A long draft of NFL - the Velvet Bear

If it is April, it means it is Draft time in the NFL. For the uninitiated, each year the 32 NFL teams get to pick from the cream of the nation’s college footballers over the course of a long and at times tedious weekend in April. They then commit themselves to paying vast sums of money to young men who might never be good enough to play in the NFL. Let’s face it, when you have a 7 month close season, you have to keep people interested somehow.

You’d be wrong to think that this one weekend was the be all and end all of it. Oh no. Draft season began just three weeks after the Superbowl, with the Scouting Combine. You’ve seen those films of army conscripts doing physical exercises back in the 1950s? Believe me, it lives on at the Combine.

Up to 350 of potential Draftees are invited to work out in front of NFL scouts, coaches, managers, owners, journalists and anyone else who takes a prurient interest in sweaty young men. They are timed over a 40-yard run, perform bench presses and standing jumps and then display the skills relevant to their particular position. And they do interview after interview after interview.

The Combine itself rarely resolves anything. It comes right at the end of the college season, so some of the top players will have minor injuries, some will decide to only do part of the event and save themselves for March’s stage of the circus (see below) and some will perform so far above or below expectations that those watching them will be confused rather than enlightened. It might serve to weed out the terminally dim ones – such as the player this year who had to skip virtually everything because he’d had laser eye surgery too soon before the event – but that is about it.

After the rampant homoeroticism of the Combine, the next stage is the College work out. This is when those players attracting enough interest hold a day at their own college to show off their talents, working with their regular teammates. This is probably the best chance some of the students, particularly the quarterbacks, will get to show what they can do. At least one quarterback shot up the rankings this year as a result of his college day.

Finally, a select few, those who are likely to go in the first ten or so picks come Draft day, will have been invited to try out for various teams behind closed doors. Which is the closest that the whole crazy circus gets to anything which happens in the UK version of the game.

Next time, I’ll explain how the Draft works and maybe even name some names.

In other news, the Patriots shocked everyone by apologising for Spygate. Or, at least, apologising for bringing it upon the heads of the NFL. They didn’t, of course, admit to doing anything very wrong. In fact, whilst owner Robert Kraft threw himself at the mercy of his fellow owners, Bill Belichick was still claiming it was simply a case of him misinterpreting the rules. Which makes Bill Clinton’s denials sound positively believable.

This all happened at the NFL’s annual owners and coaches meeting. Also on the table was a proposal by the Kansas City Chiefs to ban players from having hair so long that it obscured the name and number on their jersey.

This got put off for a decision at another meeting next month, by which time someone will hopefully have taken a grip of themselves and realised what a trivial, pointless thing this is to get worked up over.

In three decades of watching this sport I have yet to see a player injured by an opponent’s hair. I have, on the other hand, seen plenty get flattened by the likes of Troy Polamalu. Personally, I reckon that the flying barnet must make him more visible. Why anyone would want to change that is beyond me.

The FA Cup's upsetting final – Ebren

Harry Redknapp – the nicest man in football – has finally made it to a final. And he's done it with former Championship strugglers Pompey. His CV currently includes no wins of any note (no, the Johnstone's Paint Trophy or whatever it was called back then doesn't count).

And we should be happy. We really should. But I'm not.

Because he didn't beat Chelsea or Liverpool to get there. Barnsley did that. He didn't beat Arsenal – that was Man U. He beat Man U in a travesty of a result. That might be applauded. And if he had beaten premier league opposition in the semi I would be happy.

But he didn't.

For all the glamour of the cup – and the frequency and impressiveness of the upsets – money won both semi finals.

Portsmouth are not a true plucky little club made good (for that read Wigan – or in the past Wimbledon or Southampton who have all made finals in the last 20 years). They have been funded to their success by Milan Mandric and Alexandre Gaydamark.

They are not an example of English success (nine Englishmen in a first-team squad of 35 – and one of those is cup-tied). Including Brits and those out on loan this number increases to 11. West Brom have 16. And while they aspire to playing "good" football, their success this weekend was based on two clean sheets.

Their win represents a triumph for a club chasing Europe – with internationals from eight countries on display – over one chasing a place in the Premier League based on money brought in by local support. It was a won by a goal created by a handball from the former top-scorer in the European Championships and European Cup winner and scored by a Nigerian who has won the FA Cup, the Premier League, and the European Cup. (Kanu has, to be fair, also been relegated and is about 50).

Their manager is a proper east London bloke – Happy Go Lucky Harry. Styled in the Terry Venables mould. And, no, that's not necessarily a good thing.

And that's not looking at Cardiff.

Cardiff aren't English. They left their home league chasing money and "better competition". They beat the people that did the hard work for them (Chelsea and Liverpool knocked out). They are owned by Peter Risedale (who it's nice to see re-employed Stephen McFail after his Leeds days) and have – amongst others – Jimmy-Floyd Hasselbank, Trevor Sinclair and Robbie Fowler in their squad. Barnsley slipped into the relegation zone this weekend, while Cardiff are safe and arguably pushing for a play-off spot.

Cardiff are less odious than Pompey – but still. After a FA Cup of shocks and revelations, the semi-finals were upsetting in an entirely different way.

PremCorrespondent – That’s the league done and dusted then

With the title unofficially won, the apparent highlight of this weekend seemed to be the latest instalment of a Merseyside Derby that doesn’t include Tranmere Rovers.

With a place in the doubly misnamed Champions League at stake there was more to play for than local pride. And as usual Liverpool won. Everton have done so just twice this century, neither time at Anfield. And that is unlikely to change if they keep trying to win 0-0, with a back up plan of holding out for a 1-0 defeat when Liverpool take the lead.

The result means Liverpool will now finish fourth, a fantastic reward for bringing Fernando Torres to the Premier League. The guy is a natural born winner and surely won’t be satisfied with playing the part plucky lesser neighbour to Manchester United as he previously did to Real Madrid.

So with the title settled last week, and the European places decided this week thanks to Everton looking set for fifth spot, we must look to the bottom of the league for further excitement.

Derby became the first team since Wolverhampton Wanderers in 1984 to be relegated in March. And if I’m honest I was a bit drunk that year so they may in fact have gone down as late as the 43rd of that third month.

Still, even that now retired team could surely have done better than Fulham this weekend. The 2-2 result offered all the excitement that comes from rubbish defending. And while it hammered the last nail into Derby’s coffin, it also put the deposit down on Fulham’s six-cylinder Hurse.

Completing the relegation trio are Bolton Wanderers. Two-nil and a man up against an Arsenal side with only pride to play for after failing to win in weeks, and they blew their chance of a status saving win by falling apart under minimal pressure.

Of course we shouldn’t write Bolton off - even as they languish several points adrift. Not because they don’t deserve it. They do. They are woefully inadequate and will be no great loss to top flight football. But I’m not willing to let go of the dream that others may yet join them.

And so to Wigan.

A poor penalty and their overwhelming inferiority to a Defoe inspired Pompey ensured they lost 2-0. And despite signing Bramble to make themselves one of the worst sides of this century, they sit comfortably safe above the drop zone.

Their manager Steve Bruce suggested that 35 points might be enough to keep his side up after the defeat. Sadly I fear he is right.

And thus Birmingham City seem set to survive as well. Their surprisingly impressive 3-1 win over Sven’s Manchester City came despite Franck Queudrue's first half sending off. And it put enough water between them and the Wanderers to breath easily for at least three weeks.

Elsewhere in games that no longer mattered…

Chelsea took the chance to experiment now that their league campaign is over. They tried an already tried and tested combination of boredom and luck to successfully beat Boro 1-0 at home. Sadly for the North East team, the woodwork was Chelsea’s best defender, saving the blues three times and drawing speculation that Keegan may bid £6million in the summer.

Speaking of Newcastle, they experimented with not being rubbish and actually winning a game. The last time they won two in a row was in 2007 when they beat Fulham followed by Spurs. They repeated that trick with a 4-1 win over Tottenham, who were themselves experimenting with trying not to get hurt ahead of the summer holidays.

West Ham tested their fans with the tactic of letting the home side beat them with a 95th minute stunner that Sunderland were pleased to claim during their end of season warm down.

Blackburn took their foot off the pedal too, only earning five yellow cards in an otherwise meaningless game against Reading that ended 0-0 and that few people even noticed.

And finally the new champions experimented yet again with battering opponents into stunned submission with such fast flowing, talented and powerful attacking play that Villa fans could only marvel at how this side might end up with just the title to celebrate this season.

Football again - the Velvet Bear

Following a brief hiatus, it is back to the NFL.

You might think that the Superbowl marks the end of the hard work for NFL teams, that they kick back, put their feet up and take a hard earned rest until the pre-season games begin in August. Not a bit of it. Most teams are already back in training, plus we are well and truly into Draft season, where mindless speculation rules supreme.

The big story over the last few weeks, though, has been the retirement of Green Bay Packers’ quarterback Brett Favre. For the last few seasons, Favre has played a ‘will he or won’t he?’ game with the media, his teammates and his family. It had almost become a tradition: season ends, Favre announces he might not be back next season, Favre goes on holiday, Favre hosts charity golf tournament, Favre calls press conference to announce he’ll play on for one more year.

This season was different. Favre had his best season in years. The Packers almost reached the Superbowl (ironically bowing out on a Favre interception) and on the way he broke just about every record in the book – career touchdowns, passing yards and (as he will forever be reminded) interceptions among them. So, needless to say, at the end of the season he came straight out and announced that he wasn’t coming back.

In fairness, the man hasn’t missed a game in 17 seasons. He played the night after his father died and with injuries which would’ve had lesser men in bed, whimpering. He even played through a significant substance abuse problem in the late-90s. The fact is, though, the game was getting harder for him. Whilst he could still make extraordinary plays – witness his underhand flick pass for a touchdown in the play-offs – and his arm remained as strong as ever, he was finding that he had to begin work for the next game as soon as one finished, thus reducing the time he could spend with his family. Even for him, this was too much.

The Packers now have an interesting problem. It is great to have a key player who makes 275 consecutive starts (the third most in history), but when he retires, how do you replace him? They have taken the bold gamble of sticking with Favre’s long time back-up, Aaron Rogers, but it means that they will start the season with, effectively, a rookie behind center and, unless they make some sort of move pretty soon, only the equally inexperienced Craig Nall as backup. It could be an interesting season at Lambeau Field.

The Mirror Crack'd from Side to Side - Ebren

A few months ago I wrote something. A bleary-eyed reminiscence of an experience I thought was magical. At the time, I didn't mention the result of the game - I didn't think it mattered. I couldn't have been more wrong.

Because, like a second-rate sequel featuring George Clooney or Orlando Bloom, the same motley crew reassembled a few days ago. The same group – older this time around - were sucked from the Tube platform back into Narnia to try and re-live past glories. But without the aid of a novelist or Hollywood scriptwriter to plot a triumphant return.

You see, the first time out – like plucky underdogs – our aged legs defied the energy of a much younger and more technically proficient opposition. The wise heads prevailed and we won.

But youth always wins in sport, in the end. Experience is great and all, but even apparently immovable objects such as Bergkamp and Sheringham surrendered at the last as younger knees and sharper eyes finally overwhelmed them. Neither Matthews nor Maldini were sporting immortals.

And, like any money-grabbing media type, I hinted at a sequel at very end of my last stadium experience. And sequels are bigger, louder, flashier and generally more disappointing than their progenitors.

So it was last Saturday. Because, you see, it was last Saturday they let me play at Wembley.

But it didn't start that way. The hype kicked in. I was going to play at Wembley. In fact, when England self-destructed against Wales, I made myself happy again by repeating "I'm-gonna-play-at-Wembley" (mostly) inside my head. When they served a rancid insipid excuse of a performance against Scotland I repeated the trick. Like two pieces of uranium I was getting increasingly overheated and unstable as the clash approached. But it never went off.

Because, as excited as I was, as part of me believes I should be, it didn't work. Because, no matter how unique the experience was, I lost.

And when you lose all pitches are the same, all crowds the same, all stadia the same. Because when you've lost the stage doesn't matter. Set dressing and scenery is irrelevant. "Why can't you just enjoy it? Don't you understand we are ALL very jealous," my friends asked. Simple – because I didn't win.

It's a long way from the pitch to the Royal Box at the new Wembley. And far longer to collect a loser's medal (yes, they did have them, mine is in a drawer). The great arch doesn't support the roof for the losing team, it weighs on you. Alone. The showers are just showers, the dressing room stinks, and all of a sudden it matters that the water they supply to the players is Asda own-brand.

Because it wasn't just that we lost. It was that at no point did we look like winning. And more than that, even though we didn't look like winning, with ten minutes to play it was 0-0. Then two men ran in unmarked at the back post from a corner. Two men I had told the team were there, unmarked, and making runs. Then the only good corner of the day found one of them, who produced the best header of the year to score.

Then the midfield that didn't track all day, the full-back that was too far from his central defenders (me) all day, the whole lot of them didn't follow the shot in the 88th minute. The first one the keeper didn't hold. The one that rebounded straight to one of their un-tracked, unmarked midfielders. A yard from me. On his right toe. The first first-time shot of the game. Their second goal.

And I didn't care about the pitch. Or the stadium. Or the dressing rooms. Or the effing unending steps to the Royal Box. I. Just. Didn't. Care.

Because we lost. And now I'm never going to win at Wembley.

Grand Sham Sunday - Premcorrespondent

PremCorr hated Easter when it was four Sundays in a row, you had to eat fish and express gratitude for having been saved two millenia or so ago. Thankfully, the Conservative Party belied their name (again) and swiftly transformed Easter to four days of commerce and entertainment (and kept the choccy-chugging). So it is with a heavy heart (all the heavier after the cholesterol was cranked up a notch or two thanks to Cadbury's) that I must report a paucity of Easter entertainment provided by the Premier League millionaires - at least until the last creme egg of the weekend.

Grand Slam Sunday got off to a slow start with the sham that Liverpool deserve to be counted among the Big Four. Outplayed from beginning to end by a hungrier, technically more gifted, Manchester United, they were lucky not to lose Carragher early on (well done Rooney for standing up, but let's not do that in a World Cup Final son), but goal-machine Mascherano soon saw that justice was done by charging across the field to engage the referee in a discussion about his competence. His second yellow was issued and, after a hissy fit last seen in a few years ago when a my three-year-old was denied a third Easter egg of the day, he left the field carrying Liverpool's hopes with him. Liverpool were lucky to score nil, United unlucky not to score six.

The other half of Grand Sl/ham Sunday saw the end of Arsenal's pretentions to the title, as they surrendered a single goal lead to Chelsea in general and Drogba in particular, who appeared to have bet his shirt on scoring. This was a big win for the Roman's (or is that Avram's) boys, with some courage being displayed by the players in protecting their 1250 game unbeaten run at home. Of course, the real beneficiary of Drogba's goals was sitting at Old Trafford, chewing away, wondering whether it would be cheeky to offer Rafa a glass of Argentinian Red Wine.

The supporting cast turned out on Saturday in a series of largely forgettable games. Everton slipped in their pursuit of Liverpool with a home draw to 4-0 experts West Ham, courtesy of a goal chalked out for offside despite the ball deflecting off a Hammer to an onside Yakubu. Everton's fifth place looks secure, as nearest pursuers Portsmouth and Aston Villa lost to Tottenham and Sunderland predictably and unpredictably, respectively. Blackburn's Bentley and Santa Cruz double act suddenly woke up again to see off Wigan - Mark Hughes boys aren't quite up to challenging for a European slot and Steve Bruce's boys aren't quite bad enough to go down. Rounding out the mid-table, Man City's anonymous second half of the season continued with an anonymous 0-0 against doomed Bolton.

Down amongst the scrappers, Middlesborough pulled themselves away from the trap-door with a 1-0 win over record-chasing Derby County in front of a lot of empty seats. Newcastle brought an Easter smile to Little Kev's gloomy face with a 2-0 victory over probably doomed Fulham with goals from yesterday's men Viduka and Owen. Finally, grim Steve Coppell conjured another win for his Reading team over grim Scot Alex McLeish's Birmingham City.

PremCorr's off to spend the next hour brushing his teeth.

End of - the Velvet Bear

There’s been a lot of excitement in the popular press about the return of the TV show Gladiators. Whilst one can understand the desire to retread and rehype popular formats which don’t require dodgy telephone votes to attract an audience, why is anyone bothering when, if you want to see grown men knocking seven bells out of one another for a prime time Saturday audience, you could just repeat the last weekend’s Wales v France match ad infinitum? There are plenty in the Principality who would never tire of watching it.

From the outset, it was a tremendous contest. Wales, at home, going for the grand slam. France looking for a championship victory to vindicate the selection policy of new coach Marc Lievremont - who had, in honour of the occasion, picked 13 of his best 15 players to start the game.

It was pretty much an even battle up front, the French pack competing far harder than they had done at any time in the competition to date. The real contest, though, was in midfield, where Tom Shanklin and Gavin Henson provided an impenetrable barrier against the silky skills of Damien Traille and Yannick Jauzion. Even when Henson was sent to the sin bin for an absurdly high tackle on the impossible-to-pronounce Ouedragao, the Welsh defence did not falter. As against Ireland the week before, they skilfully retained the ball within the forwards for as long as possible until they were restored to full strength.

The moment which changed the match came midway through the second half. Jauzion, in an attempt to avoid being flattened on the gain line for the umpteeth time, threw out a speculative pass. Shane Williams grabbed an interception and raced to the line for his sixth try of the tournament, his 41st in Welsh colours (thus making him their leading try scorer ever).

France continued to attack without ever looking like breaking through the Welsh defences. Ten minutes after Williams’ score Wales should’ve had a second try, as Mark Jones intercepted another loose French pass and raced from his own 22 to within a metre of the French line before he was hauled down. Two minutes later they killed the match off as a slick passing move saw veteran flanker Martyn Williams stroll over the line and behind the posts.

It was a fantastic performance from the Welsh to end a 6 Nations which must have exceeded their wildest dreams. There is no doubt that a grand slam is far harder nowadays than it ever was and to do it with substantially the same side which destroyed their own World Cup campaign back in the autumn is some achievement for the new coaching team. The game also showed the French what might have been, if only their coach wasn’t so odd.

Over in Twickenham, we witnessed the birth of Danny Cipriani’s international career. The ease with which England beat Ireland was a surprise. In some respects, the Irish were unlucky. Losing Dennis Leamy after only 12 minutes was a big blow and seemed to badly hinder them. Losing Geordan Murphy ten minutes later was doubly unfortunate. But none of this detracts from a much improved English performance, orchestrated by their new fly half and capped by a man of the match performance by centre Jamie Noon. Indeed, Noon was without doubt their best player of the whole tournament, rock solid in defence and occasionally dangerous in attack.
Cipriani is a different kind of player to Jonny Wilkinson. He loves to run with the ball and to spread it wide to his backs. Wilkinson plays further behind the gain line and relishes taking the ball into contact, or directing play with his boot rather than his hands. He made an appearance at inside centre after an hour and contributed to a try for Matthew Tait, but it is hard to see how this can be his regular position in the side. This could turn into a re-run of the early 90s debate over the relative merits of Rob Andrew and Stuart Barnes.

As much as anything, though, England were helped by a change of emphasis. By not endlessly taking the ball into contact with the opposition, by keeping it alive instead of trying to begin every move with the forwards picking the ball up and driving, they opened up the ponderous Irish back line and made life very easy for themselves. To see the likes of Steve Borthwick and Simon Shaw making swift passes was a revelation - the former even filled in at scrum half in the move which led to Tait’s try. Ireland, by contrast, only seemed to have one tactic, which was to give the ball to Paul O’Connell and see if he could batter his way through the English midfield. In the backs, Andrew Trimble had a nightmare, repeatedly losing possession in the tackle, whilst Shane Horgan proved that he is no substitute at all for O’Driscoll or D’Arcy. In fact, in which universe do Ireland only have two centres of note, anyway? Surely there is a better option than playing two wingers out of position?

The wooden spoon ended up in Italian hands, but only on points difference. They finally put enough of a game together to beat the Scots. Last week I predicted that this match would go to the side which made the fewest unforced errors and so it did. Surprisingly, though, it was the home side who made the fewest mistakes, whilst the Scots contrived to blunder and blunder again. Everything that could go right for the Italians did, as the Scots helped them into the perfect field position for the winning drop goal with only 40 seconds left. Heck, Gonzalo Canale even managed to hold onto the ball long enough to score a try this week.

In the end, only Wales will look back on this championship. France and England were hindered by myopic team selection, whilst Ireland grew old before our eyes. The Italians were competitive but lacked a decent combination at half back. Scotland had arguably the best half back pairing of the tournament, but lacked quality everywhere else on the park. It won’t go down as a vintage year, but the Welsh just won’t care.

Slamming it in Wales? - The Velvet Bear

If you had said at the start of February that, in seven weeks’ time, Wales would be playing for the Grand Slam, most doctors would’ve sent you for a nice lie down in one of those rooms with lovely soft walls. They might even have given you a lovely jacket with sleeves that do up at the back. Particularly if you had said it at half time during their game with England. Yet on Saturday they will take on the French in a game which not only decides the destination of the Six Nations, but which gives them the chance of the their second clean sweep this millennium.

There was an awful beauty in the way that Wales defeated the Irish at the weekend. Over the course of the championship they have turned into a ruthlessly efficient side and they stifled the Irish completely in the second half. Moreover, they’ve developed a thoroughly cynical edge to their game which wasn’t there at the start of the tournament. The knee drop on Marcus Horan which sent Mike Phillips to the sin bin just before half time was stupid and has no place in the sport, but Wales seemed utterly unfazed by it. The resultant penalty lost them the chance to kick a goal of their own and they went in behind at half time, but for the rest of the 10 minutes (at the start of the second half) they were the dominant side and actually contrived the only score of that period when Stephen Jones slotted a penalty. Later, Martyn Williams had to cool off for ten minutes when he tripped Eoin Reddan to prevent him supporting a rare Irish breakout.

Star man for the Welsh was Shane Williams. He’s come a long way from the winger who so panicked against an England B side in 2003 that he couldn’t even tie his bootlaces. He scored his 5th try of the tournament with a typically elusive run from short range and even turned in a more than adequate performance as replacement scrum half whilst Phillips was in the bin.

Can the Welsh beat France in Cardiff? On the evidence of the last two weekends, they certainly can. The French were barely any better against Italy than they were against England, but that is to take nothing away from an Italian side who have been putting in some good performances in this championship without ever looking like winning a match. Having said that, if Gonzalo Canale hadn’t managed to drop the ball when it would have been easier to score – for the second match running – things could have been very different.

In fact the game in Paris was really one between two sides who are the victims of their own selection policies. That the Italians do not have a proper half back combination has been mentioned here before, but it got so bad on Sunday that Andrea Masi was practically playing as a third centre rather than at fly half. This meant that they started every move a good 15-20 yards behind the gain line, which is a heck of a distance to try and make up at this level. The French, on the other hand, have a coach who thinks he is rugby’s answer to Claudio Ranieri and who therefore cannot stop changing the side from game to game. There were eight changes from the French team which played England and he’s made another six for the game against Wales. Then he looks surprised when they go out there and play like 15 guys who have never met before.

There’s not a lot to be said about the Scotland – England game. Woeful weather conditions, even worse rugby and a game which the Scots one by the simple expedient of being less appalling than England. Johnny Wilkinson had his worst game ever for England, Toby Flood proved again that he isn’t up to playing inside centre at this level, Lesley Vainikolo’s handling and lack of pace were again exposed and Lee Mears isn’t even the best hooker in Bath, let alone England. By the time the England management woke up to all of this and made some changes the game was dead and gone. Scotland’s management were equally shortsighted and once again stifled their own game by shifting Chris Patterson to the wing when Rory Lamont was stretchered off, but the English performance was so bad they didn’t need to be a lot better than England to win.

Scotland will still play off against Italy for the wooden spoon. On form, they ought to lose, but with both sides putting out substantially the same team as last weekend the game will probably go to whichever side makes the fewest unforced errors, which will probably be Scotland.

England and Ireland have both lost their talismans for their meaningless game at Twickenham. Wilkinson has been dropped in what is surprisingly the only change from the match at Murrayfield, whilst Irish captain Brian O’Driscoll was injured towards the end of the game in Dublin and will not be fit. Wilkinson is replaced by Danny Cipriani who, in a further punishment for his nightclub misdemeanour, will spend the afternoon being flattened by the Irish back row of Leamy, Wallace and Heaslip. Ronan O’Gara gets to captain the Irish for the first time in place of O’Driscoll, but the question is whether an Irish side without either Bod or D’Arcy can create enough behind the scrum to trouble even a side as bad as England.

For the big finale in Cardiff, Wales have made just two changes to the French six. Bringing in James Hook for Stephen Jones is a bold move, but no more so than leaving out Dwayne Peel in favour of Peters, especially as the French have Jean-Baptiste Elissalde back at scrum half. The Welsh pack will be strengthened by the return of Huw Bennett at hooker and heartened by the way that the Italians marched the French scrum around the park on Sunday – nothing Lievremont has done will alter the problem of that unit being chronically underpowered. Can someone please do something about Adam Jones’ hair though – cornrows have no place on a prop forward at any level.

Down and out in the Premier League - PremCorrespondent

Money, they say, can't buy you love. They are, of course, lying. It comes by the hour, meal, gramme, packet and pint.

Money, is something there is plenty of in the Premier League, the place drips in it, oozes it, reeks of it and revels in it - but as much as money can buy you, it's still no guarantee of success.

Just look at Chelsea, more money than anyone except QPR, and they'll win nothing this year. Of course neither will QPR, but I don't think that will put the smile back on Avram von Greenback's face.

However, while having money can't buy you everything not having it will cost you. Ask Derby. Another defeat heftier than Mrs Correspondent's mother at the hands of Chelsea. 6-1, four goals for Lampard. It changes precious little, Derby are still bottom, Chelsea five points from the top in third. And Grant comes under more pressure for allowing Derby to score at the Bridge.

Of course, the joys of the Uefa, Champions League and FA cups meant the fixtures this week have been more jumbled than a Women's Institute sale. It also meant two teams haven't had a run out in the league this week. Manchester United and Bolton being missing out. A win for Bolton would pull them clear of the bottom three, while Fergie's fledglings need three points to remove Wenger's wonders from top spot. But that game will have to be put off until later, allowing both sets of fans to live in false hope a little longer (it's got 0-0 written all over it, and that will help no one).

Speaking of Arsenal, I mean 0-0s, they had their own wobble against Wigan this week. Wenger's dropping a lot of points in the league at the moment, and he may well drop more as the European campaign progresses. The title could come down to whoever's knocked out of the European Cup first.

European success, is, of course, off the agenda now for Everton and Spurs. Leaving Spurs with nothing at all to play for this season, that said, I'm sure they'd rather win 4-0 than not - and West Ham (one place and five points ahead of them in the table) have also bunked off this season early - just with one fewer cup. They were on the receiving end of Spurs' 4-0 win.

In the intra-city race for fourth, Both Liverpool and Everton won. Everton taking down a resurgent Sunderland 1-0, while Liverpool had the rather easier task of beating Newcastle - which they duly did 3-0. The Geordies and Mackums are now both within three points of the drop and nestled next to each other in 15th and 16th respectively.

And in games I almost can't be bothered to write about, Villa and Boro drew one apiece. So did Blackburn and Fulham. Defoe scored two to see Pompey win 4-2 against Birmingham while Reading took themselves further from relegation and Man City further from Europe with a 2-0 home win.

Toodle pip, I'm off to buy as much brandy as possible before the taxes go up.

Red Bull revives Rafa - PremCorrespondent

Do you ever see people leaving the cinema before the end of the film? The earliest people start to trample on the spilled popcorn (why popcorn?) is when the credits start to roll, but at Arsenal on Saturday, most of the crowd had pushed off by the time clumsy striker Nicklas Bendtner equalised clumsy defender Phillippe Senderos' own goal. With the title on the line and a young team straining against a very decent Villa oufit, why would you say, "What I need now is a look round the Holloway road." London fans eh?

And that equaliser was vital, as Manchester United and Chelsea had long since secured the points against London "opposition", Championship bound Fulham and feeble West Ham (continuing Alan Curbishley's uncanny knack of turning off once relegation is avoided).

It was also a good week for the chasing pack, with Liverpool bagging six points thanks to easy wins over Gary Megson's Bolton (yes, this is the all-star Premier League and I did write Gary Megson's Bolton) and whipping boys West Ham, a tonking distinguished by another Anfield hat-trick from Paris Hilton lookalike, Fernando Torres. Rafa owes his Red Bull plenty this season. Everton had their problems against the gigantic Portsmouth team, but cruised home once Tim Cahill scored and chose to remind us that many Australians have family connections with convicts.

Amongst the halt and the lame, Birmingham shrugged off the hangover of the Eduardo match better than Tottenham shrugged off the hangover of the Carling Cup celebrations to record a 4-1 win thanks to a Dirk Kuyt, sorry, Mikhael Forssel hat-trick. Derby's 0-0 with Sunderland and Manchester City's 0-0 with Wigan were every bit as much fun as they sound, whilst the other two North Eastern clubs lost at home by the odd late goal, Middlesborough to Reading and Newcastle to Blackburn. Don't giggle. It's not funny.

The net effect of all that is... nothing. Arsenal and Man Utd are separated by a point, then there's Chelsea too efficient for fourth, not exciting enough for second, the Merseyside head-to-head for fourth, the celtic managers of Blackburn and Villa fighting for sixth, fading Man City and Portsmouth vying for eighth, and two London clubs stuck in the middle, West Ham and Spurs. At the bottom Derby are long gone and Fulham look doomed, but the fun starts next with four points covering Reading, Bolton, Birmingham, Sunderland, Wigan, Newcastle and Middlesborough. Cock-fighting is banned, but this is the next best thing. Premcorr's tip for the drop? Newcastle!

NFL Review 2007 - the Velvet Bear

Remarkable how fast the last 5 months went, isn't it? At the start of September everyone was fresh faced and excited at the start of a new NFL season. Now it has all been and gone, with only the prospect of the 2008 draft, pre-season rumours and inevitable fall-outs to keep us going for the next 7 months.

Back in September I looked at each individual team and predicted how they would do in 2007. How did I do? More importantly, how did they do?

ARIZONA CARDINALS (2007 Record 8 wins-8 losses)

Prediction: They'll be hoping that the new coaching team of Ken Whisenhunt and Russ Grimm can work that out in a way that enables them to get the best from their stars.

A pretty nodescript season really, with two wins in their last two games taking them to an 8-8 record in a season where they didn't play anyone of any note. That they finished second in their division is testament only to just how feeble the NFC West is.

ATLANTA FALCONS (4-12)

It's hard to get a worse start to the season than the Falcons have already had, with the Michael Vick affair ... If they win as many as six games this season I'll be surprised.

Unbelievably, it got worse, with coach Bobby Petrino quitting before the season was over, injuries, no settled quarterback. Hopefully 2008 will be better for them, although they have already released their most potent attacking threat, Alge Crumpler.

BALTIMORE RAVENS (5-11)

The Ravens surprised many people last season and probably hoped that they would make it all the way to the Superbowl. This year they will do well to do half as well. They're an ageing team where most of their best players are, at most, two seasons from retirement.

The Ravens came crashing down to earth, turning a 13-3 2006 into a 5-11 2007. Along the way they had the embarrassment of being the only team to lose to the woeful Dolphins. With a new head coach in John Harbaugh, they'll be looking for plenty of trade activity in the offseason and will at least qualify for some high draft picks, too. Nothing less than a complete overhaul will do.

BUFFALO BILLS (7-9)

Losing McGahee will mean that they look ever more to the passing game. QB JP Losman is no longer the innocent youngster of previous seasons and, on his day, has a phenomenal arm.

Defeat to the Eagles in the last game of the regular season meant that, like in 2006, they finished with a losing season and missed the playoffs. Having to play the Patriots twice didn't help, but then neither did a big fallout between coach Dick Jauron and Losman.

CAROLINA PANTHERS (7-9)

2006 was a huge disappointment. Injuries to Steve Smith illustrated just how badly one-dimensional they had become, even for a side with DeShaun Foster and DeAngelo Williams in the backfield.

Pretty much of the same. Smith spent a chunk of the season injured and nothing much else happened. They also went through no fewer than four quarterbacks. If their season is remembered for anything at all, it will be for being the side who finally persuaded Vinny Testaverde to quit playing.

CHICAGO BEARS (7-9)

Even as a Bears fan I still have to ask how the hell they managed to win so many games with a liability like Rex Grossman at QB. Anyone who saw his nightmare Superbowl ought to know that this was no shock to Bears supporters… the Bears will rely upon the erratic Cedric Benson for their points – unless a miracle happens and Grossman manages to find receivers Bernard Berrian and Muhsin Mohammed on a regular basis. The defense, lead by star linebacker Brian Uhrlacher, remains a ferocious prospect for opponents.

It was worse than most fans expected. Grossman was benched early in the season, replacements Brian Griese and Kyle Orton were not much better and Grossman was back behind center by the end of the season. That said, there is a tradition of the side which loses the Superbowl slumping the following season and this was no worse than some recent sides have done. The search for a QB will go on over the offseason and Mohammed has been released, but their real worries may be on defense, where Urlacher needs neck surgery and Lance Briggs, the team’s leading linebacker last season, is available as a free agent.

CINCINNATI BENGALS (7-9)

Expect much, much more from the Bengals this year. With Carson Palmer on form and Chad Johnson… stopping them scoring will take a better team than most of those they will face. They'll concede plenty of points … but you'd always expect them to be a score ahead anyway.

However much you expected, they didn’t produce it. No notable wins, not many points, a huge fallout with Johnson (who wants away but isn’t being allowed to go). How long a QB as good as Carson Palmer will stick this is debatable. Another season of going backwards will probably see him off to pastures new.

CLEVELAND BROWNS (10-6)

Last year was a disaster. This year won't be much better, unless rookie QB Brady Quinn comes good … they'll all need to put more effort in if the Browns are to have much of a season.

What can I say? The Browns surprised everyone this year – and it wasn’t because of the much-vaunted Quinn, either. After trading starting QB Charlie Frye following the first game of the season, replacement Derek Anderson took them a winning season, almost to the playoffs and on the way threw a franchise record number of touchdowns in a season. He and three team mates also made it to the Pro Bowl. The Browns have paid a lot to keep hold of him for next season, so much will be expected of him.

DALLAS COWBOYS (13-3)

With TO for once living up to his self-generated reputation and Jason Witten a potent threat at TE, they shouldn't miss the injured Terry Glenn at all.

2007 was pretty much like 2006 for the Cowboys. Play great football, beat most people out of sight in the regular season, lose dismally in the playoffs. Only this time with added Jessica Simpson. Many thought the Cowboys would romp to the Superbowl, but a combination of the Giants and an injured Tony Romo did for them and the season’s frustration was probably summed up when Romo began screaming in anger at center Andre Gorode at the end of that game. They will be determined to learn from their mistakes next season and should be even better than they were this. The Romo-Owens double act has attracted a lot of attention, but watch the Romo-Witten one closely, too – the tight end had a record season for receptions this year and could be even more important next.

DENVER BRONCOS (7-9)

The astute off-season signings of Daniel Graham and Brandon Stokeley should open up more options for Jay Cutler this season, whilst Travis Henry gives them running options. It is probably too much change for a young QB like Cutler to absorb in the early season, but expect them to come strong in the second half. Having Champ Bailey and Dre' Bly on defense will make them very hard to score against, so once they can get some points on the board they will be a formidable outfit.

It all went a bit wrong for the Broncos and there’s no obvious reason why. After a winning first half of the season they started losing matches and simply couldn’t stop losing and only a narrow victory over the Vikings in the final game gave their season any degree of respectability. When one of your highest paid players retires and admits he wasn’t playing well enough to stay, as Matt Lepsis has done, that’s when you’ve had a bad season.

DETROIT LIONS (7-9)

You have to feel sorry for Lions QB Jon Kitna. He's a talented player who deserves much more than he has to work with here… sixteen weeks of humbling.

Well, they didn’t get humbled for sixteen weeks. In fact, they started quite well, but then fell away badly towards the end. They actually managed not to finish bottom of their division and will regard the season as being something of a success. Kitna basically carried the offense, though, despite at one point suffering a concussion and wibbling on about angels, so they will need do recruit heavily in the offseason if they are to build on this performance.

GREEN BAY PACKERS (13-3)

So, Old Man Favre returns for yet another season in Wisconsin. He's interesting to watch, because his play has become increasingly maverick as the years have worn on – which must make him infuriating to coach and to play with. Just how much scope he will have for that this year, when his only real weapon is WR Donald Driver, is open to debate. He's either going to make someone a star, or it is all going to go horribly wrong for the Packers. Their defense is at least consistent, in that they make as many cock-ups as they do brilliant plays. Expect a losing season.

I thought I was sticking my neck out with that last comment and I was right. The Packers were one of the teams of the season and everyone’s second choice to be the NFC’s Superbowl contenders. In the end, they lost a thrilling conference championship game to the Giants in freezing conditions and bowed out. Favre played as if he was still fifteen years younger and the word is that he probably will be back for his eighteenth straight season come August.

HOUSTON TEXANS (8-8)

All change in Houston, where the talented – if untried – Matt Schaub has replaced David Carr at QB … it could be a tough learning curve – to the point where it is a toss up who will be wishing he had stayed in Atlanta, him or the Falcons. Things might be a little easier if the defense was reliable, but it isn't, it's inexperienced and has a real vulnerability at CB.

Actually, not only was 8-8 an improvement on the previous season, it was a real achievement for a side who had to play the Colts, Jaguars and Titans twice, all of whom reached the playoffs. The Texans were a solid, unspectacular side in 2007 and with a little more flair and offensive penetration they could be contenders for at least a playoff spot this year.

INDIANNAPOLIS COLTS (13-3)

What would you like me to say? They have Peyton, Marvin Harrison, Reggie Wayne, Joseph Addai and Dallas Clark. The defense is a mess, with a mass of off-season defections being led by star linebacker Cato June, but the only way that will matter will be if Peyton gets injured; the real weakness of the Colts lies in the fact that it is so much his team now, without him it is doubtful they'd cope.

When people look back on 2007, most will forget that the Colts actually ended the regular season with a better win-loss ration than when they won the Superbowl the year before. Instead, they’ll be remembered for their spectacularly lacklustre performance against the Chargers in the divisional playoff game that ended their season. That they did this for the most part without Harrison, who was injured for three months of the season, bodes well for 2008, especially now that they have signed Clark to a new long-term deal.


JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (11-5)

A slightly disappointing 2006 for the Jags, largely as a result of their failure to hold onto the ball. If they could just stop dropping the thing, they would be a pretty formidable proposition. This season, expect much more work for running backs Fred Taylor and Maurice Jones-Drew, who were the best RB pairing last season. The defense has the enormous tackle combination of John Henderson and Marcus Stroud, plus star CB Rashean Mathis, so they will be very hard to score against. Expect a better season than last.

And a better season they certainly had. The Taylor/Jones-Drew combination proved to be a formidable one, the combination of youthful arrogance and sage experience benefitting both players (Taylor made his first ever Pro Bowl). Their performance against the Patriots in the playoffs, whilst ultimately futile, showed that they were the first side to find the key to stopping that particular offense and thereby led, albeit indirectly, to the Giants’ win.

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (4-12)

A two man team if ever there was one. Larry Johnson and Tony Gonzalez must be wondering what they did wrong in a previous life to end up playing behind a line as clueless as this one. The defense has been strengthened by the arrival of Napoleon Harris and Alfonso Boone, but really it was youth, not weight, the Chiefs needed here. Expect plenty of 4th quarter scores against this ageing unit.

Bearing in mind how bad the Dolphins’ season was (see below) it takes something to be known as the most disappointing team of the year, but the Chiefs shomehow managed it. They struggled against everyone and only avoided bottom spot in the AFC West because the Raiders were even more inept. Even so, this is a team which didn’t win a game after October 21st and that just isn’t good enough for a franchise which made the playoffs the season before.

MIAMI DOLPHINS (1-15)

It all went very wrong for the Dolphins in 2006. They started as playoff favourites and ended as also-rans. Having released Daunte Culpepper, it is hard to see how they will be any better off with the injury prone Trent Green. The offense lacks any real weapons... Another tough year in prospect.

I don’t think anyone could’ve imagined just how tough. Green got concussed early in the season and never recovered. This left them with Cleo Lemon and the rookie John Beck, neither of whom looked the part. On defense, Jason Taylor was his usual immaculate self and became the poster boy for the first ever regular season game in London, but his long time cohort Zach Thomas was injured in a car crash in October and missed the rest of the year. With a new coach in place and Bill Parcells pulling the strings elsewhere 2008 could only get better, yet it has started with Thomas joining the Cowboys. Not auspicious.

MINNESOTA VIKINGS (8-8)

The good news for Vikings fans is that the close season saw them shift Brad Johnson, the world's least mobile QB and a whole host of other makeweights. The bad news is that they've not actually been replaced by anyone. Second year QB Tavaris Jackson will lead them this year and will spend most of it handing the ball to Chester Taylor and rookie Adrian Peterson (not to be confused with the Bears' rookie of the same name), because the Vikings' passing game is going to be non-existent. Being more positive, the defense isn't bad, with a solid reputation against both the pass and the run.

Peterson was a revelation, setting an NFL record for running yards in a single game and picking up the MVP award at the Pro-Bowl. Jackson surprised many people, myself included, by winning a few games and only a loss in their last match kept them from the playoffs. They will hope to do even better in 2008.

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (16-0, lost Superbowl )

Tom Brady will be licking his lips in anticipation. An offense which not only features Randy Moss and Donte Stallworth, but which is so strong, they could afford to let Reche Caldwell go last week. Not only that, but the defense, bolstered by Adalius Thomas, lacks any obvious weakness either. Only overconfidence can stop them now.

And it did. It is hard not to think that, having blasted just about everyone aside in the previous 18 weeks, the Patriots thought they could just roll up in Phoenix and wander off with the Vince Lombardi trophy without breaking sweat. They were badly outthought by the Giants’ coaching staff and outplayed by the Giants. With an aging defense they will be busier than most people expect during the close season. Rumour has it they are looking to trade their seventh pick in the Draft for several lower picks in order to bolster that defense.

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (7-9)

With Drew Brees, Reggie Bush, Deuce McAllister and last year's surprise new arrival Marques Colston, it is arguable that the Saints should've won more games, scored more points and generally beaten the hell out of most other teams. What let them down was a defense which lacked both speed and penetration; nothing they have done in the close season has changed this, so expect a very similar season to the last.

Actually, it was much worse than last. McAllister was injured very early on, Colston lacked the impact of his rookie season and Bush once again played like a man who totally believed his own hype. You have to feel sorry for the good people of New Orleans, who not only had to get through this season with only 7 home games but have lost one of next year’s to London, too. Then again, if you have to miss seeing a team, missing out on this one isn’t all bad.

NEW YORK GIANTS (10-6, won Superbowl)

The Giants have one huge problem, which is that Eli simply isn't Peyton. In fact, if he wasn't a Manning, it is arguable that the Giants would not have persevered with him anything like as long as they have. The Giants' solution to his regular brain freezes was always to give the ball to Tiki Barber, but Tiki isn't there any more and Brandon Jacobs and Reuben Droughns are just not as reliable at digging a side out of a hole. All this is before you consider that any side which has Plaxico Burress as their #1 receiver has problems anyway. They'll be looking to their tough defense, buoyed by new co-ordinator Steve Spagnuolo, to keep them in games.

I’ve left in my entire preview, because I stand by every word of it. The fact that Eli Manning suddenly hit a world-beating streak of form at around Week 16 doesn’t make him as good as his brother. The interesting thing was that where other QBs fell to pieces in the post-season, he got stronger and stronger. Coupled with Spagnuolo’s genius, the surprise package that was Ahmad Bradshaw and, of course, some outrageous luck, the Giants outperformed absolutely everyone’s expectations this season. Now, of course, they have a lot to look up to.

NEW YORK JETS (4-12)

In signing Thomas Jones from the Bears the Jets have at last given Chad Pennington a decent weapon to work with. The o-line is sound, but they lack class otherwise, with Jerricho Cotchery having had a particularly shoddy season last time around. The defense has historically been good against the pass but feeble against the run and this will hurt them again this year if some serious improvements are not made.

While the Giants were astounding everyone, the Jets were worrying no-one. Another dire season, with no outstanding moments to look back upon. Two of their wins came against the Dolphins, just about everyone else regarded them as easy fodder. The side as a whole simply isn’t good enough and they must make wholesale changes during the close season if they are not to be embarrassed again in 2008.

OAKLAND RAIDERS (4-12)

It is hard to see how it is going to get any better for the Raiders in 2007... As for the defense, well, the only stars are in the corners and that is never a good thing, because you're just asking to get run into oblivion.

It did get marginally better, in that they won two more games. JaMarcus Russell took over as starting quarterback in December and showed some promise and a very strong arm, but unfortunately also showed a tendency to chuck the ball straight at his opponents. Another team who need a wholesale clearout and to start again.

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (8-8)

Donovan McNabb can't shore them up forever, but then again I say that every season and every season he does so. Brian Westbrook remains the main alternate threat, especially if McNabb's dodgy knee flares up again. They look weak wide out, though. The defense will blitz and blitz and blitz on the back of good line discipline and a talented secondary. At times it will go wrong, but no-one is going to rack up a cricket score against them.

Westbrook was a star, McNabb a crock. Their problem was that they kept on losing close games. Only the Cowboys and the Giants managed to beat them by more than one score. There’s a lot to hope for next season, especially if they can find themselves a healthier man to put behind center.

PITTSBURGH STEELERS (10-6)

An 8-8 season was such a disappointment to them last year, as they tried to adjust to life post-Bus. This year, they have to adjust to life post-Cowher. Can they do it? Well, a year out of the spotlight can only have helped Ben Roethlisberger and Willie Parker remains a threat on the ground. Hines Ward will be #1 receiver and the better for it, especially with Santonio Holmes to keep him company. The defense will continue to do the basics very well indeed, secure in the knowledge that if you get past the line, you've still got to get past the human cannonball that is Troy Polamalu. Definitely should have a better year this year.

2007 was definitely a better year, even though Parker and Holmes spent much of it injured. They won their division by a short head from the resurgent Browns and even managed to scrape a 3-0 win over the Dolphins in a torrential downpour. Their capitulation in the playoffs was a disappointment, though. Whilst all might look good for 2008, they have a horrendous start to the season – 8 of their first 10 games are against sides who made the playoffs in 2007 and they have two games against the Patriots, who beat them very easily in December

ST LOUIS RAMS (3-13)

The big question here whether the creaky o-line can give Marc Bulger enough time to unleash Steven Jackson, Torry Holt and Isaac Bruce. If they can, the Rams will be a side to be reckoned with. If, like last season, they can't, Bulger faces another season seeing more turf than gaps.

And if Jackson gets injured they will be utterly pants and the Rams will sink like stones in sheep dip. They didn’t manage a win until Week 10. Jackson was the leading rusher in all three of their wins and basically, they were so much a one man team that they posed no threat to anyone.

SAN DIEGO CHARGERS (11-5)

It isn't hard to see what will happen here. From the snap, Philip Rivers will hand the ball off to LT, LT will blast another hole in a hapless defensive line, and the Chargers will keep doing it until they score... In defense, they've got Shawn Merriman, Quentin Jammer and a whole host of others as adept at stopping the run as their offensive counterparts are at making it. Hard to beat.

Maybe not as hard to beat as they had been the year before, the Chargers surprised everyone by not only reaching the playoffs but actually making it to the AFC championship game. Unfortunately, by then Rivers, Tomlinson and Gates were all so beaten up, the team were hardly in the game against the Patriots. Notwithstanding that, the Chargers will regard this as having been a fantastic year and, if they can keep all of their stars fit, will hope to go two games better in 2008. And kicker Nate Kaeding played for five weeks with a broken leg. That’s dedication!

SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (5-11)

Still an improving side, the 49ers. Bringing in Darrell Jackson and Ashley Lelie gives Alex Smith some much needed options downfield, …49ers fans everywhere – have much to hope for this year.

Oh dear. It is hard to find something positive to say about all this. They were not the worst team in the NFL – they just tended to play like it. Smith played much of the season with a damaged shoulder and against his wishes, causing a certain amount of unhappiness between him and head coach Mike Nolan. At least they could boast the defensive rookie of the year, linebacker Patrick Willis. That very fact, though, demonstrates just how under the cosh their defense was for most of the season.

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (10-6)

Last season was spoilt for them by the injury which deprived them of Matt Hasselbeck for a good part of it. This year, they have lost Darrell Jackson and Jerramy Stevens, so an awful lot depends upon Shaun Alexander recovering his 2005 form. The defense is built on speed, not power, so expect them to take a pounding there, too. A shadow of their former selves.

A fractional improvement on the season before. The offensive line struggled, which meant that Alexander struggled, whilst injuries meant that, at times, they were having to play backup QB Seneca Wallace as a wide receiver. Coach Mike Holmgren caused anxiety towards the end of the season by dithering over whether to return for another year, eventually deciding to do so but announcing that it would be his last.

TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS (9-7)

Anyone expecting the Bucs to bring in some youth to replace their aging side will have been very disappointed. Instead, Jeff Garcia will be the second oldest starting QB in the NFL. Moreover, he's their only threat on the ground apart from Cadillac Williams. The defense is in better shape, with Gaines Adams a quality signing, but nothing less than a complete overhaul could've prevented this being a very tough season for the Bucs.

Not as tough as they might have expected, it seems. Getting to the playoffs really was their Superbowl, especially as, like the Patriots, they were outplayed by the Giants when they got there. Garcia had another solid season and Adams was a star throughout. How much better they might have done had Williams been fit for all but the early part of the season is anyone’s guess, but they never stopped trying and did a great job of turning around their disastrous 2006 season

TENNESSEE TITANS (10-6)

If he could play QB, RB and WR all at the same time, then Vince Young would. Moreover, if he could, the Titans would let him, because the options are LenDale White, Chris Henry and David Givens, which doesn't add up to an awful lot in my playbook. They've no Pacman Jones on defense, either, but they do have the hugely underrated Nick Harper, for which they may come to be incredibly thankful indeed.

The Titans somehow managed to cough and splutter their way into the close season. You got the sense that they never really quite got moving, yet they kept grinding out wins when it mattered and White was more productive than anyone expected him to be. A surprise win over a weakened Indianapolis in Week 16 sent them into the playoffs, but no-one was very surprised when they were well beaten by the Chargers the following weekend.

WASHINGTON REDSKINS (5-11)

Don't expect too much passing from the Redskins. Mark Brunell had real trouble finding his receivers last season and things aren't going to change much this year. But given that they will have to go to a running game, losing Derrick Dockery seems at best careless, at worst tantamount to allowing Clinton Portis to be assaulted several times a week. Luckily, they now have Ladell Betts as a quality backup. They'll need to put plenty of points on the board, though, because their defensive line is old, injury-prone and likely to ship points like an old bucket ships water.

The tragedy of Sean Taylor’s fatal shooting overshadowed everything and this was a season for triumphing over adversity for the Redskins. Not only did they lose their defensive leader, Taylor, but starting QB Jason Campbell (Brunell was replaced at the start of the season) and head coach Joe Gibbs announced that he would stand down at the end of the season. Even getting to the playoffs was an achievement and the fact that they did so with all of this behind them and under the leadership of Todd Collins, a quarterback who hadn’t thrown a pass in anger for eight years, the stuff of fairytales. It all came to a thudding halt at Seattle in the first week of the playoffs, but this was definitely the feelgood story of the season.

Two Wheels Good – by Mimi

Four wheels bad. Or so some might think in an Orwellian way. But for me - someone who loves both - this time of year is fiendishly exciting.

MotoGP is just getting underway – the boys have been testing all winter and soon, soon we will see them in anger. The SuperBike Boys are already racing. Aussie Troy Bayliss has laid down some fairly serious markers but SuperBikes are kind of the Championship of bike racing. MotoGP is the Premier League and they haven’t quite started yet.

This year the boy Casey is definitely going to be the one to beat – he astounded us all last season. Going from Crash Casey to Smooth Casey was kind of quite hard to understand. It was like watching a moody teenager in a stormy family (Honda) grow into being a sensible grown-up in a calm home (Ducati).

How weird was that? The calm of Japan being replaced by what we normally think of as fiery Italy? But here’s a thing. Casey was a raw talent who couldn’t be brought into an old family. He found his niche with the small, almost privateer team that is Ducati. Somehow the characters meshed beautifully and the young gun took the fight to favourite Valentino Rossi and to the shock of the world, youth beat experience.

Casey played the season to perfection and even for an old Rossi fan like me, I loved his brio, his joie de vivre and his excellence. In the off season there has been a lot of talk about Rossi’s eye being off the ball because of his problems with the Italian tax authorities and stuff, but to Valle’s credit, he has said that last season he was beaten by the best.

Now as we get near to starting the season, Valle has sorted a deal with the authorities, he has a new tyre deal for his bike and we are soon to see who is fastest on the track.

So that will all happen soon. The next to happen soon will be the commencement of Formula 1.

Despite all the politics and rubbish that is involved in this sport, I am awaiting the start of the season with huge excited anticipation. March 16th is when it gets underway in anger in Melbourne. This year I have a special reason for setting my alarm clock and watching it live.

A couple of weeks ago I was in Melbourne and drove part of the Albert Park circuit as they were beginning to close off the roads and put up the circuit barriers. It was a great experience, even in a rather placid road car, to zoom past the pits and gun the engine up the straight. I will wake early – boil the kettle for a cup of tea and re-live my little minutes charging round that beautiful lakeside track.

Then next I will have to compare my pathetic road cycling between Hopeman and Elgin with the stages of the first season races for my real heroes: the boys in lycra. This is our last chance, as I see it, to prove that road/pro cycling is a proper clean and decent sport.

For us saddos, we have followed the demise of the Astana team this winter, we have seen more individuals have results from last year stripped from them due to either positive drug tests, or suspicions. We have seen T-Mobile withdraw their sponsorship.

At one point, this winter, it seemed that cycling would not recover. But then Jonathan Vaughters got it all going with Slipstream-Chipotle and even an old cynic like me got excited. He got David Millar (former drug-cheat and I hope that’s the last time I ever have to type that) to buy into his clean team. A team that said – we don’t want to win races, we want to take part and play nice.

JV has a long history with cycling and never ever a whisper of anything nasty so this is a team we can believe in. Not having ambitions to win is maybe not so much to believe in as there is so much talent stuffed into this new team. They’ve got Magnus Backstedt (maybe a Swede but he lives in Wales and actually has a Welsh accent!), Tom Danielson (so much promise), Julian Dean (NZ has never had a finer rider) and two fine Americans Christian Vandevelde and the explosive Dave Zabriskie.

They have made one mistake, this new and exciting team – who have already been invited to the Giro and will without doubt get an invite to Le Tour – they launched at the end of last year with a lovely Argyle strip. A complete first for any team but as we come close to the first big races, it seems they have reduced the Argyle to only the socks. Cowards!!

As a new team they will have to go head to head with some established guys who have also set themselves up as new and squeaky clean. The biggest of those is CSC. CSC is a pretty major player worldwide in computer stuff but there is some major damage from last year so well done the sponsors for hanging on. Bjarne Riis had to fess up to doping which could have been catastrophic but an in-house, UCI accepted doping programme has sort of cancelled that out. This year the spotlights are going to be on old Aussie Stuey O’Grady who had a really bad injury last year but if recovered could be stonking and the Schleck brothers. Strange how Luxembourg can deliver these international class sportsmen. It is of course, only about half the size of the Isle of Wight!

I could be ever so dull and give you a run down of all the teams in this year’s competition but I feel your pain already. Keep an eye on High Road – that’s where our young hero from last year Mark Cavendish is, and where Olympic certainty Bradley Wiggins is doing his training. Also watch Caisse d’Epargne – Alejandro Valverde is one of the most unknown of the “next great things”. In the last few years he has managed to injure himself at the most awkward of times so we still don’t know quite how far he can take his undoubted and very clean talent.

Four wheels to finish. Because despite the inexorable move in Formula 1 from talent to technology, I have hopes for this new season.

Yes, Ferrari will lead the pack and yes, McLaren will head up the followers and no, I don’t want Ferrari to win everything again. But this year they are so out in front that the interest will be in the chasing pack and there is interest.

My boys, Frank and Patrick at Team Willy, have hit the ground running and with Nico Rosberg they have a young driver who could pick up points, podiums and maybe wins. Toyota will be rubbish again, as will Honda (poor old Jenson – better luck next year), but Red Bull Racing may provide a surprise or two.

Force India will be the team to watch. Not for wins or podiums, maybe not even points, but they’ll punch above their weight and with Mike Gascoyne there, I doubt they’ll be short of a comment or two.

For the first time in years, it is really exciting this lead up into the motor-racing season. I can’t wait and I WILL get up at stupid o'clock for Melbourne. And I will, in an emotional way, remember about driving part of Albert Park. Maybe, if a dream or two comes true, I will get to cycle part of Le Tour as well this year.

Groundhog Day - Chanelle

3rd March 2008
So here we are and spring has sort of sprung though it is supposed to snow later this week. But there is a feeling of like progress about most things at this time of year yeah and New Year resolutions are way in the past and life goes on.

Except. This year so far it has seemed that India and Australia have got like totally stuck like always playing cricket against each other.

It started back in December 2007 right with the Test Match series which is called the Border Gavaskar Trophy. So they played four of those and then they played a Twenty20 game and then began the Commonwealth Bank Series which is being played between Australia, India and Sri Lanka and in that Series they all play against each other over and over again yeah and it hasn’t finished yet. So for more than two months right there has been always a cricket match on or about to be on or just finished between the Indians and the Australians.

Now this wouldn’t matter so much right except that they like totally hate each other right well their supporters do anyway. Trouble kicked off at the Test in Sydney and there were accusations of abuse etc etc as I have mentioned before yeah. And even though Australia have won most of the many many encounters since yeah there has been no lightening up - sigh - and you still cannot set your like virtual foot on a cricket blog without being surrounded by Aussies and Indians like hurling insults at each other yeah about aborigines and the caste system and all kinds of stuff which is so so stupid because if you go back like 150 years right everybody was downtreading somebody and there was still like slavery and that was then this is now.

And I said to Karl, I was like, I really hate this, yeah, what has happened to my cricket blogs which were full of nice old people worrying about whether or not Monty Panesar is truly developing a fine cricket brain and how vulnerable is Ali Cook if they keep bowling outside his off stump and suchlike things. I was like, it’s like being back at school with all this overheated testosterone yeah but Karl was, like, on the footie blogs this is completely normal right so I give up right.

Anyway, there are now three final matches in the Commonwealth Bank Series and Sri Lanka right who are really good players, yeah, but have been kind of like a greyhound between two rottweilers lol have gone home, yeah probably heaving sighs of relief and so the three final matches are between guess who. And like only in cricket would you have three finals, yeah, I thought final meant last not last but two duh. [ed's note still better than the US with seven finals for baseball]

As I write this India have won the first of the finals yeah in a convincing fashion as the saying goes. The great Sachin Tendulkar right who is known as The Little Master which would totally piss me off if I was him has scored a fine century, yeah, after not we must admit doing anything like spectacular in the earlier rounds so just in time eh Sachin :). Harbhajan Singh has been rude again *sigh* but perhaps everybody is getting used to it now, yeah, or at least have run out of energy to make a fuss or is that too much to hope for - anyway Hayden said something snotty about him on the radio yawn yawn yawn yawn you see the problem. And Australia managed to be defeated without actually grinding their teeth to fine powder, right, but it was a close thing lol and India are certainly in with a chance of winning the CB series if it ever ends.

Because in fact this Commonwealth Bank is making me remember when I first was introduced to cricket yeah and thought it was a form of slow torture and although in theory, right, it will soon be over and it seems they will not be doing it again, yeah, I have a strange strange feeling that part of the cricket world has stepped over into another dimension, yeah, and somewhere the Indians and Australians will always be playing cricket against each other and there will be nothing anyone in our like version of the universe can do.

Perhaps, yeah, they are like those ancient Greeks who died and had to spend the like afterlife pushing big rocks up hills and stuff yeah or maybe the not quite legendary Ricky Ponting yeah has struck a bargain with the Devil right so that he can play India for like all eternity until his legendary status is established.

Maybe when they get on their planes yeah and think they are going home the planes will like go through some hole in space and time and they will step off the planes and find they are mysteriously back where they started, right, and have to play all the matches again, yeah, would they be allowed to have different results I wonder.

I am quite worried about this like feeling of trappedness and like endless repetition not to say paranormal doom yeah but Karl says if I supported one of the top four in the Premier League I would be quite used to feeling like this so there we are.

Update 4th March 2008
Well so India have just won the second final, yeah, which means they have won the Commonwealth Bank Series - hooray and hurrah - and the Aussies are smiling while grinding their teeth again yeah and will probably say oh it’s just the CB it doesn’t matter, right, which is what they said when we beat them in the last one lol.

And now we shall find out, yeah, because they won’t play the third final right on account of there is like a result, yeah, so the teams should be like dispersing now and going home right but...will they get there yeah? Will there ever be like an end? Will those planes land in our dimension or in like somewhere else, right, where they have to start all over again with the Border Gavaskar Tests? Am I right and they are doomed forever throughout like unending time?

Alisha is like, Chanelle you have completely lost the plot and this is what getting into cricket does for you.

One night (or three) in Paris – the Velvet Bear

At the risk of upsetting the Welsh and Irish, there really is no other place to start rounding the last round of the 6 Nations action than with England’s win in Paris. Which of course runs the risk of upsetting the French. I am sure that Brian Moore would approve, and at least the Scots and the Italians will be pleased that I’m not drawing too much attention to how abysmal they were.

England’s 24-13 win may, finally, have put paid to French coach Marc Lieveremont’s attempt to win the tournament without picking most of the side which reached the World Cup semi final only four months ago. In fact, it is probably true to say that the different approaches of the two men in charge played as much a part in England’s victory as anything which happened on the pitch.

Prior to the game, both sides were forced into changes at scrum half. France were unlucky to lose the exciting Jean-Baptiste Elissalde to injury, whilst England’s last two performances indicated that they simply could not continue with Andy Gomersall, who was showing less form than an amoeba.

Lievremont picked 19-year-old Morgan Parra for his first international start, while Brian Ashton went for the Sale Sharks’ Richard Wigglesworth, who was also starting his first international. The significant difference in the two was that Wigglesworth weighs 13½ stones, whilst Parra looks as if he barely manages 13½ pounds sopping wet.

The consequence was that Wigglesworth was able to snipe around the fringes like a latter-day Dewi Morris and keep the English attack moving, whilst Parra spent the afternoon being pancaked by the English back row.

Lievremont’s lack of tactical nous was shown up during the game, with a series of uninspired substitutions. This was no better emphasised than during a five minute period of madness in the second half, when both hookers lost what little common sense they had.

First of all, a French penalty on England’s five metre line was reversed when Dimitri Szarzewski decided to tackle Mark Regan so long after the whistle had blown it was almost Easter before he arrived. Regan, idiotically, then decided to weigh in with a few punches of his own at the next ruck, resulting in a penalty against him. Ashton immediately withdrew Regan from the game, Szarzewski was still there and still giving away penalties when the final whistle blew.

Having said all this, England still won in spite of themselves. A more alert coach then Lievremont would have exploited England’s weakness at full back and on the wing, where Lesley Vainikolo looks to be lacking an awful lot of pace for this level.

England will go to Murrayfield in a fortnight with a justified air of confidence. Scotland will be dreading it, after finding themselves comprehensively outplayed by the Irish on Saturday.

In truth, the current Scottish side would struggle against most second division nations like the USA or Canada and they were cruelly exposed against an Irish side who finally started playing like a team and who ran in five tries with very little difficulty, including two for winger Tommy Bowe, who has been in fine form all season and really should’ve started the last two games as well.

Ireland’s next game is against Wales, who barely broke sweat in thrashing Italy 47-8. Italy were abject and a mere shadow of the side who had performed so well against England and Ireland. The Welsh again took time to get going (the score was only 13-8 at half time), but will be pleased that all of their five tries came from their back division, whilst their pack performed well against a stronger and heavier Italian side.

It will be an interesting match, because neither side starts well but both have finished very strongly in all of their matches to date. The game could turn on whoever piles up the most points in the first half.

Italy meet France next and are likely to do so without flanker Mauro Bergamasco, who has picked up a thirteen week ban for eye-gouging. Although this is less clear on the film I have seen, the punishment should really be anything from a six month to a two year ban and only Bergamasco’s previously good character can have saved him from a lengthier suspension.

Which will be a shame for the Italians, as they have a chance against the French. Their pack is better and France are one side where their lack of a kicking fly half will not matter, because you don’t want to kick the ball to Clerc, Rougerie and Heymanns anyway. On the plus side, lock Carlo Del Fava has escaped a ban for a shocking knee to the head of Welsh fly-half Stephen Jones, whilst Lieveremont has dropped eight of the side who lost to England, including Heymanns, Parra and, inexplicably, Thierry Dusautoir, who was their best forward in that game.

How's this for excitement? - PremCorrespondent

After a third or fourth pint my old mate Spanner would complain about how dull life was. He’d pine for some excitement to stir things up in his predictable suburban existence. Then he walked in on his Eileen bent over the cooker with Big Dave in attendance.

And so to St James’ Park.

The Geordie Army wanted free flowing attacking football. They demanded it. They said it was better to lose such games than win playing Big Sam’s way.

Well southerners applaud actors from the stage after a fine performance, so why did the Magpies not stand and applaud Rooney and Ronaldo from the field after their 5-1 master class? I guess for the same reason Spanner ended up serving eight to twelve at Her Majesty’s pleasure.

Football isn’t fun when played so freely in your own box.

So is there any chance West Ham fans might take note?

It seems the Irons never watched Charlton before hiring Curbishley. And who could blame them? Athletic were dull at the best of times. But now confronted with Alan’s ‘The best form of attack is defence’ philosophy, they don’t like it.

They won a tedious 1-0 this weekend against almost relegated Fulham, and the fans have started voicing their displeasure. So who wants to bet they too fail to hire Harry Rednapp in the near future and so resort to a former boss to return them to the exciting days of second tier football?

Not that dull football is always so bad. Just ask Wenger.

Eduardo caught the wrong end of a mistimed tackle, the likes of which happen across the country every week. And the the not-quite-first-teamer hit the deck just like countless players across the country every week.

Unfortunately for the Brazilian, Croatian hopes of winning a trophy he shouldn’t be eligible for this summer were dashed by the fluke that the lad wasn’t just another prancing ninny. With the sort of break that even Terry Butcher might have needed more than a bandage on, Eduardo went to hospital wishing he’d been on the bench.

And apparently so did Gallas.

The Arsenal Captain sulked down the field as ten man Birmingham leveled from the spot at the finale. Some witless pundits complained at his lack of team spirit for not preparing to defend a possible rebound or rally his troops. I on the other hand criticize his lack of spirit for not lamping Gael Clichy after such piss poor defending that the great Tony Adams would surely have sent him for an extended stay in the bed next to his not-quite-Czech teammate.

And so to the chase for fourth place.

How is this for unwanted excitement? One of Liverpool, Everton, or Aston Villa is now likely to miss out on a European Tour next season by finishing sixth.

That’s right. Spurs are languishing in eleventh but have won the Floodlight Cup. And that means they go into next season’s UEFA Cup draw ahead of those in sixth place.

At the moment the unlucky team is set to be Aston Villa, who won an easy three points against free-falling Reading. The margin should have been greater than 2-1. But with a relatively easy run-in I wouldn’t bet against the geeky Irish chap finishing one place higher than his team is right now.

Next up are Liverpool who face the toughest run in of the three. They beat Middlesbrough 3-2 thanks to a phenomenal hat trick from Torres, who has shown a top class striker can adjust to English football in his first season. Some one should tell Kuyt.

And then there are Everton. Anyone that hasn’t bet on this belligerent group of battle hardened bastards doing well should get their money down now. The odds will only shorten and they demolished Manchester City in a 2-0 win that was at least as comprehensive as poor Newcastle’s drubbing.

They are rough, cynical, tactically astute, and have the sort of passion behind them that has become all too rare throughout a league they should this year finish fourth in. Indeed if Chelsea don’t snap out of their reported post-final crisis quickly the Toffeemen may look to go one better than that.

And so to teams for whom excitement is a relative term.

Blackburn beat an unlucky Bolton 4-1 in a game that never deserved that many goals. Two penalties, one of which was an awful decision, won it for Hughes’ side before the later and rather pointless extras were added.

Pompey won a rubbish game against Sunderland with a late penalty. That shot from the spot was the only one worthy of note. Frankly had both sides lost that would have been fair.

And finally Wigan went to the formality of taking three points from Derby. Any more detail than that is as unnecessary as telling poor Spanner that Big Dave was just that night's winner of the Eileen Raffle that the lads held in the Goose before he got off work.

A Pseud tours Australia – Mimi

When I was little the big dread after the long summer holidays about going back to school was because the first thing you had to do was write the essay “What did you do on your holiday?” Everyone else had had really exciting times – camping in France or Spain, maybe even going to America. I just had 2 weeks in Devon to make interesting. There was one year with an element of interest when someone nearly drowned on the beach but mostly my hols were deeply dull.

This time, however, I am quite happy at the thought of the “What I did on my hols” essay. For one I don’t HAVE to do it, and for two my hols were a bit interesting!

So what happened to make my hols interesting in a sporting way? For Pseuds readers? Well – I chose to take my time off in the home of sporting excellence and endeavour. Yup – I went to Australia. A country (delightful though it is in many other ways) that judges all and everyone by their achievements in the sporting arena. From the moment I arrived it was clear that if you care not for sport, there is little else to read in the papers.

My time coincided with the pre-season Footie (a culture all of its own) and the Tri-nations cricket competition. This was between India, Australia and Sri Lanka and most of the stories were not about any actual games but the sledging between Andrew Symonds, Harbhajan Singh and the entire Aus v Ind cricket establishments. None of it very enlightening but quite fun as a spectator sport.

I did go to a match at the “G”. That is the Melbourne Cricket Ground and it is the most enormous of stadiums (or should that more properly be stadia!). This is a sports ground so huge that with 50,000 spectators it feels empty. My gosh – coming from the NE of Scots where a crowd of 7,000 in Inverness is a sell-out – to get 50,000 is beyond belief. But there that’s a show of lack of interest.

However, when I was at the G, I found myself sitting in the part of the ground filled by Indian supporters which was fun. When the teams came out to warm up, the Indians came right up to our part of the stadium and played up well to us. They were well aware of all their fans and gave us good photo opps – which was nice.

It was interesting that when the Aussies did their warm up in front of the Aussie part of the crowd, Victoria’s finest (known as the Filth), found it necessary to be very much on duty. Not being a regular attendant at football matches in the UK, I found the strong police presence quite off-putting.

Once the match got underway – after of course the ceremony of the toss and the TV interviews of the captains in the centre (a delight for me as my favourite chap Mark Nicholas was presiding) – there was much to enjoy. Ricky Ponting won the toss and chose to bat but was out for virtually no runs after twitching at the crease like a demented Dreyfus. Symonds – the subject of so much controversy was also out cheaply and once the Indians were in to bat, Symonds was the one who bowled an absolutely stupid wide at the end of the match! Which India won.

Indian One-day captain Mahendra Singh Dhoni was charm and delight personified. Ishant Sharma – who earned the nickname Instant Karma – was a 19 year-old revelation of brilliant fast bowling.

I left the G having witnessed some wonderful cricket and some rubbish from the umpires – Gilchrist walked (as he is known for) to a shocking decision which deprived us of seeing him in his retiring pomp. Mostly it was fantastic experiencing this mythical ground – even half full, it was a great day.

A few days later I encountered Aussie sports in a very different environment. I took a drive down The Great Ocean Road and stopped off at a small (in Aussie terms) beach called Kennett’s Creek. Here I, almost literally, ran into some home boy surfers. Fortunately they were efficient and seeing a swimmer without board in the waves took evading action and did not run me down. It was a very hot day and I felt the best way to deal with the heat was to put on my cossie and get into the beckoning waves. What I didn’t realise was that the beckoning waves were of a strength to knock me under and nearly knocked me out!

The chaps were obviously far more au fait with the circs than I was, and very kindly shepherded me back to the beach in safety. It was a salutary experience but also one that led to an understanding of the great Australian mate-ship thing. You nearly drown, get rescued and share a stubbie or two. Nice!

There was one other delightful sporting gem that happened to me on my hol. I met an elderly chap who had seen Don Bradman play when Jardine took England to the Bodyline win. Mr Walker had stories to tell and it was a joy to talk to someone who had been witness to history. At the end of his stories he said to me “and of course I was at school with Sam Loxton”. It’s a shame I didn’t have more time to hear and take down more of his stories.

So that’s what I did on my hols. One other thing I did – and maybe some Pseuds will understand this – I did buy some lovely pyjamas!

Good triumphs over evil - Margin

Right now I’m sitting at home watching Die Hard 4.0. I booked today off work to nurse my hangover. It is an excellent fourth to a stunning line of Die Hard films. And it works for the same reasons as its predecessors.

The badies have the advantage in the shape of all the finances, technology, helicopters, and machine guns a former Soviet Republic can offer. Meanwhile the goody, Bruce Willis, must overcome the odds with nothing but a police issue revolver and his own impressive endeavor. Not to give the ending away, but civilization survives with far fewer badies in it.

Football rarely follows this simple plot. But Wembley yesterday offered the spectacle of much hated badies with despicable intent being overcome by the glory and honour of noble goodies.

Simply count the ways in which Chelsea are evil. They have a nasty foreign owner who profited from the deprivation of Russia’s huddled masses. They can lose £75million a year without flinching while for most that would mean bankruptcy. They are part of a top four that even some fans of those four clubs wants to see undone. They have bought themselves the most expensive team in history. And in Jose Mourinho’s willingness to talk the talk they sacked the one source of excitement their club has generated in recent times.

As you would expect from a Hollywood script, they did all the sinister things that make badies bad. They turned up for another showcase game intent on strangling the life out of it. They kept things slow, pretended to be injured for two minutes whenever the tempo rose. They played exclusively for occasional free-kicks and corners. And they offered no glory or entertainment to anyone.

Like the best action thriller, the badies were well set to win after Drogba scored. In between pretending he was injured seven times to slow the pace of the game, he stroked home a free-kick that gave his side license to kill the match stone dead.

But what sort of film would it be without valiant goodies willing to fight back. They had done things right throughout. They tried to invent. They tried to score from open play. They tried to use a bit of pace and creativity to overcome the forces of darkness. And eventually they got their just rewards.

Like a car or bus hurtling through the air that misses our hero by mere inches, Bruce Willis, played by Tottenham Hotspur, earned a little good fortune. That good fortune saw the linesman flag a penalty for one of Wayne Bridge’s two handballs under pressure from Tom Huddlestone. With Berbatov’s elegant conversion from the spot the goodies lived to fight on until the film’s finale.

And so to the final half hour when the wonderful Woodgate rose above all others and against the odds scored his first goal in two years. Not that this surprised the audience. At one-nil down Spurs fans remained confident, and I had a fair few texts declaring we would still win. But hey, I guess we don’t go to the flicks thinking John McClane might lose.

That winner led to the end game, which in action films means frenetic gun-toting but ultimately fruitless activity on behalf of badies. In football, that meant Chelsea pumping the ball long and high time after time after time.

That King limped up the steps to claim his prize inspired this interpretation of the day’s events. Bruce Willis is after all, always bleeding by the end of a Die Hard film. And reading the papers today it seems they all saw it this way too, though they have Ramos pegged as the hero.

But I can never help but wonder about the bad guys, and in this case Mr Grant. This was Jose Mourinho’s team playing Jose’ Mourinho’s big game tactics. And the line up was not his replacement’s instinctive choice either, but a compromise for those with greater say than him. So with Roman still breathing when the credits rolled, is a Chelsea decline inevitable? Have the badies been truly vanquished?

You see, I fear a manager needs a big ego to pick the right team instead of buckling to the press, the owner, and influential players. But Roman sacked such a manager for doing just that. Is he capable of hiring another? Or will Chelsea have to be replaced by new badies once they limp away into the shadows?

I guess we have to wait for the next installment to find out.

ps.

Yes I know this article is gloating somewhat. But I offer some defence off that. I have a hangover from partying in Tottenham High Road last night, and writing this eased my headache. And as my mate Terry said as we trudged off the pitch after his Broomfield under 14s beat my Chelmsford City under 14s – Why else do we win?