Sitting in a pub the other day, with the smell of a gently roasting tapir in the air and a pint of Guinness in my hand, the conversation turned to Wayne Rooney.
"He's bloody lucky he's good at football," said Mike.
"Cos not only is not that bright, he isn't even good looking."
This of course led to a discussion of "if they weren't footballers".
Here is a brief summary:
Beckham - model (depressingly, he might have been just as famous)
John Terry - drill sergeant in the army
Lampard - Estate agent
Phil Neville - getting England knocked out of the (cricket) world cup. [Sorry, but if you don't have the mentality for international sport talent won't change that]
Gary Neville - (Do I actually need to say local Labour party councillor/union rep do I?)
Fowler - co-hosting property ladder
Rooney - builder (you can just see him with a hod on his shoulder)
Drogba - bouncer (would you mess, i mean, would you?)
Pearce - electrician (failing)
Robbie Savage - Nurse
Ashley Cole - boy band member, along with Del Horno, Fabregas, and Owen Hargreaves.
Peter Crouch - school janitor (just picture him in a boiler suit pushing a broom)
I could go on, but I think it would be more fun if you guys did.