Moyes you may well get your Blues mixed up here.

Surely a round up should at the very least let you know how all the teams got on. West Ham?

For non-footballing Pseuds, I think this column may seem a little exclusive (the heading for example).

Entertaining as ever though.

prem corr said...

Bah, all over the shop? The last time anyone said that about me it involved a barmaid, an all night garage, a faulty plastic bad and all the brandy I could smuggle in from Calais.

West Ham – for those who do not know – were the team that suffered at the Fat Croatian’s hands (Newcastle beat them three-one)

As I appear to have omitted it – Chelsea (Coltrane) have sacked their coach Jose Mourinho, the club put an unknown Israeli named Avram Grant in charge, and Manchester United beat them 2-0.

Everton (Davis) lost at Villa and t’was Birmingham (Holiday) that Liverpool drew with at home.

The heading merely refers to the number of goals Serbia have conceded this season.

Hope that’s clear now, and I promise to be more prompt in future Lord Editor.

guitougoal said...

careful with diclosing too many nformations that could blow your cover:
-all night garage
-brandy (smuggled from calais)
-filing later.and later.......
Inspector becklouseau is on your tail.

MotM said...

Top work Prem Corr and so much better than last week.

That Billy Davis and Martin Jol would make a fine pair - in Carry On Down the table, they'd be played by Bernard Bresslaw and Kenneth Connor.

blues daddy said...

I take it by Coltrane you are referring to Sheriff Rosco P. rather than anything cool or sublime.

Sorry to be a misery. I'll go and get a beer.

mimi said...

Been a bit focussed elsewhere but is this so? Are the Mighty Newcastle really ahead of the Bridge Brigade?

Ebren said...

The are indeed Mimi - and a certain four turntabled is just waiting to start crowing, but knows it's far too early...

Bluedaddy said...

Now I did predict Newcastle to finish fourth this year. Just didnt think it would be at Chelsea's expense.

Boo hoo. Better get another beer.

mimi said...

Blimey Ebren: just feeling tearful for other reasons and checked back here. Suddenly smiles again. Oh I remember days at St James Park - not for the football, obviously! But fondness, oh fondness.

file said...

yes, it is a bit all over the shop, but who isn't these days?

good stuff PC, thanks, far far better than any piece that never made it

Newcastle blues:
"I woke up in the morning and my hamstring/groin/metatarsal felt a bit odd..."

...every unbeaten run starts with one game, ask the Arse who are looking decidedly perky still

mimi said...

Anyone want to play top trumps:

Tweet it, digg it